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... Send *eenthere a private message | | | *eenthere's profile:Hi. I am 25. I am mum to 2 boys. I've been through a lot of things someone my age shouldn't have been through and certainly not as often. I use the name "beenthere" because, when answering relationship q's, I usually have been there or somewhere similar!
I am currently a full time mum to my boys and my 30 year old fiance!:)
The url there is the link to my poetry blog. Appreciate comments from anyone interested! |
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I made the right choice splitting from my ex... but I wonder what to do about my attraction to his best mate!
Q. I recently split up with my boyfriend of 2 years on good terms just after we had both started at University. We both felt too young to remain in a long-distance relationship, and both hope to remain friends despite the split as we have a lot of ...
A. 14 November 2005: make a move girl. you and your ex split mutually. he'll be pleased you found someone who will treat you right... (read in full...)
I love my boyfriend, but we have financial issues. What's your opinion?
Q. I have been in a relationship for four years; it's a second time for us both we were both previously married. I have doubts about us. When we have issues my partner will listen but we never resolve them we end up arguing. We live together and I pa...
A. 9 November 2005: you are not being unreasonable. i'm in a similar situation whereas, even though i stay at home to look after our children full time, my partner still thinks we should pay half each towards everything. as you can imagine, this is impossible for me. ... (read in full...)
I want some help from my bf. How can I get it without seeming to nag him?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been going out for three and a half years. We have a two and a half year old together. He is always doing things for other people and rarely helps me out. I have asked for help and talked to him but nothing seems to work. ...
A. 9 November 2005: that's difficult. i know my dad does a lot for other people and thinks my mums just jealous about it rather than understanding that she's upset because he does nothing at home. i've recently started to get my partner involved in housework, etc. when ... (read in full...)
Should I just tell my friend that she doesn't NEED a boyfriend?
Q. Ok, my best friend gets attached so easily to every guy she thinks has good qualities. The newest guy ended up being a complete jerk, and now her self-esteem is crap. Our last conversation: "I'm fat, I'm ugly, and that's why no guy wants to be ...
A. 9 November 2005: if she's lonely tell her to try and spend more time with her friends. tell her not to jump on every guy with the slightest interest in her. tell her she deserves someone as nice as she is and she should not settle for someone just because he's there... (read in full...)
He's asked me to marry him, but there are a few complications...
Q. Is this relationship worth saving??? I met this wonderful man and I thought the relationship was going great. He's in the Army and stationed in Afghanistan. He even asked me to marry him. Then one day I find out that he is still involved w...
A. 9 November 2005: break it off. if he wants to be with you, he'll split from the other woman although, if you accept him in your life, you know the lies he's told and secrets he's kept from you and another woman so you wil find it hard to trust him... (read in full...)
I moved in, almost by accident, and our relationship started a downturn...
Q. Hello, I had a question for you. I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for three years now. About two years ago, I kind of moved in with her and her mom. This came about because I would stay over there, eventually later and later, so I jus...
A. 9 November 2005: you moved in accidently. she may not have been ready for that level of commitment even after 3 years. leave her for now. let her work out what she wants but be there for he if she needs you... (read in full...)
Life is so busy, I barely have time for the boyfriend I love...
Q. I met my boyfriend three years ago at university. Recently, I moved away. Having been together so long, a lot of the passion had gone from our relationship and I thought the distance might help however when we do meet up, there are just awful ...
A. 9 November 2005: looks like your relationship has come to a natural end. stay friends and know you have no regrets... (read in full...)
I know the woman I love is bad for me, but I'm afraid that I'll never find someone else...
Q. Sorry for the length of this. I can't find any way to tell my whole situation without going into this much detail. Anyway, here's the situation. Dated a girl for 5 years. We're both 23. We met in college, she had an abusive boyfriend from whom I ...
A. 9 November 2005: she does not deserve her. block her email address if you can so she can't contact you. there are plenty of ways you can meet people. use the internet if necessary. look for people with a similar work pattern. don't sit at home thinking about a girl ... (read in full...)
Was having a good-bye drink with my ex-husband after the divorce an insult to my boyfriend?
Q. Was I wrong by going to the bar with my ex after leaving the courthouse to finalize our divorce when I was in a relationship with another man? He got very angry when I got home and called him and told him why it took so long just to sign some ...
A. 9 November 2005: you did nothing wrong. it sounds like your boyfriend was jealous. he can't expect you to just completely cut ties with the father of your children. he should be glad you stayed friends. it will make your new relationship easier as you won't be ... (read in full...)
I keep getting knockbacks from girls and it's affecting my self-confidence!
Q. Help! I've been turned down. Again. Again as in about 20 times... i feel really unwanted and depressed. I also feel ugly because nobody seems to say yes and It makes me lower my confidence... I felt really confident today when I asked this girl out ...
A. 9 November 2005: it's understandable that you feel this way but do you have a lot of close female friends? it may be because you are good "friend material". try meeting people in different places. stop looking for girls. it's true that love happens when you least ... (read in full...)
I ask him to leave, but he won't. Should I just leave him?
Q. Please help. Me and my partner have been together for 4 years and have a 1 year old child. all day long I dream about leaving him and having someone better, but when I ask him to go, in the end it doesnt happen. I support him completely, he doesnt h...
A. 9 November 2005: he is the one who must leave. you and your child should not have to go. that's not fair. tell your boyfriend you will not let him free load anymore. he wants things, he gets a job and pays for them. if you want to give things another chance, tell ... (read in full...)
Should I risk going out with the guy with the reputation?
Q. Im a 17 year old girl who hasn't really had a boyfriend before and there's this guy at my school who has a reputation for having been out with a LOT of girls. I'm definately attracted to him but many girls are. I get the impression that he wants to...
A. 9 November 2005: you may very well just end up as one more broken heart he leaves behind but you are very young. this guy might genuinely want to lose this reputation. say yes if he asks you out. it doesn't matter how many previous boyfriends you've had or ... (read in full...)
I've never been attracted to my husband, and his attempt at infidelity with my best friend seems like the last straw...
Q. I am in need of some advice as soon a possible. This is going to be long but please take the time to read my story. Let's see where do I start? I met my husband when I was 20 years old. I am currently 31. I didn't find him attractive but he was ...
A. 9 November 2005: your children will suffer if you split with your husband but will be better off in the long term. i split with my sons dad when he was only 2 but i was so unhappy that it was affecting him. i chose my own happiness because i knew he would be happier ... (read in full...)
He says he's happy with me and loves me, so why does he still check the dating sites?
Q. I have been seeing my boyfriend for about 6 weeks now. And I would say its pretty serious between the two of us, although we are a long way off from doing things like moving in together etc. The problem I have is that after 6 weeks even though h...
A. 9 November 2005: you are right. dating sites are a means to an end but some men have different ideas about these things.yes it is possible that he does do it out of boredom. i know my partner has contacted people through dating sites and i think it's probably just ... (read in full...)
I'm concerned because he sees his work friend more often than he sees me...
Q. My Boy friend and I have been together for almost 2 years. We fight just like any other couple. A few weeks ago, he told me he found someone that he works with, attractive. Guys are visual so I had no problem with that. A few days ago, though, ...
A. 9 November 2005: he wants to work at the relationship with you. do it if you still want to be with him. he must have realised there's something wrong between you and that's why he felt he was falling for someone else. he must love you or he would have just gone with ... (read in full...)
I had sex with a guy I don't even love. Then his girlfriend blackmailed me to my boyfriend...
Q. I dont know what to do. Me and my boyfriend were only dating for about 3 months but we were so in love. It was like love at first sight when we first met. Then he told me he wouldn't be able to come here anymore until winter was over (he lives in ...
A. 9 November 2005: however you felt about this other guy, you still cheated on your bf. he may forgive you. your friend shouldn't have blackmailed you though especially if you didn't know he was her bf. tell your friend that this guy is as much to blame as you are. he ... (read in full...)
My folks don't approve of my boyfriend rght now, but the important thing is how much he cares for me, right?
Q. Dear Cupid, I am going out of my mind! The reason being I am 24,(nearly 25) and unfortunatley still living at home. The reason being is I am paying off a new car. This will be all paid up by early next year. I have met a new guy and he adore...
A. 9 November 2005: my parents have known my bf since he was about 4. we got together 2 years ago and my parents told me they don't like him. they've got used to the idea of me being with him. he changed a lot of things before he believed he was good enough. he changed ... (read in full...)
What happens when my girlfriend finishes her course and wants to move away? I'm still studying!
Q. Hi everyone, I hope I can get some answers to my problem, I have been with my girlfriend for nearly 4 years, I am 21 and she is 18. We met while on holidays in Italy, for the first year we stayed together but long distance as she is from London, ...
A. 9 November 2005: if you managed long distance once you can do it again. 2 years isn't relly that long. if she does move away then move to be with her as soon as you are ready... (read in full...)
We want different futures. Should I stay with my boyfriend?
Q. I have been with my partner for over 3 years and do love him but I'm realising now that we both want such different things out of life. I think he's just happy to settle for whatever he gets, but I'm not. What should I do? Should I stay because ...
A. 9 November 2005: you are ambitious, he's not. that's ok as long as he doesn't have a problem with you doing what you want. he'll be happy with whatever you do. if you find it difficult to be with someone unambitious then it may be time to call it a day but if you ... (read in full...)
I used my boyfriend's computer and found explicit photos of women...
Q. I went to use my fiance's computer and found naked pictures of women that he took. The pictures are of four women doing sexually explicit things to each other. It looks like a bachelor party at one of his friend's houses. I am deeply upset because ...
A. 9 November 2005: i have a similar problem with my partner. but when i confronted him, he lied about it. still, your fiance may be different. tell him you've seen the pictures and tell him you are upset by them. tell him that if he must have that, he can't have you... (read in full...)
Had unprotected sex with a close friend and now I have a genital disease!
Q. There is this guy that I have known all my life. My best friend is his cousin and my close friend is his cousin, plus when I was younger, he lived across the road from me. When we got into high school, we became friends (social) and we got along we...
A. 9 November 2005: you may be able to get a free test from your gp or family planning clinic. so go to one of them and explain about that you would struggle to pay. you certainly need to get checked out. keep trying to talk to this guy. he may not know he's infected. ... (read in full...)
My sex drive is waaay higher than my girlfriend's...
Q. help My girlfriend and I have been together for over a year now, but I seem to have a problem.....an overly high sex drive. I really don't know what to do about it anymore. It's putting a lot of pressure on our relationship, and I think if I carry ...
A. 9 November 2005: is it that you have a high sex drive or is it that the sex you do have is not as fulfilling as you'd like. try spicing it up a bit if you and your partner are both comfortble with that.it's not unusual for a man to have a higher sex drive than his ... (read in full...)
I have to choose between my December holiday and my boyfriend!
Q. I've been seeing my boyfriend for 18 months now. I'm a student and live 50 miles away from him. He works full time but comes up to see me often. Recently my house mates found a cheap holiday deal for this December and I instantly decided it'd do ...
A. 9 November 2005: if you already had something planned i can understand him being upset but you will get other opportunities to go to concerts. it may be years before you get another chance for a holiday. he's being very childish. i guess you don't have a problem ... (read in full...)
Why is my girlfriend so close to her ex?
Q. Me and my girlfriend have been together for 7 months, and ever since the start her ex boyfriend has been constantly trying to get her back, which is very damaging to our relationship. I've put up with it for 7 months but I'm at breaking point as he ...
A. 9 November 2005: if you trust her, let her be friends with him. if she doesn't want him back, she'll stick with you but tell her you're just worried. tell her she's gorgeous, etc. and you don't want to be without her. i'm guessing this is why you have such a ... (read in full...)
After 7 years of being the family breadwinner, I want to take a break and let someone take care of ME!
Q. Married for 7 yrs now. For those 7yrs and even before that I am always the bread winner between us. I bought everything that he wants. But I am getting tired on this relationship. I am not happy anymore, for all these years I feel that I am the ...
A. 9 November 2005: tell him how you feel. do you have children? if the answer is yes then your husband has a very difficult, stressful job looking after them so don't think you have it hard. you can take time off. if this is not the case, does he not work at all? he ... (read in full...)
Should I try again, even though she says she just likes me as a friend?
Q. I have fallen for this girl who I am just starting to be friends with. I asked her out and she turned me down because she likes another guy and she only sees me as a friend. However I know she can do better then the other guy because he is a bit of ...
A. 9 November 2005: be her friend. if she is interested in a troublemaker, she'll need friends who really care. maybe you could try again in the future but, if she ends up with someone else who makes her happy, be happy for her... (read in full...)
My husband claims his definition of cheating is different to mine, so it's not cheating...
Q. Cheated on and dont know what to do? My husband was recently discovered to be having a secret companion that kept him so involved in her day to day activities with her and her husband that he forgot my birthday. The children were the ones to disc...
A. 9 November 2005: did he deliberately keep this from you? was he involved with her as any more than a friend? he has betrayed you by keeping this from you but, unless his relationship with this woman was more than friends, he's not cheated. however, forgetting your ... (read in full...)
I feel insecure, because I'm always the one who makes contact with my sweetheart...
Q. I am 36, insecure and totally in love. I re-met my childhood sweetheart almost a year ago, and we planned a life togther as soon as we could. We had an aborted attempt at living together (I split from my wife) but due to the stress of running my own ...
A. 9 November 2005: there is probably an underlying reason for your insecurity. think about what it is and only then will you be able to overcome it. i fully understand how you feel as regards attentiveness from j. i live with my partner and very rarely get his ... (read in full...)
My online boyfriend is older than me, but he hasn't mentioned sex. Should we?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together now for about 6 months. I met him online and everything has been perfect, except for one thing...he is 31 and I am 17. He is the nicest guy I could ever meet and he's very good looking and finds me very ...
A. 9 November 2005: wait for his visit before you decide if you really do want sex with him. the age gap is no big deal except for that he may not have mentioned sex because he just expects it. wait to find out exactly how he feels about you before you say anything to ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is devastated because he feels he "failed" to get a more prestigious employment offer than me...
Q. I need to help my bf regain his self-esteem. We're in law school together since we want to live in the same city, we applied for jobs at many of the same law firms. (It's a small market.) The problem is that my boyfriend had some bad luck a...
A. 9 November 2005: tell him he's not a failure. he's not "losing" to you. maybe he should accept what he's offered and do the best he can. he's got no reason to think he's failed. he's had an offer which is more than some people have. i could do most jobs i've ever ... (read in full...)
I don't know what to do. Sometimes he's sweet and wonderful. Other times, he's mean and hurtful!
Q. I have had a boyfriend for 3 years but I'm really confused about him. You see sometimes he is so nice to me he is really sweet and loving. I know he loves me he has proven it to me. But sometimes he gets really mad and starts to tell me really mean ...
A. 8 November 2005: get him to see a counsellor. he obviously has a problem with his temper. no matter how good the good stuff is, the bad stuff must be taken into account. even if he's only horrible once a month, it's still once a month too often... (read in full...)
There's no intimacy with my boyfriend, and it's driving me to find sex elsewhere!
Q. Hello I have lived with my boyfriend for 4 years and we plan to marry next year. We are the best of friends and he is really good to me. However, we have never had a real sex life and have no intimacy in our relationship. He looks at a lot of porn ...
A. 8 November 2005: i know how you feel. i have not cheated on my partner but he looks at porn instead of being intimate with me so i understand your problem. he needs to know how you feel. tell him that if he wants intimacy, it must only be with you. there's a ... (read in full...)
My partner broke up with me to be with someone else. Now he's seeing us both!
Q. Dear Cupid I am 22 years old. I was in a relationship for 4 years and 7 months and about 2 weeks ago my ex and I broke up. We have known each other for about 8 1/2 years and I really want to get back with him. Our break up was not mutual. He t...
A. 8 November 2005: don't wait for him. you know he's seeing someone else. they will feel as you did if she finds out. he's trying to get everything his way without thinking about anyone else. he's not worth the trouble. find someone who only wants you... (read in full...)
I have problems trusting my boyfriend since I found raunchy texts on his phone!
Q. I really need some advice. I have been in two serious relationships in my past - one for 7 years (he cheated on me and left me for someone else) and one for 2 years (he was very controlling and mentally abusive). I have started seeing somone (who i ...
A. 8 November 2005: it's understandable that you find it hard to trust him. you've not found anything untoward since you've been with him. tell him about your past. he will understand why you have such a problem. ask him to just be honest with you all the time. my ... (read in full...)
Need some help and advice on making my long-distance relationship a success!
Q. Hi, I met my boyfriend at Uni, we've been together for 2 years and for the past 4 months we've been in a long distance relationship because we both have a work placement with different companies in different cities. It's been difficult lately...
A. 8 November 2005: from what you say, i reckon you have every chance. phone each other as often as you can. i guess the situation is only temporary so cooling things is good. you'll appreciate the time you do get together and make the most of it... (read in full...)
Our separation has turned into a marriage breakup. It's worse because we work together!
Q. My wife of 20 years has decided to leave. First of all it was just a separation to think things over but after only 3 weeks she says it's the end. I am heart broken as I love her dearly. We both agreed we had been taking each other for granted and I ...
A. 8 November 2005: ask her to get help with you. you know the mistakes you made. you need professional advice on how to improve things. tell your wife you still love her and you want to give it another go. 20 years is a lot to throw away for the sake of a couple of ... (read in full...)
As soon as the girl starts seeming attracted to me, I start to think she's not my type!
Q. dear cupid. I have a problem, and I am sure its all in my mind. I meet a girl, I quickly asses if she's attractive or not. If I decide yes and get the chance I will date her. My problem starts after a couple of dates or when she starts hotting ...
A. 8 November 2005: that happens to a lot of people. you enjoy the chase but once you've got what you want, it's no fun anymore. maybe you should go for someone a little harder to get or someone unpredictable. having a girl fall for you "just like that" makes it boring ... (read in full...)
I cheated on my husband with my half-cousin and now he tells me our affair is over!
Q. Hello. I just dont know where to start! I have been with my husband for 7 years and we have a great 5 year old son. Earlier in the year i met up again with my half cousin that i haven't seen for years, he was really good looking!We exchange...
A. 8 November 2005: get over your lover. he has realised he can't be with you. work on your relationship with your husband. affairs always end up hurting the people you love most.... (read in full...)
I thought we hit it off, but he backed away and told me he's not over his ex yet...
Q. Met this lovely guy at uni called Simon, after getting to know him via text and just chatting after class i developed a crush. I dont find it easy to fall for a guy but he seemed to be everything i was looking for. Last week we went to a concer...
A. 8 November 2005: it seems like he's happy to just be friends with you. accept that. he may be just embarrassed because you told him how you felt. just be friends for now. don't expect it to develop into anything more but don't try to stop it if it does.... (read in full...)
Should I break up with him before or after the holidays?
Q. I have lots of problems, but one is whether I should stay with my boyfriend or not? We've been together for just over a year, but two months ago i finished with him and after three weeks, we decided to give it another try. He's very jealous an...
A. 8 November 2005: finish now. don't be put off by other people. no one should expect you to stay in a relationship if you're not happy. tell him you're sorry but it's just not working. maybe you could see if he still wants to be friends. get him something for his ... (read in full...)
Why does his body language say "yes", when his words say "no"?
Q. Can anyone tell me if this guy at work is interested from what I describe of his body language. I know he thinks he is bad looking because he has told me so but I find he has so many other qualities. I feel so at ease and comfortable near him. W...
A. 8 November 2005: he could be trying to cover up feelings. if you have both recently come out of other relationships, he may not be ready for a new one. he took comfort from you. he could be biding his time or he may just not feel comfortable with the thought of a ... (read in full...)
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