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male
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*ad
writes: My girlfriend and I have been dating for nine months now and I find that the intimacy level between us has declined quite drastically. She has told me in the past that she is not a kissy cuddly person even though she most times shows that she likes this kind of affection. I find however that when I try to be close and affectionate with her it seems like she "squirms away" or there is some reason she does not desire any at that time. I am very confused and would appreciate any advice anyone could give to me about how I should handle this because I truly love her and I want our relationship to only grow stronger as time goes on.Tad Reply to this Question
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reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (7 November 2005):
 If it was the case that she had always been this way, not very demonstrative, then I would say that you may have to accept her being that way. Some people simply aren't affectionate and it could be to do with something that has happened before; a whole variety of reasons that could be hard to solve.
However, you say that intimacy between you has declined so I think you need to find out why. The best thing to do is talk to her. Ask her if she is still happy and whether her plans for the future have changed at all.
There is probably a reason why she is moving away from you and the only thing you can do is talk to her to find out why.
I hope this helps.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2005): she's obviously had some bad experiences with human touch & affection in her past - it's not a reason to leave her - it's simply a challenge. She must yearn for your touch for you to even know she likes it at all. Maybe you just have to try another way in. Gain her trust in other ways such as simply being there for her emotionally. Try giving to her in other ways like buying flowers for no reason, do things for her that you know she'd rather not do herself - uno show her she's worth your time & she'll open up to you in her own time. Be open to her in every other way & it will only feel natural to her to allow your affection into her life - she's only protecting herself from being hurt!!
meikaiyler
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A
female
reader, beenthere +, writes (6 November 2005):
it could be that she's not ready or that there is something from her past making her feel like this. find out which it is. tell her you understand and will wait until she's ready. if it turns out that it is due to something in her past, ask her to get it sorted out and be there for her.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2005): YOu don't always get what you want. something in her background has made her the way she is. She is apparently not wanting to change. You are not compatible, and the fact that you love her has nothing to do with whether you can be happy together. Leave her, and find someone who doesn't have such problems. You are not wrong here.
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