A
female
age
41-50,
*ardia
writes:So last night I asked my boyfriend directly if we were going anywhere with this relationship. He said,"Maybe, maybe not" and then said "Perhaps". "Perhaps" in his vocabulary usually means "it's not something I want to do." He said he wanted to get $$$ straightened out first, but that's slow in coming. Then later he was calling for me from another room and he called me by his ex's name. He and I have been together for 14 months. And I have it on good authority there has been no cheating during this time ( and that this ex in particular wants nothing to do with him). He's changed for the better during this year. But I'm afraid he's just holding on to me because he's afraid to lose one of the rare people that understand and tolerate him. I adore him. My heart is bleeding, I can't stop crying and I just don't want to let him go. He apologized last night but I am still so very wounded. I feel like such a fool for continuing this but something in me just won't let him go.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2011): Hi there,I was once in your position. My bf loves to do things that sometimes doesn't involved me being in it. Or sometimes he does nothing and its frustrating knowing there are kids running around the house. when we argue he likes to drop the F bomb on me. Imagine its easy for him to say this so quickly because he is too stressed about so many things that I myself can't be any help. He also told me one time that I am worse than his ex gf, and his ex is terrible. And I mean terrible from a point of view of the woman she didn't give no s^^^^ about him. Anyways, my advice to you is you tell him and be honest of how you feel like I did to mine. He immediately changed his ways. Now when we argue we just both take a breather from each other, separate from one room to another and we come back and talk and we are good again. I wish you luck. Don't worry about it too much. If two persons truly love one another they'll work it out.
A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (4 November 2011):
 If letting him go isn't an option then what exactly are you asking??
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A
female
reader, bardia +, writes (4 November 2011):
bardia is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you all for your encouragement. We actually get along wonderfully. He's just unhappy & stressed w/things in his life (including maturing) and I'm in a bad place myself. What a pair. We do love each other in an odd fashion. But in day-to-day life, we really work well together. And I can't imagine life without him. Friendship after this would not be an option--that would just be too painful.
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A
female
reader, nicola837  +, writes (4 November 2011):
hy well im in a very similar situation hunny, i totally understand u, one min he needs u and the next your nothing to him, i wouldnt worry about the him calling u by a different name i think its the least of your problems but i would ask youself do u want to spend the rest of your life with him regardless his bad ways, if u do then talk with him about ur frustrations with him and ask him to give some extra love and attention to u so that you can take your mind off the nagging problems between each other and make it clear to him that its vise versa an u want to support him, if he simply answers with a perhaps then get away from him for a break when he realsises that he needs u and it costs nothing to show affection he will either come running bk to u or it will be clear he doesnt want u, i hope i make sense hun, it workd for me good luck
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A
female
reader, Sunset_texas +, writes (4 November 2011):
We have learned, this first priority in all kinds of relationship (between man and woman), you have to feel comfortable and confidence about yourself, and you have to be happy.
If you are not, or not completely happy, nothing hurt to withdraw yourself from him for a while. Things will work out in its natural.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2011): Oh hun, i know how you feel. I've just posted a similar problem myself. Me and my boyfriend argue a lot, and he either tells me to speak to him the next day when we argue, or he goes silent on me for days, and he makes cruel comments towards me. I can't stand it !.I'm the same. I know i should let him go, but it's difficult. I'm sorry that i dont have any advice, as i'm not even sure what to do myself, but i wanted to let you know that you're not alone in feeling this way.
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