A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am in my mid 30's. I have been married for 18 months to a woman I have been with for several years. Our relationship is fine but I fear I only love her as a friend. We have no kids. We rarely have sex and when we do it feels very unatural. I feel content and safe with her and she is very much in love with me. We have discussed how I feel about only loving her as a friend but as they say, love is blind. However, recently I meet up with an ex girlfriend of many years ago. This is the only girl I have ever truely loved and we share a deep magical and mystical connection. When we meet up we both instantly felt the magic and a strong desire to be together again. She wants me to leave my wife and come and live with her. We did have sex so yes I did cheat on my wife. We have both opened up and been completely honest with each other about my current situation and our desires into the future. What do I want? I dont know. Confused.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2011): You need to tell your wife you cheated on her. Then leave your wife and break her heart so badly that she feels like a worthless piece of shit for loving you.So that you will know what it is like to hurt someone so bad that you can't imagine ever doing it again.Then, go away and continue to grow up so you don't do this to anyone else ever again.You have an old lover who is urging you to leave your wife because of her issues, not your relationship.Seriously, get a grip and find a counselor, for yourself, not for your marriage.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (24 October 2011):
 deep sigh. you settled. you need to man up and let your wife go so she can find someone who can truly love her and desire her the way every woman deserves.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2011): Whatever you do make up your mind. Don't mess her about by cheating on her. Whether she finds out about it or not you shouldn't risk hurting her even more by doing that.And also, make sure you don't just think the grass is greener on the other side. It's easy to do but it's very rarely the reality.
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A
female
reader, stressedandtired +, writes (24 October 2011):
 If you do not love her then you should not be with her. The future will only hold more cheating and before you know it you will be miserable. You'll probably end up having kids with your wife and it'll be too late to leave because you will have obligations. As for your ex, if you continue to do this, she will end up hurt also. The more you have sex with her, the more feelings will get involved. You guys will want to be together but you won't want to leave your wife because it will hurt her and the kids you'll eventually have. She will be the other woman who will be putting her life on hold waiting for you to make a decision. So at this point you have two choices. Be with your wife whom you have made vows with and let your ex go. Or end your marriage before it's too late and be with your ex. There's no way out of this situation without one of them being hurt. But please don't be selfish and continue to have them both just to keep yourself happy.
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A
female
reader, PerhapsNot +, writes (24 October 2011):
 What do you mean "What do I want?" You just said you love your wife as a friend. Don't you think it's safe to say that you don't want her as your life partner? If you're only with her because she is your security blanket and makes you feel comfortable, then it's time for a divorce.If you no longer love your wife there is nothing left to fix. Did you ever truly love her, or did you simply settle? How long have you felt this way about your wife? I only ask this because humans will downplay and reduce the feelings for their partners in order to excuse their cheating and affairs. "Hey I no longer love my partner romantically, so it's more acceptable that I am sleeping or having feelings for someone else." If, however, you truly no longer have any love for your her, it's time to initiate the divorce process.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2011): 18 months and you've already cheated? Do yourself and your wife a favour: get a divorce. Your wife shouldn't put up with this crap from you. This is not about "love" its about respect: u have no respect for your wife. Thank goodness there's no kids. Imagine them in this mess!Your new lover is now pressurising u to leave your wife. Yes so plse do. This will allow your wife to mourn, heal and finally move on, she's wasted so many years of her life with u already.Glad u and your lover are now "mature" ,seems like 10 years later u two have really grown up.What a mess!LoveGirl
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2011): Are you going to be able to spend the rest of your life with someone you basically consider a friend? You have many decades as a couple ahead and if after 18 months of marriage you have been tempted away then I think your relationship is not strong enough to survive. Regardless of your ex's appeal, you sound unsure. You do not have children so would the fairest thing be to reappraise the marriage? The cheating is a sign that you need more than your wife can give you. Don't be fooled into thinking your ex is the answer, moving from one relationship to the next, you need to decide if your marriage is worth saving, then move on from there.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionReason for breaking up with ex. I was too young and immature and she wasn't ready at that time either. She told me to go out into the world and experience life and one day we would meet again. That was over a decade ago and here we are.
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A
female
reader, bardia +, writes (24 October 2011):
 So you married your wife for comfort & convenience, despite the fact that truly loves you? And you'd go & hurt her by cheating on her? You didn't even have the respect to get a divorce first? What a lack of commitment. Why did you marry her in the first place?! You just threw your vows out the window for a "mystical connection". It's guys who behave like you that make a website like this necessary. And what will you do after all the magic has disappeared from the romance with this supposed soul mate? Are you gonna look for your next fix of passion & intriguein yet another woman? Grow up and man up. This makes me sick to my stomach.
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A
female
reader, Battista +, writes (24 October 2011):
What were the reasons you broke up with ex for in the first place?
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