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... Send *ambini a private message | | | *ambini's profile:For good or for bad, I've had a lot of life experience in a relatively short period of time. For a long time I found it hard to cope with the anger and bitterness, but as I got older I learnt to channel that and I hope to use my experiences to help other people. When i reached out for help I was pushed back and ignored, I want to help ensure that doesn't happen to other people.
My mum taught me some valuable life lessons which I will share with you now:
"If you don't love yourself, how can you expect others to love you?"
"The only man worth crying over is the one who would never make you cry"
"when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel."
"our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we alone are responsible for who we become."
She is a wise woman my mum, so to all of you seeking help, often the answers you seek are already within you, we just help you to realise that. No-one can wave a magic wand, you need to find the strength and courage within yourself in order to change a situation.
Some final words of wisdom for you to bear in mind:
"Lord grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference." |
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Partner says he'll give me more sex if I dye my hair!!!
Q. My partner says if I dye my hair blonde, he will give me more sex but I don't want to dye my hair. He watches a fair amount of porn by the way, which I think interferes with our sex life already. But should I leave him or adapt?...
A. 25 April 2010: When i wrote my response to your first question, my head was already screaming "leave him!" but i know when you're in a relationship you obviously want to try and make it work, which is why i offered advice to that effect. However, the update to ... (read in full...)
Partner says he'll give me more sex if I dye my hair!!!
Q. My partner says if I dye my hair blonde, he will give me more sex but I don't want to dye my hair. He watches a fair amount of porn by the way, which I think interferes with our sex life already. But should I leave him or adapt?...
A. 23 April 2010: I dont think you should dye your hair, or in fact have to change in any way to suit a partner who threatens/bribes/coerces you into doing it.
however if you want to compromise, maybe you could do a little role play with him, where you wear a blon... (read in full...)
Boyfriend threatening to dump me for being overweight!
Q. I am a 20 yr. Old female I been in a relationship of 3 years my boyfriend has a problem with my weight. I'm not too much overweight but I try to do everything I can I go to the gym I eat healthy and I do it all for myself and him but it seems to not ...
A. 23 April 2010: You get him to back off by dumping him. Any guy who threatens to dump you for being overweight is a complete waste of your time. he does not love you, because loving someone is about loving all of them, looks, personality, intelligence, weight the ... (read in full...)
Work colleagues don't care that I'm ill!
Q. I'm probably going to be told to grow up and get over myself but it's made me feel even more down. I've been off work for 4 days with the flu- ok, no big deal, i'll live! But what's upset me us that not 1 of my colleagues has bothered to txt me ...
A. 23 April 2010: To be honest, it isn't unreasonable of them not to contact you. Im presuming you had to call in sick and tell them you had flu, and so they know you're not at deaths door. Also if people are properly ill they don't usually want pestering with phone ... (read in full...)
She says I'm being rude and has given me an ultimatum!
Q. I am having fights with my fiancee almost everyday which she is a woman btw....for instance this morning she takes me to work every morning and drops me off i was tired and didnt want to drive so i asked her the night before if she wouldnt mind ...
A. 22 April 2010: this is such a pointless non argument. for her to be giving you ultimatums over something so petty she is clearly not happy in the relationship and so regardless of what you do she will just give you more and more ultimatums until she gets fed up ... (read in full...)
Is this acceptable behaviour for a man in a relationship?
Q. Please tell me what is acceptable behaviour for a man in a committed relationship. You meet a bunch of drunk girls out, you talk, you have photos taken, you laugh and have a party. A girl is standing with her hand on your leg while she turns ...
A. 22 April 2010: I see you asked this question too:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-know-my-rage-is-out-of-control.html
To be honest it sounds like regardless of whether other people feel his behaviour is objectively acceptable or not, the fact remains that... (read in full...)
He comments on other girls and keeps looking at them!
Q. hi am married for 2 years nw and when i go out with my husband for a movie or to a restaurant and when he finds some good looking girls he tells me look at that girl she is so pretty for example she is so lean or she has beautifull complexion or ...
A. 22 April 2010: this is something you need to be asking your husband. only he can tell you why he does it, and only he can change his behaviour. you need to talk to him and explain that it makes you feel hurt and doubt his fidelity.
if he knows how much it upse... (read in full...)
Do I need the morning after pill? Or am I protected?
Q. Hey all quick question involving my contraceptive pill, im a bit confused with the information given. I take the contraceptive pill yasmin, and i started taking my first pill on saturday after my seven week break. Yesterday i went out on the town ...
A. 22 April 2010: im on yasmin too - if u took the pill correctly every day up until yesterday, and then you took todays pill at half past 10am, and were not sick after, then you will still be protected. Although the pill should be taken at the same time every day, a ... (read in full...)
Pregnant in the Desert?
Q. Dear Cupid, I am a military member currently deployed somewhere in the desert, I am single so I was told before coming out here to be careful because everyone cheats on their spouse out here and that it is just apart of the culture for peop...
A. 22 April 2010: I'm sorry this man has led you on like this. unfortunately as you were warned, it is a hive for people leading double lives.
it is good that you found out sooner rather than later, at least that might have saved you some heartache.
I think th... (read in full...)
Boyfriend angry we broke up and says "Once a whore, always a whore!"
Q. I need your help. I have no one else to turn to about this. I can't talk to my family and I no longer am able to talk to my best friends. This is alittle complicated, my boyfriend and I dated in highschool for 2 years and during that time I did some ...
A. 21 April 2010: Please, please, just re-read your post. how can you even be considering staying with a man like this?
I understand that you love him, but love is a two-way street and he does not love you.
a person who loved you would NEVER do those things t... (read in full...)
Is eight guys too many?
Q. this is kind of stupid to ask but i just want to know people's opinion (go easy please :P) i am 18 and over the last 2 years i have had sex with 8 guys. is that too many? does that make me a slut? only 3 of the guys was i in any sort of relationship ...
A. 21 April 2010: 8 guys is fine, as long as you used protection and were careful it doesnt matter how many guys you sleep with. other people will always judge you, but the only thing that matters is your own self esteem. if you are happy then dont let other people ... (read in full...)
Girlfriend has stopped giving oral...
Q. Hi Ive been with my girlfriend 2 years now, things are good and we are planning to move in together in the next few weeks. In the bedroom though i have a real issue, oral. At the start, she gave oral regularly (2 or 3 times a week) and sa...
A. 21 April 2010: I have to be honest, as a woman I do slightly sympathise with your gf about the sensation of it hitting her mouth, it isn't a nice sensation and if it hits in certain places it can make you gag.
saying that, it is important in a relationship to give... (read in full...)
I'm grieving and lonely, and I don't know what I should tell her about my feelings for her!
Q. Two months ago my mom lost her long battle with cancer. We are from another state on the other side of the country and none of our relatives were able to come to the funeral. I have no brothers or sisters. My dad passed from a heart attack last ...
A. 21 April 2010: Firstly, I am so sorry to hear all the trauma you have been through recently, and i admire your strength. losing family members is so hard, especially when it leaves you feeling isolated.
I am glad you have had someone to support you, and help you ... (read in full...)
How do I deal with her inconsiderate smoking?
Q. Hi everyone. My girlfriend arrived three days ago, and she is irritating the hell out of me. I'm highly allergic to cigarette smoke, and she insists on smoking on my apartment. Everything in here smells like smoke, and I'm now having a hard time ...
A. 21 April 2010: This is a difficult situation, has your girlfriend arrived to visit or to move in with you?
if she is just visiting, then it is easier for you to put your foot down, as it is your home. however if she has moved in it makes it slightly more diff... (read in full...)
I'm in love with my teacher but he shows no interest in me!
Q. hi. please help me i have had hhe same Health and Physical Education teacher for the past 3 years. I am 15 turning 16 at the end of the year. I have completely fallen for him. He is 30 with a wife and two adorable children. I dream about him ...
A. 21 April 2010: for a start, he is twice your age, secondly he is married, thidly he has children.
these feelings may seem very real, but it is perfectly normal to have a crush on teachers, most people do at some point or another. however you need to ignore thes... (read in full...)
Met a nice guy and we hit it off, but I have a few worries...
Q. I was out in town the other night and met this really nice guy in a club. We seemed to get on pretty well and exchanged numbers. Since that night we have been texting neach other everyday and he has asked me to meet up with him when I get back ...
A. 20 April 2010: in answer to your worries
1) 4 years is no big deal at all, my parents have a four year age gap
2) you will never find out if he is genuine unless you give him the chance and 10% of married couples met in a club
3) you cant help where you meet som... (read in full...)
She's trying to sabotage my relationship with my boyfriend! Help!
Q. I think my boyfriends' roommate who is also his best friend is trying to sabotage our relationship. We started dating a few months ago, but I have known him and his roommate for years. His roommate is a girl and we were ok friends before i started ...
A. 20 April 2010: you havent really explained exactly what this girl has done wrong? when she was upset with your brother (her bf) it isnt unreasonable for her to vent her frustrations to your bf (her best friend and roommate). im sure if you were upset with your bf ... (read in full...)
Should I give into my desire to cheat? Or try my best to push it away?
Q. I really need some help. We have been married one year. I love this woman with all my heart. While we were still dating though. My then girlfriend, now wife, took a trip home to visit her family. They live two states away. While she was over the...
A. 20 April 2010: cheating is never acceptable, especially on your pregnant wife?! i think you need to let go of the past, and look at what you have now, a wife who loves you and a new baby on the way. you have no reason to believe and no proof that she has cheated, ... (read in full...)
I feel that in return for having a child, he should get a vasectomy! How can I make him understand?
Q. I am 33 years old, run my own business and have been independent most of my life and need to add that am also financially independant. I am 5'3, I enjoy working out and currently got engaged to my 46 years old boyfriend. I financially take care of 3 ...
A. 20 April 2010: firstly im a little bit shocked by your question. "If my fiance cannot commit to a vasectomy, why should i commit to having a child and have my body go through the ravages of childbirth". The simple answer is that you shouldn't. there is no way a ... (read in full...)
I havent had a period since I have been taking the Mini-Pill, but now I am bleeding! What could this be?
Q. Okay sorry guys I know your not doctors/this is a relationship advice site but I don't know where else to turn...maybe somebody may read this who has been through it. I've been on the mini pill cerazette since September 2009, I havnt had a peri...
A. 20 April 2010: brown usually indicates it is old stale blood which is getting out of your system. cerazette is not like other pills, in that it doesnt regulate your cycle. this means spotting or breakthrough bleeding is unfortunately quite a common but frustrating ... (read in full...)
Who here keeps in contact with their exes and if so why?
Q. Who here keeps in contact with their exes and if so why? I personally don't and neither does my bf, but the situations are different. I simply drifted apart from my ex whilst he makes a point of not contacting her. He threw away al their picture...
A. 20 April 2010: every relationship ends differently, his probably just ended acrimoniously. i keep in touch with some of my exes, but those which ended negatively i tend not to. it also depends on the ex in question. some of my ex's wanted to stay in contact more ... (read in full...)
He delays our marriage and makes me ask Dad to repay his education loans!
Q. i and a person have been in a relationship for 10 years (both emotionally and physically). now i am 29 and he is 30 years old.we were from the same town but studied in different cities till 2007.in 2007 we both were in bangalore till 2009 may.we ...
A. 20 April 2010: you need to get out of this relationship. i cannot stress this enough. this man is no good for you! a man should be begging on his knees to marry you! he shouldnt need promises of money and 10 years time to marry you!
money and benefits should not ... (read in full...)
"Nice to meet you" - long-distance?
Q. If two people meet (alright, juniors in college), but they live far away (we're talking around 5-6 hours), and they hang out, hook up, go back home, and start talking a lot, everyday, and it's already been over a month, and they're making multiple...
A. 20 April 2010: every relationship is different, but there is no reason why this automatically wont work out. long distance relationships are hard, but not impossible. it just depends how much you both want it. my advice is just to let it runs its course for a ... (read in full...)
I am still unsure about getting physical with him!
Q. I have been together with my boyfriend for 2months plus and things are getting a little physical now... I began to doubt whether is he really in love with me or is he only interested with my body... with the amount of sexual needs I can provide him ...
A. 20 April 2010: if this guy really cares about you he will wait until you are ready to do anything physical. not being physical with someone is not restricting your love at all. love comes from trust and friendship and affection. i have many friends who got married ... (read in full...)
I'm afraid to leave her because I'm her entire world. I don't want to be stuck like this either.
Q. Well, I am in a rut, and so I decided to post a question out here after reading around and seeing some very helpful answers. However, I've yet to see a case much like my own. I've been with my girlfriend for nearly five years now, and knew her for...
A. 20 April 2010: Feeling sorry for someone or worrying how they will cope without you is no reason to stay with them. you are clearly not happy anymore, and she cant be happy either or she wouldnt feel the need to be so clingy and possessive. the reaction to you ... (read in full...)
Am I his back up plan, his encouragement, or does he see me as a friend?
Q. Hi guys !! I was talking to a guy like beginning of last march for 2 wks and the coolest two wks we had the most common things ever..but somethings about like he had some pic of his ex's up on his page and in the beginning of that month asked him ...
A. 20 April 2010: im sorry it didnt work out with this guy, but i think you should just look at it as a fun couple of weeks, and not get too bothered by it.
2 weeks is not long enough for him to owe you anything or have any obligation to tell you about his rela... (read in full...)
Commitment phobe or moving too fast?
Q. My gf was initially driven by lust by mentioned that she wanted to settle down with me for certain in the early stages of the relationship. I was glad that she was so 'in love' but a few months later (and a lot more water under the bridge) and ...
A. 20 April 2010: she is playing games with you, not very nice games either. to be honest, any girl who gets a kick out of playing silly mind games like this is not a long term prospect. you say you try to act secure, but it is bound to eat away at you, and ... (read in full...)
Caught in the Middle
Q. I have been friends with this guy for over ten years u can say in a way we are each others comfort zone. When either one of us a problems with in a relationship we call on one another r if we are not in a relationship we can release stress with ...
A. 20 April 2010: firstly, and most importantly, do not keep them both and see where it goes, because if you dont choose then you will lose them both.
if you went to where the guy works, and he ignored you and you spent the night with your friend, it sounds like you ... (read in full...)
Help!! I'm physically, spiritually, and emotionally drained from my lazy husband.
Q. My husband and I have been married for nine years and we have three wonderful kids. He works at the local sherrif's department and I work at a local lawyer's office. I work from 8:00a.m.-5:00p.m. and he works from 4:00p.m.-midnight. During the ...
A. 20 April 2010: i dont think its reasonable to leave purely based on lack of chores if he is nice in other respects as you could just employ a cleaner. also, i think you need to bear in mind that if he is working an eight hour shift until midnight, he is unlikely... (read in full...)
I don't want to just be my ex's "comfort zone"
Q. My ex has been contacting me, telling me she's been missing me and thinking of me all day. In one of her recent emails she told me that she misses me incredibly but doesn't know whether talking to me again will make things more or less painful but ...
A. 20 April 2010: you are perfectly entitled to take as much time as you need. she dumped you remember, so the ball is in your court. if you dont want to talk to her, dont. if she gets annoyed, tough. she is playing control games with you, she is annoyed that wheras ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend found out that I love my best friend!
Q. ok...well....i love my best friend....and i have a boyfriend now that i love...and they both really like me...and my best frind lives an hour and a hlf away and my current bf lives with me (long story)...... but... and my bestfriend says that he ...
A. 20 April 2010: if you won't cut your best friend out, then you have already made the choice. you cannot seriously expect your boyfriend to stick around knowing he is second choice?
you are being very unfair on him, and he deserves someone who will put him firs... (read in full...)
Men don't really accept me for who I am!
Q. I have noticed a pattern in my relationships---the men don't seem to really accept me for who I am. I have a recent ex who did accept me, and does care for me, but due to our differences, decided that it would be best that we remain friends. ...
A. 20 April 2010: my mum taught me a very good saying when i was little "if you don't love yourself how can you expect anyone else to love you". it is very true, you have low self esteem and dont value yourself, and so men are not going to either. if you have low ... (read in full...)
My flat mates wont clean, ...the filth is affecting my health, ... is there a way I can get out of the lease?
Q. Ok, so this isn't a relationship question but I don't know where else to go to for advice. Any help greatly appreciated. I am currently a student living in the UK and share a house with 4 other students. At first things were good and we woul...
A. 20 April 2010: i hate to say it, but i think your stuck there til september unless you are willing to move out but continue paying rent. the nature of a tenancy means you are all jointly and severely liable for the house, which includes the condition it is kept ... (read in full...)
Unprotected sex for last 3 weeks..am I pregnant?
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been having intercourse without proctection for the last 20days last week i started feeling sick randomly and everytime i get up i feel extremly dizzy makes me feel more sick and have a headache also i started smelling...
A. 20 April 2010: asking "could i be pregnant" is a bit redundant. you must know that if you have been having unprotected sex then of course there is a possibility you are pregnant.
having unprotected sex is dangerous, not only could you be pregnant, you could also... (read in full...)
Snooping in fiancee's facebook account made me discover he cheated!
Q. I recently did a bad thing and snooped in my fiance's facebook account. I read a message in there that said that he had sex with a girl whilst on a boys weekend away. This happened a week after we met (we'd only been on one date) and we weren't ...
A. 19 April 2010: I can understand why you are feeling hurt/betrayed, however it wasnt technically cheating as you two weren't exclusive and he didnt even know you very well. for him to have kept it on his facebook for this long he obviously doesnt see it as a big ... (read in full...)
I'm not completely satisfied with my girlfriend, need advice.
Q. I'm confused about what to do with my girlfriend. We have been together for approximately 4 months. It has been a wonderful experience, but in so many ways I'm not sure if I'm content. Many would consider her very attractive but certain f...
A. 18 April 2010: split up with her, a person is not a series of traits, they are a whole package of traits, and if you aren't attracted to all of them then you cant cherry pick the ones you like. for whatever reason there is obviously no chemistry in this ... (read in full...)
Afraid to be pregnant
Q. Hello to everyone! I am writing here because I wanted to hear your thoughts on this personal issue. I am a person who loves and adores kids. I always wanted to have children - to be a mom. I couldn't wait till I would be a mother to my children a...
A. 18 April 2010: your fears are definately irrational, but im sure they are very real to you. if every woman worried like that, the human race would die out!
without ever feeling sadness or pain, we would never know what happiness and joy were?
life is a series o... (read in full...)
Is my weight getting in the way of his pleasure?
Q. This might be a long story... Well my boyfriend and i have been going out for almost 3 years and everything has gone great, theres only one problem... he works out all the time and is super skinny while i'm overweight... our sex life is always s...
A. 18 April 2010: being overweight is never a good thing, and whether its the actual weight or just your insecurities, something is getting in the way. you should lose the weight for your own self esteem, for your health and having a better sex life will be an added ... (read in full...)
Could I have made her pregnant?
Q. Help! I'm really scared right now. My girlfriend and I have never had sex, but I went over to her house and she gave me a handjob and a blowjob. I came in her mouth, then we went to wash our hands just in case. I fingered her shortly after. She has ...
A. 18 April 2010: 1) if you both washed your hands there would be no sperm to transfer
2) sperm can only live in the air for around 7 seconds anyway, and im assuming "shortly after" was probably more than that
3) if she has missed her period for a while, why has ... (read in full...)
I feel sick that she might be cheating on me.
Q. Well this is what I got. My girlfriend and me are getting married next year hopefully. She will every once in a while go out with a girl friend and go to parties and what not. I know she loves sex this trust me i know, we both do we are very healthy ...
A. 17 April 2010: i think you either need to accept that these feelings are your problem not hers, and ignore them, or you need to leave her. trust is PARAMOUNT in a relationship, and if you cannot trust her you should not be with her. she has given you absolutely no ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend told me he'd leave if I got pregnant, and I tested positive.
Q. I am 15 and i done a pregnancy test this morning it was positive.My boyfriend said he would leave me if i ever was what should i do?...
A. 17 April 2010: tell your parents, go to the doctor, ditch the guy, decide what your going to do, and in future USE PROTECTION!!... (read in full...)
My fantasies, wont somebody support it?
Q. I have lot of fantasies, many wild fantasies, but I enjoy it. I tell this to my wife too and she does not complain. Some of my fantasies involve me with some of my close female relatives. Having a threesome or foursome including me and my wife wit...
A. 17 April 2010: would your wife tell you if she didnt like them? i would hate it personally, fantasies about relatives is disgusting, and fantasies about other women would just make me feel i wasnt good enough. so in conclusion, i wouldnt really think of a guy like ... (read in full...)
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