A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:ok, ive been with my bf for 3 years. First off we are complete opposites. he works alot and is very social and outgoing whereas i work part time because of my health (doctors dont know what i have, i have headaches 24/7 for 14 years now) so after work im really tired so i usually stay home reading or doing chores. because of this i have very few friends and i rarely go out. However, since going out with my bf i have made alot of efforts in being more social and going out with him. I accept the fact that he is more social than me and he has to go out. i even encourage him to go out and have fun when im not up to it. But now im getting really upset because he always tells me that i dont do anything about my headaches and that i just stay home. i dont know how many times i explained to him how i feel, he always makes me feel guilty of being sick and homebound. i even told him that i should leave him that he shouldnt have to endure (a word he used) life with a sick person. but he said nothing, not a single word, hed only stare at me even tho i would ask him to tell me how he feels. i dont know what to do. i love him but is it enough when you feel ur a burden to the person you love and they make you feel that way? apart from that hes a really wonderful guy ... i just feel like im ruining his life... Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2011): Thank you for the responses. You're assessment about us being introvert/extrovert is correct. The descriptions in the link you posted is exactly how it is with me and my boyfriend. but i have tried to explain to him all of that but i dont know, i always have to remind him. i know he feels that ive given up but to me i simply accepted my fate. Im tired of seeing specialists and losing my money and being disappointed. Ive seen so many specialists i dont know where to turn. right now im checking into sleep apnea and hope it helps. but im losing all the energy i have just trying to make him understand.. and it isnt easy when every single day he asks me how my headache is and what intensity a simple it hurts today is not enough i have to explain how it hurts and so on... its very annoying. he knows it but keeps doing it... i dont know how to handle this.. its the first time i have a bf that acts this way. im tired of fighting my headaches every day i dont need to fight with him as well i just simply dont have the energy.
A
female
reader, synchrohobbit  +, writes (29 November 2011):
 Fourteen years is an incredibly long time to have a chronic condition and not receive some sort of diagnosis, whether it is physiological or mental. I have a few chronic conditions that took me a couple of years to get diagnosed because of another, overlying condition that made them seem psychosomatic, but I just had to continue to see different doctors and insist on specialist referrals. If you do not see specialists you will not get an answer; general practitioners cannot diagnose more complex conditions. Your boyfriend is probably frustrated because it seems like you have given up; this is not necessarily true, but he wouldn't understand why you don't want to get this fixed.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2011): http://www.nhlbi.nih.gov/health/health-topics/topics/sleepapnea/
My apologies, dont think I listed this link in regards to sleep apnea.
And not sure if I posted the link for Introvert, Extrovert Couples. Sure Mod will know. ;)
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/221187/when_introverts_and_extroverts_fall_pg3.html?cat=72
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2011): First off, BF is making the classic mistake that ALL people, Esepcially his GF should LOVE being out all hours, mixing it up, and being the life of the party. WRONG!
Its a bit ego centric and short sighted that he has this belief.
I just answered another post about Natures of the Introvert and Extrovert. Which again, seems to be you and the BFs dynamic.
If you are happy and fulfilled staying at home, he needs to LISTEN, VALIDATE, and not personalize something that has everything to do with how your brains are wired.
I'm an introvert by nature. So I adore reading and learning. I'm about the inner life. So this excites and stimulates me to be this way, my interests are about such matters. I would rather stay home and read a book or watch a show OVER heading to a bar or being at some club. That is what 'does' it for me. I suspect you are similar and with the headaches, just even more so practical.
Its not fair you are putting forth the effort and compromising and going out an about but again, you are not him, and will not be seen running back and forth between groups of people. You will probably be happy people watching and sipping a drink in a corner. This is your norm and does not mean you are a downer.
Some people can be so clueless.
Time to do some reading and learning.
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/221187/when_introverts_and_extroverts_fall_pg3.html?cat=72
Have the BF and you read the above article together. Maybe this newfound knowledge will have him open his eyes and realize, aaahhhhh. I am in love with an introvert and don't need to feel guilty that I am always out and about and she is at home. ( I think he feels guilty and he abandons you at home so hes starting to get angry about it).
Let me know if this has helped.
Also, I hope something comes to light about headaches. Do they think its diet related? How do you sleep at night? Do you often wake up in the night? Have they thought to test for sleep apena?
http://www.nhlbi.nih.gov/health/health-topics/topics/sleepapnea/
I had a hyper thyroid and it was partially burnt out so now its hypo and I have to take meds. I'm still in the process of finding the right amount to take daily that will give me energy levels. I find I am sleepy alot and with this, have become more prone to headaches. So its sleep quality that occurs as well as energy, iron.
Just usually I suggest this as sleep patterns seems to always be left out of any diagnosis.
Keep us posted and Hang in Their Babes!
*hugs*
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A
female
reader, theaboo +, writes (29 November 2011):
 you're not ruining his life! he should be more supportive and understanding! having said that, i know 3 years seems like a really long time to just call it quits, but if he can't be more thoughtful and forthcoming with his feelings, he doesn't deserve you.
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