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... Send *ynchrohobbit a private message | | | *ynchrohobbit's profile:I am a dispassionate realist, which means that while I cannot make you feel better about your situation, I can provide logical advice that a sex and love distracted mind may not think of. If you went through a bad break-up, I'd get you to a bar full of hot singles and shots; I wouldn't rent a romantic comedy and buy ice cream for us to cry over. If you were thinking about when to have sex with a new partner, I'd say as soon as possible. If you were pondering a new step in a relationship, I'd tell you to make a pros and cons list, not "follow your heart."
I'm probably not qualified to help people. I wan't even a psych major in college. I did recently finish a long-term relationship with a messy break-up, went through a period of promiscuity, and have now settled into a relationship with a man equally as cynical as myself. |
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What's going on between my B/f and this other girl? Do they have a history? Does he want her?
Q. I noticed that my bf has been exchanging messages on fb with a girl he's not friends with on fb. She lives in our area according to her profile. I secretly viewed their messages and it seems that they are not flirting or anything. I'm jealous bc ...
A. 29 November 2011: This is definitely sounding like some emotional fling he is hiding from you. He might be struggling with something else in his life and need this temporarily, but he could also be thinking about your relationship (for whatever reason). I hope you ... (read in full...)
I want to ask for her phone number but don't want to creep her out
Q. help please. i want to ask this girl for her number but i dont know how without creepin her out. we have only talked once before so how do i approach her and what should i say? would telling her that i think she is amazing and i would like to kno ...
A. 29 November 2011: That is very useful information. I would attempt to get a seat close to her and start with small talk about class assignments. Eventually you can ask her questions, and ask if she could give you some help with a homework assignment. It feels ... (read in full...)
I broke up with the woman of my dreams. Why did I do that? What can I do now?
Q. I'm 33. She is 30. Last year I met her and she was the best woman I have ever met. Gorgeous woman, had her own home in a great part of town, was referring to me moving in with her but for some reason I decided it wouldn't work. I ended up mee...
A. 29 November 2011: Even if you don't get her back, I hope you are passing this around the guys' circle as a testament to good women. There have been far too many stories about young men following a nice piece of ass out the door to have it slammed in their face and ... (read in full...)
Is this just mild, controlling behavior or something else?
Q. My bf of 2 years is really a sweet guy but he has this very mild, controlling behavior...For instance, if I ask him if we can get something to eat he will say "no, we just ate" or "no, have patience." At a restaurant, he controls what I eat and ...
A. 29 November 2011: From your follow up it would appear that you are either a) exaggerating or b) brainwashed. I'm going to go with the latter, since you continue saying he "won't let you do things" but isn't physically stopping you. This means you are so attuned to ... (read in full...)
I left him because he was depressed and unfaithful. Now he wants me back...what to do?
Q. I recently brokeup with my boyfriend of 2.5 years. Actually this is our second breakup because last year I ended things when it felt like he really just didn't want to be with me anymore. But to my surprise he said he felt the exact opposite and ...
A. 29 November 2011: Think about it from this perspective: would you want your children to have this man as their father? Although right now he seems like a warm body and a sperm hub that could provide you with a family, I can guarantee it will become much much worse ... (read in full...)
I'm still living with the "ugly-younger-me" mentality even though I've now grown to be this gorgeous woman.
Q. I have serious body image issues. It all spawned from chronic low self esteem, depression, etc... I used to be fat and ugly and guys and girls would bully me over it.. Until one day I blossomed, and I'm what people call "gorgeous" but I genuinely do ...
A. 29 November 2011: I struggle with this exact same issue, and have been to counseling countless numbers of times for a variety of things. Unfortunately, for this, it has never stuck. You can talk about feelings of inadequacy and do self affirmation exercises until ... (read in full...)
My g/f wants to diet but I'm afraid she'll go back to old ways of binging and purging
Q. My fiance is becoming increasingly unhappy with her weight. She isn't fat at all, but she thinks she is. She is 5'11" and weighs 140lbs. She's actually quite slender. But tonight she had a really bad break down about it and decided to start a ...
A. 29 November 2011: You need to express your concern that she is so worked up about her weight. You obviously cannot control anything she does, but you can ask if she would go to some counseling (with you if that helps) before making any changes. She will be ... (read in full...)
She doesn't want to be fingered, how can I change her mind?
Q. Hi, I was wondering if anyone could help me here. So me and my girlfriend have been dating for almost a year and a half and naturally we are progressing sexually. The problem is, she gives me hand but I want to give her as well. She hates the id...
A. 29 November 2011: Does she wear tampons, or masturbate herself? If nothing has ever been up there it can be an extremely scary thought. She may also have moral or religious reservations about it; some women are still taught that they are not sexual beings, and ... (read in full...)
He would cancel dates and I got mad at him. Does he still care about me?
Q. my boyfriend and i broke up three times and we got back together and for the last two times. We plan to see each other, then when the day comes he will call and make up something, that he cant come over. Then the last time he did this i got mad said...
A. 29 November 2011: It actually sounds like both of you might need a maturity check. Since you have broken up so many times it must either be over little things, which would indicate you aren't compatible, or big things like cheating, which means one or both of you is ... (read in full...)
I love my B/f, but is it enough when you feel you're a burden to the person you love?
Q. ok, ive been with my bf for 3 years. First off we are complete opposites. he works alot and is very social and outgoing whereas i work part time because of my health (doctors dont know what i have, i have headaches 24/7 for 14 years now) so after ...
A. 29 November 2011: Fourteen years is an incredibly long time to have a chronic condition and not receive some sort of diagnosis, whether it is physiological or mental. I have a few chronic conditions that took me a couple of years to get diagnosed because of another, ... (read in full...)
Whats the best way to over come lust and temptation?
Q. Whats the best way to over come lust and temptation? Even though I have chosen the single life, it seems that temptation is always around the corner and I get the urge to want sex. Iam a virgin so it makes things 100 times worse and im not religious ...
A. 29 November 2011: Is there a reason you are so hell bent on waiting? I am not suggesting you go to a party tomorrow and pick out a drunken lay, but I think life would be much easier if you started sexual activity of some sort with a girl you are interested in. If ... (read in full...)
Should I tell him about my sex life in my teens?
Q. so as a teen(maybe when i was 15 or 16 i had a boyfriend who i had gone out with for about 2-3 years. we had sex....and we were truly in love.... but then he moved. :( now i have a fiance. we've been dating for about 2 years. and i love him so ...
A. 29 November 2011: Are you asking this question because he has indicated he would care whether you came into this relationship as a virgin or not? He might just be curious, and want to get to know all about you. If he does expect that you have not had sex, ask him ... (read in full...)
Can a guy get that upset because his woman didn't watch the sports with him?
Q. Grab a cuppa cause this is long-winded and far too perculair for me to work out on my own :). We've been together a year and I've always been here for him. He'd just come back from golf and I said to him lets go into town. He said he didn't want t...
A. 29 November 2011: The answers are very good. I would like to point out that what he is doing is emotionally manipulative; by keeping you in a constant state of worry about his feelings towards you, he can essentially get you to do whatever he wants. I only ... (read in full...)
All I do is think about sex!
Q. I'm certainly not the first and I won't be the last to have this problem, but I can't stop thinking about sex. It's terrible! It started all of a sudden at the beginning of this month, and since then I haven't been able to concentrate on anything ...
A. 29 November 2011: Are you thinking about sex, or are you thinking about getting married and having kids? These are two entirely different things. If it is the latter it would seem that your current frustration with school is contributing to wanting a life as a ... (read in full...)
He's too demanding, what can I do??
Q. How do I avoid a man who is demanding hi my ex boyfriend I asked him to move out last Sunday we had not lived together long well he mentioned going out of town with his neice he thinks I got mad and that was the reason no I could not take him ...
A. 29 November 2011: I think you will get more responses if you rephrase all this into some sort of question, with supporting evidence. ... (read in full...)
How long should someone shall wait to date again once being dumped and heartbroken?
Q. It's not me. Is a guy I like, his long time GF dumped him 7 months ago and he is deeply heartbroken. As a result, he's always been a womanizer and now that she dumped him he's again on the loose fooling around girls. B/C he is being like that he saw ...
A. 29 November 2011: I'm not sure that it sounds like he is truly unhappy. He may just be testing out his new freedom, and is not in any way ready for a new relationship. Sleeping around and not following up hook-ups with dates is not treating women like dirt, it just ... (read in full...)
17 year old and 14 year old
Q. Hey I'm a 17 yr old guy, my girlfriend is 14, yes I know that a big age differance this young. We are very much in love, strong word but true. I have asked her about sex and she said she doesnt want to go that far, but she keeps throwing me mixed ...
A. 29 November 2011: Those are not mixed signals. She is just trying to gauge what you think about her decision, and decide if she is making you happy. I am very confused about why her lack of sexual experience is a big plus for you; it's a plus for her, since she is a ... (read in full...)
Why is my friend avoiding me?
Q. Im very confused about my friend. The thing is I'm 100% in love with him, but he talks about how much he hates gays and doesn't like being around them. I'm not really sure though, I've sat next to him and layed on his shoulder and vice versa, I've ...
A. 29 November 2011: There are two utterly diametrically opposed possibilities here:
1) He is homophobic and messing with you or
2) He is still very far in the closet and struggling with his own sexuality, making his confusion and self-hate come out on other gay male... (read in full...)
I want to ask for her phone number but don't want to creep her out
Q. help please. i want to ask this girl for her number but i dont know how without creepin her out. we have only talked once before so how do i approach her and what should i say? would telling her that i think she is amazing and i would like to kno ...
A. 29 November 2011: There needs to be a lot more information to determine the correct (and least creepy) route to procuring this number. Did you meet her at the bar? Are you in class together? Do you work together? Is she a customer where you work? Is she at the ... (read in full...)
Have a new girlfriend, but stilll miss my ex so much!
Q. Is it normal to think about your ex, but being with someone new? I dated my ex over a year ago and I broke it off. A year after our break up, she had already a boyfriend for six months, and still called me. We started meeting up regularly , havi...
A. 29 November 2011: My ex, who I dated for over three years, came into the relationship absolutely longing for his ex. He would mention everything from what she ate to how she had sex, which was not easy for me emotionally, but made it so that I was essentially able ... (read in full...)
How can I get him back? What happened to our relationship? PLEASE HELP
Q. My ex and I were taking a break and I found out he was talking to this new girl who lived in another state that he had never met, and I got so jealous. They skyped all night and were playing truth or dare...and you can guess what happens when a boy ...
A. 29 November 2011: Unfortunately, four months is definitely not just a break for a high school relationship. He is being incredibly passive aggressive by cutting contact, giving you some occasional words to hang off of, and openly being in some emotional relationship ... (read in full...)
He's bi, I'm gay. Should I waste my time on this closet case?
Q. Hello, I've been seeing this guy for about a week. He's 21, mature for his age, attractive, smart, great job, in school. He's pretty much out of my league, but every time we see each other we make-out, mess around, or just talk in his car. He used...
A. 29 November 2011: The funny thing about this case is that you could have essentially left out the part about you both being men and just mentioned that this person is "out of your league" (not that you are right about this), compares you to his ex, and doesn't want ... (read in full...)
What's going on between my B/f and this other girl? Do they have a history? Does he want her?
Q. I noticed that my bf has been exchanging messages on fb with a girl he's not friends with on fb. She lives in our area according to her profile. I secretly viewed their messages and it seems that they are not flirting or anything. I'm jealous bc ...
A. 29 November 2011: This is certainly bizarre behavior. Why isn't he friends with her if they talk so much? Noticing your age (and sort of assuming his age) is it possible that this is somehow work-related? Facebook has definitely become much more than an ... (read in full...)
My insecure girlfriend!
Q. Help please I want to save our relationship from ending Me and my girlfriend have been together for over 2 years and 4 months and are considering marriage Right now we want a court wedding because of financial issues But recently today she th...
A. 29 November 2011: DO NOT GET MARRIED. Whatever else you do, this is the one important thing. I'm not saying never, I'm saying this relationship clearly needs a lot of discussion before you take such a legally binding step. It took me months to leave a relationship ... (read in full...)
Can open relationships ever work?
Q. right, so I am a bloke with a massive attraction to this girl. she gorgeous and smart and funny and lovely and SINGLE and SHE LIKES ME...well, you know that with those combination then she's gotta have a problem if shes still single, right? right. ...
A. 17 June 2011: This might be a bad idea but it sounds like you have it in your head that if you just start dating her she will decide to be exclusive. This is the same dilemma that has bothered women for all time, so I guess it is good that some men think they can ... (read in full...)
Why doesn't my girlfriend get angry, is she normal?
Q. I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for the last two years. She is very nice and has sparkling sense humor. In those last two years, I haven't come across a single moment when she was angry at me for anything stupid I do once in a blo...
A. 17 June 2011: I know there are already a lot of answers, but I just wanted to add that I am exactly like your girlfriend and for me this doesn't mean that I have no emotions, it just means I don't react very strongly to anything. If she is able to strongly ... (read in full...)
Very conflicted about breaking off a 3 1/2 year relationship
Q. I have been in a relationship for 3 1/2 years, and engaged for 2 1/2 of those, but with absolutely no wedding plans. We started dating when we were 20 and he was/is my very first relationship; I had had sex with other people before that but no ...
A. 17 June 2011: Original poster here:
Just thought I'd update and clarify. The debate about breaking up has actually been coming from both ends; he feels the exact same way. It is just complicated because we do still care about one another, we just think th... (read in full...)
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