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How do you find out if your dad is cheating?

Tagged as: Family, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (14 February 2009) 7 Answers - (Newest, 3 July 2010)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

My dad has been acting kind of strange lately well I have seen him like this before too, it seems like it happens every once and a while.

My dad works long hours, recently just a few days he has been leaving early to go to work and then coming home really late, I don't know but he just came home and then his face expression to me seems like he is hiding something because once he saw my mom he talked like extra soft than usual, I'm not saying that's a bad thing, but its the way he is acting is like he did something bad so that he's sweet talking to my mom...this is so weird and I feel like something is fishy.

My mom saw that his face was kind of red when he got home, so my mom asked him if he drink, and he just straight said no, well my dad isn't really a drinker but if he really didn't do anything wouldn't he look confused or even wonder why my mom would ask if he was drinking even though we all know that he doesn't drink?..the only other things i could think of that he did is that he went to a strip club, or goes and gets a hooker once in a while or he has another woman outside that he is intimate with.

At his last job it was even worse, ok he is a chef so every other month they have to come up with a new menu, and he says he has to work late then he goes out to dinner with his bosses and other co workers and I would be just counting the hours why does he have to be at dinner so long with them all the time? Sometimes it was like midnight or couple hours past midnight, and this would last for about a week. I remember one night he came home and he looked like he was hiding something again, his face expression looked like he got away with something and was excited but tried to hide it, he came home walked quickly to his room to change and quickly to the bathroom to take a shower and I heard that usually if a man was cheating they would want to quickly take a shower as soon as they get home.

Sorry I know this was a lot of babbling and a lot to read. I try not to think anything of it, but then this happens every once in awhile and just makes me worried. I don't know what to do, but how can I find out if my dad is cheating, and then what to do afterward if it is true?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2010):

If you want then you could get more evidence like, go through his pants. Look in his pockets after he is done with that pair if there is like a condomn in there or anything. Another, is that you could call him or follow him. If he does not have a cell phone or the resteraunt or to where he is going never saw him then follow him. If it is true then talk to him and if he denies they tell him how you found out, but don't tell him about his pocket thingy. Hope you find an answer

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2009):

In all honesty, at your age, it is none of your business what happens between your father and mother until they choose to inform you.

It is upsetting (I know, as my father had an affair and now my own parents are divorced) but it is not for you to investigate this or even do anything. You can talk your mother, explain your suspicions and tell her she needs to get answers for her own sake.

But if she chooses not to, well, then you can;t really do anything unless you walk in on him boning someone else.

Flynn 24

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A male reader, Tomas United States +, writes (14 February 2009):

I had similar suspicions about my mother once, and did some digging, and found out things I wish now I did not know. I did not want to tell my father, as it was over, and did not want to tell my mother, as I knew it would drive a wedge between us. I've never told either of them that I know. And this has led to some trust issues in my own relationships.

That experience drove home the point to me that nobody understands someone else's relationship, and as much as you want to protect people you care about, unless they are in real danger, you really have to leave their relationships to them.

If you want to tell you mom (or your dad) that, for example, you wished your dad paid more attention to her, i think that is fine. If you see something factual, you are free to mention that ("why was dad coming in at 3am last night"). But if you are told to not worry, or to drop it, I believe you should do so. The private detective thing can easily cross the line into becoming part of someone else's relationship, and sometimes you can't get back.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2009):


Melody B is right, it really is your parents issue but I know that I wouldnt let my father be if i suspected anythingv like that!

In your shoes Id make sure to check his phone, email account and msn. Since you live int he same house, you could just use a keylogger anytime, its downloadable from internet. By that you can get his passwords and such.

Following him? idk. If i was really worried, id try.

You could also check his pockets.

I wish you the very best! KEep your head on and dont worry too much! Love your mom very much, thats the most you can do.

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A female reader, Emilysanswers United Kingdom +, writes (14 February 2009):

I think Melody B has the right idea here.

Talk to your mum, tell her you don't trust him and you don't want her to get hurt.

After that you have to back off and let her deal with it.

I am sure your dad will probably try and talk to you about it and you can let him know you would not forgive him if he caused the family to split up.

I am sure this is all in your mind and your Dad loves your Mum, but I am not going to try and patronise you by telling you that all marriages are perfect.

I hope it is a mis-understanding though.

Good Luck!! xx

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A reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2009):

Follow you dad and find out what's he's up to, since you're so concerned. Bring a video camera.

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A female reader, MelodyB United States +, writes (14 February 2009):

MelodyB agony auntSweetie, this is your parents issue and you need to give it back to your parents. Tell your mother your concerns about their relationship and that you love them both and hope they will work it out. You do not need to be carrying this by yourself and feeling so consumed with it. You do not have to find out if he is cheating, but do tell your mother your concerns about their relationship and why you think this may be true. Let her be the adult and figure it out. Then let it go and pray for your parents to work it out.

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