A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I met a guy on Facebook a week a go. He messaged me first saying hi and I responded and we chatted for like an hour and told him I had to sleep to wake up early the next morning. He ask me for my number and I have it to him.the next day he texted me saying good morning beautiful. We chatted and kept going. and called me the next day and everything was going good. He kept saying he wants to take me out on a date. And I told we would set up a date.he seems very close with his mom and sister and his family. He told he would treat me like a queen. He calls me after 9pm cause I have two kids. It's alot for me being a single mom. He said he wanted to do a video chat with me and he was very happy.he said I would choose the dress you wearing for our date and he did. But when I text him he doesn't respond fast. I called him last night and he didn't respond and I saw online on Facebook. He texted me the next morning saying hey hun. I am confused. What should I do. Should I go on a date with this guy? Is he being honest with me?I really like him even though it's only been a week.Please help me.bi have two kids and single mom.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2019): Dear, stop giving out ur number to strangers.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2019): It's so scary how men are able to use social media to find women who are so easily duped. I don't know where to start with this. Please find some common sense and understand that this person is not good news. Listen up. Abusive men are like him. Calling all the shots. Telling you what to wear. And all this business about treating you like a queen...?? Yes he may do at first until he has you hooked and then he will treat you so badly you won't know what's hit you. Or maybe you will. How do I know all this? Because I am a lot older than you and I have experience. I have been in abusive relationships and I can tell you without a doubt that this man is abusive. Perhaps very dangerously so. They treat women very well at the outset to make you think they love you. To get you hooked on him. What you want is a man who is normal, who treats you in a normal fashion. Treating someone like a queen is an act. Why would he say that? To find a woman who is so desperate for love that she will believe this bullshit. Social media is like a sweet shop for some men. Send out a fishing line and see if anyone is naïve enough to bite. He doesn't know you. Why do you think he is so interested in someone he hasn't met? This is a game for him and you are the toy. Learn about abuse and abusive tactics so you can identify men like this two seconds in. It's not real. Nothing he is saying or doing is real. Women have to meet men in the real world to have some chance of finding a good one. I'm not saying that every man on social media is bad news, but every man on social media who behaves like he does is most certainly very bad news indeed. Stay away from him love, stay away.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (28 September 2019):
 You met him a week ago on facebook and he is telling you what to wear??
You don't see a problem here, or with any of his actions?
You are being reckless, he sounds like bad news. Instead of listening to the little voice telling you some stranger on facebook you should tune into the little voice that warns you against putting yourself and, an even worse scenario, your kids in danger.
Please, don't go there.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (27 September 2019):
 I'm always a little wary of people who look for "dates" on Facebook. To me (and I might we alone in this) it feels a little like stalking your prey. Because they can find out a LOT about you (if you post a lot of PERSONAL stuff) and you don't know them to the same degree.
Now I GET it if the person knew you at some point and wanted to reconnect or you met them through friends or on a night out or what not, but a total stranger contacting you to "date" you... I find it weird. Maybe that is just me, I don't do Facebook at all.
Anyways back to your guy. From what you write you sound doubtful that he is someone for you. And I can see why, he gives off a bit of "odd vibe" through your post, if I may be honest.
When a guy says he will treat you like a queen, I have to wonder why. WHY not just DO it? Actually treat you like a queen? It's like the men who says they are "good guys but always finish last".
It is easy enough to say: I'm going to treat you like a queen" it's another to ACTUALLY treat your partner great. And I find it such a trope - no one NEEDS to be treated like a queen, but we all want to be treated with love, kindness, respect and care.
If you don't want to chat or have calls after 9 pm because you are TIRED after a long day with work and kids, TELL him. And if he doesn't respect that, he doesn't respect YOU.
Him choosing what you should wear on your first date? That is just weird. Especially since he REALLLLLLLY doesn't know you that well. Sure, he has talked you a bit and seen your posts on Facebook but YOU he doesn't know. That part of you you don't post online, the mom you are with your kids, the sister, daughter, friend, coworker, etc. HE doesn't REALLY know you and you REALLY don't know him.
Did he pick you because YOU are a single mom?
Lastly, I would give you this advice. STOP being so emotionally invested in this guy. You say:"I really like him even though it's only been a week."
I will reiterate.... YOU DO NOT KNOW HIM.
Should you go on a date? If you want to. But make it a shorter date (can always use the "babysitter" excuse" - so meet for a lunch (on the weekend) or coffee in a public place, see how he is in person. Go from there.
Maybe all this "I will treat you like a queen" is more about him "selling himself" rather than him thinking ANY woman would "fall" for that.
JUDGE a man by his actions NOT just his words.
Calling you "hun" and "beautiful" after a week... it's a bit much IMHO. because, again, HE REALLLLLLY doesn't know you.
Using "pet-names" makes people think that the other person really cares, while other uses them so they don't have to remember you name or to create "intimate terms" before they know them.
I think you NEED to go SUPER SUPER slow with this one, TAKE your time getting to know him IN person and DO NOT involve your kids in the dates, do not have dates at home, not his place or yours.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2019): Red flag!
Danger!
Aren't you alarmed by his behavior?
Why on earth would you go out with the guy you don't know and that is already treating you like a rubber doll?
You are too old to know better...
He found you and you know nothing about him.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (27 September 2019):
 I think you're risking a lot here. You're allowing yourself to be naive about him and falling for who you think he is when he's a stranger and you've only been talking for a week.
Nobody can afford to be naive about meeting strangers online, but especially not when you have kids.
Him choosing your dress so early on is a red flag to me. It's not cute or charming; it's a bit controlling. It's not HIS choice what YOU wear - especially when you barely know each other.
I wouldn't advise meeting him and you may see a darker side of him if you refuse - which would prove you dodged a bullet!
IF you choose to meet him, go to a PUBLIC place where you can leave quickly and safely. Make SURE you contact a friend or family member every 30 minutes to let them know you are safe and do NOT tell him you're doing this (just say you have to check on your kids).
Do NOT:
- tell him where you live
- go anywhere alone with him
- get in his car
- tell him where your kids go to nursery/school
- tell him where you work
- show him pictures of your kids
- any other private information
You may already know all of that, but it's easy to get carried away and it's quite clear that you are a bit more wrapped up in it than is wise for this stage.
Take a step back. IF you decide to still go out with him, tell him you're actually going to change what you'll wear to the date. If he makes a fuss about that, BLOCK HIM. Do NOT let him choose what YOU do or what YOU wear. Ask for a coffee date - then you can leave after coffee. If he says no to coffee and keeps pushing for a longer date, BLOCK HIM.
Take anything he has said about himself as POSSIBLE, not definite. He's very close with his sister/mother/family? Maybe, but maybe not. He seems very pushy and that is something to be wary of.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2019): You met on Facebook, because he messaged you, “Hi.” You don’t think it’s easy to send a hundred “hi’s” to a hundred different girls? He cast a net, and some women messaged him back, so he’s now juggling conversations and dates now. Are you ok with that?
Because he’s not going to always be available. Especially because you don’t know what his ultimate goal is. Mess around with multiple women? I don’t think he’s taking the approach someone would take to settle down with just one person.
At the end of the day an interested guy will make it clear when he’s interested. No confusion or wondering. He’s not doing that to ensure he’s interested if he’s not responsive and not actually setting up a date.
And yes, on your end watch out for red flags, choosing your dress for you —huge red flag. Control issues, potentially abusive. I would stop talking to him based on that alone. Why are you settling??
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (27 September 2019):
 I'm sorry, but did you write that HE chose the dress YOU would wear on your first date? If I understood correctly, are no alarm bells ringing with you? What the hell was THAT about? Pushing the boundaries immediately to see how pliable you would be and what you would let him get away with?
He MAY be close to his family. He may not even HAVE a family. He MAY treat you like a queen. There again, he may not. You know NOTHING about this guy except what he has chosen to tell you.
IF you choose to go on a date with him, be very very careful. Do NOT tell him your address. If you work, do NOT tell him where you work. Meet in a public place and make sure you do not get in a car with him. Tell a friend where you are going and who with and keep in contact. I would advise meeting for a coffee date first, so in daylight and short. You can always make a second date if things go well but, this way, it will be a lot easier to get away if you are worried by anything.
Sorry, but I have a bad gut feeling about this guy. At best he is a player. At worst, who knows. Remember, your children need their mom a lot more than you need a bloke. Please keep yourself safe.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2019): OP, seriously, how do we know if this guy is telling the truth? I understand that you have womanly needs for affection and some good sex, but you have two young children who need a mom who does not have her head in the clouds. You have never met or even seen your one week lover boy! Gonna treat you like a queen? How is he going to pick out the dress you wear on a date? Has he seen your wardrobe? Why would you let a guy you do not know, and never met, pick out what you are going to wear on your first date? You cannot even decide if you should go out? Social media is an illision! It is a fantasy! Having fantasy world relationships is how so many people get into screwed up relationships! You know nothing at all about this dude, except the picture that he paints for you! You better take care before you go to meet some guy from the internet, and end up dead or missing! Those two kids need their mom! Do not believe everything that people tell you! Do not be gullible! Be responsible! Get to know someone locally.
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