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*ndie's Thoughts agony aunt

*ndie's Thoughts

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*ndie's Thoughts's profile:

I'm Andie and I'm surviving life until I can really start to live it :)

Karma does happen:

My dad was a married woman's other guy for only a few weeks (about a decade before my mum met him), then realised he wasn't okay with helping her betray her husband. His friend became her other guy, husband came home while they were at it, the guy jumped out of the window and the husband knew, so grabbed a bicycle, chased him and punched him once, going 20mph, so it knocked him out. A couple of relationships later, after getting £15,000 in debt to help a woman leave her abusive husband and getting in a relationship with her, my dad came back from a holiday with his parents and found her with another guy.

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I keep thinking that married life is the happily ever after and I feel very insecure about being single

Q.   I'm feeling insecure by comparing my life to other peoples'. I am very happy with my life. I'm living abroad, I living the adventure I always dreamed of. Then I see my friends back home who are moving in with their partners, so in love, getting ...

A.   22 April 2017: Marriage is a lot of work, so it's not automatically happily ever after. Even long term relationships have difficult patches and take a lot of effort. Focus on things you want to enjoy before marriage and maybe having a longer relation... (read in full...)

He's going to prison for 10 years and I don't want to wait for him. Is that wrong?

Q.   This is a really unique situation, I'm sure. So my fiance is going to be in prison for the next ten years. I've been with him 3 years. Is it bad for me to not want to wait for him?..I'm only in my mid 20s, and I don't want to put the rest of my ...

A.   22 April 2017: He must have done something pretty bad to go to prison for a decade - it's wise that you break up with him because he's not a good person for anyone to be around, right now. It's not selfish; you *should* break up.... (read in full...)

Married to my FWB guy but sex life is terrible and husband isn't 'up for it'

Q.   Hi all, we just celebrated our 1 year anniversary and my husband doesn't feel like having sex much. I m lucky if I get it once a week. And he gets erection after a lot of trying. I will give u some?background info. So basically we started as FWB a...

A.   22 April 2017: He needs to see a doctor; it may be stress or health causing trouble. All couples need time to themselves and with others, so perhaps you should find another job, so you're not together 24/7.... (read in full...)

I am at the end of desperation with my relationship problem.

Q.   I am a married man and I got involved with this super nice girl at work. I love her slightly more than my wife but I can't leave my marriage because of my children. I wanted to leave my wife until my children confronted me and I had no choice. When ...

A.   22 April 2017: You need to get a divorce and be single. You don't need to be married to be a good father and you're not being a good husband or boyfriend because you refuse to choose. Whether your mistress (she's *not* your "girlfriend") wants anything to do wi... (read in full...)

Why do girls do things that make them unapproachable and rude?

Q.   Why do girls always have to be glued to each other or have their noses in their phones or in a book? Don't they realize that makes them unapproachable and that it's just plain rude? Also, they do the same things on dates too and act rudely just to ...

A.   21 April 2017: You're taking it personally, when it's not. Women who are busy reading or on their phone are doing so to avoid being approached and having to reject someone. That's not rude; it's a clear sign that they want peace. It is rude to do it on a date,... (read in full...)

Do I call this married man?

Q.   I'm 23, and I am dating a married man, who is 35, for 8 weeks now. We haven't had sex yet, but we've been kissing, making out and stuff. However, he used to call me whenever he was free. But now, all he says after making out is "Call me!" Last time, ...

A.   20 April 2017: He's a married man and you're his mistress - with or without sex, you're not a "slut", but it's not surprising he treats you like one. You can stay away, but you're choosing not to. You may find it easy to be charmed by older men, but that doe... (read in full...)

I waited 3 years to tell my LDR boyfriend that I have 2 children and now he's unsure of how he feels

Q.   I've been in a 3 year long distance relationship with my boyfriend. I'll admit I've been wrong in never disclosing to him that I've been married, divorced, and have two teenage children. I'm also 42 yrs old while he's only 33 yrs old. I've trav...

A.   20 April 2017: He's only just found out about your kids, so you were hiding them. If things work out, you can get him a job at your company, but you should not have him move in so soon.... (read in full...)

I waited 3 years to tell my LDR boyfriend that I have 2 children and now he's unsure of how he feels

Q.   I've been in a 3 year long distance relationship with my boyfriend. I'll admit I've been wrong in never disclosing to him that I've been married, divorced, and have two teenage children. I'm also 42 yrs old while he's only 33 yrs old. I've trav...

A.   17 April 2017: I understand a fake name or a text least a nickname, as not to be searchable by people you know, but there was no need for a fake age or bio. I know you work very hard for your family, but you chose to have children and that's why dedicating 16 ye... (read in full...)

I compared my husband's penis to my ex's and my husband can't get over it

Q.   I know the backlash I'm in for... My husband and I have been together over 10 years. Early on, I compared his penis to my exes unfavorably. I don't remember, but it's seared into his memory; I did it multiple times. He tells me that I was passiona...

A.   17 April 2017: You both need individual therapy - you for the abuse you received and him for the abuse you gave. You also need couples' therapy to work on fixing things. Individual therapy is the priority, though, because you both need serious help immediat... (read in full...)

Is it all in my head or do I have something to be worried about?

Q.   So to be completely honest I'm 16 and I'm worried my boyfriend came in me about 3-4 weeks ago.. it's really been messing with me.. I took the morning after pill as soon as I could which was the third day but a little bit after 72 hours. I asked him ...

A.   16 April 2017: If you're old enough to have sex, you need to be responsible enough to have safe sex and see a doctor, not ask strangers online who have no way of knowing if you're pregnant. Go to your doctor. Get a pregnancy test. Get on birth control and *nev... (read in full...)

I waited 3 years to tell my LDR boyfriend that I have 2 children and now he's unsure of how he feels

Q.   I've been in a 3 year long distance relationship with my boyfriend. I'll admit I've been wrong in never disclosing to him that I've been married, divorced, and have two teenage children. I'm also 42 yrs old while he's only 33 yrs old. I've trav...

A.   16 April 2017: You've lied about half of your life. He shouldn't stay. You made a choice to lie and you should have told him within 6 months, not 36. Personally, I think you shouldn't let him stay. He probably can't trust you after this, even if he thinks he ... (read in full...)

I have my ex husband's last name. My current boyfriend wants me to change back to my maiden name. Should I?

Q.   My boyfriend does not like that I have kept the surname of my ex husband. It is just easier as my child's last name would be the same as mine. My boyfriend said it does not matter if my child's last name is different from his mother. I ...

A.   16 April 2017: I wouldn't advice staying with him. He is jealous, insecure and controlling. You'll be lucky if he doesn't start behaving rude to your child because they are half your ex. Please consider leaving and finding someone who understands that you have... (read in full...)

I have my ex husband's last name. My current boyfriend wants me to change back to my maiden name. Should I?

Q.   My boyfriend does not like that I have kept the surname of my ex husband. It is just easier as my child's last name would be the same as mine. My boyfriend said it does not matter if my child's last name is different from his mother. I ...

A.   15 April 2017: When I was born, my mum and dad weren't married yet, but my mum was divorced and hadn't changed her surname back to her maiden one. On my birth certificate, it has my dad's name and hers, with her ex-husbands surname and my dad doesn't care. For e... (read in full...)

My Gf is 14 and I'm 17. Once I turn 18 and she turns 15 will it still be ok to date her? Can't find an answer anywhere

Q.   Hello, I am currently in a relationship with an absolutely amazing girl for 4 months and we are going to the same school, and we live in Washington state but at the end of this school year she has to move to the other side of this same state but I ...

A.   12 April 2017: As long as it isn't sexual until after she's 16, then yes, it's legal. However, as mentioned, regardless of how mature she seems, she is still a child and you need to be careful. If she starts wanting a sexual relationship with you, you *must* ... (read in full...)

What do women look for in a man for a boyfriend?

Q.   What do women really look for in a man for a boyfriend?...

A.   10 April 2017: What do people want when buying a car? What food do people like? What countries do people visit? You can't answer because, whilst the general idea is the same (cars that are reliable, food that tastes good, countries that have what they want... (read in full...)

Mixed signals in a FWB

Q.   Currently in a 4 month fwb with a guy who has been divorced twice. We are both in our 50's age wise. I originally agreed to this fwb, because I am in the process of moving to his town (decision to move to that town was made before I met my FWB)and ...

A.   10 April 2017: We can't tell you, but he's definitely sending mixed signals, whether he means to or not. You have to sit with him over coffee, a non-romantic and non-sexual setting, and tell him you need to know if he wants to date you or not. If he doesn't ... (read in full...)

Boyfriend slept with married woman before we dated

Q.   I found out through old messages that my bf slept with a married woman before. It bothers me because I believe marriage is sacred. Also I never would have thought that my bf would do something like that. But in the messages he told his friend that ...

A.   10 April 2017: There is a difference between sleeping with a married person and *being* the married person. As long as he was single at the time, anyway. Don't get me wrong; it's very frustrating when people cheat and I wouldn't trust them, unless it was long... (read in full...)

15 yr old Daughter completely cut me out of her life without even a hint why.

Q.   Need some advice from the aunts, I hate these problems that you have to try and squeeze into a box, cause there's so much more to it, but I couldn't possibly address it in its entirety but leaving anything out u may not get the whole gist of it, so ...

A.   10 April 2017: First off, good on you for getting sober. Secondly, she is old enough to decide if she wants contact with you or not. Lastly, I really think you should see a therapist to discuss this at length and find out if there's anything else you can try... (read in full...)

I've been unemployed for 3 years, having a hard time getting out of bed in the mornings

Q.   hi all. I am a life science post graduate. I graduated three years before. And worse part is, I'm unemployed for last three years. I love shopping and used to do so in my college days. The problem is my mother used to scold me whenever I was abou...

A.   10 April 2017: I think you need to do two things: - see a therapist - volunteer at an animal rescue, homeless shelter, elderly care home, etc. Seeing a therapist would help you with the depression and volunteering would get you out of the house, doing some... (read in full...)

Boyfriend likes to ejaculate on my boobs and face and he finds this "adorable". Is this normal guy behavior?

Q.   Ok I need some other perspectives on this. My boyfriend is just my second sexual partner, so I'm not sure what to make of this. He's also 11 years older and way more experienced. Anyway, he's really good in bed compared to my first boyfriend. He ...

A.   10 April 2017: Something else: you feel in over your head, which means you may be. You're still very young and 11 years is a big gap for this time in your life - at 30 and 41, it's not major, but 18 and 29 or 21 and 32 can have pretty monumental differences. ... (read in full...)

How should I start the conversation with the baby's father?

Q.   The baby's father and I only knew each other 3 months prior to me getting pregnant. I am currently 29 weeks. He was 100% aware of the possiblity of me getting pregnant and we had even talked about it. He had said he wanted to have a kid with me ...

A.   10 April 2017: Honestly, unless you're rich - you, not your family - you *need* child support. Heck, you're *baby* deserves child support. Even if you didn't use it to raise the baby, which you're naively underestimating the expense of(!), you should put it into ... (read in full...)

I'm a teen and I'm feeling insecure about the size of my penis. Am I normal, in size?

Q.   Hey guys. I'm 15. First question - is my dick size good. It's around 6.7-6.8in. or so in length fully erect. I'm that's a good size, yet I still constantly feel like it's small. It could be the girth. I have a problem with. I don't really have a ...

A.   10 April 2017: You're size is normal. Your worries are normal. However, size really doesn't matter because most women don't need penetration to orgasm. The reason I say that is because you know your size won't affect you enjoying sex in a few years (please ... (read in full...)

Boyfriend likes to ejaculate on my boobs and face and he finds this "adorable". Is this normal guy behavior?

Q.   Ok I need some other perspectives on this. My boyfriend is just my second sexual partner, so I'm not sure what to make of this. He's also 11 years older and way more experienced. Anyway, he's really good in bed compared to my first boyfriend. He ...

A.   10 April 2017: I'd hate it and tell my boyfriend to stop, but if you're okay with it, that's fine too. To some people it's degrading and to others it's just part of their sex lives. If you like it, there's no reason to stop (except he should be wearing a condom... (read in full...)

How should I start the conversation with the baby's father?

Q.   The baby's father and I only knew each other 3 months prior to me getting pregnant. I am currently 29 weeks. He was 100% aware of the possiblity of me getting pregnant and we had even talked about it. He had said he wanted to have a kid with me ...

A.   9 April 2017: Just leave it and go after him through a lawyer for child support. He'll get the message. Please be responsible from now on.... (read in full...)

I know our arrangement isn't right for me in the long run. Should I break things off even though we've made plans together?

Q.   I've been seeing this guy for about 6 months and its has gotten quite serious saying he loves me etc. He is 20 years older than me and married. We were talking for a while before hand and being flirtatious and we've had a couple of nights alone. He ...

A.   9 April 2017: Ask his wife what you should do. Seriously, OP. Don't mess with married people. Karma comes around and you could be the wife being cheated on. Break it off immediately over text and block him. Don't let him talk you into staying with som... (read in full...)

30 year age difference and she's starting to talk about having kids. I do not want to lose her but just can't go back to raising another family

Q.   I am a single 54 year old man who has been dating a 24 year old woman now for the last 5 years. I was 49 and she was 19 when we met. It started as friends with benefits but now I am afraid she has gotten closer and started to say I love you. W...

A.   8 April 2017: For what it's worth, a 5 year exclusive FWB situation is a relationship, not FWB. A FWB situation is casually hooking up with a friend every once in a while or short term, not several years. You thought you had the dream hook up with someone ... (read in full...)

He wants to take me as his second wife but my mother doesn't approve

Q.   my name is mathapelo and im inlove with a married man and now he wants take me as a second wife and he has proofed himself to me he cant live without me in his lfe but my mom doesnt approves what do i do because i we really love each other pls help...

A.   8 April 2017: Whilst I'm not polyamourous, I'm all for people doing what they want. However, in most poly relationships (more than two people), there has to be an order of who is most important. For example, his "primary" (most important wife) would hopefully ... (read in full...)

He says his HIV is undetectable and he's on medication. Is it ok to sleep with him?

Q.   So I've met this guy who is HIV undetectable and he says it's safe to have unprotected sex cause the hiv is not transmitable cause of medication. I don't really know much about undetectable HIV can I get some info...

A.   8 April 2017: Speak to a doctor and *never* have unprotected sex until you're fully committed and both clean of STDs - which means never, with this guy. It is *not* safe to have unprotected sex with him and you should leave him because he's trying to trick yo... (read in full...)

30 year age difference and she's starting to talk about having kids. I do not want to lose her but just can't go back to raising another family

Q.   I am a single 54 year old man who has been dating a 24 year old woman now for the last 5 years. I was 49 and she was 19 when we met. It started as friends with benefits but now I am afraid she has gotten closer and started to say I love you. W...

A.   8 April 2017: Unfortunately, this shows the main issues with such a big age gap: you're incompatible long term. You're at massively different life stages; you're near retirement and she's only just into adulthood. You're going to have to let her go before sh... (read in full...)

Ovarian cyst ruining our sex life

Q.   Hello. I've recently been to the doctors with a medical issue and am awaiting a scan to see if I have a cyst on my ovaries. My scan is in 5 weeks. Me and my boyfriend both have high sex drives except due to the potential cyst it's incredibly painful ...

A.   6 April 2017: Penetrative sex isn't the only sex you can have. Find other ways to be intimate.... (read in full...)

The person I like lives 4 hours away!

Q.   So I met this guy on holiday. He's so sweet, funny, amazing and basically everything I ever dreamed of. I have his number and he has recently gone back home. I miss him already. He lives 4 hours away from me by car. Can long distance ever work? Has ...

A.   4 April 2017: They can work, but rarely at your age. Then again, most relationships don't last at your age and that's how it should be. You can try it, but it can hurt a lot. Either way, relationships shouldn't be physical, whether long distance or not, so ... (read in full...)

I don't want to work in the office anymore. But should I tell the agency and end up jobless? what should I do?

Q.   Recently I've been feeling down, upset and fed up with my life. I have many things going on and I just can't see life getting better at the moment. I sometimes think that it would be much easier and better being with my mum, since she passed a...

A.   3 April 2017: I think therapy, either through your doctor or a charity, would be very useful to you - please don't keep these suicidal feelings to yourself. As for your job, look for a new one, but keep your current one until you can find a replacem... (read in full...)

What gives here? Does he want a baby or not?

Q.   A few months ago my boyfriend and I decided we were ready to have a baby, so I went off my birth control so we could start trying. The first night we attempted, he pulled out. He apologized and said he was just nervous. I said I understood. Well...

A.   2 April 2017: You are very, very young to be having a baby, so you need to be living together with a fair amount in savings, both have secure jobs and have a Plan B prepared for a break up. Also, how long have you been together? He's definitely not ready, so te... (read in full...)

He wants us to get married but to keep it secret!

Q.   Ok here is my story. My boyfriend of 7 months is asking me to marry him secretly in summer and not telling anyone because he wants to give his 14 years old child enough time to feel more comfortable. we want to buy a house as I don't want to move ...

A.   31 March 2017: Waiting longer to marry isn't wasting your time together because you can still see each other and visit places. He's rushing it and it's worrying. Please do put it off until you've been together for at least 18 months; you're still in the honeymoo... (read in full...)

Her parents insist we don't talk for 5 years! They disapprove of our relationship!

Q.   I had been in in relationship with my girlfriend for 7 months. She's 18 and I'm 17.We just so in love with each other. We chatted all day, we share our everyday life ,topics and stories. We greet each other good morning and first thing in the ...

A.   31 March 2017: Do you know for a fact that her parents decided this? It's possible she'll go away to uni and unblock you. If she doesn't, just understand that it's not meant to be. Honestly, I'm not sure it's a bad thing that she'd choose her parents over you... (read in full...)

Engaged, had an affair, new person cheated, yearrrrrs ago... now married w/ pregnant wife and I can't deal with it

Q.   Hi everyone, hope you are all doing well. It's been a while since I last posted, but I am having some major issues right now. Here it goes, I guess... Back in 2008 I was in a pretty verbally/physically abusive relationship (about 7 years in at th...

A.   30 March 2017: Please seek therapy. You couldn't be cheated on by the online guy because he was never yours. You need to block him, not try to contact him. You also need to leave your current relationship because it's toxic - even if he's by not abusive any more, ... (read in full...)

Her parents insist we don't talk for 5 years! They disapprove of our relationship!

Q.   I had been in in relationship with my girlfriend for 7 months. She's 18 and I'm 17.We just so in love with each other. We chatted all day, we share our everyday life ,topics and stories. We greet each other good morning and first thing in the ...

A.   30 March 2017: You're not still in a relationship if you have no contact. That's a break up. I'm so sorry this has happened and I know it hurts, but you'll both move on and grow into your own individual people. You may both get new partners because that's w... (read in full...)

Should I tell her that on our break I paid for sex?

Q.   Hi, my and my gf of 5 years have sort of had a bit of distance come between us, on my end mainly. She was always so insecure and sort of clingy and although I loved her it chipped away at me and I felt I needed space. We took space and things were ...

A.   30 March 2017: You can't soften "I paid for sex". Just be honest and accept the consequences. You also can't expect a relationship to fix itself just because you got back together. *If* she decides to stay with you after you tell her, you have to get couples'... (read in full...)

He wants us to get married but to keep it secret!

Q.   Ok here is my story. My boyfriend of 7 months is asking me to marry him secretly in summer and not telling anyone because he wants to give his 14 years old child enough time to feel more comfortable. we want to buy a house as I don't want to move ...

A.   30 March 2017: He wants to hide his marriage from his teenager? That's terrible parenting and not at all considerate of her feelings, despite him trying to convince you it's for her to get comfortable slowly. Then what? She learns he lied and never trusts him ... (read in full...)

Girlfriend doesn't make any real effort to lose weight despite wanting to

Q.   I've been in relationship with my girlfriend for about 7 months now. I liked her for her personality and character but her weight had always bothered me right from the start. She was actually slim just under 2 year back(she looked amazing) but gai...

A.   29 March 2017: She's the right weight - *you* are underweight. You need to gain it, she doesn't need to lose it. Please break up with her before you encourage her to be unhealthily underweight. See a doctor to figure out why you have a warped view of weight; ... (read in full...)

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