A
male
age
26-29,
*lassicclown
writes:Hi, I was wondering if anyone could help me here.So me and my girlfriend have been dating for almost a year and a half and naturally we are progressing sexually. The problem is, she gives me hand but I want to give her as well. She hates the idea of fingering though and I don't know if her feelings about it will change or not.So to any guys:Have you ever had a girlfriend who doesn't like the idea of getting hand? If so, did her feelings ever change and what made them change.To any girls:Have you ever not liked the idea of getting hand and did your feelings ever change? If so, because of what.If anyone can help I would really appreciate it :) Thanks.
View related questions:
fingering Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, geeandkatie  +, writes (30 November 2011):
she may not want to be fingered because some girls find it less pleasureable than actual intercourse,the feeling of getting fingered can be more annoying than anything else! she may also have a embarrasing odour that she is frightened of leaving on your fingers. too change her mind mabey get her drunk lol or buy some flavoured lube:) here to help, just doing my job!
A
male
reader, classicclown +, writes (30 November 2011):
classicclown is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone.
I apologise for not giving all the details, so I just want to clatify a few things :)
We are only 17, so we are still young. She hasn't had any boyfriends before and nor have I so any chance of her having a bad experience are nought and the same goes with her decisions being based on the cleanliness of my hands. (Even though I am very hygienic)
While I'm not wanting to finger her right now, its more of a long term question because I feel her views might change after time, so I was just wondering if its likely to happen.
Cerberus: ill definitely remember not to bring it up :). She can also be pretty self concious and insecure at times so I think her decision about no fingering are purely based on that.
synchrohobbit: she does wear tampons but she doesn't masturbate so yea, I feel she might change her views.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2011): You have not said the age of your girl friend. That seems an essential detail that you should provide to the Aunts and Uncles - to them to provide your the most relevant answer for your situation
...............................
A
male
reader, dave2  +, writes (30 November 2011):
I have actually heard of a guy fingering a girl and cutting the inside of her vagina due to sharp finger nails. I had another girl that had a rule if you touched your penis, you had to wash your hands before you touched her vagina.
There is a whole variety of issues, and I would just be happy she is giving you a hand job.
I would drop the issue, and use that to your advantage to get more hand jobs on a more frequent basis.
Let her get confortable giving the hand jobs, and then you can slowly move on to other things.
...............................
A
female
reader, synchrohobbit +, writes (29 November 2011):
 Does she wear tampons, or masturbate herself? If nothing has ever been up there it can be an extremely scary thought. She may also have moral or religious reservations about it; some women are still taught that they are not sexual beings, and their only purpose in sex is to pleasure the man, so fingering wouldn't make sense. If you have tried it and she didn't like it, in addition to the issues already stated, it can actually feel like you have to go to the bathroom very badly if you are not used to it. This might make her self conscious. Do what others have said and start only on the outside; instinct will likely make her want it after that.
...............................
A
female
reader, Candid Cally +, writes (29 November 2011):
Take a look at your hands.
Is your skin especially on your fingers soft or rough? Do you have calluses? If your skin is dry and rough or you have calluses, it can be uncomfortable or even painful for a woman to be fingered.
How often do you wash your hands? Do they look clean, or do you have obvious grime on your hands or under your fingernails? Hygiene is extremely important, and if your hands and fingernails are not clean, then this may be her issue. You could give her a vaginal infection if you finger her with dirty hands or fingernails.
How long are your fingernails? Are they short and trimmed neatly or are they long or have rough or sharp edges? Are you a nail biter? If your fingernails are not short and neatly trimmed, they will cause her discomfort or even pain when you finger her.
Next, your technique...
If you are trying to finger her and she isn't ready to be penetrated, it will be painful or uncomfortable. If you are just pushing in one or more fingers without really paying attention to the feel of the anatomy around the vagina, you are probably hurting her. If you are trying to stick in multiple fingers to see how many will fit, that's a bad idea.
Start with one. Enter slowly and only once she is wet. Make sure you aren't just poking around and directly into the sides of her vaginal walls. Make sure your fingernails are clean and neatly trimmed, and that the skin on your fingers is soft, or it will be unpleasant for her.
Many women don't like being fingered because guys are rough with their lady parts, have poor hygiene, bad skin, sharp nails, or just don't seem to know what they are doing. Other women simply prefer clitoral stimulation to being fingered because most of their sexual nerve endings are concentrated in the clitoris.
Finally, if you don't seem to be doing anything that would make her feel uncomfortable when you finger her and she still doesn't want to be fingered, you should respect her wishes and stop trying to force her to do something she genuinely does not like and does not want done to her. Forcing something or making it an issue when it should ultimately be her choice (it is HER body you are doing this to), completely undermines her and will make her feel like you do not respect her and are using her. Ok?
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2011): I have had girls that were self conscious about their vaginas be sacred of fingering. I have been with others that their previous boyfriends were so inept, rough and shitty at it that they just thought the experience was horrible.
There's a few things you need to consider here. The first and most important it to not keep bringing this up, she will be less likely to let you if she feels pressured. Don't make a big deal a out of it. Try and find out in sensitive way why she doesn't like it though, let her tell you why because when you know why it may well be something you get past.
Second learn proper technique. Be very, very gentle and do not stick your fingers in there. I know when I first started doing it I thought was how it was done but most of the fun bits are on the outside so you never need go in. As to how gentle you should be, close your eyes and put your fingers on eyeball and press down gently, that's how gentle you need to be at the start.
OP you have to ease her into this through action. When your together messing around keep all hand play outside of underwear and if you can get her off that way she'll be more trusting in letting you put your hand inside her underwear after time. If she keep pulling your hand away then leave it away and wait for the next time you fool around. Just slowly build up her trust and confidence in that regard through action, before you know it in the heat of the moment she will just go with it.
Again though, this is not a big deal so don't make it one. Just gently get her to the place where she is comfortable with it happening. Take you time, there's no rush.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2011): There are some things I just will not do for anyone, and nothing will change my mind about it. If she doesn;t want it and doesn't like it, respect that. Be thankful that she is happy to give to you. It's nice you want to give to her, but not if it's something that she doesn't want done to her, just drop it and find something that she does like. Good Luck
...............................
|
