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| | *ndie's Thoughts's profile:I'm Andie and I'm surviving life until I can really start to live it :)
Karma does happen:
My dad was a married woman's other guy for only a few weeks (about a decade before my mum met him), then realised he wasn't okay with helping her betray her husband. His friend became her other guy, husband came home while they were at it, the guy jumped out of the window and the husband knew, so grabbed a bicycle, chased him and punched him once, going 20mph, so it knocked him out. A couple of relationships later, after getting £15,000 in debt to help a woman leave her abusive husband and getting in a relationship with her, my dad came back from a holiday with his parents and found her with another guy. |
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My FWB blocked me on WhatsApp!
Q. what do you do/say to someone that has blocked you in wassup? I was seeing this guy for about 2 yrs. It wasn't a serious relationship but it is a friend with benefits. ...
A. 11 March 2019: You were a booty call for two years. You held on for too long. Booty calls should be infrequent and only last a few months to avoid this mess. He’s blocked you because he wants something with someone else. Let it go and find someone else who wants ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend tells me he doesn't want kids, I leave crying and I haven't heard from him since. How is he so cold?
Q. My LDR boyfriend of a year and a half finally admitted to me that he had 100% decided that he doesn't want kids. I am 40, have frozen my eggs and most days I feel the incredible yearning for a family. I say "finally admitted" because he has k...
A. 11 March 2019: Do NOT get back with him. Having a child is NOT okay when he only agrees to it or says he wants one because he wants to “win” you back. OP, find someone else; it’s been nearly a year and you can find someone who wants children and wants them with ... (read in full...)
He changed his looks and I am no longer attracted at all to him. Do I end things?
Q. Hi I’ve been dating a guy for 6 months- it’s had it’s ups and downs- mainly as it started as a friendship with absolutely no sexual attraction on my behalf . I’ve never looked at him and thought ‘god your handsome’ but he has a lovely personali...
A. 9 March 2019: Thing is, MOST people change their looks every now and then. Sometimes they’re a great fit for us and others are faux pas. Sometimes we love them, but our partner doesn’t. Looks are temporary. If you really loved him, you’d just accept that it’s not ... (read in full...)
She blocked me on facebook because I looked her up
Q. Been seeing this woman for four months, have a lot of fun going out dancing movies places to eat, the sex is great, but she only has time to see me once a week,I told her I looked her up on Facebook, she got really mad,she said that's personal, so ...
A. 9 March 2019: I think she just sees you as casual - whether that’s because she has a boyfriend or not. She doesn’t want anything serious with you, so I’d let her go.... (read in full...)
My husband just revealed he has been anal douching! I had no idea and don't know how to take it? Title
Q. My husband just revealed something to me I NEVER knew after 6 years of marriage! He has been anal douching for 10 years. I had no idea. I've watched him take showers before but never saw him do such a thing. I am now wondering if he could be ...
A. 9 March 2019: Could just be that he prefers feeling clean up there, but it’s worth CALMLY asking and not accusing or assuming anything.... (read in full...)
Should I pursue sex with my hot neighbour?
Q. I'm currently 20 and the next door neighbor who still hot, probably 29 or 30 years old and is not married but does have 2 children is turning me on. I want to have sex with her. Should I just go for it. I mean I don't know that i can hold a serious ...
A. 7 March 2019: Get over the hormones, OP. "Don't sh*t where you eat". The last thing your neighbour needs is the horny young man next door trying to use her for sexual release.
I get it, I do, but it's not worth it. Besides, what do you mean "just go for it"?... (read in full...)
I have a boyfriend but had a one night stand. Pregnant and not sure who the father is
Q. I habe been dating my bf for almost 6 months now. He is a great guy and i really like hin. But i made a huge mistake. I have been talking to a guy I met in an online chat room for almost a year now, 2 months ago he flew to my home town and we spent ...
A. 6 March 2019: So, your immaturity is showing. You keep using condoms until you’re ready to be a parent. You also cheated on a new boyfriend. Steps: - You break up with your current boyfriend, as it’s not fair to expect him to stay when you slept with some... (read in full...)
He is all that I have ever wanted but I feel trapped. Is an open relationship the answer?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years, we met when we started university. All through these years I've been looking forward to graduating, getting a flat together and settling down. Now I'm coming to the end of my degree and I'm panicking because ...
A. 6 March 2019: OP, listen: your outlook is NOT wrong, but it does NOT match his. Neither of you are wrong, but you ARE wrong for each other. Very few people stay with their teenage/young adult partner because we grow and change. You want an open relationship and ... (read in full...)
He is all that I have ever wanted but I feel trapped. Is an open relationship the answer?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years, we met when we started university. All through these years I've been looking forward to graduating, getting a flat together and settling down. Now I'm coming to the end of my degree and I'm panicking because ...
A. 4 March 2019: He doesn’t want to sleep with others. You do. That’s what it boils down to. You are no longer compatible; you want to have your cake and eat it too.
You’ll resent him if you stay monogamous and he’ll resent you if you “convince” him to let you ... (read in full...)
Is all fair in love and war?
Q. I had an affair 7 years ago. He broke it off after 2.5 years. We boyh stayed married to our spouses. I really loved him and was heart broken. 2 months ago he reached out to me. He claims he still loves me, is in love with me and on and on. I ...
A. 2 March 2019: You’re not behaving like someone who deserves love, right now. You CHOSE to marry an older man. Stop being selfish and either work on your marriage or divorce him. It’s not fair to cheat on people, OP. Grow up, leave your husband and accept that you ... (read in full...)
My bf just got tattoos for his deceased ex wife!
Q. I'd like to have some opinions about my situation. My bf just got huge tattoo representing his dead ex wife. We became couple after he was separated from his ex but shortly after she passed away and he was the one found her dead on the floor at...
A. 28 February 2019: You’re friends, OP. You’re not a couple. He has no feelings for you - that’s not a boyfriend and you’re not his girlfriend. He IS single because he still loves his late ex-wife and isn’t ready for anyone else.
I’m sorry, but this isn’t a relation... (read in full...)
My ex still has our couples pictures on his facebook. I want them deleted.
Q. why is my ex keeping my pictures (our pictures together) on his facebook account and says in relationship with me? He broke up with me 6 months ago. I do not want him to keep my pictures on his profile, I blocked him but can still see his ac...
A. 25 February 2019: Also, for what it’s worth, if a relationship ends neutrally or amicably, it’s not uncommon to leave pictures up to fade into the past. It’s part of his story too, so it’s not major for him to leave them there.... (read in full...)
Should I send my crush a Valentine’s card?
Q. hey everyone, i consider myself a shy-ish person and so talking about any of my crushes is a bit difficult for me. no one has ever known who i've liked or do like. i am trying to open up. anyways, there's someone i like currently, let's ...
A. 25 February 2019: Fingers crossed that you can get to know each other and develop a crush on more than just his looks :P Good luck, OP! What you did was brave, so take things slowly and enjoy the texts :)... (read in full...)
I’m shy and don’t like to upset anyone, so how do I let the one friend with a crush on me down, whilst keeping our friendship?
Q. Hi everyone I've found myself in a tough situation recently and feel I need some advice. Firstly I think its important to understand a few things about me. I'm quite shy, I find it hard to express my interest in someone directly and I also reall...
A. 24 February 2019: OP, my response will have come after you submitted your reply. There isn’t a double standard regarding this. We would also be telling a female poster not to try to date someone she lives with because it makes things messy for everyone in the house. ... (read in full...)
How can I help this relationship survive?
Q. I am 40 F,3 years ago I met a 21F College student that was on a internship.(Asia)- I Never dated woman before. At the time I was in a leadership role within the college. She made passes and I resisted, because I was nervous, scared and becau...
A. 24 February 2019: I know it’s not what you want to hear, but she gaps like this rarely work because there’s usually a very noticeable incompatibility in life stages. That’s what’s happened here, among other things, and she’s just not interested any more. You weren’t ... (read in full...)
Somebody keeps hacking my boyfriend or is he cheating?
Q. I keep finding my boyfriend on multiple dating/cheating sites and find his search history is filled with things like: Women near me to have with tonight? I have asked him about it and he says he didn't do it. Tat someone is hacking him. Is that ...
A. 24 February 2019: Yes, it's possible that this is someone creating accounts in his name. No, I don't believe that this is what it is, if you "keep finding" him on multiple dating and cheating sites. I'd be 95% sure he's lying and I'd get rid of him.... (read in full...)
I don't like the feeling before I orgasm
Q. Well I have no other clue how to say this, except for the fact that I don't like how it feels when I'm about to orgasm. I'm a guy and I can only find articles about it happening to girls but, ya know I'm a guy so they aren't exactly help full. It ...
A. 24 February 2019: It's not as uncommon as you'd think. Get checked out with your doctor and mention it to them - they may be able to find or rule out health issues and give you potential causes for it :)... (read in full...)
My ex still has our couples pictures on his facebook. I want them deleted.
Q. why is my ex keeping my pictures (our pictures together) on his facebook account and says in relationship with me? He broke up with me 6 months ago. I do not want him to keep my pictures on his profile, I blocked him but can still see his ac...
A. 24 February 2019: If you have truly blocked him, you will be unable to find his profile on Facebook without unblocking him. Also, they aren't your photos any more, as they were published on his account. Some people keep them and let them fade into the past, wherea... (read in full...)
I broke up with my violent boyfriend, he wants the ring back but I paid for it!
Q. I have just broken up with my boyfriend of twenty years due to his violent behaviour. the thing is he says he wants the ring he bought me back which is expensive but I feel like in all fairness I have paid for the ring as I gave the cost of the ring ...
A. 23 February 2019: OP, you did not pay for the ring. I understand what you are saying, but it is not the same thing. You have not "earned" the ring, even if you gave him lots of money during the relationship.
He is abusive. Keeping that ring is tempting more dan... (read in full...)
Can you please give me some ideas on how to make his birthday special?
Q. So my boyfriend and I have been dating for a little over a month and his birthday is coming up next month and I want to do something really special for him but I cant really think of anything. Any ideas would be greatly appreciated! Thank you!...
A. 23 February 2019: This is lovely to read, but I'm afraid you may not like what I'm about to say:
It's too soon to spend more than £15 on him, especially at your age.
Now, I think it's really sweet that you want to do something special for him, but a month or t... (read in full...)
I just got married and I feel that my marriage is already breaking
Q. Dear cupid I just got married and already feel like my marriage is failing, to be precise nothing changed i.e we were living together even before marriage so it's the same. But my husband emotional support is almost none to these days Most of ...
A. 23 February 2019: Do you love him? Does he love you?
As hard as it would have been, you should have cancelled the wedding and sorted these issues out before marriage. It's unlikely that they've only just shown up.
Unfortunately, you only have three options:
... (read in full...)
I’m shy and don’t like to upset anyone, so how do I let the one friend with a crush on me down, whilst keeping our friendship?
Q. Hi everyone I've found myself in a tough situation recently and feel I need some advice. Firstly I think its important to understand a few things about me. I'm quite shy, I find it hard to express my interest in someone directly and I also reall...
A. 22 February 2019: “Don’t sh*t where you eat”. Trying to date or hook up with people you live with is always a bad idea unless you’re already a couple before moving in together. People get uncomfortable or jealous, or a break up/tension makes things awkward for ... (read in full...)
I don't like children at all but why am I thinking about the possibilty?
Q. I’m 26 and have never ever ever wanted children in my whole life and the thought of giving birth and being pregnant makes me feel sick and squeamish. I don’t even find babies or children cute and I get very uncomfortable around them~ at Christmas I ...
A. 21 February 2019: Thing is, your kid would be that one screaming endlessly in public. It happens to everyone, so it's something you'd have to accept as part of raising a child.
Like I said, I'd give it a year before thinking about discussing it with him. It's a g... (read in full...)
Do you think he’s basically telling me to leave?
Q. So last night my S/O and I got into an argument. We were at walmart leaving and our daughter stopped to whine about getting some gumballs so I wasn't paying attention to where I was walking and accidentally bumped into the entrance doors of the ...
A. 18 February 2019: Ultimately, it seems like you both moved this relationship too far, too fast. You've got a child, moved 12 hours from home and are still so young. I'm sorry; I know you'll probably get defensive about your age and maturity, but you're both show... (read in full...)
I’m bi, my friend is straight, but she said it was okay to flirt with her! What does her behaviour mean?
Q. I am bisexual, turning 18 in March. I have a friend, who I think I am in love with... I told her I liked her but she told me that she is straight. But she also said before all this shit, that it's okay to flirt with her. One time, she and my ot...
A. 18 February 2019: You need to distance yourself. She’s messing you about because girls and boys your age do say things about who they are, or who they like, without wanting to commit to any of it. Whether she means to or not, she’s giving you false hope. Don’t flirts ... (read in full...)
He couldn't get it up! Any ideas why?
Q. Hie Cupid, I fell in love with a very amazing guy, about two months ago. He's in love with me too. So, after hanging out for six times only (writing this because it might be the answer to my doubt), on Valentine's day, we both decided to lose ...
A. 18 February 2019: OP, this isn’t love yet; you’ve both got a major crush on each other, but two months isn’t very long. Be patient and slow things down. May I ask: will your future be affected if you have sex with this man before marriage? It’s probably just nerves ... (read in full...)
I don't like children at all but why am I thinking about the possibilty?
Q. I’m 26 and have never ever ever wanted children in my whole life and the thought of giving birth and being pregnant makes me feel sick and squeamish. I don’t even find babies or children cute and I get very uncomfortable around them~ at Christmas I ...
A. 17 February 2019: It’s natural. I feel the same way as you about pregnancy and birth, but I plan to adopt someday because I do want children. Whilst I’m adamant that I don’t want to go through pregnancy or birth, I do sometimes wonder what it would feel like if I ... (read in full...)
Were my comments racist?
Q. Hi everyone, I had an interesting and slightly upsetting conversation with a friend tonight. We got on to many inane topics that a few drinks brought to the surface and he asked me about my ‘type’. I explained that I am not someone to gener...
A. 15 February 2019: It's not racist, but it is questionable. If you find people of all skin colours attractive, then stick to that, rather than picking a couple for your "dream girl".
Preferences are normal and totally okay, but it's always possible to seem a little... (read in full...)
My Nigerian husband keeps asking for money and gets upset when I question him!
Q. Hello and thanks My husband and I have been married for two years. I love in Canada and he is from Nigeria. For the most part he treats me well he is very charismatic. Tells me he loves me many times predates. I’m working on his permanent vi...
A. 14 February 2019: There’s a 99% chance you’re being scammed - husbands who are genuine don’t ask for money like that and behave so poorly. Sorry, OP, but it’s time to get a lawyer.... (read in full...)
I want to be at a place where women would be in abundance.
Q. After a night out, I realized some things about my future with women. We went out for a close friends birthday and had dinner with 20+ friends. Then we went to a club/bar in the city where much of our med school was there. I had fun dancing with my ...
A. 13 February 2019: “Andie’s wrong this time” - no, you just have a different opinion :) Nice guys are what most women want, but that isn’t what people consider “Nice Guys finish last”. Being a “Nice Guy” has been changed by people who believe you have to be borderline ... (read in full...)
I want to be at a place where women would be in abundance.
Q. After a night out, I realized some things about my future with women. We went out for a close friends birthday and had dinner with 20+ friends. Then we went to a club/bar in the city where much of our med school was there. I had fun dancing with my ...
A. 12 February 2019: Honestly, you seem like a decent guy, so just keep at it and maybe take that step to ask someone out next time. That person’s comment about “gay best friend” is just stupidity on her part and nothing to do with your behaviour or ability to date ... (read in full...)
In a polyamorous relationship and the woman is pregnant. How do I deal with the pregnancy?
Q. I'm in a very unfamiliar type of situation and not sure where to turn for advice. I am a woman dating a married couple (FMF polyamorous triad) for about 6 months, and we have all been getting along great to where we spend most days together, and ...
A. 10 February 2019: “It’s complicated” isn’t enough. As a psychologist, you should know not to stay in this relationship unless everything is talked through properly. Keep asking about things, especially how kids fit in and boundaries.... (read in full...)
In a polyamorous relationship and the woman is pregnant. How do I deal with the pregnancy?
Q. I'm in a very unfamiliar type of situation and not sure where to turn for advice. I am a woman dating a married couple (FMF polyamorous triad) for about 6 months, and we have all been getting along great to where we spend most days together, and ...
A. 9 February 2019: For what it’s worth, YOU are “the other woman” in this relationship; SHE is the WIFE. This is not an equal triad, so please bear that in mind when you’re making comments and decisions. You are an addition to their core, which means you should not ... (read in full...)
In a polyamorous relationship and the woman is pregnant. How do I deal with the pregnancy?
Q. I'm in a very unfamiliar type of situation and not sure where to turn for advice. I am a woman dating a married couple (FMF polyamorous triad) for about 6 months, and we have all been getting along great to where we spend most days together, and ...
A. 9 February 2019: These are all things that NEED to be discussed BEFORE becoming a triad -.- Poly relationships take so much more than the three of you have put in. Jeez. Do NOT risk pregnancy while she isn’t okay with this. COMMUNICATE as a triad and get it all out ... (read in full...)
Should I send my crush a Valentine’s card?
Q. hey everyone, i consider myself a shy-ish person and so talking about any of my crushes is a bit difficult for me. no one has ever known who i've liked or do like. i am trying to open up. anyways, there's someone i like currently, let's ...
A. 7 February 2019: Aww, bless you. This is all very sweet, but Valentine’s Cards are creepy if the person doesn’t like you back and you barely know them. Your crush is only based on his looks, not who he is or a connection you have with him.
Let Valentine’s Day pass... (read in full...)
I fear I will fall apart because of the distance that his military life has created
Q. My boyfriend left a few weeks ago to study at the army’s university for four years until he finishes his course and begins a full time job as an officer. I spent the last couple of years of my life by his side day in day out without ever spe...
A. 7 February 2019: I was going to say the exact same thing as Honeypie. You need to do your own thing and further yourself because you’re at the prime stage to do that, especially with him away. If you look back in 4 years and find minimal progression on your end, ... (read in full...)
I love dogs but my boyfriend doesn't. How can I make him change his mind?
Q. My bf and me got into an argument tonight because we were talking about dogs and I said they are better than people. He asked why I think that. I said because dogs are so selfless and pure. They are always happy and love unconditionally. Unlike ...
A. 4 February 2019: "How do I make him love dogs?" .... That's very immature, OP. How does he make you not love dogs? He can't. You can't change him either. Look, this is a deal breaker for most people - the same way having or not having children is an absolute deal... (read in full...)
Girlfriend wants his Playstation
Q. Hellooo Everyone, I'm going to try and keep this simple. My boyfriend and I were meant to be going to visit his family for the weekend. On Saturday, I will be home alone for about 7 hours while everyone goes and watches a football game ...
A. 3 February 2019: Read this: “I didn't think me asking to take his playstation would be such a big deal. I did tell him that it's his so why should this be an option for them what we do with it.” HIS PlayStation.... what WE do with it. OP; it’s what YOU want to do ... (read in full...)
My daughter just found out that I am her biological father not the man she grew up calling dad. Do I contact her?
Q. My question is thirty years ago I was very much in love with my youth sweetheart,but she she got married but we never stopped seeing each other, she had to children, we didn't know if her daughter was her husband or mine but we split up for the ...
A. 27 January 2019: You had an affair, so I'd feel pretty betrayed by you and my mum, if I were her. As that's the situation, leave it up to her.
Write her a letter, if you want, but don't send it - just keep it in case she wants contact someday. Personally, I think ... (read in full...)
How long do we try for kids before moving on?
Q. I don't want any judgements, this has not been an easy desicion. There is a chance my long term partner can't have kids. I have always wanted kids. I don't want to do IVF treatment. How long should we try before moving on?...
A. 26 January 2019: What puts you off IVF? You could be the “problem”.... Be with people for love because that’s all you’ll have left at the end of it. If you only want her if she can birth babies without help, you shouldn’t be with anyone. If you LOVE her, then IVF ... (read in full...)
Should I be over his cheating?
Q. I’ve been with my guy for over 6 yrs now. We got into a discussion yesterday about his twin boys momma. Saying you know we will have to be around her more. And I said “as long as nothing else happens again” due to him going behind my back a couple ...
A. 22 January 2019: Get over it or don’t. If you don’t, which I totally understand and agree with, you need to leave him. You accepted that he cheated on you MULTIPLE times. It’s not surprising you’re not over it, but you can’t hold it over him and stay together. ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend tells me he doesn't want kids, I leave crying and I haven't heard from him since. How is he so cold?
Q. My LDR boyfriend of a year and a half finally admitted to me that he had 100% decided that he doesn't want kids. I am 40, have frozen my eggs and most days I feel the incredible yearning for a family. I say "finally admitted" because he has k...
A. 28 June 2018: OP, he knew you'd never not want kids. You froze your eggs, for goodness sake. That's a commitment to it.
Also, whilst he could have been a little nicer about it, there would have been no point in talking marriage when you were obviously so incom... (read in full...)
Boyfriend tells me he doesn't want kids, I leave crying and I haven't heard from him since. How is he so cold?
Q. My LDR boyfriend of a year and a half finally admitted to me that he had 100% decided that he doesn't want kids. I am 40, have frozen my eggs and most days I feel the incredible yearning for a family. I say "finally admitted" because he has k...
A. 27 June 2018: I can't add to HP's great response. All I'm going to say is that, if you're financially and mentally stable, I think you need to just get a sperm donor and have a baby on your own. You are getting older and now is the time to have a baby, rather ... (read in full...)
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