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anonymous
writes: I need to know if it is normal for me to have sexual fantasies about men other than my fiance. When I am alone, and *ahem* pleasing myself, I sometimes think of someone other than my fiance. It's not someone I know well or see all the time. I don't think about acting out the fantasies, and I don't want to cheat on my man. But does having these thoughts make me somehow unfaithful? Is this a normal thing that most people do, having these kinds of thoughts? Is there a difference between fantasizing about people you know as opposed to maybe people on TV or in a magazine?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2008): Yep, very normal. I disagree with the advice about not sharing this. If you don't care if your bf ever really knows you then don't tell him. If you really want him to know you and you know him, you should both be sharing this kind of information. You both will be a bit hurt but in the long run this is how trust and understanding are built. Go slowly as this is a tough process.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2008): no way
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2007): Hey I totally understand where you are coming from.im sure the majority of people do this.But if I new my boyfriend was doing this(which i obv dont!)I wouldn't like it....it would be putting thoughts through my head that he wanted to be with someone else.But if your just keeping this to yourself, just do it.It doesn't exactly mean you fancy the person your fantisizing over.Hope this Helps...:D
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2007): oh, dear!!!!! You are NORMAL! I believe everyone does that... And your faince too! (truth hurts).... I am fantasizing Johnny Depp these days... He's far better than my bf...
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2007): i dont think anything is wrong with that but some guys do just dont let him no...
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2006): no
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2005): If you are thinking of someone in particular, someone you see often or spend a lot of time with, you may have a small problem.
I have had this very problem. One of my good guy friends is really attractive and we get along really well. He is married and I live with my bf of three years. I dreamt about him (the friend) for the first time last night, and I am thinking distance is required. I would recommend not letting thoughts turn into actual desires that you may want to make real. Otherwise, have fun dreaming and fantasizing.
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female
reader, boken_butterfly +, writes (7 October 2005):
sure go right for it many people think about someone else besides there partner when they are allone... men aren't the only ones who do it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2005): Nope, there's nothing wrong with you fantasizing about another man while self-pleasuring. While many will vehemently deny this, virtually everyone at some point, will fantasize about other people other than their partner during masterbation, no matter whether they are male or female, young or older, married or single, sexually frustrated or sexually happy. But the content and nature of sexual fantasies vary tremendously. Some may fantasize about sex with a "generic" sex partner-faceless and anonymous. Just as likely, the object of your fantasies could be someone real, an attractive stranger glimpsed on the street, a friend or acquaintance, a celebrity; a former lover-even your own partner. Don't feel guilt..It's your private moment and no one need know about it..keep it private and enjoy.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (4 October 2005):
 I thik if you can't get off fantasizing about your fiance and NEED to think about other men then that's a red flag signaling future problems. You should not marry him unless he is everything to you and the two of you are one. You need some more thought on the whole marriage scene.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2005): Hello-question asker here: I just wanted to say that I normally DO think about my fiance, but sometimes this other person will creep into my thoughts.
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reader, wwww.datinghaven.com +, writes (4 October 2005):
idc what anyone says, whether a male or female does it, it is unfaithful, however, it isnt cheating and it is perfectly natural and almost everyone does it.
Opening your mouth about it WILL cause problems and can dent TRUST.
If my gf said that to me i would be mad thinking that she is thinking about cheating, OK, if it was anyone else its perfectly OK and understandable, BUT its completely different when its your bf/gf simply because it is your bf/gf and for no other reason.
It messes up trust, keep it to yourself and dont even tell any of your friends as if it gets back to him, it seems like you are cheating and would be worse then you telling him yourself.
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reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (4 October 2005):
 I find this type of question hard to answer as I would tend to lean towards I Don't Lie's point of view. Lots of people do it and they aren't unfaithful to their partners as a result but ideally, it would be better to be fantasising about your boyfriend and what you would like to do together rather than another man. However, you can't help your thoughts!
Does it mean there is something lacking for you to dream of someone else? I'm not sure but one way to look at it is to imagine your boyfriend masturbating and thinking of another woman and not you and ask yourself if that would make you feel uncomfortable. Possibly would?
Sorry, but someone had to say it!
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reader, I Dont Lie +, writes (4 October 2005):
 Right, this is coming from a guys point of view. Now I agree that theres nuthin wrong with it. However, having said that, try not to let your guy know about the people you fantasize about. Most men tend to get overly jealous about situations like these and its not difficult to see why. Most likely than not, they'll tend to feel like they're not good enough for you that you had to fantasize about other guys while pleasuring yourself. Well im not saying this is true for all men, but believe you me, its the majority of us! So just be careful what you blurt out. Hope this helps.
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (4 October 2005):
 Nope, no difference, and I think that an enormous majority (scientifically guesstimated at 99.999%) of the population do this exact thing.
Short and sweet: you're perfectly normal.
Enjoy yourself!
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male
reader, harshbutfair  +, writes (3 October 2005):
 Nothing wrong. Next question
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male
reader, Dolomite +, writes (3 October 2005):
You answered your own question - you are fantasizing; There is no harm in thinking of someone other than your partner (real or imagined), it is healthy, and may help you understand better what you enjoy. Maybe you fantazise about someone a little rougher than your fiance, or someone who takes more time, whatever turns you on is a good thing! I have two pieces of advice. 1) Enjoy it! - your purpose is to please yourself, so do so!. 2) If you see yourself repeating a particular fantasy, examine it and see if you can figure out what about it turns you on - it may be something you and your partner can explore together!
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