A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I nudged my boyfriend for looking round quickly at a very pretty woman in a short skirt. I notice he looks round at blonde women in short skirts a lot and its embarrassing. I'm slim.and attractive and not insecure but every time I gently nudge him he accuses me of being paranoid. I really am not. He says he's scared to look anywhere now and I'm made to feel bad! I have been in two other long term relationships without this problem. He says he looks at everyone but he really doesn't!
View related questions:
insecure Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (27 May 2011):
 gawd does he point them out and tell you the parts of them he likes? NO? luck you. my bf window shops whenever we are out... and comments on them. I have asked him not to comment when we are on formal dates and he has agreed...
it's disconcerting to us as women.. we want to be the only one to rock their worlds but that's not realistic is it?
Men for the most part are very visual.... do you care where he gets his appetite for you? I tell my bf "I do not care where you get your appetite as long as you eat at home"
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2011): Hmmm. I am on the fence on this one. I have been guilty of leering and also completely understand that it is disrespectful. In particular, I have a weakness for short skirts. I think that he needs to be better at looking away, although I am so conditioned to looking away that THAT is almost as embarrassing. "Here comes a girl in a short skirt, so let me look in the opposite direction!" That's just as obvious! What I learned to do is look at my girlfriend in those cases. I really wish she'd dress like that more often and then she'd have my complete attention and if the dress or skirt is sexy but not too desperate I will point out that I like the DRESS and how it would look BETTER on her. I also sometimes turn to my girlfriend and tell her things like "What a slut!" and we share a giggle. I know that she knows it got my attention, because she's not stupid, but it defuses the situation.
...............................
A
female
reader, svf  +, writes (27 May 2011):
 Caring Guy is completely correct on this one!I had this problem with my partner, and I used to get so angry and it made me doubt how attractive I myself was. I got so mad that I ended up doing something which I shouldn't have, but, I don't regret it and yes he found out and I confirmed it, but by this stage I was really thinking this relationship was over anyway and really couldn't care less. He had treated me with so much disrespect that I had no respect left for him.But since then, boy did he completely change his tune! And - I DO NOT ENDORSE MY BEHAVIOUR at any time!!! NO situation should come to this. This was just something that happened last year when I was extremely drunk, no excuse, but I didn't sleep with someone else to piss off my boyfriend, it was just that I simply had no more feelings left for him due to his excessive oggling and broke up with him for a few days.I think any guy who checks out when he has a beautiful girlfriend like you next to him is a jerk! You are gorgeous and HE should be so LUCKY to have you putting up with him.Do not think that you are unattractive, you have never had this happen to you before (I hadn't experienced it before either, isn't it an awful shock when it happens to you) so don't fret hon. I am glad that he is not looking around at all, as Caring Guy say's, he is now aware, but most certainly, most normal women would find this type of behaviour extremely insulting and offensive. x
...............................
A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (27 May 2011):
 He is male and he is not blind. I have no problem with my guy looking at attractive people! I look too!
I do not feel it is disrespectul. Does yours making gestures, animal noises, look at the other woman and back at you comparing, dismiss you entirely?
You may not FEEL you are insecure or paranoid, but you are ACTING that way.
My guide is that my man can look at the menu of other "offerings" as long as he dines at home:)
Give your guy a break. It is when he stops NOTICING YOU that you will want to nudge him!
...............................
A
male
reader, spinnaker +, writes (26 May 2011):
 He is just upset he got caught casting a covert leer and is embarrassed about it.
While he shouldn't be consciously looking, men do instinctively look at women and anyone who doesn't is either extremely nearsighted or lying.
Its the second look or the prolonged look as well as the thoughts that accompany that which is the problem.
You could ask him about it and explain to him how it makes you feel.
...............................
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (26 May 2011):
Good - now he's scared to look anywhere, which means he knows you won't accept him ogling girls so obviously. Clearly you'll never stop anyone from noticing someone who is attractive - but there is a fine line between noticing someone and turning around and blatantly staring at a girl in a short skirt in front of the woman you're supposed to love.
Reassure him that you're not paranoid, but that you find it embarrassing and disrespectful when you seen him gazing at another woman's legs in front of you.
Either he'll get the message, or maybe he's not a great guy.
...............................
|
