A
female
age
51-59,
*R_Scorpio
writes:My boyfriend and I (and I use the boyfriend title VERY loosely since we're not officially boyfriend/girlfriend) have been together for 2 1/2 years. He moved in with me about 4 months ago because he had some financial problems. So far everything has been good, no major problems or fights. We get along great and have a good friendship. A lot of crap has happened during our 2 1/2 yr relationship which has created a lack of trust on both ends and we've been working on gaining that back. My problem is that after 2 1/2 yrs, I have no clear direction to where we are heading as a couple. I have asked him plenty of times and all I get is "let's enjoy where we are right now and let time tell". I'm getting a little tired of this line and feel like this is just his way of making me hang on and wait without giving me a direct answer or even make his intentions for our relationship known. Am I making a big issue out of nothing and continue the relationship and see what the future holds, or do I end this relationship and find someone who's willing to give me clear directions of his intentions? I'm so disappointed and discouraged right now and although I love him very much and see myself with him for the rest of my life, I don't know if he feels the same way and it discourages me even more....
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female
reader, PerhapsNot +, writes (30 September 2011):
 2 1/2 years and you're not "official"? You state that you love him, but the real question is, does he love you? Do you feel loved deep down? Does he ever say he loves you? I doubt it as he has a hard time committing to the idea of even being in a relationship. This is a classic example of "he's just not that into you". I know this may seem harsh, but everyone knows at the 2 1/2 year mark whether or not they want to be with the person. Hell, some are even married by then!Did he ever want to move in together prior to his financial problems? Or was this really a last resort deal? In either case, you're with someone who is not invested in the relationship, nor someone who loves on the same level that you do. If you want this to continue, stay with him. Just watch, the moment you break up, he will be married within the next 3 years.
A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (30 September 2011):
 This is a tough position to be in. I've seen a lot of women desperately hold on to a man they really love and want, but the guy does not want them the same way.
More and more I'm convinced it's not *despite* the guy's reticence, but *because* of it. It makes him a challenge, makes him seem more aloof and in control, and chicks dig that. You need to recognize that he has no intention of taking this anywhere. The best case scenario is that you are a backup option if he can't find someone better - and is that how you want to be seen?
You can stay, but things will not change. Trying to push things forward will only make him leave - he might miss you, but not enough to change for you (think about it, he isn't your boyfriend after two and a half years, so how emotionally invested in you can he really be?). Try to find a man who is actually interested in finding a relationship, one who wants to see if you'd make a good girlfriend.
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A
female
reader, Nataly +, writes (29 September 2011):
Well fisrt of all you need to define th realtionship ASAP because you cant be holding on to him i fhe doesnt want what you want you guys arent even trusting each other and it sounds like you guys arent connected anymore i say you should move on because trust me getting attached to someone when there is no connection and there is no love you will end up being happy and finding some one way better that wants what you want a nd apreciates you and trusts you so i say you should not continue to put yourself through this!
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A
female
reader, bardia +, writes (29 September 2011):
 I get the same kinds of lines from mine. He says "if something ever happens I still want you in my life because I couldn't handle it if you dropped out of my life completely." It's like, man-up & make a decision. You either want this to work or you don't. Hopefully they're up for the challenge. Yeah it's a scary decision on our end, too. And it sounds as though you love your guy like I love mine. Just gotta smack'em sometimes. Light said fire under their rears. Hopefully there's consolation in knowing you're not alone. Good luck.
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