A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi I’ve been dating a guy for 6 months- it’s had it’s ups and downs- mainly as it started as a friendship with absolutely no sexual attraction on my behalf . I’ve never looked at him and thought ‘god your handsome’ but he has a lovely personality which outshone the looks for me. Lately things haven’t been too great between us due to work commitments and not being able to spend much time together. It’s been causing bickers and arguments. Anyway I met with him last week and he arrived with a new look- brightly yellow dyed hair from his usual dark brown hair . It looks very very silly as he has dark freckles, a dark beared and dark eyebrows. Instantly I felt totally turned off and uncomfortable. I could barely look at him let alone kiss him/ be intimate. I’ve tried to get used to it but I just feel like the attraction has totally gone for me. It doesn’t help that people are laughing at him and mocking as they think it’s some silly joke for charity- and not that he’s being serious. I feel a little bit let down and heartbroken- I tried to positively discuss that I found him attractive whilst he was natural and that I was struggling now with his new yellow look. It caused a huge argument resulting in us ending the relationship. I feel so upset, my stomachs in knots as I do have feelings for him but I can’t stop looking at the latest photos with him and feeling turned off/embarrassed and cringing. He’s saying he likes the hair and that I should learn to live with it! What should I do? Try and get over that now any attraction has totally gone or cut my losses. Help!
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2019): FWIW I'm a care home manager and hire people with any colour hair if theyre competent in the job role. Many jobs are semi-strict about it, but I've seen workers in supermarkets, tattoo salons, hair salons, certain shops, etc. with various different hair colours and tattoos - even if some of them are slightly toned down like dark purple/blue, etc.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2019): I really don't think you care for him after-all. I think he filled an empty spot in your life. Although someone's fashion-sense or style can be off-putting; it doesn't change how you feel about them. Not if you are in-love with him.
The match was wrong to begin with. The bickering and arguing is strictly because you were holding-on for anything but love. You are incompatible in other ways and trying to force it to work.
I don't place a lot of stock in people "growing on you." To me that means settling for the lack of any better option at the time. You had no other prospects and his persistence gradually won you over.
You lost physical-attraction for him; and you've finally admitted to yourself that you really have no real attraction for him at all. You don't make someone your boyfriend, just because he's a lovely person. You form a romantic-commitment based on mutual-attraction, love, true-chemistry, and respect for each other. A dopey haircut or funny hair-color isn't enough to undo that. It's just annoying or embarrassing.
If there was any true emotional-attachment, it wouldn't be likened to cutting your losses. You're not selling your car under suggested book-value. He's a person.
Be honest about how you feel, wish him well, and just move on.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (9 March 2019):
 I think you should end it.
You don't think he should "follow his own bliss" but stick to YOUR standards and that isn't fair. Just like you wouldn't be very happy if he told you that he really only want to be with you if you become a blond/brunette (whatever you aren't right now).
The fact that YOU from the onset wasn't attracted to him PHYSICALLY might actually be a bigger deal than you think. Especially if ONE little (albeit a very NOTICEABLE) change have to absolutely turned off.
While I GET that you like him better with natural hair color, it really ISN'T up to you to dictate his choice in hair color. Nor is it clear that he should OBEY and follow whatever YOU think he should look like, dress like, talk like etc. HE is HIS own person.
Honestly? I wouldn't be happy if my husband came home with bright orange hair (or whatever color) And I probably wouldn't be SUPER keen on being seen in public with him, but I'd still respect that it's HIS hair and he can do what he want with it. would I be less attracted to him? Probably not.
It's only been 6 months, you have already had ups and downs, you weren't attracted to him to begin with but "settled" for him because he has a lovely personality. I really don't think you should be having arguments only 6 months in.
At some point you will have to accept that HE isn't the kind of guy you REALLY want. And that HE isn't going to CHANGE for you. (nor should he).
So let him go. Maybe he will find a girl who think he is the bomb with the yellow hair to match her own purple!
My oldest went through h two year "phase" of having red, purple, blue, green hair in high school and I let her, because that was a GOOD time to get that out of her system. She now works full time and CAN NOT have dyed hair. So now she goes for a variation of hair styles instead.
What kind of job does he have where he can run around with such an outrageous hair do?
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (9 March 2019):
 Thing is, MOST people change their looks every now and then. Sometimes they’re a great fit for us and others are faux pas. Sometimes we love them, but our partner doesn’t. Looks are temporary. If you really loved him, you’d just accept that it’s not your favourite look, but he likes it and it’s his body. The same way you could do a crazy hair change and he may not like it, but you do, so he stays anyway or leaves.
You’re not right for each other if an unusual appearance change puts you off him.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (9 March 2019):
 Honestly? You should let this "lovely" guy go so he can find someone who loves him as he is - regardless of whether he has brown, yellow, pink, red or any other coloured hair.
Neither of you is right or wrong in this. You are both just different. If you REALLY loved him, the outrageous hair colour would not matter. Don't "settle". Find someone you feel that connection with - and let him find the same. It is what you deserve.
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