Time is marching on. How do I move on? I need some positive encouragement, please?
Q. Hello all, I've just turned 39 and have been single for 8 months after ending a relationship which was toxic, I wont go into it but he had issues. Im very sad that at 39 I am alone and have no children. I have 3 siblings who have children, a...
A. 21 January 2012: I just ended my first relationship ever 3 weeks ago. I was 35 when we got together. It lasted 15 months. I don't know how much encouragement I can give you as I'm staring down "37 years" in a month with no guys in site. Everyone says "give it time... (read in full...)
How often does "no contact" work on the heart?
Q. We were together 15 months. We practically lived together for six months. We were good together, really understood each other, but our timing was off (he's younger and not sure of what he wants in life). I broke up with him because of his ...
A. 18 January 2012: You're all right. I wanted a level of commitment he's just ready to give (he may never be). I just can't spend my life wondering when he will no longer be able to restrain himself & give in to any infidelity. He was open about his porn use, social ... (read in full...)
How often does "no contact" work on the heart?
Q. We were together 15 months. We practically lived together for six months. We were good together, really understood each other, but our timing was off (he's younger and not sure of what he wants in life). I broke up with him because of his ...
A. 18 January 2012: I slept @ his place Thursday through Sunday nights. I only ever brought my belongings. The only thing of mine that stayed permanently was a toothbrush. Several months ago he actually encouraged me to bring clothes to leave there.
I guess my main ... (read in full...)
So what is this? Is he just stringing me along until he finds something better?
Q. Hi there. I'm very confused about my relationship to say the least. I've been with a guy for about 2 1/2 years. We had an amazing relationship. He loved me with all his heart. And I loved him with all of mine. I gave my virginity to him last year ...
A. 13 January 2012: Well, to start, no matter what happens you're young enough to take either path. But I'll tell you, I just spent 15 months in the same situation. We broke it off last week. The problem is this: if a guy really truly loves & wants you, they will not ... (read in full...)
Lack of a "filter" vs. chooses not to think before speaking?
Q. How could I have been expected to remain in a relationship with a person who "has no filter" and thereby often hurt me (unintentional as it may have been). How could I continue to give chance after chance of reconciliation (over a year's worth of ...
A. 11 January 2012: He didn't want to commit 100% & so he didn't love me as much as I loved him. He never respected my feelinga- a guy who truly loves you just wouldn't say these things. He talked about future potential girlfriend opportunities in front of me, twice ... (read in full...)
How does one make new friends at this age?
Q. I find myself in my thirties and without friends of either gender. I worked abroad and lost contact with everyone and now do a very solitary job which brings me into contact with people only on a professional basis where personal relationships with ...
A. 11 January 2012: Take some community classes. Take up a new hobby (the arts, sports, etc). I joined a community theater on a whim, just to see if I could do it--met a whole slew of people that way). Just some thoughts--good luck! :)... (read in full...)
How do I open up his heart?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating for a little over a year. He's my first for everything, but he has had a few girls before me. I've somehow learned that he was very much affected by one of his past relationships with a "crazy bitch" as he puts ...
A. 10 January 2012: Get. Out. NOW! You cannot change him. Period. You are worth infinitely more than this, even if it takes time to find another. For all the "good times" you try to justify, stand back & reread all you just wrote. Do not justify his poor treatment of ... (read in full...)
My older girlfriend wants to settle down but I don't feel that attracted to her anymore, what should I do?
Q. I have been dating this girl for almost a year and a half, she is 5 years older than me and maybe this September we will be going our own ways. She may be in other cities pursuing school. I have to option of completing my degree where she would ...
A. 10 January 2012: I just broke up with my (13 year younger) BF because I could actually tell he felt like you do now. I've sensed that lack of committment for months. And it wore down the relationship even faster because I beat my head against the wall, trying to ... (read in full...)
Too many red flags here? Or should I have more patience?
Q. Ok, me and my boyfriend have been together for 6 months now. It's still early days I know, but it's also a long enough period to see how the persons personality is etc. My boyfriend had a troubled childhood, his mum ran away aged 5 and his dad beat ...
A. 10 January 2012: I just left a similar relationship (although he did not have the degree of abuse yours does). If he's willing to get help, you might have a chance. If not, let go now. If he's not willing to communicate & listen then you'll be stuck in a controlling ... (read in full...)
7 months of dating, boyfriend has no job, no income, doesn't seem to care
Q. Hello, i really would like some advice. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 7 months and the whole time he has had no income and hasn’t been studying or attempting anything really. I have two jobs, looking for another, live away from home and am a ...
A. 9 January 2012: Oh my God PLEASE listen to what the other posters have said! I JUST broke off a 15 month relationship because of this very reason. DO NOT allow yourself to go into any financial debt because of someone who is lazy and unmotivated. And you CAN NOT ... (read in full...)
How can I make boyfriend feel better about himself?
Q. My bf of 2 years has grown distant from me. He used to be wonderful and loving. Recently he has admitted to me that it is because he is depressed and feels like worthless crap because of the poor financial decisions he has made and how he is going ...
A. 9 January 2012: My BF was the same way. Has some grand ideas of what he wants to do in life, but has no motivation to get there. Sometimes the harsh truth is what's needed--a swift kick in the @$$ to get him going. But if there is also an underlying depression ... (read in full...)
Is there really someone out there for everyone?
Q. Do people actually always find someone.....? I'm 28 and am wondering if there really is someone out there for everyone. I have friends and am comfortable enough in a crowd but I just can't seem to meet anyone. Everyone keeps saying to be pat...
A. 9 January 2012: I'm 37 in a month. I had my first relationship starting at 35 (first kiss, first everything). Had I been younger, had he truly been ready, we would have been the "ones" for each other. But apparently we're not because we broke up last week. I ... (read in full...)
Are these withdrawal thoughts or should I have given him another chance?
Q. We broke up this week after just over a year together. I did a huge amount to make things work on my end. He was young, but even his closest friends saw him change positively for being with me. I blew so much out of proportion, but he also has no ...
A. 8 January 2012: A very late bloomer, this was my first relationship ever, beginning at age 35 (I will be 37 in a month). I was navigating completely new waters. And he's had more than his fair share of tragedy (a father who died on his 20th birthday, a drug addict ... (read in full...)
Please help me endure my first breakup at 37 years old!
Q. Just ended my 1st relationship ever. We started when I was 35. He was 22. We fit eachother perfectly as we were both awkward lonely people. We understood each so well about so much. However, I ran hot, he ran cold. I blew some things out of ...
A. 7 January 2012: We were together about 15 months. I know it's not long for some, but it was a lifetime of experiences for me. We both relied on each other. He was just as needy as I was, in his own way. We spent 4 nights together a week. I never thought I'd be ... (read in full...)
Are a drunk man's words a sober man's thoughts?
Q. Hi all is this saying true a drunk mans words are a sober mans thoughts I was wondering because when my fwb is drunk he says things to me loving boyfriendy things and when he is sober he is different still cuddly but he doesn't say these things I ...
A. 6 January 2012: Yes and no. My boyfriend would get unbelievably close and touchy-feely when he was drunk. However, he also talked about other girls and next times with other girls when drunk (as I recently learned) and that did confirm his true heart. Take it ... (read in full...)
Why do I stay even after he's been guilty so many times?
Q. I am an attractive, young hearted, full of life woman. I've never had any problems with finding a man, but for the last 3 years, I have been in a very disfunctional relationship. We've both made huge mistakes that have damaged the relationship, ...
A. 5 January 2012: Oh my God! I just ended almost the exact same kind of relationship Monday night. I am torn to pieces about it, but every time I think about going back and trying to reconcile the situation I am reminded of why I left in the first place. Make ... (read in full...)
Do I give him time to figure out what he wants? I've given him chance after chance to decide.
Q. My boyfriend has been terrible at making me feel secure in this relationship. I have worried the entire year that he was keeping me as his 2nd choice back-up plan. I know he has feared losing me as a friend, one who actually accepts and tolerates ...
A. 4 January 2012: Thank you all. It's been an unusual situation from the start. And yes, starting a first relationship at 35 (I'll be 37 next month) isn't normal. I'm fully aware of that. I've put up with a lot I probably shouldn't have (& won't ever again). The good ... (read in full...)
I am finding it hard to not worry about what my parents think of my partner, I think he could be the one. How do I just live my life for me and not worry?
Q. Hi, I'm extremely upset at the moment and would be ever so grateful for your advice. I'm in my mid-thirties and met a very loving, warm man who is 2 years older than me, about 2 months ago. Having been single for a while and not having had much luc...
A. 3 January 2012: We're living parallel lives. I just had the discussion about this same situation with my parents directly last night. They are both more open to my boyfriend than I ever thought and they both actually encouraged me to start living my life for ... (read in full...)
Does this disgust girls?
Q. Sometimes when I'm kissing a girl or holding her close, I'll start to get an erection. I know it's normal but sometimes I feel a bit embarrased. Is this disgusting for girls? Should I try to hide it? ...
A. 23 December 2011: Gonna have to agree with bluecow. Drives me wild when I notice it with my boyfriend. Makes me feel very wanted. ... (read in full...)
It's not him, It's me. Can one overcome major trust issues? Would explaining more to him help? Or just breakup?
Q. I am writing here to vent out my feelings and the trouble I'm having in my relationship. I've always been a clingy girlfriend. I do like to spend a lot of time with my boyfriend and I would get disappointed if he would not do the same. The onl...
A. 23 December 2011: I could've written that. It's always good to know that someone else is going through the same things. Depression, anxiety, lack of trust--it's of the utmost importance that we continue with counseling. It makes the relationship so much easi... (read in full...)
Evolution V.S. Religion & a Close-Minded Chistian Boyfriend
Q. As someone who was raised as a catholic Chistian, I never thought too much about what my faith meant to me. I Began dating a very Chistian boy (a mix of Baptist and conservative) I whent to catholic school so I knew and understood quite a bit of the ...
A. 23 December 2011: If your boyfriend comes from that background (as I once did), you will have a VERY difficult time getting him to even think about considering anything but a literal 7 day creation. I come from a significantly religious background (christened ... (read in full...)
I am no longer religious, but the girl I am interested in, is. Is this a bad road to go down?
Q. For 4 years, I attended a small private Christian college and in my last year, ironically enough, I slowly became an atheist. Well fast forward 8 months after graduation and I'm just working day to day and seeing friends on the weekends. Most ...
A. 20 December 2011: I'm an atypical Christian dating a fairly staunch atheist. Been together over a year. It caused some bumps early on as I sorted through some of my belief issues. I'm no longer in the mediocre evangelical boat and not just because of any influence ... (read in full...)
How do you give up on someone that you promised you would always love?
Q. How do you let everything go when you have become so comfortable with being in the situation? You cant sleep without the person by your side, cant remember doing anything without the person for so long that the littlest thought of leaving and ...
A. 19 December 2011: Like someone else posted, I've had the exact same experience & I'm still trying to sort through it. We've talked-a lot-almost too much at times. I believe you'll never know how a relationship will go if you don't throw yourself into it. It's the ... (read in full...)
I married him but now I feel trapped. What do I do?
Q. At first I thought he was a nice and generous guy.. He paid for the restaurant meals.. paid some of the bills.. I was happy then..so I thought I love him..I decided to have a baby with him.. and then we got married,=. But now that we're married, ...
A. 8 December 2011: This sounds like a potentially dangerous situation if he is making such threats and demands as these. You really need outside help. Can you involve your parents or other trusted family members or friends? Like someone said you can also go to social ... (read in full...)
Can you teach someone how to love?
Q. We are all damaged in some way or another. My boyfriend has suffered some tragedy in his life. He lost his father early on. His mother has abandoned him on several occasions. He has some social awkwardness issues and has very few close friends ...
A. 7 December 2011: Your answers give me such hope! We've been together a year. He's 24, I'm almost 37. He's had SEVERAL relationships in the past but I am the first one he has fully committed to. He tells me I am very different from all the other girls he's ever ... (read in full...)
Why am I feeling so sad and angry all the time?
Q. I'm feeling sad and angry really easily all the time over nothing, I don't know what's happening to me, all I know is I've been feeling awful these days. I have a wonderful life, awesome friends, an amazing family and the best boyfriend I coul...
A. 5 December 2011: Stress does awful things to us, physically and psychologically. A little bit of it could be continued hormone changes. But you could also suffer from clinical depression. Look into some kind of counseling. And you might want to see a doctor to try ... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend bored, or stressed, or not interested?
Q. I understand the concept of the honeymoon period. During the first six months or so that we were together, my boyfriend would text me things that still make me blush when I read them. (we've been together just over a year now) We were also like ...
A. 1 December 2011: With his extreme interest in sex, I find it hard to believe that he has a lower sex drive than me. We are both into a good bit of BDSM. We have the makings of an epic dom/sub combo. I actually have already dressed up for him among other things. I ... (read in full...)
Why is he caring and then the next day almost rude?
Q. Please help me understand what he's thinking! The guy I'm dating is super sweet, then sometimes I feel like I just don't matter. Last night he was amazing to be with and hang out, romantic, affectionate, you name it. I spent the night and he was ...
A. 1 December 2011: I feel badly that no one has an answer for you. I'm in a similar position myself and was hoping for some insight. I think at least in my case it's often that he's really just that oblivious. But I also have certain expectations about relationships ... (read in full...)
Do I confront, support him, or walk away? My married lover confided he has started meeting men for sex.
Q. I need some support! I have had a relationship with a married man for many many years we are very very good friends and occasionally we have sex too which is like the icing on the cake. His wife is sick with MS so please dont criticise me for see...
A. 30 November 2011: His work area requires the utmost personal integrity?! But he started all this with an affair?! I'm sorry, but to excuse an affair because of MS is offensive. She may be physically unable to be with him, but she's locked-trapped-in her own body. Can ... (read in full...)
I've been a supportive husband to my EXTREMELY accident-prone wife-what are my options in this situation?
Q. In 15 years of marriage,( second marriage for both of us ), my wife has been sick or injured more times than I can count. Car wrecks, falling down stairs, back injuries, broken legs, hips, collar bones, arms, wrists, and even a concusion that res...
A. 26 November 2011: I don't suppose the words "For better or worse, in sickness and in health" were in your wedding vows. Stuff happens. What if it was you going through all this trauma yourself & she was writing to us about what to do? Get support from family & ... (read in full...)
Texting time... why does he take forever to reply!
Q. I met this guy about 2 weeks ago, and we hit it off right away. Since then, he's text me without fail everyday, which is good as usually guys trail off after a few days! The only thing which confuses me, is how long he takes to reply to each tex...
A. 25 November 2011: Honestly, I REALLY don't understand why texting has become such an issue in relationships today. I can understand guys my age or older not being interested in it. But the under 30 crowd has been doing this for years now & it shouldn't be such a ... (read in full...)
It's time to end this inconsistent lukewarm relationship, isn't it?
Q. My boyfriend of 1 year doesn't know I have a deadline in mind for him to really show me that he loves me. We HAVE talked, numerous times and I am always in control of myself and rational and non-accusing. He has had a "meh" attitude in the past and ...
A. 25 November 2011: Thanks again! Yeah, I guess I need to chill & give it more time. He did come over (happily) for a few hours. That's all I needed. And today he's been sweetsness all day. He's done a few very giving-type things today that have actually really ... (read in full...)
It's time to end this inconsistent lukewarm relationship, isn't it?
Q. My boyfriend of 1 year doesn't know I have a deadline in mind for him to really show me that he loves me. We HAVE talked, numerous times and I am always in control of myself and rational and non-accusing. He has had a "meh" attitude in the past and ...
A. 24 November 2011: Worldly-wise, yes, he has changed over time (slowly but definitely). There are other things about this relationship that truly make me believe I can't just give up on him & us. (And I'm not a typical girl either, considering this is my first ever ... (read in full...)
It's time to end this inconsistent lukewarm relationship, isn't it?
Q. My boyfriend of 1 year doesn't know I have a deadline in mind for him to really show me that he loves me. We HAVE talked, numerous times and I am always in control of myself and rational and non-accusing. He has had a "meh" attitude in the past and ...
A. 24 November 2011: In the other post I didn't word that right. HE'S not a convict. *I* put him on "probation" after a talk we had to see if any of this behavior would change regarding this situation. You obviously missed the comment I tried to add to clarify that ... (read in full...)
If he can't do this much, what does it say about how he really feels about me?
Q. My boyfriend is on probation. He doesn't know I have a deadline in mind for him to really show me that he loves me. We HAVE talked, numerous times and I am always in control of myself and rational and non-accusing. He has had a "meh" attitude in ...
A. 23 November 2011: Guess I should've phrased the first sentence differently. He's not a convict. I'VE put my boyfriend "on probation", giving him another tentative chance to prove himself.... (read in full...)
21 years old, but still concerned about parents' reaction to dating
Q. Hi everyone, I am 21 years old, and I'm in my last year of college. When I was in highschool and through the first few years of college, I sort of dated a few guys but I've never really been in a serious relationship. I have been dating my current ...
A. 20 November 2011: God. You sound like me. Do talk to them. I think sometimes they're afraid to lose their little girls so badly that it ends up stunting what should be the natural progression of life. Look at it this way: what were THEY doing at your age? Married ... (read in full...)
I'm worried sexting will lead to cheating, should I confront him?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating for a bit over a year, although in the early stages we went roughly two months without speaking. During that time, he later admitted to me that he had sex with a girl twice. I expected that he would have, so w...
A. 17 November 2011: Honestly, I would have been done with him the first time it happened. If he is still looking for that kind of attention it is not harmless. And it wasn't just sexting, either. He called you a "bitch of a girlfriend"? How terribly hurtful to say that ... (read in full...)
Sex while music is playing?
Q. Hello everyone, just after a few personal opinions here! Do you think it's a good idea to have sex for the first time while music's playing in the background or can that be a distraction from (or to) your partner? I'm thinking classical music, ...
A. 13 November 2011: Almost never have. It's never been an issue. You really are otherwise occupied...... (read in full...)
Other Non-Pregnancy Methods
Q. Hello everyone, I thank you for taking your time reading this, I was only wondering if there is any other way to prevent pregnancy other than condoms and birth control pills. I really appreciate it, thank you....
A. 13 November 2011: Depo shot or Nuvaring. The shot is a couple of times a year. I use the ring & you change it every month. It kinda gets in the way sometimes, but has worked well so far.... (read in full...)
Realisation that your ex is a bloody 'user!!'
Q. Tonight, I have (at last) realised why my ex keeps in touch with me...because he's bored (as he work nights) and for a 'confidence' boost...(occasionally, but rarely texts me when he's off...!) I am no longer going to play 'his game'... Just...
A. 10 November 2011: Yeah. Time to break all ties with this one. I have been in a similar situation. I realized the problem a while ago, but I chose to put on blinders to it, hoping it wasn't true. I've since called him out on it. We'll see if it changes anything, ... (read in full...)
Fear is limiting my life. Help?
Q. I let fear in my head keep me from doing plenty of things in life. I think I talk to myself to much in my head. I always think to myself I can't do this or if I do it someone will talk about and I'll end up making myself nervous or shy because I ...
A. 10 November 2011: I was in your situation when I was your age. It held me back from SOOOOO many things. I reluctantly started taking antianxiety/antidepression meds. The change was truly amazing. I took them for 11 years and decided to try life without them this ... (read in full...)
| *ardia's friends
These are mutual friends, so *ardia has
added them and they have added *ardia!
|
