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| | *ndie's Thoughts's profile:I'm Andie and I'm surviving life until I can really start to live it :)
Karma does happen:
My dad was a married woman's other guy for only a few weeks (about a decade before my mum met him), then realised he wasn't okay with helping her betray her husband. His friend became her other guy, husband came home while they were at it, the guy jumped out of the window and the husband knew, so grabbed a bicycle, chased him and punched him once, going 20mph, so it knocked him out. A couple of relationships later, after getting £15,000 in debt to help a woman leave her abusive husband and getting in a relationship with her, my dad came back from a holiday with his parents and found her with another guy. |
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My wife wont wear a bra when people are over.
Q. Not sure how I should feel about my wife and her feeling nudity is only a problem if your looking at it sexually .. I find it disrespectful if someone is over and she doesn’t have a bra on or is t fully clothed .. am I over reacting?...
A. 25 November 2019: This is two “problems”:
1) No Bra: bras can be VERY uncomfortable and irritating. Nipples or braless boobs that are modestly covered by a top/dress that isn’t transparent are only sexual to people who objectify the person. It’s fair to silently... (read in full...)
My GF is not a virgin but want have sex with me until we marry.
Q. I am dating a girl who is 40 years old , it’s almost two months . We have great chemistry but I have one issue. She don’t want to have sex until we marry. She is not virgin ( someone raped her ) I don’t think she has to refuse sex If she is not ...
A. 25 November 2019: She IS a virgin, OP. Rape is NOT sex. Rape is violating, traumatic, terrifying, brutal and SCARRING.
Even before she was ATTACKED, she may have wanted to wait until marriage because she was and still is a virgin. She has not had sex; she was RAPE... (read in full...)
My wife's workouts are getting out of control
Q. My wife wanted to lose some weight for upcoming vacation so I encouraged her to get a trainer. A friend of hers recommend a 'gay' guy (Joe) she knew that worked out of his house at nights. Once I found out he was gay, I begged her to wear her shin...
A. 23 November 2019: Sorry, but you literally asked for this doubt because you wanted her to be sexier and turned on around this guy, but now you feel teased.
Get a gym membership each and go together. The condoms could be for you to use when she gets back with her... (read in full...)
Is it ok to have secret savings?
Q. I have some savings that my partner doesn’t know about. It was money that I saved up over many years and that I have set aside as an emergency fund, in case one of us loses our job, or gets sick, or we break up (I’m not planning to break up, but ...
A. 22 November 2019: This money is yours, so don't join it with his - joint savings can be started after marriage. That said, there's no point marrying him if you don't trust him enough to tell him about the money. Not only that, but if he demands that you join it with ... (read in full...)
I'm considering a threesome with two male friends.
Q. This is a bit embarrassing but I have two male friends who I've been friends with for a long time and we spend a lot of time together. Sometimes I sleep over at either of their houses when we can't be bothered going to our own houses. They're both ...
A. 19 November 2019: Oh, something to add:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-initiated-a-threesome-with-a-guy-friend.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/im-married-but-starting-to-get-obsessed-with.html
http://www.dearcupid.... (read in full...)
I'm considering a threesome with two male friends.
Q. This is a bit embarrassing but I have two male friends who I've been friends with for a long time and we spend a lot of time together. Sometimes I sleep over at either of their houses when we can't be bothered going to our own houses. They're both ...
A. 18 November 2019: Are they bi or will both only want to be with you?
Have you set out boundaries to avoid ruining the friendship?
Have you discussed what you all do and don’t want sexually?
Have you agreed on a safe word that means stop no matter what?
... (read in full...)
I met a guy on facebook, and even though he has a ring on his finger I cant stop thinking about him.
Q. Dear Cupid, A few months ago (~4-5), I saw a profile picture of a very handsome guy on Facebook. I opened the profile picture and it showed that we have about 30 mutual friends. So I befriended him. Since then, I liked his profile picture ...
A. 17 November 2019: It's possible he likes you, but your main concern should be finding out if he's married or in a relationship - not whether he likes you or not. If he's in a relationship, you need to cut contact, even if he wants to see you on the side.... (read in full...)
What's wrong? Trying asexual dating but that also isn't working. What's wrong?
Q. Hello. First of all, thank you for your mostly kind responses to my last post. I'm the lady who posted about being raised by my grandparents. (I did not write the title). After a long period of failed relationships (four with men one with a woman...
A. 17 November 2019: Your lack of interest in sex is “sex-repulsed”, not asexuality (a lack of sexual attraction). If you also don’t feel sexually attracted to anyone, then you are likely ace, but because of that, not your dislike for sex.
As for joining in-perso... (read in full...)
Would you be furious if your partner came home with a dog without consulting you?
Q. Can I ask a serious question - would you aunts be mad if your partner went and got a dog without consulting you first? Right now I am sat here absolutely raging! My partner went and got a dog last week and the thing just craps everywhere! We c...
A. 17 November 2019: “I know the dog is here now and that’s the end of it”.... no, that’s not the end of it. This poor dog needs a family who wants him, not one who is annoyed by his behaviour and resents that he’s there.
I completely understand why you’re mad and ... (read in full...)
What's wrong? Trying asexual dating but that also isn't working. What's wrong?
Q. Hello. First of all, thank you for your mostly kind responses to my last post. I'm the lady who posted about being raised by my grandparents. (I did not write the title). After a long period of failed relationships (four with men one with a woman...
A. 15 November 2019: I’m disappointed with the ignorance in comments about people “inventing labels to be special”. No, people invent labels (just like all words are invented) to better understand themselves and others. Most of the time, the people making negative ... (read in full...)
I don't think I'm ever going to get over my ex
Q. Is there any way to really get over an ex? My ex fiancé and I were together for 7 years and have been split up 5 years and I’m still not over him and don’t think I ever will be. I’ve only seen him once during that time and haven’t really spoken to ...
A. 9 November 2019: It took me two years to move on from my 3 year relationship. It was complicated because we were each other’s firsts, but he needed to explore his sexuality, and we’ve stayed friends since. Early this year, he started seeing another woman. He’s more ... (read in full...)
Married 40 years and not once has my wife given me oral sex. She refuses to
Q. I have been married for forty years to the same woman. She has never given me a blow job in all those years. I have gone down on her for years, but she refuses me when I ask her to do the same on me. When we were first married we had good sex but ...
A. 8 November 2019: For what it's worth, a doctor I've seen about hormones has said it's unspoken, but very common for men and women (roughly equal percentages of each) to be less interested in sex than is socially expected. Many marriages survive happily long until ... (read in full...)
Am I in the friend-zone? What should I do to avoid becoming her friend and further into a relationship?
Q. I'm a 37 year old male, met this girl who is 31 on a dating app. We're both of Chinese background. She's had two relationships prior to our match; both long term. We hit it off pretty well over texts, subsequently I asked her out for dinner. She ...
A. 8 November 2019: All I’ll add to Honeypie’s great advice is that the “friend zone” doesn’t exist. Men say they’re in the “friend zone” just because a woman wasn’t romantically interested in you.
Some say you weren’t “alpha”/confident enough, but that’s not how ... (read in full...)
Married 40 years and not once has my wife given me oral sex. She refuses to
Q. I have been married for forty years to the same woman. She has never given me a blow job in all those years. I have gone down on her for years, but she refuses me when I ask her to do the same on me. When we were first married we had good sex but ...
A. 8 November 2019: A lot of people can’t stomach oral sex - particularly on someone who has a penis. Can you imagine if your wife had a penis - would you still be happy to give her oral sex? Some people enjoy giving it, most solely tolerate it and others just can’t do ... (read in full...)
No one seems to like my daughter
Q. My 12-year-old daughter is constantly being rejected and I'm sick of it! When she was 6 month old I sent her to an in home sitter so I could actually get work done. (I'm a medical transcriptionist). I sent her w expressed milk, cloth diapers, and ...
A. 3 November 2019: Please take your daughter to a doctor. Some places will need her to be vaccinated, like many other equally-proven medications you use, but she may have Autism or similar. This is not something negative, just something to adapt to.... (read in full...)
I took my boyfriend back and he hurt me physically
Q. So here I am. I took him back after dumping him for emotional abuse. This time he told me that things were going to change. A week later he was back to his same verbal abuse. This time tho I stood up to him. His five year old daughter was screaming ...
A. 1 November 2019: Why did he do it? Because he's an abuser. You knew that when you took him back. You have a 13 month old. Why be with anyone who is a danger to them?
You shouldn't be telling a 5 year old that they are being dramatic. It hurt her, so you should h... (read in full...)
3 guys are into me and I don't know what to do
Q. I'm sixteen years old and my whole life I haven't really had a real crush, and I don't think anyone except one guy has actually liked me. This year, I have three guys that all seem to really like me. Guy #1: K I've known K for forever. His broth...
A. 29 October 2019: You don’t like K, so not him.
You don’t say you like S either. He’s also petty, which is not going to change just because you start flirting or seeing him. He’s bad news.
T dated your sister, so it’s unwise to try being with him. “Keeping it... (read in full...)
Co worker body shames customers
Q. I began a part time job at a fast food place where my son works to earn extra money and to keep an eye on him. (He's mildly autistic and often misunderstood). This isn't the problem. The problem is my co-worker "Xena". Yesterday, a man came in an...
A. 29 October 2019: Please do not “mind your own business”; if a customer hears her and already has self-esteem issues, they may spiral and end up in a very low place. All because of a snarky jerk who couldn’t keep her crappy comments to herself.
Next time she says... (read in full...)
I'm ready to walk away from my marriage because I'm tired of walking on eggshells
Q. I’ve been married for almost three years, I’ve noticed as the few years have gone on my wife has begun to speak down to me, be condescending in arguments, and tells me I do things wrong (like simple things like cleaning or doing dishes or laundry) ...
A. 13 October 2019: You got married very young. It's unfortunately unwise because it rarely lasts, since we naturally grow and change, but aren't always compatible after that. We're not typically our "adult" selves until 25+, so marrying before that is often riskier ... (read in full...)
My wife is making it difficult for me to cross dress and I feel like I am cheating on her..
Q. Dear aunts, I've been attracted to crossdress since i was a child. I met a wonderful woman about 5 years ago. From the beginning i was clear about how i liked to dress from time to time and she fully accepted me. I'm not attracted to males at all. ...
A. 13 October 2019: I'd like to clarify that lots of heterosexual men like anal stimulation, OP, so please take any advice to the contrary with a pinch of salt. Cross-dressing and sexual orientation are also not the same thing; whilst most cross-dressers are gay, there ... (read in full...)
I'm having a tough time with my new, older boyfriend.
Q. Hi There is this guy at work and for some time now he has deffinately been trying to chat me up ,the thing is im on work experience. He is probably in his 40's.A few weeks ago we went out and it got more serious and eventually soon after we ended up...
A. 13 October 2019: OP, the shortest response to this is: if you have to keep a guy a secret from family, he's not the right one for you.
Your dad would be wary of this guy for very good reason: no decent 40-something would be romantically interested in someone ... (read in full...)
Am I being an egomaniac or does this matter?
Q. Hi, I am a 38 year old female and have been dating a 45 year old man for 4 months. In that time 2.5 months has been long distance. We were recently having a conversation and I mentioned that a long time ago I was dating someone who a lot of people ...
A. 10 October 2019: " I feel like I am being compared to an ex who looks like your average girl and from what I can gather offers nothing in the intellect department."
My goodness, OP. That's bordering on cruel. He mentioned a good-looking ex, just like you did.
... (read in full...)
My best friend is having my boyfriend’s baby and I can’t deal with it!
Q. My best friend is having my boyfriend’s baby and I can’t deal with it. 7 months ago they slept together behind my back. He ended up making her pregnant as well. I’ve forgiven them both and am trying to move on and rebuild relationships wi...
A. 27 September 2019: I'm so sorry. What most or all of us will say is not what you want to hear, but: DUMP HIM AND HER. She is not a friend and he is not a trustworthy boyfriend.
If he is remotely a decent person, he will be spending a lot of time working to support ... (read in full...)
Should I go on a date with him?
Q. I met a guy on Facebook a week a go. He messaged me first saying hi and I responded and we chatted for like an hour and told him I had to sleep to wake up early the next morning. He ask me for my number and I have it to him.the next day he texted me ...
A. 27 September 2019: I think you're risking a lot here. You're allowing yourself to be naive about him and falling for who you think he is when he's a stranger and you've only been talking for a week.
Nobody can afford to be naive about meeting strangers online, ... (read in full...)
Am I being an overprotective cat mom or is it cruel to leave my little kitten at home alone when I go to work?
Q. Hey i just bought the most divine cutest himalayan kitten, he is 2 months old and has been taken away from his mummy and daddy, and his other 2 brothers in the litter my friend and her husband took the 2 brothers! I absolutely ADORE him he is the ...
A. 27 August 2019: They are independent when they’re adults, but they need to be looked after like puppies for the first 6 months. A neighbour or cat sitter to pop in once (or twice if you can’t get back for a lunch break) while you’re at work is wise. Routines are ... (read in full...)
I feel insecure about the wait in our long distance relationship
Q. hello, me and my girlfriend are in an Long distance relationship and talk online. her parents make her study and have taken all form of communication to me away from her and she can barley say 1 word to me per day. she said itd be over in around 10 ...
A. 27 August 2019: How old is she?
How old are you?
What country are you from? (Is English your second language?)
What country is she from? (How far from you?)
How did you meet online?
Have you met in person?
Have you video chatted?
How long hav... (read in full...)
I'm unhappy in my marriage and want out. Should I go for my friend that loves me?
Q. I want to leave my husband of 2 years. We arent compatible at all. We almost doesnt have any similarity and fight a lot. We have a year old son together. Aunties and uncles here adviced me many times not to marry him and leave him but i dont have ...
A. 24 August 2019: I’m sorry you have learnt the hard way. However, you need to be ready to listen to the advice this time. We will strongly advise against starting a relationship with anyone else until you’re divorced and have been single for a year or more because ... (read in full...)
Am I being an overprotective cat mom or is it cruel to leave my little kitten at home alone when I go to work?
Q. Hey i just bought the most divine cutest himalayan kitten, he is 2 months old and has been taken away from his mummy and daddy, and his other 2 brothers in the litter my friend and her husband took the 2 brothers! I absolutely ADORE him he is the ...
A. 24 August 2019: He is a bit young to go out, but it’s usually best for them to go outside when they’re old enough - at least on a lead or an aviary-style “catio”. Indoor enrichment is also necessary, but it’s good for cats to get some access to the outdoors.
... (read in full...)
I want to volunteer but worry abut my dad's opinion and don't know how to research
Q. i want to do some volunteering overseas next year and i know i definitely want to do this but some obstacles that i feel will get in the way is my dads opinions and thoughts on where i should go , how long for and doing what , he doesn't mean to ...
A. 23 August 2019: It’s awesome that you want to volunteer abroad - it could be a great learning experience for you and look good on job applications in the future.
I’m not sure why you’re so hesitant to allow your dad to help you decide, though? He can help you... (read in full...)
We are uneasy with our son's choice of a wife that we know very little about
Q. My son works abroad and is engaged to his Brazilian girlfriend for a year. They were planning to get married next year. Now he has told us that they tend to marry next month in Brazil without us being there! Both myself and my husband feel ver...
A. 4 August 2019: I'm sorry you feel conflicted about this. For what it's worth, if she sleeps a lot and he does many things for her, she may have a health issue that includes exhaustion.
Another note in this lady's favour is that she goes home and pays her fami... (read in full...)
Should I tell the other woman he's cheating?
Q. My husband and I are going through a divorce due to his affair. Should I inform the other woman that he's married? It seems she doesn't know. And in the chance that she does know and I look like a fool, I can live with it. I know it's sel...
A. 2 August 2019: Once the divorce is completed, I’d do it. I’d want someone to warn me if I was with a cheater. That doesn’t mean you have to, but people deserve to know. If she already knows, what have you lost? If she doesn’t, she’s gained the truth. You don’t ... (read in full...)
He said he had been celibate but after we had sex he told me he had herpes.
Q. I'm so afraid right now.Here's a summary of what happened. I recently connected with my ex and we attempted to be intimate but he could not become aroused,he said it was because he was nervous and that he hadn't had sex in 4 years. I found it really ...
A. 27 July 2019: OP, that was very irresponsible of both of you. He may have known, but he may not have. Either way, you must always use condoms when you’re not ready for a pregnancy or STI. Trust doesn’t protect you from those.
I wouldn’t talk to him again an... (read in full...)
I'm single and pregnant, despite complications with the baby the father doesn't want to know about us.
Q. So I was dating a guy for 2 months, going really well then he ended the relationship due to the fact he didn't like the fact I have children, 3 weeks later I found out I was pregnant with his child, (implant broke) he said when he found out he ...
A. 27 July 2019: OP, you and your baby don’t need him, but your baby does need and deserve the child support, so please do get that done through the court. That’s one thing you shouldn’t avoid doing because it’s in your baby’s best interests to have that financial ... (read in full...)
Is it ok to have a relationship, but keeping my goals first at the same time?
Q. Hey guys! Despite my usual posts in here, I have a pretty calmed down question/need for advice. I was in a 6 year relationship from 18 to 25. I am now 27 and after a slew of some flings and single dating, I was able to find a really great ...
A. 23 July 2019: Yes! We NEED to put our goals first because it’s all we have if a relationship ends. You’re being smart by doing that, but being in a relationship doesn’t have to stop you putting your goals first, as long as that’s the understanding when you put a ... (read in full...)
I'm single and pregnant, despite complications with the baby the father doesn't want to know about us.
Q. So I was dating a guy for 2 months, going really well then he ended the relationship due to the fact he didn't like the fact I have children, 3 weeks later I found out I was pregnant with his child, (implant broke) he said when he found out he ...
A. 22 July 2019: OP, I’m glad you’ll take our advice and not bother with him again - aside from court ordered child support - but you do not love him.
You genuinely don’t love a deadbeat you dated for a very short time. The want a relationship and hope he could be... (read in full...)
I'm off to a spa weekend by myself, my boyfriend didn't want to come and he wants to stop me going too!
Q. I have booked myself a spa break in a classy hotel as a treat and my boyfriend is saying its a dodgy place to go in a hot tub with strangers in a bikini for a woman. He kept saying men could try and chat me up. I don't understand this Im going ...
A. 21 July 2019: Go to the spa. Consider dropping the immature, controlling boyfriend. Plenty of women go to spas on their own and don’t bother with men while there. There’s nothing wrong with pampering yourself, with or without him.... (read in full...)
My girlfriend constantly complains about her weight but wont do anything about it!
Q. How do I deal with my gf complaining about her weight. I used to pressure her to keep an eye in her weight but she loves eating junk. I gave up about 3-4 years ago as we went from size 10 to 16. She is adamant it’s because it’s certain parts an...
A. 21 July 2019: Only horrible people put pressure on others to lose weight, OP. It’s been proven countless times that pressure does not work - it often does the opposite because it makes people feel crap about themselves. You are not helping.
You need to leave he... (read in full...)
I'm single and pregnant, despite complications with the baby the father doesn't want to know about us.
Q. So I was dating a guy for 2 months, going really well then he ended the relationship due to the fact he didn't like the fact I have children, 3 weeks later I found out I was pregnant with his child, (implant broke) he said when he found out he ...
A. 21 July 2019: I’m sorry you’re dealing with this, OP, but this is why you must use condoms in addition to birth control - especially in a new relationship.
As for your current issue, stop contacting him. He’s clearly not a good guy, which is a shame for your... (read in full...)
I don't understand why men cheat
Q. Why do guys cheat? Is it because the sex is no good with me or is it because hes just a man?...
A. 21 July 2019: "Because he's just a man"? That's a sad view of it. Being a man doesn't make someone more likely to cheat, nor does it mean you should expect to be cheated on.
I'm sorry you were cheated on. This was not anything to do with you, even though i... (read in full...)
Do I tell my boyfriend about these men obsessing over me and stalking me at college?
Q. I am feeling really overwhelmed because I feel like I have no one to talk to about this, not even my therapist knows what to do, so please read me, please! and give me your advice. I am in college studying art and in a long term relationship. I have ...
A. 9 July 2019: I'm sorry you're in this situation. This is NOT your fault.
Firstly, your boyfriend has no right to tell you who you can and can't be friends with. Jealousy and demands is not love. He is also wrong: some guys will push friendship, but many won... (read in full...)
Should pay a sex worker to just go on a date with me?
Q. I'm pushing 30 very soon and I'm a male virgin who's never been on a date or ever been kissed. I'm not handsome in any way (I'd go far as to say pretty ugly), chubby, bald, and short (5'8''). I don't have much redeeming qualities. I can draw pretty ...
A. 4 July 2019: I feel for you, OP. There's a lot of pressure to have relationships by a certain age. That said, it's not a good idea to buy fake romantic or sexual interest. You'll experience a pretend situation that is still not what dating or sex is like in a ... (read in full...)
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