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female
,
anonymous
writes: My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 1/2 years now and we live. I haven't been feeling satfisfied in the relationship, emotionally. I've told him, but I haven't seen any effort on his part. So we talked some more and we decided to give our relationship until the end of the year-this also gives me a chance to save up money to prepare for the worst. There has been no change with him and I feel like we don't love each other anymore. Is there anything I can do to make it better? If I don't love him, why does it hurt so much? Please help!
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (6 November 2005):
 Sounds like the pain comes from your fear of the unknown not love. Change can be very unsettling but it is necessary sometimes for things to improve. Go for it girl. You won't regret it.
A
female
reader, jackie222 +, writes (6 November 2005):
I agree with the first person who sent you a message. Once you've been with that person so long you don't want to think about having to go through the dating process again. especially if you truely felt like he was the one. I am sort of in the same sitaution that you are in. I have been with my guy for a long time and I know that love is gone but I sort of keep hoping that something will change. I would say don't waste your time and to move on, but its your life and you have to decide. Good Luck!
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A
female
reader, beenthere +, writes (6 November 2005):
you probably both need to make changes. you make the changes you need to but you might have to tell him what to do in order to make things better. if he still makes no effort then leave him. if you're sure you don't love him, you should leave anyway
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2005): How can you expect change unless both of you get counseling? How can anyone do something different unless he learns what he is doing wrong, and what he can do to change? If you aren't going to counseling, there is no reason to delay the inevitable. Get an education, and then see if there are any changes. YOu are just marking time the way you are proceeding now. People get used to having other people around, and don't Love them. No one can define love from another person, but you can ask some common questions of your self to get a better idea of what you feel: Do you miss him when he is away from you? Is he the man you fantasize about when you dream? When you do see him after an absense, do you want to hear all about what he has been doing, what he has seen, who he has met, and want to share with him all that you have seen and done? Do you think of things to do to make his day better every day? Can you imagine living another day of your life without him?
Answer those, and you will have an idea how you feel. Good Luck.
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