A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm pushing 30 very soon and I'm a male virgin who's never been on a date or ever been kissed. I'm not handsome in any way (I'd go far as to say pretty ugly), chubby, bald, and short (5'8''). I don't have much redeeming qualities. I can draw pretty well and that's about it. I figure if it nothing has happened by now, it's just not meant to happen at all. However I would like to experience every thing at least once in my life. I'm thinking baby steps. So should I pay a sex worker to just go on a date with me? I love going to the movies so I'm thinking dinner and a movie like a traditional date. Has anybody done this? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2019): You may find men that are ok with the idea that women are commodities to be bought . Hell, you may even find some women that feel ok with that type of exploration but ultimately , do you want to date someone who sees women as a series of holes to be purchased ?
Whether a person sells their body is irrelevant . There are all types of reasons we do things in our lives , many of them very dysfunctional and sad , don’t be a party to that . No decent woman will want a man who has no level of emotional intelligence of compassion to understand that
Peoples sexual past is irrelevant to a relationship , that includes both a mans and a woman’s . However USING qnother himan being as a sex you is not a sexual past it’s a form of exploiting someone’s desperation for money or at best their poor decisions. How do I know ? I worked in the sex industry for several years !
The reality is that it is full of damaged woman and it leaves woman with lots of hurt . It’s taken me many years to finally teach a place of being able to speak from the heart about the reality of the industry.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2019): Never put yourself down. Making self-deprecating or demeaning comments about yourself destroys your confidence. It's just as damaging to your psyche as insults coming from another person. It's another form of self-mutilation!
Psalm 139:14 "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made, your works are wonderful, I know that full well."
The human-body is one of God's masterpieces. You have the free-will to do with it as you please. Exercise and good diet is a cure for chubby, if you don't like being chubby.
How do you throw baldness in-there with what you consider unattractive about yourself? What's that all about? You're not even 30 yet!!! Here we go again, the infamous gripe of the ages: "OMG, I'm gonna die a virgin!" Be that the case, you won't be missing anything! Virginity isn't listed as a degenerative disease, and having sex doesn't suddenly turn a wimp into a man. Manhood is a gradual process. You can be a man, and still be a virgin. Nobody knows, unless you tell them!
Baldness isn't always a genetic malady. People deliberately shave their heads! It's a fashion statement, and the military makes all recruits do it! Baldness is so common in men; nobody really bothers to consider it as unattractive. Merely an inconvenience, or a slight to your vanity! Pardon me, if you once had a flowy-mane used to do hair-product commercials! Otherwise, once your hair goes, you can wear cool hats; or you can shave-off unsightly patches, and let nature have her way!
It may look funny, if you do far-over-comb-overs; or have the Benjamin-Franklin-look. If your hair is receding, or its so thin or sparse it looks like newborn chick down; finish it, go completely smooth! A shaved-head looks more rugged and deliberate. Not like you're hanging-on to your last few strands for dear-life!
Now about chubby! Seriously, dude?!! There's beefy, thick, full-bodied, and meaty. Then there's pudgy, pot-bellied, and flabby. Chubby covers a lot of territory; but it's not placed in the category of being unattractive. Unless you have hangups about body-image. Many females do, but most who hate it do nothing about it; and want to make other people feel guilty about noticing it. That defies logic. Chubby is cute, cuddly, and if you keep it firm...it's sexy! You're an American. The average person is over-weight. That really doesn't make you ugly. Just closer to normal.
If you don't like chubby, change your diet. Get off your butt and walk, jog, cycle, or do something to firm it up. It turns into muscle if you exercise.
Do you just like sitting around insulting yourself, having a pity-party, while contemplating dating a prostitute? How much more can you beat yourself down, my friend? Just stop it!
Even sex-workers can be choosy. If they don't like you, they may up the price; or just cancel the date. Unless you pickup a random street-walker on a corner. A meth-zombie with missing teeth, carrying a knife in her purse, and her vagina is a walking lab experiment!
All jokes aside. Many sex-workers are people who are being exploited by some pimp who beats her up, and takes her money. Maybe she's on the needle, and will rob you blind the minute your back is turned!
Why would you take such a chance? Knowing full-well that some women are kidnapped into the sex-trade. Some are missing-people brought here against their will, from other countries. Victims of sex-traffickers, or they owe loan-sharks for smuggling them into this country. They all have a story, and they aren't good ones! You will just be one more link to add to the chain of users and exploiters; thinking your money gives you the right to purchase a human-body; and use people like something off the shelf, or merchandise you purchased online.
If you've got spare cash to throw-around on a high-priced call-girl...why don't you just go spend the money on a personal-trainer at a gym, hire a dietitian, and go to a barber who will give you a great head-shaving? He'll even buff it up for you and make it shine!
Build your confidence by doing something about yourself. Take charge. Be your own man, and stop putting yourself down; because you're comparing yourself to people you're not. Be appreciated for who you are; but you can also make improvements where feasible, and at very little expense.
Fix your attitude, treat yourself right, and maybe women will take notice how modest and sweet your are. If you put yourself down, you'll treat yourself badly; and through bitterness, you will never treat anyone else right! That is because you won't trust anybody to really care about you. You will resent everybody. Women probably have tried to get to know you; but your attitude about yourself is so bad, and your confidence is nonexistent. You wouldn't even notice, if they were trying. Or worse, if you can't get a supermodel; it ain't worth trying to get a woman at all!
Somebody must have said some very mean things to you, when you were growing-up. Maybe it was family, or some group of folks in your past. You were probably bullied, and ignored by mean-people. You took it all to heart. You gave-up, and it has now become your label and your lifelong burden. Nobody knows what's hidden inside, because you gave-up on yourself long ago. You're lazy, and you want a magic-pill. The power is all within you! You took-over where those mean people left-off. How do manage to contort yourself and grind yourself under your own heel?
Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Prostitutes are out of the question, and it's a ridiculous suggestion!!! Read books, get a trainer, read publications that teach self-improvement, take-up kick-boxing, get exercise, and put a list of positive affirmations up on the bathroom mirror to repeat to yourself. Go to a church, or a place of worship, and learn to love yourself! Rid yourself of that demon of self-hatred. He's got you totally convinced, and nobody is too ugly to love! Nobody!
All this mess because you haven't had sex yet? It ain't cancer or missing a limb!
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (4 July 2019):
 I feel for you, OP. There's a lot of pressure to have relationships by a certain age. That said, it's not a good idea to buy fake romantic or sexual interest. You'll experience a pretend situation that is still not what dating or sex is like in a proper relationship.
In regards to future girlfriends, many don't feel compatible with guys who would use prostitutes. You're not obligated to tell a future partner, but it's a pretty important part of your morals/views that wouldn't mesh with what many women want in a partner.
Judging someone and assessing compatibility is different, in my opinion. A man or woman may have had several one night stands, which they're not obligated to divulge, but it can be an important compatibility detail. Some may have given up a child for adoption or had an abortion in their past, which they're not obligated to divulge, but it can be an important compatibility detail. Some may have cheated on a former partner, which they're not obligated to divulge, but it can be an important compatibility detail.
What we do legally as consenting adults is up to us, but actions do have consequences and it often says something about our character - which in turn affects our compatibility with people.
What it boils down to is:
You want real.
You will pay for fake.
It will not make you feel better.
It will not improve your situation.
You will probably just keep paying for fake instead of working towards real.
If you were a "good" candidate for paying for sex, it would just be sex, but you want to pay someone to pretend to be romantically interested in you on a fake date. I understand your desperation, but paying for experience in a fake situation doesn't give you any real experience.
For those of us who are not confident in ourselves, we see ourselves as worse than we are. If you feel deeply negative and desperate, people will pick up on that and you will be self-sabotaging any attempts you make.
Physical attraction only helps initially, but there are plenty of conventionally attractive people who bounce from short/meaningless relationship to short/meaningless relationship because there's very little else to them. Once you break past the appearance stage, you can shine. I also believe you're putting yourself down instead of taking care of yourself. Watch some episodes of Queer Eye to see how "average" men can work with what they've got.
Go speed dating to practice talking to women. Read some self-improvement and self-confidence books. Join an art group/class. Go to cooking classes or another hobby.
You CAN find a partner, but only if you make a positive effort and don't let your insecurities make a self-fulfilling prophecy of your "nothing will ever happen" thoughts. It's irrational, as you have only been of true dating age for 10 years and have 50 years ahead of you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2019): Workout shape up. 5'8" isn't short. Being bald isn't bad
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (3 July 2019):
 I think you might have to FIRST consider a few things, such as...
WHAT do you expect will come of paying someone to go "on a date" with you?
WHAT do you think paying someone will change in your life?
Why do you think YOUR only option is to PAY someone to be around you?
You say well nothing has happened so far so I guess it never will... Well, HOW active have you been in TRYING to get a REAL date? Get to know someone?
If you sit at home and wait for a GF to come through the letterbox then surely, nothing WILL happen.
EVERYONE have positive traits and skills. Even total assholes. (not calling you one here, but generally speaking). If you consider the women who HAVE dated a guy they thought was SO nice and charming, only to be mistreated down the line.
I'd say WHY not look into meetup groups? Maybe take some painting/drawing classes? Maybe join some of the museum groups that draw from art? You will meet people who ALSO enjoy drawing. So you will AT LEAST have ONE thing in common. IT's a start.
If you think BUYING another person for YOUR entertainment is OK ... maybe rethink that? Yes, I get it, they are SELLING themselves, doesn't mean you HAVE to buy.
Have you tried ONLINE dating? At all?
What do you ENJOY? in life? art? good food? wine? beer? working out? hiking? travelling? music?
Think it over. There are PLENTY of of ways you can MEET new people. And not being THE most attractive guy in the World doesn't mean you are AUTOMATICALLY NEVER going to have a partner or spouse. Or that you have to PAY someone to hang out with you.
I think, personally, that it sounds like a bad choice to try and pay a prostitute to go on a "date". I also think that A lot of women wouldn't want to be with someone who frequents prostitutes. So that is kind of shooting yourself in the foot.
If you think going on a date with someone you HAD to pay to hang out with you, who RATHER not BE there (if it wasn't for the money) is going to CHANGE your life dramatically... I think you are MISSING the point of not only dating, but getting to know another person.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (3 July 2019):
 You sound like a sensitive young man, so there is one "redeeming quality" before we even start. Attraction is not purely physical. Initially it may be in many cases but this wears off quite quickly and personality and character win through. I am sure you have plenty of both, don't you?
You enjoy drawing. Have you thought about joining some sort of drawing/art classes to meet like minded people and to share something you enjoy? If you enjoy something, it shows in your face and in your voice. Don't be afraid to share.
What do you feel passionate about? Do you feel angry/upset when you hear about homeless people for example? What about children being abused? Animals? Climate change? Pollution? There must be something which makes you want to do something to make a difference. Join groups in your area and share your passion with others. They will be attracted to the person, rather than the outside packaging.
We can't all look like film stars or models. In fact, very few of us do but we are conditioned by the media and advertising agencies to NEED to look that way in order to get anywhere in life (which is obviously your current mind set). What we can ALL do is make the most of what we have. You sound very despondent. I am pretty sure you are far more attractive than you give yourself credit for. However, if you FEEL ugly, then you will not present yourself in the best light. Confidence is a SUPER IMPORTANT factor in attracting people (friends and potential mates). If you go around feeling worthless, you will give out vibes to that effect and others will not be drawn towards you. You need to change your mind set and think "I may not look like Brad Pitt, HOWEVER I am a caring person, I have a good sense of humour, I am artistic and I am good company". Smile when you meet people and initiate conversation. Ask them about themselves and listen so they feel THEY are interesting.
I would seriously NOT recommend hiring someone to go on a date with. This will be paid work for someone and not a real experience.
Have you tried joining dating sites? Sell yourself on your profile. Show you have a sense of humour. Perhaps say something like "Looking for a Brad Pitt lookalike? Sorry, can't help you. However, if you are looking for a warm, caring, loving guy with a great sense of humour, then I would love to hear from you."
If you want it, you need to work at getting it. It is not going to land in your lap.
Come on, you can do this.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2019): Hell No! Don t you dare pay a sex worker! That is prostitution! The last thing in the world that you need is to be arrested in a police prostitution sting operation! How rewarding would it be to be with someone who you had to pay, to be with you? Surely you have a sister, a female cousin, or a long time childhood female friend, who can show you the ropes of talking to girls, asking someone out, how to groom and dress for a date, the art of small talk, and how to know when to make a move, plus good manners! A cousin or female friend can even teach you the art of kissing a girl and when to do it. Where to meet ladies? Art classes, parks, malls, gyms church, but not bars! Work on sharpening your wit and a good sense of humor too, because we ladies love a great sense of humor. You can do this! Join a gym or start jogging so you can tighten up AND meet women! Good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2019): Be aware that if you take this pathway it may be a dealbreaker for any future woman you meet . You will meet someone eventually and most women are prettt turned off by men who are comfortable with the concept of buying women and women as a commodity . So in reality you may actually be making finding a relationship harder by being with a prostitute ( assuming you would want an honest relationship with any future partner )
Why not put your energy into meeting someone . All the things you mention about yourself are physical attributes and believe it or not there are many many women who see past that and are more interested in the inner person . Get to know women , perhaps even develop some online friendships where looks are not a key component
Stop thinking it’s ok to purchase women , it’s not ! People will say oh but the woman is offering her services so consent makes it ok . Well many many things that are ethically not ok are done legally and with consent , people work in sweat shops , people stay in abusive relationships for various reasons ( sometimes financial ) , politicians pay themselves unreasonable salaries . None of this makes it ok
Think about the type of woman you would want when you do meet someone . Will she be a woman who cares about people , about humanity and love or someone who thinks sex is cheap and women are just meat to be purchased . Now go out there and make yourself the man for her.
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A
female
reader, KeW +, writes (2 July 2019):
 I don’t think many on here will advise you do that, as it’s not actually going to help you out of this rut. I can understand your frustration, but there are many in your situation who just don’t talk about it and paying for intimacy will likely worsen how you feel because you’ll realise you have to pay for it.
If you’re a decent person, putting yourself out there positively will help you. If you can, buy some books on self-confidence, mindfulness, etc. to help you improve yourself so that you are approachable and view yourself less negatively. A poor view of yourself and desperation will only reduce your chances because women often pick up on it.
Exercising, whether to tone up or not, may help your confidence because you’re taking care of yourself. Most women don’t mind as much what body type a man has if they connect with him.
As for being bald: Bruce Willis, Dwayne Johnson, Samuel L Jackson, Patrick Stewart, Vin Diesel, Jason Statham, etc. “Chubbier” guys: Jack Black, Pierce Brosnan, James Corden, etc. All of those guys, whilst some are muscular, have things women like about them. Being chubbier and/or bald doesn’t mean you won’t be attractive to some women.
When we’re going a long time without dates, it’s often because we’re choosing the “wrong” people or not putting ourselves out there in a way that is conducive to dating. We need to try to see ourselves from an unbiased position to figure out what we’re doing right and what we can improve on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2019): Why not pay for an escort rather than a sex worker surely they are hired to go on dates without it having to be about sex?
Failing that join a dating site and see if you can get a date from that? There is more to life than just looks though, if you take care of yourself hygiene wise, make the effort to look nice and you are a nice man i am sure you will appeal to a woman if you maybe join a dating site if you feel too shy to talk to women initially....
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