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*ndie's Thoughts agony aunt

*ndie's Thoughts

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*ndie's Thoughts's profile:

I'm Andie and I'm surviving life until I can really start to live it :)

Karma does happen:

My dad was a married woman's other guy for only a few weeks (about a decade before my mum met him), then realised he wasn't okay with helping her betray her husband. His friend became her other guy, husband came home while they were at it, the guy jumped out of the window and the husband knew, so grabbed a bicycle, chased him and punched him once, going 20mph, so it knocked him out. A couple of relationships later, after getting £15,000 in debt to help a woman leave her abusive husband and getting in a relationship with her, my dad came back from a holiday with his parents and found her with another guy.

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What are your thoughts on surprising someone that hates surprises & is worried about money?

Q.   we've been Trying to conceive for over a year and a half now and both of us are self employed and super stressed out. So I decided that for my husbands birthday I would surprise him with a trip to the Netherlands to see this band that he loves! but ...

A.   21 September 2017: I'm so sorry about the miscarriages. That said, if you're saving for a deposit on a house, perhaps having a baby right now isn't ideal, as they are a wonderful and rewarding, but a money pit, which means your husband's stress and frugal attitude is ... (read in full...)

How can I last longer the first time?

Q.   I just got into a relationship, its been quite a few months in. We are about to hit 3rd base and this is my first time someone will give me a handjob or even a blowjob. I don't think I can last for more than 30 seconds. Any tips on how to last ...

A.   21 September 2017: Honestly, OP, oral is a lot of effort, so lasting longer can actually be exhausting for the person giving it. If it's just a handjob, then perhaps masturbate before they arrive. Please do not allow oral without you wearing a condom. Buy flav... (read in full...)

I had an affair with my ex husband's cousin and don't know what to do with the feelings I have

Q.   I am married, my husband is my best friend and I really don't deserve him. This is my second marriage to the same man, we married,divorced cos he left me for someone else and we were both very young first time anyway. We got back together and were...

A.   21 September 2017: You need to seek counselling and own up to your husband. If it was a once off, it may not be necessary - but four years! You need to tell your husband and accept the consequences, or the guilt will most likely eat at you. You didn't even end ... (read in full...)

Do gay men get asked about oral sex by straight men often?

Q.   Been with my new girlfriend for eight months,she gets off a couple times in a half hour, myself she wishes I would,but I don't get off that easy, the sex is real good, I've try to last a lot longer all my life , a quickly is a half hour or so, if I ...

A.   20 September 2017: If you fantasise about men and want to have sex (oral included) with men, you are gay or bisexual. You are not a straight man, just a gay or bisexual one in denial. Do not approach a man just for sex unless he is an escort. If you want to fulfill ... (read in full...)

Am I still a virgin? And how can I have pain free intercourse when I'm ready?

Q.   Hi I wanted to know this question everyone is telling me I am still a virgin but here goes .. The first time I had sex he only put the tip in I bleed a little bit and he says I am still like a virgin because he did ain't push it all the way in the ...

A.   19 September 2017: Please stop attempting sex and do research first. Get contraception, learn the biology of your body and how sex works. The first time he put his penis in your vagina, even just "the tip", you lost your virginity. See a gynaecologist to discuss ... (read in full...)

I want to marry my cousin's grand daughter.

Q.   My aunt has a son.That would make him and I first cousins. My first cousin has 3 daughters. Lets say the oldest girl is named Tasha.Lets go a bit further and say Tasha has 2 daughters.One name Mary and the other one named Sue.Is it wrong for me to ...

A.   18 September 2017: Is it "wrong"? That's subjective. It's not illegal. However, it's highly unlikely you'd have a happy marriage because you'd be marrying her most likely for her age, rather than genuine love and common interests. Your family also may not feel com... (read in full...)

I'm on the verge of having an affair

Q.   Dear Cupid, I am about to start an affair, I'm 30 year old woman, in along term relationship. I've been married for so many years and we have 2 children. I have a stable life, extremely loving husband, too loving he doesn't get the concept ...

A.   10 September 2017: OP, you need to divorce him, not cheat. Cheating never makes things better - only worse. Find a lawyer who can help you. If couples' therapy isn't worth it for you and he's controlling, you need to leave. If you have an affair, you are equally ... (read in full...)

If he doesn't trust me then I can't stay

Q.   OK, so i have fucked up..... Multiple times and i obviously haven't learnt my lesson else i wouldn't be in this situation to begin with. Some history: I'm a single mom of a beautiful boy (Almost 3 years old). I left his father as i was no longer ...

A.   8 September 2017: Oh no; I missed the part about the unborn baby. OP, this situation is so irresponsible. He's controlling and will only get worse, then you're pregnant with his baby. Could you have used contraception? If not, I really don't think sex should h... (read in full...)

If he doesn't trust me then I can't stay

Q.   OK, so i have fucked up..... Multiple times and i obviously haven't learnt my lesson else i wouldn't be in this situation to begin with. Some history: I'm a single mom of a beautiful boy (Almost 3 years old). I left his father as i was no longer ...

A.   8 September 2017: He's controlling and you need to leave. Also, you need to stop being so reckless with your son's life. You didn't even know the guy before you moved in. He could have hurt you or your son and you knew nothing about him. You wouldn't take him to your ... (read in full...)

I have weird feelings towards my teacher and wonder if he likes me

Q.   Hi? Im 15 yrs old and I have this weird feeling towards my male teacher. I can say that we are close because his not just my subject teacher but also my trainor in dancing .I admit Im a little attracted to him . I just want to know if he has this ...

A.   8 September 2017: He should not be tickling you or touching your back/neck/face. He is being inappropriate, but no, he does not have feelings for you. Next time he touches you, tell him you don't feel comfortable. Lie, if you have to. I know you have a crush, b... (read in full...)

I'm tired of being the other woman and need to break things off but how?

Q.   I once met a guy that by just shaking hands with, I forgot my existence, I don't know why or how but before even knowing his name I felt something so strong inside me that made my legs weak. Anyways, I got to know him and you know the rest, I fell ...

A.   8 September 2017: You need to just be stubborn with yourself and cut all contact. I'm sorry to be blunt, but you've both hurt and destroyed people, so you will both "deserve" a bit of hurt back. Besides, all of us ache when we end things with a friend/lover. I'm ... (read in full...)

Why did it hurt so much seeing him with another girl if we are just friends and I don't have feelings for him?

Q.   Why did it hurt so much seeing him with another girl if we are just friends and I don't have feelings for him? I'm talking about my guy friend. I don't know if friend is the right word, we've known eachother forward nearly two years and always...

A.   8 September 2017: You were naive enough to think just sex would stay that way, when you're young, hormonal and have no other sexual experiences. You mixed sex with a close friend and that means the chances of true emotional distance was very slim, as you are now ... (read in full...)

She suggested a holiday but then didn't raise the topic. She finally said it was too expensive, is this a sign of problems ahead?

Q.   My girlfriend suggested we go away a few months ago on a specific date. Since then, shes never raised it - but I have on numerous occasions, offering to book things, asking if she was still interested, or even not wanting to go, and all the time she ...

A.   7 September 2017: I booked a few days in Paris over Christmas, as a surprise for my boyfriend. He's in uni, so I've been putting a little away each month, since June, to pay for 90+% of it. We'd been talking about something like it hypothetically for a while, b... (read in full...)

I think my boyfriend is going a bit too far

Q.   I'm 15 and my boyfriend is 15 too We been together for almost 6 month but sometimes when we just kissing and stuff he grabs my butt and stuff but in the beginning I would always take his hands away from my butt but know I kind of got use to it and s...

A.   5 September 2017: Tell him just once "I can't be with you if you keep doing that. I'm not ready and I don't like that you keep trying anyway!" Then stick to public hang outs for a while. He will continue pressuring you, as you gave in with the butt touching... (read in full...)

Advice please on how to attract a boy

Q.   I am fifteen and all of a sudden, out of the blue, I want a boyfriend. Two of my closer friends have had boyfriends; one has already broken up with hers, the other has been dating hers for months now (!!!). She is always talking to him, and in t...

A.   4 September 2017: Also, most teens in relationships (particularly girls) end up doing worse in exams because of relationship drama. You'll meet plenty of boys in college and can try dating when you're older.... (read in full...)

Advice please on how to attract a boy

Q.   I am fifteen and all of a sudden, out of the blue, I want a boyfriend. Two of my closer friends have had boyfriends; one has already broken up with hers, the other has been dating hers for months now (!!!). She is always talking to him, and in t...

A.   4 September 2017: You don't want something serious? Context is important. Relationships should be "serious" at your age, in the sense that you shouldn't be in one for the sake of it (which is why you want one) and you should really like the person platonically. That ... (read in full...)

Is it ladylike to show cleavage?

Q.   Do you think its ladylike to show cleavage?!? i have never showed my cleavage. Do u thinks its fine to show cleavage? ...

A.   31 August 2017: To each their own. I think there's a limit to when it becomes tacky or distasteful. That said, women with larger chests will always have a more visible cleavage in the same outfit that would not show a lot of cleavage on women with smaller chests. ... (read in full...)

My LDR says we are just prolonging the inevitable end.

Q.   I have been in an LDR for 8 years, and in that 8 years, we have only been physically together for a total time of 3 months on 4 occasions. The rest of the time has been spent talking almost daily on video skype and various chat apps. In recent...

A.   29 August 2017: "he tells me not to do it because it's just prolonging the inevitable end. And that stops me in my tracks because it hurts whenever he says that" I've just realised this part of your post. He's said it more than once which means he's telling ... (read in full...)

I want my LDR boyfriend to tell his parents about me before we go any further.

Q.   So I'm in this DLR with a guy I've known about 7 months. When he was last up, things got heated and we both pleased each other using our hands which was fine. I'm a virgin and he knows this. He also knows he's the first guy I've really done anyt...

A.   28 August 2017: You shouldn't be a secret, so you should wait until you've met/spoken to his parents. As for sex, lots of lube is needed to avoid soreness, where possible. You should also be on birth control, so see your doctor. Never allow a guy to have sex with... (read in full...)

My LDR says we are just prolonging the inevitable end.

Q.   I have been in an LDR for 8 years, and in that 8 years, we have only been physically together for a total time of 3 months on 4 occasions. The rest of the time has been spent talking almost daily on video skype and various chat apps. In recent...

A.   28 August 2017: I'm sorry, OP, but you've spent your life waiting for a pen pal to become more. An international LDR shouldn't last longer than 5 years without closing the distance and should have at least two visits a year or one for a month or so. You have bee... (read in full...)

I am getting cold feet about my LDR moving in.

Q.   My LDR boyfriend and I have been together for almost 5 years. We will be moving in together by the end of this year. He will be packing his bags and moving across the country to live with me and my two teenage children. I'm having second thoughts...

A.   28 August 2017: It seems as though you're getting cold feet and it may be worth listening to your gut. How much time have you spent together in person? How much time has he spent with your teenagers? How do your teens feel about him? How much time ha... (read in full...)

My married lover wants me to move to his country with our son

Q.   Dear readers, I am in a really complex situation. 8 years ago, I met a man - we were both married at the time. I didn't have any children, because my then husband did not want any, despite my wanting a child desperately. The other person (OP) has ...

A.   27 August 2017: Please don't be selfish and uproot your son. Of course you can live in the same country as him - just never speak to him. You are a grown woman and have the ability to avoid this cheater. He's always wanted both worlds and you're only just rea... (read in full...)

I don't know whether to tell my boyfriend that I cheated or not

Q.   Okay so I went out one night at the start of my relationship and I barely remember anything. I'd gone out with a few friends and end up in a club on my own. I got speaking to a guy and he walked me part way home. He ended up giving me his number but ...

A.   25 August 2017: Then perhaps you just need to be single while you sort out your drinking situations. You need to be able to go out without drinking and figure out why you have the habits you do at home.... (read in full...)

I don't know whether to tell my boyfriend that I cheated or not

Q.   Okay so I went out one night at the start of my relationship and I barely remember anything. I'd gone out with a few friends and end up in a club on my own. I got speaking to a guy and he walked me part way home. He ended up giving me his number but ...

A.   25 August 2017: OP, own up to your boyfriend, whether the other guy does or not. Also, seek help for your drinking habits in your hometown.... (read in full...)

Is it too much to ask to want a virgin partner?

Q.   I am 25 and a virgin guy. Is it too much to ask for a virgin partner? I mean i have no disrespect for those who aint and i believe that every person has a choice. PLEASE HELP! ...

A.   24 August 2017: What I would suggest for people waiting until marriage is making sure you still speak about boundaries with sex before getting married, so you don't end up with someone completely incompatible sexually. For example, some people don't feel comfo... (read in full...)

My close friend is dating my boss, who is cheating on her!

Q.   I've got a very complicated situation that I'm not sure what to do about. One of my close friends is dating my boss. She used to be pretty unstable before they got together three years ago but recently she's been really happy. I've found out that...

A.   23 August 2017: What's more important to you - your friend or your job? If you are happy to find another job first, do so, then tell her. That way, he can't ruin your reputation if you've already got a new boss. However, if you'd like to keep your job, you'll... (read in full...)

I don't think I can give my girlfriend the best sex

Q.   So my girlfriend are I started dating two months ago but before that we were pretty close friends. We told eachother a decent amount about our sex lives. Now that we are together I feel like I won't be able to give her everything she wants. I want ...

A.   23 August 2017: I'm with Honeypie; the butt-mouth stuff is unappealing for a large number of people. Ask if she'd like to do the same to you - hopefully she'll say no and you can explain that you don't either. Regardless of what she says, you can say no to ... (read in full...)

How can I fix this? I'm in a rocky LDR and I am catfishing another woman!

Q.   Hi Aunts and Uncles. I'll try and keep this short. I'm a 30 year old female in a longterm and longdistance same sex relationship. Since we moved apart about 8 months ago, things have become boring. When wectalk it's generally quite negative a...

A.   22 August 2017: Distance is very difficult, so it's not surprising that it's not working. However, staying will only prolong it. You probably need to break up. As for catfishing someone else, you need to grow up. It's not okay to play with people's feelings... (read in full...)

Is it common for a man to steal and wear his partner's panties?

Q.   Ok I was with my long distance lover three Months ago.He told Me over the phone that he stole a pair of my Panties ...did I realize they were missing? No... he said When He put them On he got hard... said he liked that the Panties were ...

A.   22 August 2017: Not common, but not totally rare either. That said, him taking them without permission is not a good sign. It doesn't indicate anything about sexual orientation.... (read in full...)

Is it too much to ask to want a virgin partner?

Q.   I am 25 and a virgin guy. Is it too much to ask for a virgin partner? I mean i have no disrespect for those who aint and i believe that every person has a choice. PLEASE HELP! ...

A.   22 August 2017: To be fair, even having sex for the first time after marriage won't let you know if they were a virgin or not; there's no way to tell. Certain signs may make prior penetrative sex unlikely, but there's no way to know for sure, so you'll just have to ... (read in full...)

Is it too much to ask to want a virgin partner?

Q.   I am 25 and a virgin guy. Is it too much to ask for a virgin partner? I mean i have no disrespect for those who aint and i believe that every person has a choice. PLEASE HELP! ...

A.   21 August 2017: Just focus on dating virgins, then. It's that simple. However, you will be missing out on lots of great women who happen to have had sex before.... (read in full...)

She didn't like my solo comment to a girl online and now she won't speak to me

Q.   Been seeing this girl a month , I like her she is the good girl sweet type.. It took her forever to have sex with me.. she hasent had sex in 4 years had an abusive ex .. long story short I was on Facebook chatting up another girl I wasn't hiding it ...

A.   21 August 2017: First of all, a month is *not* a long time to wait for sex - let alone "forever"! I think you need to change your attitude and focus on how you can be more considerate, rather than expect sex so soon and continue talking to lots of girls. Online f... (read in full...)

I've developed feelings for her, should I tell her? She's 20 years younger than I am.

Q.   This is a bit of a strange situation, but bear with me. I am a big Meat Loaf fan, and together with other FB Mad about Meat Loaf group members, we set up a fund to get one of the members, who has ME, down to London from Hull to see the Bat Out of H...

A.   21 August 2017: I think that's wise. She was still a minor when you talked for two years and that's what got you here. It's best to stick within 10 years of you, if you want a family and such. Some make bigger gaps work, but it's not appropriate when the younger ... (read in full...)

He says the sex is better with me but he still keeps his girlfriend. Do I wait around or end things?

Q.   Back in January I met this guy on Tinder. We started off talking every single day just clicking really well and having great conversations. After we met one or two times we had a conversation and he said that he wasn't looking for a relationship and ...

A.   21 August 2017: If someone is not single, don't go near them romantically or sexually. It's common sense and always wise. So, I can understand how you ended up in this situation, but you need to quit it. Cut contact with him. Your his sex toy, not his friend o... (read in full...)

A guy I have a crush on wants to do things I've never done

Q.   Hi, Im 15 years old, and there is this guy who I like and he likes me back. He says that he wants to finger me and do stuff with me, and I want to as well but I am shit scared. There are so many things that Im worried about, and questions I want a...

A.   18 August 2017: He isn't even dating you. He just wants someone to experience sex with, not someone he loves. Please don't do anything with him. Honey, you're scared because you know you're not ready yet. It's a *good* thing to not be ready yet. You shou... (read in full...)

This relationship is draining me

Q.   I've been dating "N" (29)for the past two years. Of course, everything was great at first. We moved in together and though he has many great qualities, I feel myself falling quickly out of love. I am stressed, depressed and there's a lot going on...

A.   18 August 2017: Why are you not on birth control of any sort? That's not a reason for you to have sex when you don't want to, but it's important that you take care of your own body and reproductive health, not relying on a condom that could break or be tampered ... (read in full...)

I've developed feelings for her, should I tell her? She's 20 years younger than I am.

Q.   This is a bit of a strange situation, but bear with me. I am a big Meat Loaf fan, and together with other FB Mad about Meat Loaf group members, we set up a fund to get one of the members, who has ME, down to London from Hull to see the Bat Out of H...

A.   16 August 2017: OP, why do you feel going after someone so young is appropriate? She is 18 years old. Only just an adult. You've been conversing since she was a minor. I'd be wary of a grown man being interested in my teenage daughter - I hope my daughter would ... (read in full...)

I cant break up with her because she threatens self harm.

Q.   Hi, So I've been dating my girlfriend for about 3 years total now with some time in between here and there. I've been on the fence about breaking up with her for the entirety of this summer but I haven't been able to act on it because she is s...

A.   14 August 2017: If she is unstable, which it sounds as though she is, you need to call a suicide hotline, so they can stop her harming herself. She's manipulating you and it's not fair. Do not stay with her, but tell someone you're worried about her suicidal... (read in full...)

I blurted out I LOVE YOU to my married boyfriend. Why does he still want to be with me?

Q.   I told my married boyfriend of 3.5 years that I LOVE HIM yesterday. It just came out. I did not mean to say it but I did. He was asking me why do I stay with a guy like him? He called himself average, boring, not so attractive yet said I am ...

A.   13 August 2017: OP, stop obsessing about why. It won't help you because you're ignoring the why: it's EFFORT to find another desperate woman willing to be a side piece and have no morals, while you'll stay for free. You may be a good person, but you haven't ... (read in full...)

I blurted out I LOVE YOU to my married boyfriend. Why does he still want to be with me?

Q.   I told my married boyfriend of 3.5 years that I LOVE HIM yesterday. It just came out. I did not mean to say it but I did. He was asking me why do I stay with a guy like him? He called himself average, boring, not so attractive yet said I am ...

A.   11 August 2017: Anon, if you love someone and can be with them, if you just get a divorce, it *is* about not loving her enough. He is selfish - he wants to keep his marriage, but continue being unfaithful. If it wasn't the OP, it would be someone else. A person ... (read in full...)

I blurted out I LOVE YOU to my married boyfriend. Why does he still want to be with me?

Q.   I told my married boyfriend of 3.5 years that I LOVE HIM yesterday. It just came out. I did not mean to say it but I did. He was asking me why do I stay with a guy like him? He called himself average, boring, not so attractive yet said I am ...

A.   11 August 2017: OP, stop indulging yourself. It is hard, but it's your own doing. Stop helping this unfaithful man cheat on his wife. You deserve better, but at the same time, you don't because you're a willing participant in this betrayal. LEAVE HIM! St... (read in full...)

I blurted out I LOVE YOU to my married boyfriend. Why does he still want to be with me?

Q.   I told my married boyfriend of 3.5 years that I LOVE HIM yesterday. It just came out. I did not mean to say it but I did. He was asking me why do I stay with a guy like him? He called himself average, boring, not so attractive yet said I am ...

A.   9 August 2017: It's much easier to keep a mistress than replace her. You have to be desperate to stay a mistress and they're not all that easy to find. That's why he keeps you around. This is more than sex for you, but not enough for him to leave his wife. If... (read in full...)

My married lover wants me to move to his country with our son

Q.   Dear readers, I am in a really complex situation. 8 years ago, I met a man - we were both married at the time. I didn't have any children, because my then husband did not want any, despite my wanting a child desperately. The other person (OP) has ...

A.   5 January 2017: I agree that your life with your son is in Singapore and India is less supportive of single mothers. This is where you are safer and where you should stay - that man (don't call him your love/boyfriend/etc. any more) made his choice to stay with his ... (read in full...)

My married lover wants me to move to his country with our son

Q.   Dear readers, I am in a really complex situation. 8 years ago, I met a man - we were both married at the time. I didn't have any children, because my then husband did not want any, despite my wanting a child desperately. The other person (OP) has ...

A.   4 January 2017: I'm sorry, OP, but he's lying to you. You went through a divorce because you wanted to be with him, if he wanted to be with you, he'd get a divorce too. He wants you hanging around for his pleasure, not for a relationship. He will not divorce his ... (read in full...)

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