A
female
age
41-50,
*ardia
writes:I've been seeing my boyfriend for almost a year. I know he cares for me. I've seen his reactions (concern and almost fear of losing me) when he thinks I'm upset about something. He said he loves me (once)and I believe it. After a recent misunderstanding he said "I know I don't tell you I love you often enough, but that's because it really freaks me out." How do I take that? If he's afraid I'm NOT 'the one', I need him to let me go. If he's afraid I AM 'the one', I'm more than willing to give him time and to let things flow naturally. I just want to know that I'm his number one and not some second-choice convenient warm-body, but I'm afraid that if I press him farther on this that he really will freak out and let it all go.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (16 August 2011):
 I would not ask him how he thinks he shows he cares. I would TELL him what YOU NEED to know he cares... It's hard. and it's a fine line. What do YOU need to know he cares... food, shelter, money, attention???
How do I know my man cares?
1. he is giving up his entire life to move from where he has lived most of his life to be with me in a town he does not know locations.
2. He spent most of the summer caring for me physically after one planned surgery and then after emergency life threatening surgery while on our vacation... he did this willingly and without complaining.
3. he's made the choice of ME vs his friends that disrespected me
4. He has opted to use HIS money to help pay off some debt I incurred BEFORE I met him... to help further our growing our life together...
NONE of these things (other than the caring for me after the planned surgery which I told him I really WANTED (Not NEEDED but WANTED)) were things I even ASKED for... it was just understood that he would do it... it was HIS CHOICE...
A
female
reader, bardia +, writes (16 August 2011):
bardia is verified as being by the original poster of the question I guess I need to ask him how he thinks he shows he cares. He hasn't been able to financially (& I totally understand that). Is his just spending time with me how he shows it? Maybe he's just really comfortable? But he only really reaches out when I get obviously upset with him that he isn't showing me anything despite all my obvious efforts. Maybe he just takes it for granted that I'm going to be around.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (15 August 2011):
My BF cannot CANNOT say I love you... he once said "I love you too" to me but I had not said "I love you"... I KNOW he loves me. He's told me I'm his number one no matter what.. he SHOWS me he loves me. I've told him I need to hear it now and then and once in a while he will say it...
What I've learned in my wise old age is that SHOWING is more important that SAYING....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2011): I'm in the same boat as you!! I totally understand the feeling of "if I'm not the one, cut me loose". My guy doesn't talk about his feelings at all. Has only said he loved me once on his own, yet he's responded "i love you too" a couple of times. It so frustrating! Luckily I think this might be the place where you can get some answers (hopefully from a few guys on this site). I wish you luck and keep yourself #1 in your thoughts. Everyone says guys love us more when they're not our entire world.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (15 August 2011):
 The easiest way to make a man feel you are his number one is to tell him how happy you are with him, how your life is being enriched by him. Men really depend on us to know whether we are on the right track or not.
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