Will having anal sex hurt me or will I feel pleasure?
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been toghether for 2 years. Our relationship got physical a while ago but he says he wants to try anal. I am really scared of doing it because it will be the first time I have done that but I don't know whether to let him ...
A. 21 February 2009: To be honest, while anal sex does not need to be painful, in order for it not to be painful both partners have to be veeerrrrrrrrrrry patient. As in, you sort of have to start weeks before you actually do it.
I was a teenage boy once, and to b... (read in full...)
Will you have orgasm as fast during sex as when masturbating?
Q. While having sex, will I orgasm as quickly as when I masturbate?? I'm not thinking about having sex, but I'm just wondering....
A. 21 February 2009: It's a trade-off.
On the one hand, nobody knows how to touch you as well as you do, knows when to speed up, when to slow down, when to change and when to keep doing what you're doing.
Good communication skills help here, to make it as effec... (read in full...)
My mum found my vibrator and seems to be shocked! I'm so embarrassed!
Q. Yesterday i came home from work and my mum was really weird with me - very quiet and acting like she was mad and didnt want to speak to me but i didnt know why. So i went up to my room and saw that she had been tidying it up because she had a day ...
A. 21 February 2009: I would be tempted to use this as an opening to talk to her. You never know.
"I see you found my toy" "Did you ever try one" "You know they make different kinds"
If she knows that you are not embarrassed about it, and she is embarrassed, she... (read in full...)
I left my husband without him knowing, why do I feel so guilty?
Q. I just left my husband without him knowing because he is a very angry man. I feel kind of sad but he would of try to hit me or something. I left him because he is controlling,lazy,has a anger problem,he takes the phone so i cant talk on it. I ...
A. 21 February 2009: Please take Britt's comments to heart about abusive personalities.
Controlling/abusive people will alternate between being loving and attacking you (emotionally or physically). Because they can be loving, we assume that their attacks are beca... (read in full...)
I feel aroused by reading about others sexual issues
Q. This is my first question and I really enjoy this site. I read it every day and pretend that I have some other problems others have. I have never been kissed or held and my folks told me very little about sex. In reading about those who are ...
A. 21 February 2009: Perfectly normal, nothing wrong with you. All 6 billion other people on earth go through the same thing.
As far as sexual feelings go, it is almost always better to touch yourself rather than get into a bad relationship just to get someone ... (read in full...)
How do I resit the temptation to cheat? The urge is strong
Q. I've been looking around on the web for advice to this question, but can't find a satisfactory answer. I have been dating the same girl for three years now, she's gorgeous and I love her, but she has some issues and we don't have sex very often. ...
A. 21 February 2009: What satindesire said. The way you avoid temptation is you avoid putting yourself in situations where temptation can arise.
Knowing this can happen, you must realize that when you go to the bar to drink, you are deciding to cheat.
Maybe y... (read in full...)
I'm upset because my boyfriend is not a virgin.
Q. I'm a 15 year old girl, who has a 18 year old boyfriend. What bothers me is to know that he has not been a virgin since he was 16. When I first met him I really didn't care.. I guess since he didn't mean much to me but now, I love him. He would ...
A. 21 February 2009: I'm sympathetic to the questioner's question, as women (I believe are raised to) feel a lot of competition with each other.
What I want to say, though, is directed at a commenter, male anonymous locking horns with Martini, coming from the more tra... (read in full...)
Is is possible to fall in love with someone half way across the world?
Q. I am going to cut this as short as I possible can. I am in a long-distance relationship. I met this amazing guy almost 7 months ago when I was in the US, he is part of the same family as I, and we spent time together - it was an INSTANT attracti...
A. 21 February 2009: It is certainly possible. In fact, it can almost be too easy, as it's easy to put your best foot forward when you only need to do it for a couple hours a day. Also, it is easier to imagine the other person as just who you hope they are, without ... (read in full...)
I'm scared he'll pick up on my pain and kick me down again.
Q. I need help ASAP. My husband has been extremely mentally and verbally abusive towards me for the past 3 years. I can probably count on my fingers how many times he has even spoken to me in the past 6 months and it was usually only to say shut the ...
A. 21 February 2009: Let me echo that if your husband were to improve 100 fold, which I in no way expect, he still would fall far short of anyone I would ever let me daughter date.
How would you feel if your daughter got into a relationship like this, with a guy like... (read in full...)
I don't think he should eat lunch with his co-worker, even if she is just a friend.
Q. My boyfriend of 6 months has been having lunch with a girl he works with. They only work at the same office one day a week and when that happens they ride together to Subway or Quiznos and eat together. He insists that they are simply friends and ...
A. 21 February 2009: A cautionary tale:
When I got married, my wife was very jealous of other girls. I'd mainly had women friends, not men, and I avoided getting friendly with any women for years. Many years later, now with fewer friends, I became jealous when she... (read in full...)
Is it just my BF or are girls on top a turn-on for most guys?
Q. Hey, I gots a question for the fellas! I just lost my virginity to my bf of two years last week. Any way it was the biggest turn on for him that I took the initiative to be the one on the top lol I guess it took ...
A. 20 February 2009: Her on top is my favorite. The active partner is the one communicating the most to the other... her on top allows me to get into her mind more, and thus feel closer to her.
And the view, oh heavens...... (read in full...)
He wants me on top for first time sex and I'm not so sure...
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for nearly 8 months now and we're talking about having sex. Its not that i dont want to do it, but he says he wants me on top. i've heard its a great turn on for guys to have thier gf's on top but the thing is its my ...
A. 20 February 2009: I agree this should be your call, and you will enjoy it most if you do what seems most comfortable to you.
Assuming that at some point you do climb on top, here are a few tips.
First, yes most guys love this. It's a real treat. So don't... (read in full...)
Should his penis be darker than the rest of his skin?
Q. My boyfriend's penis is a darker shade than his skin. He has no medical problems etc and is perfectly healthy. Is this normal or should i be concerned?...
A. 20 February 2009: normal... (read in full...)
Why isn't he touching the right place during intercourse?
Q. I can orgasm easily by masturbating or when my boyfriend uses his fingers, but not by sex. When we have intercourse, his penis isn't touching my clitoris and of course I can't orgasm. We have tried all kinds of positions but nothing works. We always ...
A. 20 February 2009: I have heard from a couple of ladies that the best position for them to have their clitorises (clitori?) stimulated was woman-on-top, with her legs together in front of her.
As a guy, I can't vouch for this myself, but it makes some sense that bei... (read in full...)
I feel less sexy in bed thinking my b/f would prefer a porn star's body!
Q. I know this has been asked a zillion times before and that I'll probably get the same answers telling me to get over it, but I feel very insecure about my boyfriend watching porn. It's obvious from an objective point of view that these women are ...
A. 20 February 2009: Not sure what to add besides, as to the "thinking God knows what", I expect he is thinking how much he would like to do those things with you.
And don't beat yourself up about being insecure. When my partner mentions some guy she talked to who w... (read in full...)
If the universe is an efficient place, why do we spend so much energy on relationships???
Q. Why does cheating hurt our partners? Why is there no room for a free ride? Why do married people want to get out of their marriages? Why do single people want to get married? Why do we want to fulfil our fantasies? Why do we get punished for ...
A. 20 February 2009: Because we are born wanting to be loved totally and unconditionally, but we experience such love for others only briefly, and can only sustain it with people we do not know: new loves and newborns. Then we become disenchanted as we see the other ... (read in full...)
Why do some women hate their men watching porn?
Q. why do some women have a problem when they find out their man enjoys a little porn? i don't get it. we all know men need something visual to get them excited, so what is the difference between a woman reading an erotic novel or having a fantasy...
A. 19 February 2009: to female anonymous - weird as it may sound, many guys (myself included) wouldn't feel slightly bothered by it. Maybe that's because guys don't feel insecure enough. Guys are more likely to assume that a woman masturbating to pictures of well... (read in full...)
Is my penis small or does size even matter at all?
Q. I am a 6' tall male i am slender/athletic. at times i feel like my penis is small but other times i think it is a good size. My penis size is around erect 6" long, 5 1/2" thick and flaccid 3 3/4" long, 4" thick. Is that small or does size really ...
A. 18 February 2009: I expect you will hear that (1) you are normal/average, and (2) it depends on the girl, but for most size is of minor importance if any (especially if we aren't talking tiny).... (read in full...)
I'm getting married, but I'm not too excited about taking his last name!
Q. I'm getting married this summer and I'm very excited. The only thing I'm really fretting about is the last name change! I'm really attached to my own last name. I asked my fiance if he'd want to swap his last name for mine, but he's not into that. ...
A. 18 February 2009: My wife kept her last name. Not an issue to me. Yeah there's something sweet about "giving" your name, but when I think of changing my name I definitely have a "but but but" reaction. And it's kind of cool that she still has her separate identity ... (read in full...)
Lost my girlfriend, lost my whole world... what am I to do?
Q. sorry in advance for the poor spelling ,puncuation and length.i have been with my girlfriend for almost 7 yrs now.we fell madly in love at first sight when introduced by mutual friends.she was divorced with 2 kids .i tried all i can do to be ...
A. 18 February 2009: The best way to show somebody that you have changed and you respect them, is to give them the space they ask for, even if that means letting go. As long as you have clearly stated how you feel, you've done all you can. To continue to insist that ... (read in full...)
My g/f has self esteem issues, how can I help her?
Q. My girlfriend at times has selfesteem issues..one moment she is telling me how great i am and sometimes when she mentions it shes crying saying she doesn't deserve how i treat her and she doesn't understand why i love her i deserve better....usually ...
A. 18 February 2009: as a rule when someone you care about may be in a bad situation, it can be helpful to focus on them and the negative effects. so if she seems sad a lot, you can say that you are concerned that she seems sad a lot, and is there anything you can... (read in full...)
Marriage before I go away to the navy??? Or not...?
Q. My boyfriend says that he wants to marry before I go into the NAVY and that this is our engagement stage.... oh yeah we have been dating for 7 months... but any how when I tell our mutural friends he comes back and asks me why did I tell them that ...
A. 18 February 2009: yikes, 7 months? wow, i'd also think that was very fast. I'd be cool with it, not come across desperate. Be understanding, yes it's fast, let's see how it goes ... now he knows that he doesn't necessarily have you. Confidence is attractive, e... (read in full...)
Girl problem from a new bi girl.
Q. I recently met a girl in a class in college and I really like her... but I'm 20 and have never been with a girl!! ahhhh!! This wouldn't be that much of a problem, but I'm not sure if she is gay or bi or whatever. Indeed, it is my first big lesbian ...
A. 18 February 2009: maybe. hang out with her some, discuss the class, keep an eye and an ear out? usually guys/girls come up in conversation eventually, and if she is interested presumably she'd give you a clue if you were hanging out together. ... (read in full...)
I'm not IN LOVE with him...
Q. Hey guys and girls. Here's the thing - and it's a pretty big thing to me so need some help! Been with my fella for 3 and a half years. I know that I love him. We get on amazingly and are really similar, have a laugh etc and understand one another. ...
A. 18 February 2009: It's tough because it sounds like he is essentially a dear friend to you whom you don't want to lose, while you are more to him.
So in a way, he has more to lose, since he'd lose a desired sexual partner. But you would lose that friend. ... (read in full...)
How do I talk a girl into trying/having anal sex?...
Q. I have this fetish with having anal sex with girls. A lot of girls won't even try it but I have a real big fetish with it. How do I talk a girl into trying/having anal sex?...
A. 18 February 2009: I'm going to try to bail you out a little here and re-word your question:
"I'm interested in trying anal sex with my girlfriend, and I'm wondering how to bring this up/introduce the idea."
("Talking someone into" something implies getting ... (read in full...)
Could I have had an orgasm?
Q. hi i am a 18 year old girl. i just wanted to know what a orgasm feels like i cant say that i have had one one before but really what am i to expect to feel in my vagina and my body. i have tried masturbating i felt a bit of tingeing in my vagina but ...
A. 18 February 2009: It is a bit corny to say this, but you know how sometimes you feel like you are going to sneeze? And maybe you don't, or maybe you do?
But you definitely know when you sneeze.
And orgasm is like that, but it's like a sneezing fit tha... (read in full...)
What's going on? Am I ready for sex?
Q. There's this guy at my school that I really like. Whenever we try to talk to each other we get nervous. I get sweaty between my legs and I feel a yearning for him in my clit and vagina. What's going on? Am i ready for sex?...
A. 18 February 2009: Your body will be able to have sex long before your mind/emotions will be ready for sex. It sounds like your body is staring to respond sexually.
Your body's reaction is letting you know that guys exist. This gets you interested in figuring... (read in full...)
Can anal sex stretch you out?
Q. I have an embarasseing question regarding anal sex. I've had it a few times with my boyfriend (but it wasnt my first time with anal) (who by the why is pretty large for my standards, but not gargantuan, even though he does wear magnums) the first 2 ...
A. 18 February 2009: First and foremost, and much more important than the rest of the answer, anal sex (like any kind of sex) SHOULD NOT BE PAINFUL. It sounds like he/you guys are jumping in waaaaaaaaay too fast. As in, realistically if you two decided you wanted to ... (read in full...)
Did she want to see my junk?
Q. this past summer i had a girl out at my house we were going to sit in my hot tub outside then go swimming in the pond after that. well the thing is she didn't really have a swim suit and so she wore her t-shirt and her swim suit bottom. and she goes ...
A. 18 February 2009: Sounds flirty to me, but a specific request? Borderline.... (read in full...)
Having change of heart about having abortion
Q. I am going to try to make this quick...I am writing because I need advice very soon. My situation is down to the eleventh hour so to speak. I am pregnant and have had a change of heart,I think??? I really think I want to have this baby and know it ...
A. 18 February 2009: It may help you get better advice, if we know
(a) whether your partner and your parents know about your pregnancy
(b) if they know, what they have said. if they don't, what leads you to believe they would not support you.
(c) whether you... (read in full...)
He cringes when we talk about feelings
Q. Need help. I have been dating F for 3months. We're both 28. He's a great guy and a kind heart. However, he has not been in a relationship in years and I think we are having different expectations in this relationship. He is not the most sensitiv...
A. 18 February 2009: S if you need more than you are getting out of this relationship (and it sure sounds like you do), you aren't doing either of you any favors by grinning and bearing it. frustrations will only grow. figure out what you need to be happy (or at... (read in full...)
I am leaving in 3 months. Is opening up worth it?
Q. Hello, Ok. the problem is simple. I miss my ex, but I do not love him, if it makes sense. I miss our moments and I wish me and my bf had those momenst too. (we've been together for almost 4 months) not exactly the same, but that things were similar....
A. 18 February 2009: I think it is worthwhile practicing asking for what you like, owning your wants. You want attention, interest. You want to know he is thinking about you.
Your ex, no. It doesn't matter how you know you what you want. You like getting little c... (read in full...)
Was he having pity sex with me?
Q. This is kind of embarassing for me even though it is anonymous, but here it goes. My husband and I have been split up for a little while now. It just seemed as if we couldn't spend 2 minutes without getting into an arguement anymore. Since this was ...
A. 18 February 2009: Pity isn't the first thing that would jump to mind.
If you went over, and were crying and generally made him feel like a jerk, then maybe. But if you two were having a good time, enjoying one another's company, I'd be more inclined to think it... (read in full...)
I know sex isn't everything, but it is something!
Q. I fear I may have been a massive bitch to a boy - so excuse the length, but I need to be honest here if I am to get honest answers back. There was this guy I met at uni about 4 months ago. He was really nice and sweet and we really got on. W...
A. 18 February 2009: I'm assuming from your note that this is a really nice guy who likes or may love you, who treats you well, and whom you are attracted to. I'm assuming further that he is somewhat unassertive (comforting you after breakup), which is fine outside the ... (read in full...)
What does he mean by wanting to settle down?
Q. My bf has been talking about he wants stability in his life. He is tired moving place to place. He wants to find that one person he can come home to. He says that he really wants to settle down and hopes that I'm that person. He wants to see how far ...
A. 15 February 2009: I would understand "how far we can go" to be seeing if your relationship has what it needs to become a marriage. Another way to say the same thing might be, "I'm at the point in my life where I want to find someone who I'd want to marry, and who ... (read in full...)
My b/f insists to have sex with me, I'm underage, should I give in?
Q. im 14 and i have a 18 year old online boyfriend, but every time we chat online he says that he wants to have sex with me, but i kind of want to have sex with him but im not sure if i should, so should i have sex with him or not?...
A. 15 February 2009: Normal guys will not repeatedly tell a girl (especially one as young as you, especially when he is older) that he wants to have sex with her, in a way that makes her feel pressured to do so. Also, normal 18 year olds look at 14 year olds about ... (read in full...)
We were having a good time, why did he change so suddenly?
Q. im 16 and have been falling inlove with my friend. basically last night we were holding hands and he kissed my head and we just sat together sometimes and he asked me about the time i got off with him a few weeks before.. then he was asking me if i ...
A. 15 February 2009: He took a chance by telling you that he liked you, and then further telling you that he was serious, and inviting you to do something. When you told him you weren't interested (that's what I understan you said from your note, and what I think he ... (read in full...)
What does becoming redundant mean?
Q. What Does becoming redundant mean. I guess I am a uninformed American (I was going to say Stupid...but I'm not) I think I know what it means but not sure. I have asked the question in one of my answers to someone else, but haven't heard back. I...
A. 15 February 2009: You are correct, it means being laid off. But there is a more particular meaning. Being made redundant is considered different than being fired, in that being fired implies you weren't doing a good job, while being made redundant just means that ... (read in full...)
I have a deep mind and am a moral person. What does this mean?
Q. I really like this guy, but I don't know how much he likes me. He always smiles and seems happy to see me, but he's pretty much friendly to everyone. However, he also said that I have a deep mind and am a moral person. What does this mean?...
A. 14 February 2009: It's not a bad sign. But more so I think it is an opening, a possibility, rather than a decision or statement. What you do with the opening is up to you.... (read in full...)
Should I dump my boyfriend today?
Q. Its been 6 months and my boyfriend still hasn't told me he loves me. Being valentines day I thought that it might happen today but its 5 pm here and still nothing. Im getting sick of not knowing if im important to him or not. Dont get me wrong he...
A. 14 February 2009: It sounds like this relationship is teaching you what you really want. I think it is important for you to be clear with yourself and him about what that is. Not "I want him to love me"... you obviously cannot control how someone else feels. But... (read in full...)
How do you find out if your dad is cheating?
Q. My dad has been acting kind of strange lately well I have seen him like this before too, it seems like it happens every once and a while. My dad works long hours, recently just a few days he has been leaving early to go to work and then coming ...
A. 14 February 2009: I had similar suspicions about my mother once, and did some digging, and found out things I wish now I did not know. I did not want to tell my father, as it was over, and did not want to tell my mother, as I knew it would drive a wedge between us. ... (read in full...)
I have a deep mind and am a moral person. What does this mean?
Q. I really like this guy, but I don't know how much he likes me. He always smiles and seems happy to see me, but he's pretty much friendly to everyone. However, he also said that I have a deep mind and am a moral person. What does this mean?...
A. 14 February 2009: Ditto anonymous below.
"deep mind and moral, you say? would you add attractive to that list?"... (read in full...)
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