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*ndie's Thoughts agony aunt

*ndie's Thoughts

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*ndie's Thoughts's profile:

I'm Andie and I'm surviving life until I can really start to live it :)

Karma does happen:

My dad was a married woman's other guy for only a few weeks (about a decade before my mum met him), then realised he wasn't okay with helping her betray her husband. His friend became her other guy, husband came home while they were at it, the guy jumped out of the window and the husband knew, so grabbed a bicycle, chased him and punched him once, going 20mph, so it knocked him out. A couple of relationships later, after getting £15,000 in debt to help a woman leave her abusive husband and getting in a relationship with her, my dad came back from a holiday with his parents and found her with another guy.

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I'm married but cheating with my old flame and I'm hopelessly in love

Q.   I went to a reunion and as soon as I stood in front of my old flame I knew. I hadn't thought of him in 40 years. I'm happily married and live a plush life. He never married. Even though we live in Different states we've been together twice And...

A.   6 March 2018: There are pros and cons to everything, but there are very few genuine situations when it's best not to own up to having an affair. Your husband deserves to know what you've done, so he can choose whether or not to stay with you.... (read in full...)

I hate sex with my husband!

Q.   OMG. I hate sex with my husband. It was always not great but I thought it would improve over time. I love him very much and I didn’t think that was a reason to break up before we got married. I’ve never discussed this with anyone.A...

A.   6 March 2018: You can love someone without being IN love. We've offered countless suggestions, OP. If he refuses to compromise or go to therapy, then what? Cheat on him? Spend the rest of your life miserable? You can't make him change, but you shouldn'... (read in full...)

My husband spends the same amount on his son's girlfriend as he spends on me.

Q.   Is this appropriate? I remarried 3 yrs ago and inheritted two stepsons (now 21 and amp; 23) my problem is with the gifts my husband buys for the girlfriend of his older son (23yrs old-lovely girl who I like v much). When we go away and they ar...

A.   6 March 2018: For goodness sake, this is not about asserting power or virility. "okay, you're with my son, but I am the big gun here and I could buy him under the table any time' and I am more powerful / potent / virile than him. Just because I'm older, doesn't ... (read in full...)

My husband spends the same amount on his son's girlfriend as he spends on me.

Q.   Is this appropriate? I remarried 3 yrs ago and inheritted two stepsons (now 21 and amp; 23) my problem is with the gifts my husband buys for the girlfriend of his older son (23yrs old-lovely girl who I like v much). When we go away and they ar...

A.   3 March 2018: I understand why perfume is inappropriate, as it's a scent you like that you want them to wear, but how is makeup too personal? Seriously - how is makeup more inappropriate than bath gifts where she'd have to be naked to use them? He's putting ... (read in full...)

I’m a 25 year-old lesbian trying to figure out why I am almost exclusively attracted to older women

Q.   'm a 25 year-old lesbian trying to figure out why I am almost exclusively attracted to older women. I'm currently in a relationship with a woman 20 years older than me. When I was 19 I was dating men and women in their late 30s. Ever since I w...

A.   3 March 2018: Maybe go to an LGBT-friendly therapist - not because there's anything wrong with it, but just to figure out the root, if there is something more than just liking what we like.... (read in full...)

I'm married but cheating with my old flame and I'm hopelessly in love

Q.   I went to a reunion and as soon as I stood in front of my old flame I knew. I hadn't thought of him in 40 years. I'm happily married and live a plush life. He never married. Even though we live in Different states we've been together twice And...

A.   3 March 2018: OP, does he deserve this? No. Do you deserve to pretend you've done nothing wrong? No. Should you own up? Absolutely. Do not choose a therapist who will tell you to keep it a secret, or there's little point going.... (read in full...)

My husband said he would have broken up with me if we weren't married

Q.   I had a huge fight with my husband - married 1.5 years but toegthwr 5 years. He just told me that he would be broken up with me if we werent married. I asked him if he really means it and he said yes. Im 6 weeks pregnant so he calls me up just...

A.   3 March 2018: Male Anon, lots of people marry and don't love each other - either before or after marriage. Even in the heat of the moment, there is no excuse to say you'd be broken up, if not married - unless you, OP, said something similar or a low-blow... (read in full...)

I think I’m falling for someone who has a woman!

Q.   I think im falling for someone who has a woman.... We met at my job about 4 months go, when his lady was on her way to jail.. She has to sit out a year and a half in there, ans though they're still "together" hes still spending all hos time with me ...

A.   2 March 2018: You know he's cheating, so don't stay with him. It's that simple. No point staying with him and just doing your own thing, possibly even starting an affair yourself. So you're not even interested in this guy? You just want him until something ... (read in full...)

Should I remain in contact with my long distance ex?

Q.   Me and my ex broke up in the new year as he has moved to Australia for a year. Our relationship was great, we had been together a year and were both very happy and in love. We both cried endlessly about the breakup. We had never been in this ...

A.   2 March 2018: Whether it's temporary or not, it IS a break up. You can't take a break for a year - especially as you have no idea whether you'll still be compatible or geographically close in a year. Please don't be naive - he doesn't need to find someone on ... (read in full...)

I've fallen in love with my doctor.

Q.   I have fallen in love with my physician. I’ve been with him professionally for 15 years. I’ve always liked him but over the years we have developed a friendship. He is 4 years younger than me but I feel that we are compatible. I realized three ...

A.   2 March 2018: It all looked fine until you said "I’m married over 40 years but am unhappy in my marriage, he is married 36 years and appeared to be happily married". You're married. He's married. If you're not happy, go to marriage counselling or get a divorc... (read in full...)

My husband spends the same amount on his son's girlfriend as he spends on me.

Q.   Is this appropriate? I remarried 3 yrs ago and inheritted two stepsons (now 21 and amp; 23) my problem is with the gifts my husband buys for the girlfriend of his older son (23yrs old-lovely girl who I like v much). When we go away and they ar...

A.   2 March 2018: I'm not sure he feels romantically towards her, he just thinks that spa, makeup and perfumes are what you buy women for gifts, regardless of their relationship to you. I think you need to ask him why he chooses those things and see if he'll tak... (read in full...)

I hate sex with my husband!

Q.   OMG. I hate sex with my husband. It was always not great but I thought it would improve over time. I love him very much and I didn’t think that was a reason to break up before we got married. I’ve never discussed this with anyone.A...

A.   1 March 2018: OP, please - either listen or don't. You need to see a marriage therapist. There is *no* way this will get better on it's own because you've tried. Not only that, but there are ways to make "directing" sexy. You need outside help or you will stay ... (read in full...)

I'm married but cheating with my old flame and I'm hopelessly in love

Q.   I went to a reunion and as soon as I stood in front of my old flame I knew. I hadn't thought of him in 40 years. I'm happily married and live a plush life. He never married. Even though we live in Different states we've been together twice And...

A.   1 March 2018: OP, see a therapist. You are not weak, just selfish. You need someone, in real life, who can lean on you to take responsibility for your affair and not allow you to keep excusing it. Your husband deserves to know he's been cheated on, especial... (read in full...)

I suffer anxiety which is putting extra strain on a LDR.

Q.   I'm in a long distance relationship with someone and we met for the first time in August last year.He came to me with it being a 4-5hour train journey, due to my anxiety disorder.The second time, he offered to come here, but at the time I was doing ...

A.   1 March 2018: OP, I've been in an LDR. They are hard. They are not for people who struggle with anxiety and can't meet people half-way. I understand the anxiety because I struggle with it daily too, but you have to accept your limitations and not date someone who ... (read in full...)

I friend zoned him, he is trying to be more, which annoys me!

Q.   I have known this guy for 4 months, everything was good and we had a very good connection. After a while, he started falling for me, he confessed his feeling to me and he wanted a relationship. He was so desperate for my love which turned me off a ...

A.   1 March 2018: OP, it's been 4 months - jeez. You barely know each other. It makes sense that he wants to date, but it doesn't make sense for you to call him your best friend or say that you can't imagine not talking to him. I get it, you like him, but you are ... (read in full...)

Help please! Need some career advice.

Q.   Hi everyone, less of a dating question and more a career one. I left college two years ago and decided not to go to university, it was a good move for me personally because I don't like what is happening to universities right now. I've ...

A.   1 March 2018: Just keep trying. It took me getting three jobs before I found the one I was essentially born to do: carer. I'm sure you knew it would be hard to find a job when you chose the art qualifications. Look into art therapy, volunteering, etc. Take any ... (read in full...)

I'm not sure what to think about this Tarot reading.

Q.   Do you believe in tarot/card reading? Do anyone here has experience in that? Yesterday i went to a famous tarot card reader with my friend. She is 86 years old and been reading for 55 years. She asked me about our name, address, and birth date. ...

A.   1 March 2018: To each their own with beliefs, but tarot card readers and psychics use body language to guess things about their customers. Some use names and addresses to do checks to find out who you're married to, who may be related to you, who died, what ... (read in full...)

Should I remain in contact with my long distance ex?

Q.   Me and my ex broke up in the new year as he has moved to Australia for a year. Our relationship was great, we had been together a year and were both very happy and in love. We both cried endlessly about the breakup. We had never been in this ...

A.   1 March 2018: 1) Even if you weren't studying, a year is WAY too soon for a young adult to move to another country with a partner, let alone another continent. That would have been silly and ended in disaster, with you alone and no way of supporting yourself ... (read in full...)

He doesn't want children but I want one of my own

Q.   I feel like ive wasted my time , my boyfriend ( of 4 month) just blurted out he doesnt want kids .We havent talked about having any or any anytime soon. i dont know why he just said it , he already has 2 ( pre teen )but i always wanted one and he ...

A.   28 February 2018: I think you need to start looking into becoming a single mother. It's better to do it on your own from the start than waste time (in your 40s) looking for sperm donors you've only been with for 4 months. I get it. You want a child of your own. Oka... (read in full...)

Should I be ticked hubby didn't say I love you after I said it to him?

Q.   Hubby of 5 years and I spent a lovely weekend together. Left the kids with his mom and took a romantic weekend for ourselves. It was fun and passionate until..... I told him "I love you." He didn't say it back because he doesn't want it to be...

A.   28 February 2018: I totally get where you're coming from. I'd feel a bit rejected too, but I also agree with him that it shouldn't be forced. Actions are louder than words, but it's nice to hear it verbally. Either you accept you express love differently, or you'r... (read in full...)

I'm married but cheating with my old flame and I'm hopelessly in love

Q.   I went to a reunion and as soon as I stood in front of my old flame I knew. I hadn't thought of him in 40 years. I'm happily married and live a plush life. He never married. Even though we live in Different states we've been together twice And...

A.   27 February 2018: Just for one minute, OP, put him first. God forbid something happens to him - do you really want it on your conscience that, instead of being with someone who loved him and was faithful to him, YOU forced him to stay with a cheater because you were ... (read in full...)

Dude at work shows a lot of signs of interest but not much action!

Q.   Here I am again. I've developed this ridiculous crush on someone I think is showing interest (he's a coworker - same company but not in the same department, just works on the same floor) * we always make eye contact * he gives me shy smiles ...

A.   27 February 2018: Stop leading with your "sexual tension". You're like a "horny man" becoming infatuated with anyone who looks good to you. There's likely a reason why he hasn't initiated anything and, whilst I'd sometimes suggest the woman just makes a move, you ... (read in full...)

Close friend is abusive toward her husband, should I reach out to him?

Q.   I never really approved of their marriage, because she really rushed it and she is young, 23, while her husband and I are the same age, 29. They married 10 months after we all met despite everyone telling them to wait, because she kept pressuring ...

A.   27 February 2018: It's not your life. It's not your marriage. Keep out of it, except possibly encouraging her to seek counselling about her issues with him. Reaching out to him seems sly, regardless of intentions and will cause suspicion.... (read in full...)

My wife won't allow me to choose our son's name, constantly undermines me and hates me

Q.   My wife is 33 weeks pregnant with our first son. Today she started to fight with me. I had chosen a name for our child. She didn't even pay attention. I picked her up from the church today and she announced that she wants our son to be named by...

A.   26 February 2018: OP, regarding the baby name, I think sitting down together and looking through a baby names book and the Bible together is a very good idea. Regarding everything else, including her unreliable temper, I think you need serious marriage counsell... (read in full...)

What does it mean when a guy still cares about how his ex feels while he’s with you?

Q.   What does it mean when a guy still cares about how his ex feels while he’s with you? Like when he sees she’s sad or not herself on social media he tells her things like “You know I got you, What’s wrong?”...

A.   25 February 2018: Some people are friends with an ex. It doesn't automatically mean they have any romantic or sexual feelings clinging on. That said, it depends on how trustworthy they both are, as being there for her is one thing, but dropping everything to "rescue" ... (read in full...)

My wife won't allow me to choose our son's name, constantly undermines me and hates me

Q.   My wife is 33 weeks pregnant with our first son. Today she started to fight with me. I had chosen a name for our child. She didn't even pay attention. I picked her up from the church today and she announced that she wants our son to be named by...

A.   25 February 2018: "I think we should choose the name and I asked what was wrong with the name I had chosen" - repeat that out loud. " I think *we* should choose the name and I asked what was wrong with the name *I* had chosen".... Sure, the priest naming your child ... (read in full...)

My dad is a nasty drunk, his mom is deaf... How can I combine both our lives?

Q.   I have been speaking to this guy for a while, we have recently made it official. He met my parents the other day, and my father, got really very drunk (he is a drunk, we’ve tried so many times to get him to stop but he just won’t) I am now worried ...

A.   25 February 2018: First of all, please do some research of d/Deaf people. Being deaf is not automatically hard to live with. As with many hearing people who have no experience with deaf people, it's easy to think they are somehow struggling or incapable of certain ... (read in full...)

I'm married but cheating with my old flame and I'm hopelessly in love

Q.   I went to a reunion and as soon as I stood in front of my old flame I knew. I hadn't thought of him in 40 years. I'm happily married and live a plush life. He never married. Even though we live in Different states we've been together twice And...

A.   25 February 2018: OP, hope isn't good enough. Let your husband GO. You CAN make the right decision. You're CHOOSING not to. You're RUINING your husband's life and WASTING it, when he should be with someone who LOVES him and won't cheat. You are old enough. You are ... (read in full...)

Why do I have so much low self esteem and see nothing else of value going for me in the future?

Q.   I'm 22 years of age and I was wondering why am I being impatient and having these thoughts of low self esteem when im so young already? I'm a virgin and i do wonder what sex is like...like is it pleasurable is it..not. I only go by the information ...

A.   24 February 2018: Having a boyfriend isn't like the movies. It's a lot of work and often heartache. That's why you should only enter a relationship when you're ready and have spent time with someone you're compatible with - not just someone you have a crush on or ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend seems more interested in his XBOX than in me

Q.   I’ve been with my boyfriend for about 8 months now and we have a really strong bond . Well we used to. He used to always text me and always call me and seemed to really care . But now when I need to talk to him he never answers because he’s on ...

A.   23 February 2018: OP, relationships shouldn't be over phones. You're children. That's not a bad thing. It's good he's preferring hobbies than a relationship. That's how it should be when you're young. You're likely to want more attention than he will. That's normal ... (read in full...)

I feel worse after breaking up with my married lover

Q.   I finally pulled the plug and broke up with my married lover but now i feel worse. I am having an extremely hard time getting over it. It was an ugly break up and even though he begged to remain friends and promised to be the man i met in the beg...

A.   23 February 2018: He moved on because you were just his side piece. You didn't mean anything, sadly. Please get therapy. It takes time, but you can't hold on to him (even in your mind) and waste your life on someone who was never yours to begin with.... (read in full...)

My husband said he would have broken up with me if we weren't married

Q.   I had a huge fight with my husband - married 1.5 years but toegthwr 5 years. He just told me that he would be broken up with me if we werent married. I asked him if he really means it and he said yes. Im 6 weeks pregnant so he calls me up just...

A.   22 February 2018: We do say stupid things in arguments, but saying "I wouldn't be with you if we weren't already married" is NOT just a "stupid" thing said in an argument. It should be taken seriously and addressed, rather than swept under the rug.... (read in full...)

I'm still not over her after all these years but she has a 2 year old daughter and says she's done with dating. Should I still persevere?

Q.   So a little backstory… I've been crushing on this girl since high school and you could say I got hit hard. I never had the courage to ask her out; because it's high school she was way out of my league back then. I've put her in this pedestal...

A.   22 February 2018: You won't take no for an answer. Red flag. You're not mature enough to get over a high school crush. Red flag. You don't want to be friends, so you won't be thinking as a friend if you hang out alone together. Red flag. OP, don't be *that* p... (read in full...)

I'm married but cheating with my old flame and I'm hopelessly in love

Q.   I went to a reunion and as soon as I stood in front of my old flame I knew. I hadn't thought of him in 40 years. I'm happily married and live a plush life. He never married. Even though we live in Different states we've been together twice And...

A.   22 February 2018: What's for the best is not being so selfish and cruel. You're not concerned with your husband's feelings. Act your age and be a DECENT PERSON. Cheating is NOT okay. You CAN let him go. You CHOOSE not to because you just don't care about or truly ... (read in full...)

I’m pregnant and constantly worrying that he’s still in love with an ex!

Q.   Sooo, I'll try to explain all this as well as I can. I'm sorry if It all seems a bit confusing. It's quite a long story. I have a boyfriend of nearly 3 months. I have known him for almost 4 years and am 5 months pregnant with his baby. The first ...

A.   22 February 2018: "I was having sex with this arsehole and now I'm 5 months pregnant. I shouldn't be with him and I definitely shouldn't have risked a pregnancy at my age or with this jerk." The only reason it's official is because you're pregnant, not because he's... (read in full...)

I hate sex with my husband!

Q.   OMG. I hate sex with my husband. It was always not great but I thought it would improve over time. I love him very much and I didn’t think that was a reason to break up before we got married. I’ve never discussed this with anyone.A...

A.   22 February 2018: "are you trying to tell me something?" You say "I am. I need X, Y and Z from you. You are happy, but I am not." Seriously, OP. Don't do it in bed, when it's late. Do it when you have TIME to discuss it properly. Next time you bring it up, and do i... (read in full...)

I hate sex with my husband!

Q.   OMG. I hate sex with my husband. It was always not great but I thought it would improve over time. I love him very much and I didn’t think that was a reason to break up before we got married. I’ve never discussed this with anyone.A...

A.   22 February 2018: OP, either take the advice or leave it and stay hating sex. "Honey, we need to talk. I love you more than anything, but I don't enjoy sex and I need us to try new things or go to sex therapy. If we don't, I'm afraid I will be unhappy and we s... (read in full...)

How soon is too soon to fall in love?

Q.   I met a guy we're both in our 30s. He gave me his number once, i never called him and then a couple weeks later he approached me agian, we exchanged numbers and talked/texted all day. I think he's cool! The next day he asked me out. I said i wanted ...

A.   22 February 2018: Just take it slow. It's a huge red flag to confess love so early on, regardless of wealth. Either he genuinely thinks he is in love, which is a mental stability concern, or he's saying it to rush things. How many other women must he have told he ... (read in full...)

I'm still not over her after all these years but she has a 2 year old daughter and says she's done with dating. Should I still persevere?

Q.   So a little backstory… I've been crushing on this girl since high school and you could say I got hit hard. I never had the courage to ask her out; because it's high school she was way out of my league back then. I've put her in this pedestal...

A.   22 February 2018: "she adamantly stated that she’s not dating anymore" "if a girl says she’s through with dating, going out, and being young…should I respect that?" ABSOLUTELY. You should ALWAYS respect what someone says they do and don't want. You're pestering... (read in full...)

My husband said he would have broken up with me if we weren't married

Q.   I had a huge fight with my husband - married 1.5 years but toegthwr 5 years. He just told me that he would be broken up with me if we werent married. I asked him if he really means it and he said yes. Im 6 weeks pregnant so he calls me up just...

A.   21 February 2018: I'm sorry you've found out. Please ask him to go to marriage counselling to get to the route of why he wouldn't still be with you, to try to improve things. If he refuses to go, it's worth considering a divorce, as he will only resent you for bein... (read in full...)

How soon is too soon to fall in love?

Q.   I met a guy we're both in our 30s. He gave me his number once, i never called him and then a couple weeks later he approached me agian, we exchanged numbers and talked/texted all day. I think he's cool! The next day he asked me out. I said i wanted ...

A.   21 February 2018: "He said all he wants is a beautiful girl who cares for him. He said that's what's missing from his life" - that's not specific. He wants a beautiful girl who cares for him? What about common interests? A woman with ambition? A woman who has a good ... (read in full...)

A relationship with an attached man is making me feel so sad?

Q.   I've been seeing a man who lives with his baby mama for a year and I've fallen head over heals in love with him.He told me that he was in the process of leaving her and they are not really together but idk..He still live her a year later with no ...

A.   21 February 2018: You have no luck with men because you settle for sex only or continue with crappy men, instead of letting go early and finding someone else. We ALL have to keep searching if we want any "luck".... (read in full...)

What should I expect about finances, personal space and housework when we start living together?

Q.   Dear Cupid I'm gonna move in with my bf in couple.of months, we have been together for almost 2.5 years. I always lived alone or with my parents. So i'm not sure what to expect when we start living together like finances, personal space, house wor...

A.   21 February 2018: In the nicest possible way, are you moving in with us? No? Then we're the wrong people to ask. You must set out a contract (at least for finances) BEFORE moving in. Both sign it and both keep a copy. It will protect you if you break up. Do NOT m... (read in full...)

Are all university boys so immature? Do I need an older, more mature man in my life?

Q.   I have recently broken up with my university boyfriend after a year of dating. His hobbies included smoking weed and playing video games, and he didn't go to his lectures or ever have any money. He generally was a caring person who I had lots of ...

A.   21 February 2018: Not ever having money is a given in university, especially if you don't have family help with finances. However, this guy spent it on weed, so that would rule him out for me. There are lots of things to do without money, but I won't date someone who ... (read in full...)

I hate sex with my husband!

Q.   OMG. I hate sex with my husband. It was always not great but I thought it would improve over time. I love him very much and I didn’t think that was a reason to break up before we got married. I’ve never discussed this with anyone.A...

A.   20 February 2018: Blunt communication. Other than that: "he is so conservative and straight laced he may never agree to that", except he cheated (you think?), so he's not *that* conservative. What, he'll do it in secret, but not when told he can? Not if it means yo... (read in full...)

How soon is too soon to fall in love?

Q.   I met a guy we're both in our 30s. He gave me his number once, i never called him and then a couple weeks later he approached me agian, we exchanged numbers and talked/texted all day. I think he's cool! The next day he asked me out. I said i wanted ...

A.   20 February 2018: Falling in love IS a process and genuine love DOES take time. If someone confesses it quickly, it's out of desperation or infatuation. That's why "love at first sight" is actually just "lust at first sight" because you don't know them - they could ... (read in full...)

A relationship with an attached man is making me feel so sad?

Q.   I've been seeing a man who lives with his baby mama for a year and I've fallen head over heals in love with him.He told me that he was in the process of leaving her and they are not really together but idk..He still live her a year later with no ...

A.   19 February 2018: Sorry, OP. His lunch times *aren't* flexible. Nobody in a 9 - 5 job is *allowed* to extend their lunch breaks because they won't be doing the hours they're paid to do - he's lied to people, probably telling them he's checking on his child! Serio... (read in full...)

A relationship with an attached man is making me feel so sad?

Q.   I've been seeing a man who lives with his baby mama for a year and I've fallen head over heals in love with him.He told me that he was in the process of leaving her and they are not really together but idk..He still live her a year later with no ...

A.   17 February 2018: OP, how can you seem him during his work hours.... when he should be WORKING? You need to learn to be content single, so you don't choose guys like this who aren't available. You have plenty of time, provided you start the process now. Be ... (read in full...)

I'm married but cheating with my old flame and I'm hopelessly in love

Q.   I went to a reunion and as soon as I stood in front of my old flame I knew. I hadn't thought of him in 40 years. I'm happily married and live a plush life. He never married. Even though we live in Different states we've been together twice And...

A.   13 June 2017: You can't keep both, OP. You must cut contact with the old flame if you intend on keeping your husband. Get therapy together to work on your issues, but don't pretend they don't exist or continue seeing someone else.... (read in full...)

I'm married but cheating with my old flame and I'm hopelessly in love

Q.   I went to a reunion and as soon as I stood in front of my old flame I knew. I hadn't thought of him in 40 years. I'm happily married and live a plush life. He never married. Even though we live in Different states we've been together twice And...

A.   13 June 2017: It's ironic because he's old (as in someone you used to know), but he's new, that's why you're infatuated. He's not real; he's a fantasy. This isn't love. Don't cheat on your husband and family. They deserve better. Seek couples' counsel... (read in full...)

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