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... Send *ambini a private message | | | *ambini's profile:For good or for bad, I've had a lot of life experience in a relatively short period of time. For a long time I found it hard to cope with the anger and bitterness, but as I got older I learnt to channel that and I hope to use my experiences to help other people. When i reached out for help I was pushed back and ignored, I want to help ensure that doesn't happen to other people.
My mum taught me some valuable life lessons which I will share with you now:
"If you don't love yourself, how can you expect others to love you?"
"The only man worth crying over is the one who would never make you cry"
"when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel."
"our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we alone are responsible for who we become."
She is a wise woman my mum, so to all of you seeking help, often the answers you seek are already within you, we just help you to realise that. No-one can wave a magic wand, you need to find the strength and courage within yourself in order to change a situation.
Some final words of wisdom for you to bear in mind:
"Lord grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference." |
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Should I end the relationship with a married woman for someone else?
Q. I am in a turmoil mentally. I have been seeing a married woman for just over 2 years now. She still lives with her 9 yr old boy and husband (who does obviously not know about us) but their marriage is now one of convenience after 16 years. She ...
A. 13 April 2010: seriously, i dont mean to be offensive but you need to wake up and see sense. "She says she will leave him but needs to feel strong enough in order to do it". this is the oldest line in the book. if she was going to do it she would have done it by ... (read in full...)
I know he can be a player but why is he doing this to me?
Q. He is very cute, this older girls than him are "very" friendly around him, he is funny, a grade ahead of me, has kissed me three times just never asked me out so I told him I thought it was wrong and basically pushed him away, after that he told me ...
A. 13 April 2010: you said it yourself, he is a player. he is an immature and arrogant player who doesnt give a monkeys about anyone elses feelings. keep your distance.... (read in full...)
Cheated on my bf with his brother! What should I do?
Q. Recently I cheated on my boyfriend. I gave his brother a blow job and have had sex with his brother at least 10 times since. I feel really bad because I like both of them but I don't want to tell my boyfriend what should I do....
A. 13 April 2010: you should end it with your bf and his brother and move on from them both. you cannot love your bf or you would see how abhorrent it is to even consider sleeping with his brother. You cannot love the brother as if you did you would already have ... (read in full...)
My dad doesn't approve ..
Q. i'm 19 years old and so is my boyfriend, we've been together for 2 years and we're very happy. the thing is, that when i'm at university i always go to stay at my boyfriends and he always comes to stay with me (because i live far away)he...
A. 13 April 2010: when at your house you have to respect and live by your fathers rules, however you are an adult and so what you do outside of his house is up to you. obviously you should avoid hurting him as far as possible, but equally you need to take ... (read in full...)
Did my past infidelities cause my wife's cervical cancer. This guilt is eating me alive! Help!
Q. I am married and have been unfaithful to my wife through out our whole marriage, and not with the same girl. I always used protection because I did not want to be responsible for an STD. I have changed and now I am a new man thanks to my religion I ...
A. 13 April 2010: you could have done yes, as the others have already said. cheating is never acceptable regardless of how careful you are, we are all hoping and praying for your wifes full recovery, and you need to support her too. hopefully you actually have learnt ... (read in full...)
Torn between two of my friends.
Q. I need advice. Two of my best friends havn't spoken to each other since early january. I have been trying to hang out with both of them. well kat (not real name) decided that i had to choose who i was going to stay friends with. and i told her that ...
A. 13 April 2010: you should be grateful that you got rid of her sooner rather than later, she is not a real friend to you at all, so her statement is as true for you as it is for her. friends should support you and make you feel good about yourself, not make you ... (read in full...)
He seemed happy to be done with the relationship
Q. i broke up with my boyfriend today he was not paying that much attention to the relationship and me, he just came home slept, ate and then went to his friends house to play video games and then went to work, i just felt used, i just could not take ...
A. 13 April 2010: he clearly wasnt right for you and wasnt ready to be in a committed relationship and was too much of a coward to end it himself, count yourself lucky, now you can find a guy who loves you and treats you right good luck :) x... (read in full...)
About to get married, but now there's a pregnant girl in the midst
Q. I met my Fiance when i was 13 yrs old and we dated on and off for 7 to 8 yrs but were getting married next july....i looked on his facebook just to tell him i miss him because i live 20 exits away from him. And i see girls asking him how's his new ...
A. 13 April 2010: he has cheated and got the other girl pregnant, what other information can you possibly need? of course you should end it, i dont see any other options, he has lied, cheated and os fathering someone elses child???... (read in full...)
My friend's family won't let her grow up!
Q. Hello everyone, any advice to this problem would be much apreciated. I have a friend who is 14 like me and there is only me and her in our year who like the music we like, I asked her if she wanted to go to the sugarmill with me to see an Indie ban...
A. 12 April 2010: 14 is still very young, and it is perfectly reasonable that they only want her shopping in her hometown. parents make the rules and those rules need to be respected. the more she respects their rules the more likely she is to earn their trust which ... (read in full...)
Am I overreacting? Or is my boyfriend a liar?
Q. I need an unbiased opinion on if I am over reacting or if my boyfriend is a liar. We have been together almost 2 years, he treats me very well, he is 37 and I live with him, he's had many girlfriends but never been married and never lived with ...
A. 12 April 2010: where you seek you will always find, basically you are looking for reasons not to trust him and reasons to get mad at him, that must feel awful to him as he must sense that you dont fully trust him and a relationship is weak without trust. i think ... (read in full...)
We're seeing one another but he tells everyone we're "just friends"!!!
Q. I've known my guy for over a year, we get on real well, do all the "couple things", he has been living with me for the past 4 months, sometimes he introduces me as a friend, other times he introduces me as the girlfriend, if any body asks him to ...
A. 12 April 2010: i think you need to ask him straight whether you are friends or a couple, if he still says friends then maybe you should go out and meet other guys, who knows u may fall for one of them, or it may make your friend realise what he is risking ... (read in full...)
My husband stopped wearing his wedding ring after 10 years, should I worry?
Q. My husband always wore his wedding ring for 10+ years. about a month ago he stopped wearing it for a week when i first noticed and looked at his finder he put his hand in his pocket..when I asked about it he said "it bothered his finger" he would...
A. 12 April 2010: there is definately something not right here, if it was going to "bother his finger" it would have done so in the last 10 years he has been wearing it happily. try suggesting getting it altered if it isnt comfortable, see what he says. but i would ... (read in full...)
Son bringing home leggy pretty girls and I'm stuck with my lumpy wife!
Q. My son has recently started bringing girlfriends home: they're leggy, pretty, polite, pleasant girls. Then I think of my wife - I've got a lumpy, angry, middle-aged wife whose libido went AWOL 15 years ago, who gets out of bed at noon, spends 12 ...
A. 4 April 2010: dont cheat! thats ridiculous advice. when you marry you marry for life, in sickness and in health, for better or for worse. your wife is clearly sick and in need of help so rather than being so resentful and critical why dont you try helping her. ... (read in full...)
Can I use water to flush myself out after having unprotected sex?
Q. can i use water to flush myself out after having unprotected sex?...
A. 4 April 2010: if you actually thought this would work as a way of protecting yourself against pregnancy or diseases then you are far too uninformed and inexperienced to be having sex at all. some STI's cannot be cured, and bringing another life onto this planet ... (read in full...)
Is he gay/bi curious or straight? It's really confusing me
Q. Hi I'm 16 and I'm really confused atm. I'm male and bisexual and I have a really good male friend the same age as me and I don't know if he's gay/bi or not. The thing is, the first time we really became best friends was when we went camping with a ...
A. 4 April 2010: by the sounds of it he is at least bi-curious but it can be very hard to admit these feelings, even to yourself. it must be very frustrating for you, but if you could try to be supportive of him as a friend, and encourage him to be open with you ... (read in full...)
What can I do to stop everyone being hurt in this situation?
Q. I really need advices for my current situation. I am 28 this year. I have been with my hursband(P)for 6 years and married for 2(excluded). He was my first bf. we are chinese and went to Australia study together. 6 months after got married, I had...
A. 4 April 2010: To be honest, after the way you have behaved you don't deserve either of these men. They have both loved you and trusted you and offered you their home, and you have just used both of them, flitting between one and the other as and when it suits ... (read in full...)
Lost, don't know what to do?
Q. Hi, I've been married for 17 years. There is a 12 year age gap between me and my husband. At first it did not seem to matter, but now he has turned 50 and has no teeth, i'm struggling. I have had 2 one night stands in the past and felt very g...
A. 3 April 2010: when you marry someone you make a commitment to love them for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, and that includes getting older. you knew he was older than you when you married, and to be honest with you, sayng he makes no effort and ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend won't give me the same chance she gave her past boyfriends.
Q. So I've been with my girlfriend for a while now. I truly am in love with her and she says she's in love with me. Not too long ago, she told me that she had anal sex with two other guys. she only tried it though, she didn't do it over and over. this ...
A. 1 April 2010: "the chance you deserve" - no-one deserves any sort of sexual gratification, the fact that someone trusts you and loves you enough to be intimate with you is a privilage not a right!! She doesn't enjoy it, she has tried before and didn't like it, so ... (read in full...)
Stupid drunken one night stand decisions!
Q. Okay i had a one night stand last night with this guy i met in a bar. I was really drunk, he was really sweet and we made out for a while before heading back to my place. We had sex, twice, both times without a condom and before he pulled out ea...
A. 18 March 2010: Hi there,
to be honest there is not much advice anyone can give you. Hopefully you have learnt from this experience and will be more careful in future. However you are doing the right thing by getting a health check done to make sure you have... (read in full...)
How do I tell my ex about my new boyfriend without hurting his feelings?
Q. I've got a great boyfriend thats there for me all the time and i can talk to him about any thing. I've even told him that i still stay in contact with my ex what he's fine with that as he knows nothing will happen. My ex on the other hand dont know ...
A. 18 March 2010: In my opinion, the best thing to do is to be honest. Since you and your ex are no longer together you are entitled to go out with anyone you choose. If he finds that hard to accept and doesnt want to talk to you over it thats his problem, he cant ... (read in full...)
Does depression cause a man to fall vulnerable to having an affair?
Q. Hey all, I've recently broken up with my boyfriend after many years together. We had this amazing connection. He was my best friend in the world and I, his. We were kindred spirits, soulmates.. whatever you want to call it. The intimacy betw...
A. 14 March 2010: hi there, firstly im sorry to hear of everything uv been through, it must have been awful.
Im not always a great believer in giving people 2nd chances after an affair, though I admire people who can. however, that is not always the case. It does... (read in full...)
How do I let her go without hurting her?
Q. I got a problem. funny redundant statement to start it off. im in love with a co-worker. problem is she has a boyfriend. she loves him. yet she tells me she loves being around me and it sucks too work when im not there. she leaves me notes in my ...
A. 14 March 2010: This sounds very unhealthy for you both. She definately sounds like she is trying to have the best of both worlds, she wants the stability and familiarity of whatever she has at home, and she wants the flirtatious, fun and exitement that you offer ... (read in full...)
What's wrong with wanting to marry a woman others might call a slut?
Q. I am an older gentleman. Raised in a religious family but never made the connection. Over the years, I have known people from all walks of life, but, other things being equal, have felt most comfortable with people who are open-minded about sex. ...
A. 14 March 2010: hi there, i admire your openess and honesty. you have an open minded approach to life, which has no doubt come about partly through life experience. life is to short to conform to other peoples accepted norms, and it sounds like you've already done ... (read in full...)
How many times a day should a boyfriend call?
Q. my boyfriend that lives with me used to call me on his lunch break and when he got off from work (after work he goes to his friends house to chill) but now he does not i ask him why he says that he knows thathe will be seeing me when he gets home! ...
A. 14 March 2010: guys are very different to girls, they don't need to be in touch with ppl/friends 2 hours a day, they don't need to gossip or chat, therefore it is a lot to expect him to ring and text every day, when he lives with you?? you should be pleased that ... (read in full...)
His comment to the porn and DVDs I found: "My private life is my private life". Is there hope in this marriage?
Q. I'm 33, and my husband's 35. I was off work yesterday and cleaning the house to make it look nice, since we have guests coming over at the weekend. Our house looked sparkling, and still does now. I was shocked however to discover DVDs hidden ...
A. 17 April 2009: I think it is made slightly more concerning by the fact that these are gay porn? that to me would worry me more than finding hetero porn. It puts you in a difficult position if he wont talk about it, as ultimately you can't force him to. maybe you ... (read in full...)
Could I wind up messing up a wonderful thing because of my doubts?
Q. Hello. I'm new to this kind of thing, but in reading over some of the other submissions, I suppose the way is to simply spill it. I'm a three-year divorcee from a marriage that I put my all into, and was met with a faithless, and ultimately decid...
A. 5 March 2009: a few months is not very long to have known someone in the greater scheme of things, so i think you are being sensible to be cautious before handing over money. i think helping with the cost of a divorce and taking on the cost of the whole divorce ... (read in full...)
Is it possible for a guy to be that good in bed yet have no prior experience??
Q. OK, this is my second question on here and and I just want to say thank you to everyone who responded to my last one, you were all very helpful. Anyways, I'm in an amazing long term relationship with my boyfriend. We are very much in love an...
A. 5 March 2009: who cares whether its true or not??? to be honest, it isnt like you havent had plenty of others before him, so even if he has it wouldnt be fair to judge. if what he is doing is so good, and the relationship is so perfect then stop trying to pull it ... (read in full...)
Is there a rule of thumb as to the number of dates you need to go on before having sex?
Q. I have a friend who we started dating. We just had our first date it was fun. We were friends for a while before dating. I think she is cute and would like sex with her. Typically is there a number of dates to go on before talking, thinking about, ...
A. 5 March 2009: as has been said by others, there is no set rule. it is about what feels right between the two of you. you shouldn't plan it, when it feels right for both of you it will happen. communication is important in nay relationship, the fact you guys have ... (read in full...)
I need to get over him but something keeps pulling me back
Q. okay this is kinda long but I'm just desperate for answers. okay there's this guy that I liked since last May and before I started liking him, he would always stare at me, whenever I would pass by him, he wouldn't look at me until I turn around to ...
A. 28 February 2009: This guy has had plenty of opportunity to get with you if he wanted to. you were honest and told him you liked him, so it isnt like he is in the dark. He has also had 10months to rerciprocate that liking, or get to know you better and he hasnt done ... (read in full...)
Am I just a rebound for when his relationships end?
Q. ive been friends with a guy for 8 years now. we've always got along well and flirted a little. when his 1st relationship ended 5 years ago we slept together but it went no further. then we had a couple of dates 2 years back but things got confusing. ...
A. 28 February 2009: This does sound like he turns to you when he is down and his ego is hurt. that doesn't mean however that he definately is using you. since you have been friends so long it would seem a shame to throw away a whole friendship. I think you should be ... (read in full...)
I fight alot with my b/f and now I've been out with another guy
Q. okay so,im 16,my boyfriend is 18 we have been together for almost a year now. he broke up with me after a month of beging together,and we got back together a week after. a few months after that, i broke up with him for another guy..(huge mistake!) ...
A. 28 February 2009: it sounds like although you may love your boyfriend, you are not good for each other. A relationship should not be constant fighting, you should make each other happy. since you have tried splitting up and this didn't improve matters, i think maybe ... (read in full...)
Is he abusive or just throwing a tantrum?
Q. My boyfriend has shoved me, pulled my hair, held his hand over my mouth, and now he has choked me. I don't really think he was choking me with the intent on killing me, but more to scare me. He keeps telling me that I just need to know when to ...
A. 5 November 2008: his behaviour is totally unacceptable and it has to stop. he has no right to do those things or to tell u to shut ur mouth. he is abusive, disrespectful and a bully. situations like these always escalate and it will only get worse. u could try ... (read in full...)
I'm soo stressed here ...am I pregnant!!?
Q. Hi , my name is Mara. I Had sex... well it wasnt sex, he just pushed 3 times, he didnt cum, then we stopped, after that i was very stressed about being preagnant, i know its silly but when my period was supposed to start, it didnt, i have cramps ...
A. 5 November 2008: if u took two tests and both were negative then u most likely arnt pregnant it would be so unlikely. but to be this unsure and "freaked" implies maybe u shud wait to have sex for a while yet, and u shud definately use contraception. it isnt worth ... (read in full...)
She wants us to have a baby and settle down but I'm not sure-help!
Q. i dont know what to do with my girlfriend, i do love her, but i enjoy spending time alone, i do have attractions for other woman, but i dont go looking for them. my girlfriend wants to have a family with me, but i dont want to, she knows i d...
A. 15 August 2008: You have to be honest with her. Tell her that you do love her but are not ready to commit or have children, and that you don't know if you ever will be. The fact you see things diferently isnt really such an issue, hvin some differences can actually ... (read in full...)
Please help, I have a pimple the size of Texas!!
Q. Dear cupid, I have a pimple the size of texas, and the boy i like keeps telling me to buy pro active. It's really embarrasing and i dont have the money to afford pro active and to be honest i dont mind having a lot of pimples because that makes m...
A. 18 June 2008: hey sweety, firstly I say congratulations to you, you should be so proud to be happy with who you are! You are special and unique and this guy just wants to mould you into someone who looks the same as evry1 else covered in make up. Pimples are an ... (read in full...)
Should I distance myself from my friend who has cancer? I don't think I can handle this...
Q. okay so i have this friend who has cancer, and i love her deeply. i tlaked about this with my mother and i know that she only has about 1 year to live. now my grandma died about 3 years ago and i wasnt very close to her, but i got really depr...
A. 18 June 2008: Your attitude is very selfish, your friend is having an awful time and needs all the support she can get right now. from what you say on your post you obviously havent even researched your friends condition as no cancer is not contagious. It strikes ... (read in full...)
He makes me feel unwanted and ugly and I am starting to feel like cheating is the only way.
Q. I've been in a relationship for 8 years now.Of course my significant other watches porn and at first I had no problem with it but now it seems to be a huge problem for me. We went to having sex all the time to where he couldn't keep his hands of...
A. 2 February 2008: I don't think cheating is the correct answer, as that is him and his attitude debasing you to his level. I think you should pluck up the courage and leave this guy. walk out with your head held high and take back your self respect. he has taken so ... (read in full...)
Everywhere we go there are girls who instantly like him and try to flirt with him even though I'm there, this upsets me. What do I do?
Q. Dear Cupid, I've been having a relationship for two years, and I find myself in a very difficult position. My boyfriend, who is not only good looking but smart and charismatic is being stalked by all these ex-girlfriends, who leave him flowers ...
A. 28 October 2007: i can see why this would bother you, but as said by sadiebea, perhaps he does need to just reflect on his behaviour, alternatively, you could just take this as a huge compliment, because like you said, it is YOU who he loves and you who he goes home ... (read in full...)
36, still a virgin and have no desire for sex! Am I strange?
Q. I am 36 years old and still a virgin! I have never had any desire to have sex with anybody! I have never seen a real life woman naked (and have no desire to do so, and I am definitely not Gay!!!) Please can you tell me why people have a deisre for ...
A. 2 August 2007: yes as said previously, i also find your attitude strange. sex does cause problems, but it is also very special and intimate. conceiving a child is the most natural and miraculous act of all. ... (read in full...)
'I think my son is too young for engagement'.
Q. My 17-year-old son has told me he got engaged to his girlfriend, who's also 17. He said she proposed to him, and he accepted. I'm worried about this. I feel he's too young to do this but he really wants to do it. He said after he leaves college,...
A. 22 July 2007: this is a difficult one, but as was mentioned before, the more u try to go against his decision the more he will stand his ground. perhaps you could talk to him and say that u will support him if he is sure, but how about waiting a year before they ... (read in full...)
Please take the time to read this, I know it is long but it's important to my relationship.
Q. Please take the time to read this, I know it is long but it's important to my relationship Ok well where do I start... I'm sorry if bits and pieces of this don't make sense, but bear with me, I am writing this as she is leaving the house becaus...
A. 9 July 2007: no one who loved u enuf to marry u wud play stupid mind games like this. i am convinced that if u had suggestive txts or pics on net 4 all 2 c she wud have words 2 say! the fact that it bothers u shows u care, and b4 marriage it is natural to want ... (read in full...)
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