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Am I over reacting to husband's online interaction with another woman?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Family, Flirting, Friends, Marriage problems, Social Media, Three is a crowd, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (8 January 2017) 2 Answers - (Newest, 8 January 2017)
A female United Kingdom age 26-29, anonymous writes:

me and my husband are having some problems, maybe its all me i dont know but anyway..

few yeas back i caught him deleting messages from a co worker he said it was nothing but just didnt want

me to get the wrong end of he stick so thought he would delete them to keep the peace. this hurt me because if

there was nothing to it why did he feel the need to delete them ? anyway i forgive and forgot we moved on everything

was fine we got married etc..

3 weeks ago i noticed he started to take his phone everywhere with him literally if he wasnt on it then it would be in his pocket

which he never normally did. he had also downloaded the app snap chat and was more active on other social medias like

instagram and puting photos of him self up etc...

so in my head all i keep thinking is hes messaging someone obv i got no proof. i noticed a spacific girl always liking his

photos and hes been liking hers. so i asked him about it and mentioned the whole never leaving his phone around etc.. he promised

tht nothing was going on an that he didnt realise he was always on his phone an never left it lying around. i asked him bout this girl

he said they snap chat together and said what they been talking about. which personally i think is abit inappropriate. if shes just a 'friend'

all of a sudden why are they havin such deep conversations about her kids, her ex etc. to me i think that he doesnt need to be knowing them sort of things.

anyway i tried to forget about it. then the other night he said randomly out of the blue.. oh i deleted 'her' off my snap chat. well why delete her if there was nothing

to iti mean i wouldnt call her a friend he dont work with her or see her as far as i know so why did he feel he needed to randomly tell me this. but now

all of a sudden she have added him again an he has accepted so there back snapping eachother. im so confused, im constantly feeling sick with worry and wondering.

im trying so hard to believe him and i really know deep down he wouldnt cheat on me 'physically' but i dont think he understands deleting messages

and talking to someone about them sort of things that maybe to him is nothing but to me is abit too much for someone you never used to speak to . i have no one to

talk to as i dont want to go to people for them to get a bad pictue of him especially my mum an for her to instantly not like him. when i do try an talk to

him about it it ends up into an argument of me 'accussing' him of something. maybe im just so insecure and have some bad trust issues. i just dont know how

all of a sudden its got to this from everything being so fine and great. am i just over reacting?? or is he being a little insesitive towards me.

View related questions: co-worker, her ex, insecure

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A female reader, Ivyblue Australia + , writes (8 January 2017):

Ivyblue agony auntNope they are justified. Not cool. It bothers you, so it should bother him. This is how it starts...all innocent. Just talking, Just sharing, Just caring, Just meeting up, Just hugging, Just fucking but we're JUST FRIENDS. The potential for these so called Just Friend relationships to get out of control is very quick and very real. If he cant see how his interaction with her is not doing any harm then he is just as ignorant to your needs as his wife as he is sneaky .Sorry but you need your eyes wide open on the situation.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2017):

NO, NO and NO, you are NOT over reacting!

What he has done and is doing is WRONG. And he KNOWS it. He was probably being quasi honest in an attempt to see how far he could push you. To see how much you would be willing to accept without kicking his ass out.

He removed her from Snapchat because he knew what he was doing was wrong. And he knows you did not approve. So he was trying not to rock the boat. Not sure why he would add her again though? He is pretty arrogant and self entitled, isn't he? Or he thinks he's got you under lock and key. His devoted doormat for life. Hmmmmm. Really?

Maybe he needs to see that he is WRONG.

Again! You are NOT his door mat nor will you tolerate his bullshit. Yes, discussing things that are personal such as her love life and kids is completely inappropriate for a married man! He has no business doing this with someone of the opposite sex. Where there is smoke, there is fire. Clearly, they are attempting to build a relationship by keeping in touch, which will lead to physical cheating! There are expectations there, on both their parts. No guy has a woman on Snapchat who is NOT his wife for NO reason! His ultimate purpose is to bang her!

Men do not give a crap about conversing with women at all hours UNLESS they get something out of it. SEX. SEX. SEX. That is all it EVER is. Sorry, sweetie but it is the truth. It's cold and it's hard but the truth. Do not let him pull the wool over your eyes or fabricate nicely spun lies, which by the way, he is an expert at. Men like him are charming and believe their own lies. That is how they are so good at it. He is probably telling her lies too. Like he is not married or you do not understand him, or cut him off from sex, or you are going to be divorced soon. The possibilities are endless. Or maybe she is just a slut who does not give one fuck about the fact he is married. And might want some fun sex for the time being. There are all kinds out there.

But you are not paranoid. You have every right to be worried. Now, it is time to put him in his place. Tell him to cut all contact with her. And cease from doing anything like this with anyone else ever again. IF YOU WANT TO TRY TO FORGIVE HIM, which in my opinion, will be an upward battle anyway, as you already know what he is CAPABLE OF, try. And likely, he will say he has stopped, pretend he has stopped, cover his tracks much better, but keep talking to her or others. I think men like him don't change. It is up to you whether you give him this power. This power to keep you on the hook while having his jollies on the side. Can you put up with that? Some men think they can do whatever they want cause the wife will stick by them.

You have all the power. You are the wife. Remember that. Now, you be the one to bring HIM to HIS knees. NOT the other way around.

Good luck.

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