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How long do we try for kids before moving on?

Tagged as: Breaking up, Health, Pregnancy<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (24 January 2019) 7 Answers - (Newest, 28 January 2019)
A male South Africa age 36-40, anonymous writes:

I don't want any judgements, this has not been an easy desicion. There is a chance my long term partner can't have kids. I have always wanted kids. I don't want to do IVF treatment. How long should we try before moving on?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2019):

If you love her you would want to be with her irrespective of whether she can have kids or not. Sounds to me like you don't love her enough.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2019):

Yes we both been tested and we know the problem.

The only thing we can do further to know for sure is have surgery but that alone can do damage and stop her falling pregnant.

The main reason I do not want IVF is because I believe in natural selection. Her family has history of problems with children and birth which is scary.

This is a long term partner of over +5 years.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2019):

I think your comment is pretty heartless and you should move on now .. And let your partner actually be with someone who will support and love her whether she can or cannot have children . Plus I had problems and that didn't mean my man up and left . We were surprised later in life .. three times boy and then two girls .. who we adore . They are our world.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2019):

Find a fertile partner you love, who wouldn't mind marrying you. Just a suggestion.

I would assume your partner has had a fertility test. If you don't want an IVF, then adoption is one option. Another suggestion, is a surrogate. Maybe you can talk him into going to a sperm bank. If none of this is on the table. Then do what you feel you must to become a mother. Move on. Apparently that option has crossed your mind.

Just keep trying and praying; maybe nature alone will produce a baby the old-fashioned way. Miracle babies happen all the time.

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A female reader, Andie's Thoughts United Kingdom +, writes (26 January 2019):

Andie's Thoughts agony auntWhat puts you off IVF? You could be the “problem”.... Be with people for love because that’s all you’ll have left at the end of it. If you only want her if she can birth babies without help, you shouldn’t be with anyone. If you LOVE her, then IVF helping her have children shouldn’t be an issue.

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (26 January 2019):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntBy "moving on" I assume you mean finishing the relationship because your partner cannot have kids without help?

Have you considered the "problem" could be with YOU and not her?

My advice: finish the relationship NOW before there is any further chance of you two creating a new life and let her find someone who loves her for who she is, not as a brood mare.

And a further little bit of advice: don't come on a forum asking for advice but specifying the people who give up their time to try to help others are not allowed to judge you because that is just not going to happen. You don't sound like a very nice human being. Your partner deserves better.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (26 January 2019):

Honeypie agony auntHave you both seen a doctor? That way you will know for sure what you are working with.

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