Fear is limiting my life. Help?
Q. I let fear in my head keep me from doing plenty of things in life. I think I talk to myself to much in my head. I always think to myself I can't do this or if I do it someone will talk about and I'll end up making myself nervous or shy because I ...
A. 10 November 2011: I was in your situation when I was your age. It held me back from SOOOOO many things. I reluctantly started taking antianxiety/antidepression meds. The change was truly amazing. I took them for 11 years and decided to try life without them this ... (read in full...)
I don't want to let him go, but I need to if he doesn't see a future with me
Q. We've been together just over a year. I know he loves me in some fashion (I am one of maybe 3 people in his life that actually understands him and that he feels totally comfortable with). I asked him the other night if we were going anywhere with ...
A. 7 November 2011: But what about that "perhaps"? Actually, just before he said that, he said "Maybe, maybe not". It wounds me to the core to think that he may not be considering a future together. But the day after that conversation I got to his house after work ... (read in full...)
I feel overcome with guilt for failing my values. How can I move forward without guilt?
Q. How is it possible to experience sexual tension if you've never had sex? I don't think that everyone would believe me if I were to tell them but I'm 32 and have never had sex with a man. I'm starting to feel so overcome with sexual tension t...
A. 5 November 2011: For what it's worth, I was in the EXACT SAME PLACE as you until last year. Not even kidding you that my boyfriend pretty much came out of nowhere. I wasn't looking anymore and suddenly there he was. I struggled w/the same guilt, but I've had that ... (read in full...)
I'm afraid to waste any more time but I cant let him go....
Q. So last night I asked my boyfriend directly if we were going anywhere with this relationship. He said,"Maybe, maybe not" and then said "Perhaps". "Perhaps" in his vocabulary usually means "it's not something I want to do." He said he wanted to get ...
A. 4 November 2011: Thank you all for your encouragement. We actually get along wonderfully. He's just unhappy & stressed w/things in his life (including maturing) and I'm in a bad place myself. What a pair. We do love each other in an odd fashion. But in ... (read in full...)
Guys, do you freak out like this?
Q. I know this is a huge generalized question, but how long does it really take a guy to decide what he's doing in a relationship? We've been exclusive for a year. There are things we understand about each other that neither of us thought anyone could. ...
A. 3 November 2011: He's 24. This is MY first relationship @ 35. This is the longest he's ever been in a relationship and I'm just asking for insight so I don't push him away from being needy. This could go either way & I'm just treating it delicately. And I'm trying ... (read in full...)
I already have trust issues and now my younger boyfriend wants a threesome!
Q. I have been in a livein relationship for 15mths now. I ham 43 my boyfriend is 28. He now wants a 3sum, him, me and another girl. At first I wanted to please him but have since told him that I was worried about the following 1 I couldn't ...
A. 2 November 2011: Sorry, but from all you've said, this should be the end of this relationship. I've had this discussion w/my BF. He's 13 years younger. If these young guys really want this kind of behaviour, then they aren't serious about the relationship. Go ... (read in full...)
I want to be the girl he fell in love with. What to do now, after messing things up completely?
Q. I am looking for some advice from all of you. So far I have used this forum quite a few times and got very sound advice. Thank you! My LD boy friend and I had a massive fall out last night. So much so that he said if I carried on it was over. ...
A. 2 November 2011: Oh wow. I can't wait to see what other people post here. I'm in nearly the same situation. We need to keep lists of all the good & positive things they do for us & to rationally discuss with them the stuff that bothers us. It's so hard to keep our ... (read in full...)
My emotions consume me
Q. I'm so volatile in this relationship. I worry about where we are and where we're going and fearing an end that may not even come. I cry all the time both when I'm upset or misunderstood something and when I'm full of joy at the thought of ...
A. 2 November 2011: I just wish the counselor I was seeing wasn't so expensive. And I've been on at least 10 different med combinations over the years. I've even worked with 2 psychiatrists. Guess I need to bite the bullet and do something before I really screw this ... (read in full...)
I don't know where I stand or what he has in mind for our future!
Q. So confusing! My bf/partner/whatever you call him is driving me mental. One minute he is acting like having kids is the last thing on his agenda for years, the next minute hes saying kids are great and who wouldn't want them. He also said twice ...
A. 28 October 2011: If you've been together this long & he's waffling this much in your relationship then it's time to move on. He sounds very selfish. He probably likes being with you, but given that you're living together already he probably doesn't feel he needs to ... (read in full...)
Why are smaller nipples more attractive? And when I get mine reduced, will the scars be a turnoff?
Q. I have always wondered this. After hearing many pepperoni nipples and bologna nipple jokes and comments, it's easy to figure out that men are not fond of large areolae. Why is it exactly? Is it because smaller ones are more sensitive? Becau...
A. 28 October 2011: Honestly, if the guy you're with thinks that part of your body is a turn off then he's not the right one. Not to be graphic, but mine are about as large as yours. My boyfriend couldn't believe his eyes when he first saw them & he's actually a big ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend not employed, doesn't help out with costs and I'm getting fed up
Q. I am in a relationship with a guy who has been struggling to become employed for about half a year now. I work almost full time hours and have a car. We both currently live with our parents but would like to gain our independence soon. At the ...
A. 25 October 2011: Oy! Another person reading my mind. Thanks for both the question & answer as I'm stuck in a similar situation. I'd have to agree (which makes me question where I am) that if he 'gives' of himself in other ways then it might be worth sucking it out & ... (read in full...)
I fear I only love my wife as a friend, and to make things worse I have cheated on her with my ex....who do I really want?
Q. I am in my mid 30's. I have been married for 18 months to a woman I have been with for several years. Our relationship is fine but I fear I only love her as a friend. We have no kids. We rarely have sex and when we do it feels very unatural. I ...
A. 24 October 2011: So you married your wife for comfort & convenience, despite the fact that truly loves you? And you'd go & hurt her by cheating on her? You didn't even have the respect to get a divorce first? What a lack of commitment. Why did you marry her in the ... (read in full...)
23 and never been kissed or in a relationship
Q. Why am I single? I feel like everything I do gets effed up or something. And really badly too. The guys that are into me I'm not into. The guys who it was mutual with either didn't want to be in a serious relationship or there was a whol...
A. 18 October 2011: I was always in the same position. Pretty, fairly intelligent, kinda funny...overall a good package. But "he" just never came along. I'm 36. It just happened a year ago--totally out of the blue (cliche, I know). I've been involved in church ... (read in full...)
Overwhelmed with life and don't want to be independent anymore
Q. I'm frozen with inaction. I'm in a relationship that I hope will lead to marriage, but at this point (1 year), it's too early to be sure. I have always been fairly independent but I'm tired and lonely taking care of myself. I want certainty that ...
A. 14 October 2011: I know. I've thought about all the possible outcome--and THAT'S the problem. I guess I worry too much about the future. I can't expect him to "save" me. I DO love him. I do wonder sometimes about our compatibility (there is one major difference ... (read in full...)
Could he be a cheater? Girls love him. I don't want to be played again by a guy. Am I worrying too much?
Q. Hi, I've been very suspicious of my boyfriend for cheating on me. I'm really worried because I really..well love him. And he's not the cheating type but most girls like him. (Not kidding!!) so he could cheat if he wanted too. I'm not the pretties...
A. 12 October 2011: Unfortunately, the only way to know is if it actually happens. You take a real risk when it comes to love. If he really loves you, he won't do something stupid like cheating to hurt you. And I hate to say this (because it would be a slap in the ... (read in full...)
I'm 22 and my girlfriend's 25. Is that a big difference?
Q. Is this weird? My girlfriend is 3 years older than me. I'm 22 and she's 25. Is that a big difference or no? We have a good relationship and all (sex is great :P) but compared to all of my friends in relationships, the guy is older than the girl. ...
A. 12 October 2011: So Very Confused, that is hysterical! I'm 12 years older than my boyfriend (36 vs. 24). There's a lot to consider with greater age differences, but we've already discussed them at GREAT length, just to be sure we're on the same page. So, no, ... (read in full...)
B/f takes me for granted. Do I just have to accept it?
Q. I constantly feel like my boyfriend doesn't appreciate me and takes me for granted. I know he loves me but he has such a poor way of showing it or rarel ever showsgonna it and then I start to question his love. Is there anyway to change that? Or is ...
A. 12 October 2011: I'm in the process of seeing if mine can be "trained" to give me the care I need. We've talked about it at great lengths. Little by little over a LONG period of time, he seems to be doing more of the little things that make me happy (I'm not ... (read in full...)
Deciding not to use condoms....how safe is the pill really?
Q. I've just started dating a new guy and have gone on the pill. We've both been checked out and are looking to not use condoms soon. I'm just worried about the possibility of getting pregnant. I know that the pill is 99.9999999% effective - but what ...
A. 12 October 2011: I actually know of someone who was on one of the pills--there was a 3% chance it could fail. She's extremely responsible--took it as directed. Guess what happened...... (read in full...)
I'm afraid of marrying my mentally problematic boyfriend
Q. Hi everyone, Well this is my situation. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 2 years, I love him lots. We recently were planning to get together (get married). He's in his early 20's and so am I. I would really like to marry him, I thin...
A. 5 October 2011: You're already ahead of the game with good insight on your situation. As someone with similar mental health issues also in a relationship with someone that has similar issues, it is a lot to consider before taking that leap. If he's getting ... (read in full...)
Is he lying or cheating?
Q. We've been together 1 year. I have access to his Facebook account and it looks fairly ok (one thing from January had me a little spooked). I checked out another "social site" and his profile said "Looking for a Relationship" (among other things ...
A. 30 September 2011: Thank you! This is my first relationship & I have no reason to have such baggage or doubt. He's also a very atypical guy (we're looking into a possible Asperger diagnosis) so I'm really wanting to give him the benefit of the doubt. ^_^... (read in full...)
Do I end it now or am I making a bigger deal of it than what it is?
Q. My boyfriend and I (and I use the boyfriend title VERY loosely since we're not officially boyfriend/girlfriend) have been together for 2 1/2 years. He moved in with me about 4 months ago because he had some financial problems. So far everything ...
A. 29 September 2011: I get the same kinds of lines from mine. He says "if something ever happens I still want you in my life because I couldn't handle it if you dropped out of my life completely." It's like, man-up & make a decision. You either want this to work or you ... (read in full...)
Desperate--I think I've just pushed our relationship too far
Q. It's been one year since our first date. He has been faithful to me, but I've often wondered if we were a relationship of convenience for loneliness and companionship. I haven't felt that I was his precious girlfriend consistently. I'm afraid I ...
A. 27 September 2011: Thank you so much for your encouragement. It's as though you're in my head. We have had a good dialogue during the last two days. He's always good about listening to my fears and concerns. I don't know why I doubt him. I do need to focus more on ... (read in full...)
I'm feeling underappreciated in this relationship.
Q. My boyfriend of 1 year seems pretty blase about "us" until I look upset. It's very obvious how much I care for him. I just don't get the same enthusiasm about our relationship from him, that is, until I'm feeling so unappreciated that it is obvious ...
A. 26 September 2011: Thanks all. We talked. I think he holds back because he's unsure about the direction of the relationship. I think he wants it, to a point, but he is also concerned about settling down too early. I can appreciate his concern. I don't want him to ... (read in full...)
Will she ever want or like sex?
Q. Mainly want female answers. How normal is it for a girl to just not like any sexual things at all? My girlfriend says she hates the feeling of sex and anything to do with it, she is not a virgin (I am) but she just simply hates it, she has never ...
A. 25 September 2011: Possible molestation as a child? It's a huge Pandora's box to open, but you may be the one to help her in the healing process, if that's the case. I've seen it happen before. Just be supportive. ... (read in full...)
Am I taking this too personally?
Q. My boyfriend and I are pretty solitary. We go out and do things, but generally just the two of us. One of our mutual friends was talking about Halloween parties and he really wanted to go, but he did not seem to even think of taking me with him ...
A. 23 September 2011: Thank you all for your answers. He's oblivious sometimes (especially when he gets excited about something). I just wonder if I want to spend the rest of my life asking him to make me feel like his priority and that he wouldn't overlook something ... (read in full...)
How can I become a more trusting person?
Q. So short story, I've been screwed over by so many guys so many times that I am constantly suspicious and freaking out. I am in a relationship currently and my boyfriend knew before we started dating about all my baggage. He has been completely ...
A. 16 September 2011: Can't wait to see the answers you get here. I freak out (to myself) about this all the time and this is only my FIRST relationship ever! What's really bad is that time & time again he had proved himself to me. I'm the 1st GD he's never cheated on & ... (read in full...)
Can I fall in love at 15?
Q. I've never had this feeling before. This feeling I've been having, is so great, but yet, so strange. I met this guy about a week ago. We started talking and we really hit it off. He asked me to our high school dance. So we've been texting non stop...
A. 15 September 2011: Hah! You can! My parents did at 15 & they've been together ever since--I don't think they ever broke up while they were dating. They went to college after high school and then got married. Doesn't happen very often, but you never know...... (read in full...)
Why am I sabotaging a good thing?
Q. Hi I'm currently in a long term relationship,over 5yrs,problem is i often take things that are said the wrong way or so i'm told i do and sometimes i do tend to get annoyed and lash out verbally.then when iv'e settled down i apologize and i'm ok,t...
A. 1 September 2011: Wow. I'm in a similar situation. I find I just need to relax because most of the time he doesn't realize that what he said upset me.Gotta step back & take a breath & discuss it calmly & rationally. He responds much better to that than my freaking ... (read in full...)
I am dating an older woman,what issues could come up due to the age gap?
Q. I'm 25 and my girlfriend is 37. Why is it that I get criticism over the age gap from people who I see? I was in a local pizza takeaway joint when the guy behind the counter said "here's the pizza for you and your mum!" I've also had criticism...
A. 26 August 2011: I'm the 'cougar' in your situation (36 and 24). His family initially thought I just wanted a baby (SO not the case). We just have a lot of goofy things in common and have amazing chemistry. Neither of us worry about the difference except when it ... (read in full...)
What kind of immature cop-out is the "the chase"?
Q. Why can't guys have honest, loving relationships? Are they not man enough to have them? If I care for a guy, why do I have to play coy and hard to get for his attention? Mind-games are disrespectful and hurtful. If he doesn't want the comfort, ...
A. 16 August 2011: You're all helpful. Guess I should mention we've been together nearly a year. The other day he said he likes the 'attention' he gets from other girls. We've been exclusive since Nov. I love him fiercely & in afraid he's bored of it. Wants something ... (read in full...)
Do I ask him the hard questions or do I wait?
Q. I've been seeing my boyfriend for almost a year. I know he cares for me. I've seen his reactions (concern and almost fear of losing me) when he thinks I'm upset about something. He said he loves me (once)and I believe it. After a recent ...
A. 16 August 2011: I guess I need to ask him how he thinks he shows he cares. He hasn't been able to financially (& I totally understand that). Is his just spending time with me how he shows it? Maybe he's just really comfortable? But he only really reaches out ... (read in full...)
Am I wrong in thinking that we're too far along in this relationship to play hot & cold "thrill of the chase" games?
Q. Still negotiating through my 1st relationship (9 months so far). Here's the situation: I adore my boyfriend. I love him and love to take care of him--I want him to succeed in life, to feel loved and cared for, to realize the potential he has. ...
A. 28 July 2011: Thanks for the insightful answers! It's odd because he'll lay across me or nearly sit on top of me on the couch. He almost seems to 'hold' me with his legs & feet. But he seldom reaches out with his hands. I do wonder (with having a degree in ... (read in full...)
What if one day we have absolutely nothing in common?
Q. OK, so after near 7 months, he said, "I love you." I know just how serious this was for him, given his past and the need to be sure he was ready and meant it. He even recently said I should start leaving clothes at his place so that I can stay ...
A. 6 May 2011: Wow. Y'all just hit the nail on the head for me. Thanks for all the answers. Yeah, I've always been uncomfortable with silences. I guess I really just need to relax. I don't think life wouldn't get boring with him, just comfortable (although we ... (read in full...)
Is he just comfortable and oblivious, or something worse..?
Q. We've been together about 6 months. We had a real fairy tale, firey start! Over time I've noticed he doesn't hang on me like he used to (and I crave that), he doesn't return texts as much, he never even actually said happy birthday to me (w/no good ...
A. 3 March 2011: Thanks! That makes me feel a little better. As for the 'hanging' bit, this is my 1st real relationship (and it's unusual for my age--over 30) and his who-knows-how-many and I really just enjoy the physical attention (even just holding hands or ... (read in full...)
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