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... Send *eenthere a private message | | | *eenthere's profile:Hi. I am 25. I am mum to 2 boys. I've been through a lot of things someone my age shouldn't have been through and certainly not as often. I use the name "beenthere" because, when answering relationship q's, I usually have been there or somewhere similar!
I am currently a full time mum to my boys and my 30 year old fiance!:)
The url there is the link to my poetry blog. Appreciate comments from anyone interested! |
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Why does his body language say "yes", when his words say "no"?
Q. Can anyone tell me if this guy at work is interested from what I describe of his body language. I know he thinks he is bad looking because he has told me so but I find he has so many other qualities. I feel so at ease and comfortable near him. W...
A. 8 November 2005: he could be trying to cover up feelings. if you have both recently come out of other relationships, he may not be ready for a new one. he took comfort from you. he could be biding his time or he may just not feel comfortable with the thought of a ... (read in full...)
He asked me to move in and I thought things were serious...
Q. I have been dating a guy for 4 months. It seemed very serious, he asked me to move in. He says he loves me then the very next day he says he doesn't want a serious relationship, etc...but wants to see me in a couple of weeks as friends, no sex. ...
A. 8 November 2005: ask him why he has done this. it may be that he asked you to move in then realised he wasn't ready for that kind of commitment. meet him on your terms. no sex. he may just feel he wants to know what else there is to your relationship, especially if ... (read in full...)
What would YOU do in my situation?
Q. What would you do? I am shocked that I am struggling in this area but I really am having a problem. I know it's not right so I am not wanting to know if it's right or wrong. I am just curious to know what others would do in this situatio...
A. 8 November 2005: it's true that you can't help the way you feel. a lot of people feel attracted to superiors. this is just like having a school crush on a teacher. you want someone and no you can't have them. that tends to make people more appealing. but, as a ... (read in full...)
Oral sex seems really unappealing...
Q. Am the only girl anymore who doesn't like to go down on a guy? I find it highly undesireable and very embarassing. My boyfriend of 6 months says it okay for him that I don't go down on him, but I know he would really like it if I did. How can I go ...
A. 8 November 2005: don't do it if you don't feel comfortable with it. he's fine that you don't want to so i don't see a problem. if you would really like to do it for him, try it. if you don't enjoy it, tell him. he'll appreciate that you gave it a go and you want to ... (read in full...)
The woman I want is with someone. What can I do?
Q. For the past eight months, I've been gradually and hopelessly falling for someone whom was in love with someone. Now I'm afraid I've finally fallen in love with her despite the fate she's with someone else. my question is do I let go and fade away ...
A. 8 November 2005: if she is with someone, it will be a really bad move to try and get her for yourself. move on. even if she splits with this other guy, another relationship straight away will be a rebound which is very unlikely to work out and could end up hurting ... (read in full...)
I was shocked to find out my boyfriend has been having an online relationship while with me!
Q. I found out that my boyfriend of almost a year, has had an on-line affair with a woman from another country. He's even asked her to marry him. He has no intention of doing so. I was devastated...betrayed...this was the first man I had dated in ...
A. 8 November 2005: don't think about his feelings. he may not think he's done anything wrong and it's just a bit of harmless fun. some men do tend to think that as long as you don't actually have sex with someone else then you are not doing anything wrong. however, he ... (read in full...)
He says he loves his fiancee, but now I'm pregnant with his baby!
Q. I had a sexual affair with a guy who was engaged, but not happy. We saw each other for about 3 months and then his girlfriend found out. We continued for a few weeks and I found out I was pregnant. We stopped seeing each other and I moved cities. ...
A. 8 November 2005: if he really isn't happy with this girl, why is he still with her? he needs to tell her about your affair as he has an obligation to support his child. if he breaks up with her, he will need to earn your trust again if he wants a relationship with ... (read in full...)
He cheated with someone else's partner. Will he cheat on me?
Q. I just found out that before we met, my boyfriend was having a sexual relationship with a woman who has a live-in boyfriend of 18 years. He obviously didn't care that he was having sex with someone else's girlfriend. And worse than that, he ...
A. 7 November 2005: there is no reason to think he'll cheat on you. he may not have thought he was doing anything wrong as he was not in a relationship with anyone else. be careful though but if you don't trust him, don't be with him... (read in full...)
I'm afraid if I marry my boyfriend, he'll continue his late nights at the pub while I continue to wait for him to come home!
Q. I am writing this because I am at the end of my patience with a realtationship. When we met I was overwelmed by the love and happyness in the realtionship and after 3 years togther we have got a lovely house and we often talk about getting married ...
A. 7 November 2005: i thought my bf was annoying coming in from the pub at 9.30pm. your bf is obviously not prepared to spend time with you so he doesn't deserve you at all. live your own life. go out when you want. see how he likes it.... (read in full...)
Our relationship looks headed for breakup and we know it. So why is it still so painful?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 1/2 years now and we live. I haven't been feeling satfisfied in the relationship, emotionally. I've told him, but I haven't seen any effort on his part. So we talked some more and we decided to give our ...
A. 6 November 2005: you probably both need to make changes. you make the changes you need to but you might have to tell him what to do in order to make things better. if he still makes no effort then leave him. if you're sure you don't love him, you should leave anyway... (read in full...)
My wife told me everything about the guy who sent her a drink and danced with her. She says it's nothing...
Q. I'm suffering from jealousy. It's never happened before. As a matter of fact, it's always been the opposite. We've been married 20 years. My wife is a wonderful, beautiful lady. She is EXTREMELY attracative and gets lots of people looking a...
A. 6 November 2005: would you feel the same if it had been a woman she'd met? some guys do just enjoy chatting and meeting new people. she obviously loves you enough to be honest and not think you have a reason to be jealous. just because she doesn't initiate sex ... (read in full...)
Need some advice on why my girl pulls away from my affection...
Q. My girlfriend and I have been dating for nine months now and I find that the intimacy level between us has declined quite drastically. She has told me in the past that she is not a kissy cuddly person even though she most times shows that she likes ...
A. 6 November 2005: it could be that she's not ready or that there is something from her past making her feel like this. find out which it is. tell her you understand and will wait until she's ready. if it turns out that it is due to something in her past, ask her to ... (read in full...)
We always seem to play our relationship by his 'rules'...
Q. I volunteer to a lot of charities and tend to give up my time for them. But when I want to be with my boyfriend and he wants to be with me, I'm there. Thing is he says he loves me but we've broken up twice and gotten back together only once. No...
A. 6 November 2005: he;s controlling you, expecting you to comply with what he wants without giving you a say. but you are allowing him to do this. say no once in a while. tell him when you want time together. make him aware that this is the 21st century and not, as ... (read in full...)
My bf is separated and soon to divorce, but I think he's prolonging things, so he can see us both!
Q. Hello, My boyfriend and I have a great relationship. The only set back is that he is married (but separated). A divorce has been in the works for months. I want to leave him alone until the divorce is over. I feel that he still sneaks to see his ...
A. 6 November 2005: if you think he's sneaking off to see his wife then you know from the start that you can't trust him. stay away until his divorce is finalised. then, if he still wants to be with you, let him earn your trust before resuming a relationship... (read in full...)
What do I tell her when I say that I think we should break up?
Q. I've been with my girlfriend for 5-years now. Here lately things just haven't been the same. Ending the relationship has crossed my mind many times recently. The one problem I have is that I am the worst at breaking up with someone. I never know ...
A. 6 November 2005: talk to her about what you think has gone wrong before you make a decision. see if you can work through it and improve the situation. tell her how you've been feeling but you still want to be with her. if you still feel the same after, say, 6 ... (read in full...)
What makes me keep falling for my best friend?
Q. Hi, I'm a 19 year old student and I've never been in a proper relationship. My best friend was a girl who recently moved away, and the person who I'm closest to now is another girl. I've known her for just over a year but now we've become a lot ...
A. 6 November 2005: people often mistake the love for a close friend in this way. take notice of the girl who's interested. 19 is still young. i was in a serious relationship and had a baby by the time i was 19 and i know now, 6 years later, that i was too young. go ... (read in full...)
He can be thoughtful, but he can also be judgemental and insensitive...
Q. I am recovering from agoraphobia and trying to build my confidence every day. I kind of slipped into working for my boyfriend. I did it because I love him and now I work for him every day. He doesn't pay me. I pay him rent to live in his house. I ...
A. 6 November 2005: are you his girlfriend or housekeeper? i am in a similar situation with my partner so i know how you feel. some men need to be tought respect. he needs to accept your rules with your daughter. stop working for him. ask him to do his share or tell ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend thinks I should also sleep with his dad, but I'm completely disgusted by the idea!
Q. I am 18 and my boyfriend is 19. He said to me the other night; "If you love me you'll sleep with me, and my dad as well." I told him that the idea was disgusting but he just repeated the idea again and laughed my opinion off. I can't understa...
A. 6 November 2005: i know some guys are turned on by the thought of watching there girl have sex with someone else but wanting you to sleep with his dad is disgusting. your boyfriend needs help and if he loved or respected you, he would not ask you to do it. he is ... (read in full...)
Can my boss dismiss me, just because she's embarrassed that we slept together?
Q. Hi, I need some advice on what to do about a rather tricky situation. A couple of months ago I slept with my boss who is female. I am 25 and she is 40. The attraction had been there for a while and this only happened afer a work party when I was ve...
A. 6 November 2005: she can not dismiss you for this reason but i don't think she has any obligation to renew a contract. however, you could put in a complaint for unfair dismissal if your contract is not renewed. she may just be worried about certain people finding ... (read in full...)
Is my soulmate still out there, while I'm still here with my boyfriend?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for four years. It has always been nice. He's supportive, a good listener, an honest, hard worker, and awesome at night. We get along very well, like best friends. I'm very comfortable and happy with him. But sometimes I ...
A. 6 November 2005: don't wait and expect him to change. you're getting almost everything from him. your soulmate doesn't have to be your partner. maybe you could go to places where you can meet new friends. have deep conversations with them. there's no need for either ... (read in full...)
We're friends and we flirt over the phone. He just won't get serious with me!
Q. Hello, I love your advice column, and I read it weekly. I am a single woman, no kids and I'm 24. There's this guy I've known for a long time (it's been years) We dated on and off, but never seriously. I really care about him a lot. He was in t...
A. 5 November 2005: it seems to me like this man does really like you but isn't ready for commitment. is there a reason why he can not come home? tell him he can be with you properly if he does. i met a bloke in an internet chatroom and had a relationship. it failed ... (read in full...)
My ex wanted my permission to date another guy. I said it was fine, but I lied!
Q. Well, my ex dumped me for my best friend and she wanted my "approval" before they could go out. Being the nice person that I am, I said it was fine and that I didn't mind but, boy did I lie. Every time I see them together it hurts more and more and ...
A. 5 November 2005: tell your friend how you feel. there are 2 ways to look at this. 1. friends are always there for you, boyfriends will come and go. if she cares for you she'll not be with him BUT the second is: if you care for your friend, you'll want her to be ... (read in full...)
I was too shy to tell my friend how I felt about her, and she said Yes to someone else...
Q. I have an urgent question and in dire need of some help. I have been hanging out with this girl for a couple of weeks now and she is single as am I and we just totally clicked with each other we spend most of the time talking to each. People also ...
A. 5 November 2005: she knows how you feel and she feels the same. you have to talk to your mate. if she said yes to him as a result of you leaving it too long, she may not really feel for him as she does for you. if this is the case, don't give up. but if she's happy ... (read in full...)
The chance for sex came around, but I panicked because I'm inexperienced....
Q. Im 22 and still a virgin. This hasn't been a problem for me in the past because I don't have any trouble getting girls, I just haven't wish to sleep with any of them because I'm more of a relationship kind of guy than a one night stand one. However, ...
A. 5 November 2005: you sound like a really thoughtful guy. you've never rushed into sex for the sake of it. it's good that she understands. a few weeks is nothing in a relationship, especially if you're inexperienced. just take things slowly until you feel ready. tell ... (read in full...)
My bf is so controlling that we regularly scream at each other!
Q. I have been going out with my boyfriend for a year and we live together. He can be very controlling and our general arguments are over me doing things without him. If my plans don't include him he sees this as a rejection, and quite often instigates ...
A. 5 November 2005: i understand how you feel but, as i've been on both sides of this situation, i know how your bf feels too. i feel rejected when my partner does not include me but i wouldn't want to do everything he does and he got upset when i went out without ... (read in full...)
After 3 years of dating, my girlfriend won't even consider foreplay...
Q. I'm 26 and my girlfriend is 23. We have been dating for 3 years. She is completely frigid about any thing physical. Her parents act like sex is the devil or that it doesn't exist. My question is, what do I do? Do I leave her or is there some way...
A. 4 November 2005: why do her parents feel this way? Let the girl relax. tell her you will wait until she is ready. let her know she has nothing to be scared of. if she's never had a physical relationship before, she may be worried about getting it wrong. be gentle ... (read in full...)
My time with this guy was just a rebound fling and I know it. Problem is, he's in love with me!
Q. I broke up with my boyfriend of two years about a month ago. I still miss him and think about him, though I feel that I made the right decision leaving him.( I left him due to communication problems) The problem is, I did the rebound fling thing wi...
A. 4 November 2005: you've answered your own question. you like him so take things slowly and see what happens just be sure he knows how you feel... (read in full...)
I discovered my boyfriend downloading bestiality porn...
Q. I have a serious problem and I need a non judgemental answer. I found that my boyfriend of 2 years has been downloading porn with females having sex with horses. I approached him about it and he was defensive, I feel this is wrong and told him so. I ...
A. 4 November 2005: that is really disgusting. no form of porn is normal or natural but some people see love and sex as two different things whereas sex is a way for two people to show their love for each other. i'm not religious or old fashioned, i've had one night ... (read in full...)
My husband just isn't affectionate. No cuddles, no sex... I feel so unloved!
Q. My husband and I have been married 22 yrs. But, we have known each other since I was 13 and he was 15. We started having less and less sex about 2 yrs. ago. He was having problems keeping an erection. About 4 months ago he had to have a triple by...
A. 4 November 2005: ask him how he feels. he may not feel like sex after a bypass but there's no reason not to have cuddles. a kiss goodby is a good start. i'm only 25, been with my partner for 2 years,he rarely does that any more but i keep telling him i want him to ... (read in full...)
She wasn't allowed to date me because I'm an atheist and she's a person of faith...
Q. Hi I'm having a problem right now. I met this girl through a friend of mine and when we first met we fell for each other. The problem is we broke up after a few weeks because she told me that her cell group leader did not approve of our relationship ...
A. 4 November 2005: I only know of two Christian religions where followers are expected to have same faith relationships. these are Jehovah's Witnesses and The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (Mormons). if her religion is not one of these then there is no ... (read in full...)
What will happen to our relationship if my fiance has to work interstate?
Q. My fiance is leaving to work in Florida for 2 months, and I'm worried things won't be the same way when he gets back. Am I being selfish? Or just scared to be without him or what?...
A. 4 November 2005: you're not being selfish. i don't like it when my partner works nights but if you knew this was part of his job, you have already accepted it by being with him. as long as you both love each other, your relationship will be fine. make the most of ... (read in full...)
We're separated by shyness - and international borders!
Q. Ok there's this guy I really like. The problem is he never talks to me, oh yeah and he lives in a different country! He comes over here occasionally and I get to see him but never have the guts to go over and talk to him. I just don't know what to ...
A. 4 November 2005: who is this guy? a friend of a friend? talk to the people you both know. find out when he's around next and arrange a night out with mutual friends so they can introduce you to each other. you might find that you both come out of your shell a bit. ... (read in full...)
In order to get full custody of her son, my fiancee had to cut off contact with me!
Q. I am engaged to be married a year from now to the most wonderful woman in the world, positively my true love. We have been best friends for 3 years and our love for each other was unstoppable and became clear last May. With her I knew a happiness ...
A. 4 November 2005: her ex can not make these demands. the court should take his attitude into account. if the child currently stays with his mum, it is almost certain that she'll get custody anyway. if her ex already has him, this will be taken into account but, ... (read in full...)
We're together long-distance, but my boyfriend still tries to control me...
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 and a half years. He recently went abroad about 6 months ago to work and we agreed to keep the relationship going. The problem is that he wants me to tell him everything every time I go out. Whether guys ...
A. 4 November 2005: he sounds really pathetic. if he trusts you, why shouldn't he want you to wear short skirts. if you've got the figure for them, show it off. your man should feel lucky to have you. i live with my partner and he doesn't expect to know where i've been ... (read in full...)
Shy about asking a girl out because she's a mate's sister and she's taller than me!
Q. Hi, I'm a 15 year old teenage boy below average height. I haven't had a girlfriend ever. I have asked someone out and she was supposedly going to date me but my mate asked her and well... Well they broke up 3 times after only 3 weeks. Anyway...
A. 4 November 2005: this one's difficult but first of all, you need to make sure she's available. get to know her a bit first. say hi, make conversation then once you've established that, think of something you could do together as mates and ask her, and maybe a couple ... (read in full...)
We couldn't agree on some big issues, so we mutually agreed to end it. Mistake or not?
Q. My girlfriend and I were virtually perfect for each other. Everybody thought that we were the perfect couple. However, there were a couple of things that we disagreed on and we couldn't compromise. Religion, our life's goals, and location (she's a ...
A. 4 November 2005: if you love each other that much, you should try to compromise. you can work around the religion and life goal issues. just accept each others views and ambitions. the location issue is the biggest problem here. has she tried the country and you the ... (read in full...)
I'm 15 and my boyfriend is 22. Soon I can move in with him...
Q. I'm a 15 year old girl and my boyfriend is a 22 year old man. A lot of people give us problems because we are 7 years apart but the way I look it at, it doesn't matter how old you are, what really matters is the maturity level. We have been together ...
A. 4 November 2005: The age gap isn't really that much. I'm 25, my bf is 29. There are 8 years between my mum and dad and 20 years between my bf's mum and dad(my bf was born when his mum was only about 16) but 8 months isn't very long in any relationship, however old ... (read in full...)
Is a year long enough to wait before becoming intimate?
Q. Do you think a year if a long enough time to wait before becoming physically intimate with your boyfriend? It doesn't necessarily have to be sex, but just intimate touching? Thanks...
A. 2 November 2005: i agree with other replies. it's fine when you're both comfortable. i slept with my partner not long after we started dating. we had known each other all our lives though so i suppose technically we'd waited over 20 years! but anyway, after two ... (read in full...)
She's had loads more sexual partners than I have, and it bothers me!
Q. I am 24 and have been in my current relationship for 6 months now. It is only my second relationship and my first lasted for about 4 years and they are the only two women i have ever slept with. I love her more than anything but am having a real h...
A. 2 November 2005: honesty is good but she sounds like a slut to me. find out if this has changed. some of the things she says makes it sound like she's either trying to make you see what a good catch you have or she is just showing off. being positive about yourself ... (read in full...)
If I run into the guy that treated me like dirt in high school, what should I do?
Q. My tenth year high school reunion is coming up next year, and I'm worried about running into this guy that I had a huge crush on. We left on really bad terms, I'll try to explain why as quickly as I can. Well he was a jock, and the class validict...
A. 2 November 2005: you shouldn't worry. if you are with your friends and he's with his, you have no reason to go any where near him but even if you do, with any luck, he'll have grown up. if not, i'm sure you are mature enough to ignore him. i was bullied at school ... (read in full...)
It's me that wants sex. I have to beg my husband for anything more than a cuddle!
Q. This question is very embarrassing. I've been married for 8 years and 6 of those 8 years have been almost sexless between me and my husband. The really hard part is that it's me who wants sex and NOT my husband. Usually...men want to have all the ...
A. 2 November 2005: i know how you feel and i've only been with my partner for 2 years. our longest time between sex was 11 months. it's difficult to know what to do in this situation. i thought i was the only one, we have a four month old baby and i've seen all sorts ... (read in full...)
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