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*ndie's Thoughts agony aunt

*ndie's Thoughts

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*ndie's Thoughts's profile:

I'm Andie and I'm surviving life until I can really start to live it :)

Karma does happen:

My dad was a married woman's other guy for only a few weeks (about a decade before my mum met him), then realised he wasn't okay with helping her betray her husband. His friend became her other guy, husband came home while they were at it, the guy jumped out of the window and the husband knew, so grabbed a bicycle, chased him and punched him once, going 20mph, so it knocked him out. A couple of relationships later, after getting £15,000 in debt to help a woman leave her abusive husband and getting in a relationship with her, my dad came back from a holiday with his parents and found her with another guy.

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Are LDR's real relationships, even if you haven't met them yet?

Q.   Hello, I am currently in a long distance relationship with a man. He is from the US, and is 21 years old, and I am from the UK, and am 18 years old. We met online, and have been together for a couple of months now. We are still going strong...

A.   12 November 2018: As someone who has been in a serious LDR, you have to be able to visit for a couple of weeks every few months (or similar) or you’re not really in each other’s lives enough to form a proper connection and know that it’s worth the risk of one of you ... (read in full...)

Worst mistake of my life!! Don’t know what to do

Q.   I’m in the worst situation I could ever be in in my life I’ve made the biggest mistake ever and now I don’t know what to do I am suffering badly! I am 14 weeks pregnant but ended up cheating the night before I found out I was pregnant I know how bad ...

A.   12 November 2018: You know telling him is the only right thing to do now. It’s too late to take it back, so you need to give him the choice to stay or leave. Please don’t wait because it’ll leave you less likely to tell him and it’s not right to hide your cheating ... (read in full...)

Worst mistake of my life!! Don’t know what to do

Q.   I’m in the worst situation I could ever be in in my life I’ve made the biggest mistake ever and now I don’t know what to do I am suffering badly! I am 14 weeks pregnant but ended up cheating the night before I found out I was pregnant I know how bad ...

A.   11 November 2018: Couples' counselling and own up. "What he doesn't know won't hurt him" is selfish because everyone should know if the person they love has cheated. I'm sorry, but he deserves to know and decide for himself whether he wants to be with you or not. ... (read in full...)

I've got a crush on the check out chck!

Q.   Over the last couple of months i have been getting very friendly with a girl who works on the checkout at my local supermarket. We chat a lot and share lots of eye contact, and when i am walking away with my trolley after paying i look back and she ...

A.   11 November 2018: We've seen this situation before, so I'm wondering if it was from you. Important: How old are you? How old do you think she is? (If she doesn't look like she's around your age or older, don't try anything; it'll come across as creepy.) Av... (read in full...)

I like a guy but another girl might steal him.

Q.   I like this uy named Jonah but im not sure how to go about it because we only talk in school and this one girl Aliyah may steal him but I feel like me and him have a connection...

A.   11 November 2018: At your age, you should only go out in groups, so invite him and some friends out to the movies or for a meal. As for “stealing” - he’s not yours, so he can’t be stolen. It all feels very stressful and emotional, at your age, but “stealin... (read in full...)

My girlfriend is perfect, but I want an open relationship.

Q.   Hi people. I met my current girlfriend a little over two years ago and I was not the social type back then. I never really went out a lot and hanging out with friends was pretty much 'indoor'. After I met her I became very outgoing. We went t...

A.   11 November 2018: Yeah, break up. Meaningless sex won’t fill your “missing out”, but you’re convinced it will, so let her go. She doesn’t WANT an open relationship, so it will only hurt her, even if she “agrees”. Breaking up is the only fair thing to do. You’re b... (read in full...)

Should I apologize before the concert or just leave it alone?

Q.   When we were dating, I had given my ex a Louis Vuitton necklace. After we broke up, I knew he would just throw it away, so I asked for it back and he said he would mail it. A week later, it hadn’t come in the mail, so I texted him and asked if he ...

A.   10 November 2018: Let it go and leave him alone, before police get involved.... (read in full...)

Is what this 15 year old girl wears okay around a father who drinks?

Q.   Is it ok for a 15 year old girl to walk around the house in her bra around her father...and he drinks heavy so his judgement could be possible inpaired .what should I do? how should I handle this while staying with them....?...

A.   8 November 2018: Honeypie’s response is precisely what I’ve been trying to express, but couldn’t find clear enough words, as I’m not a parent, but it really is no big deal unless you make it one - IF it’s your daughter. When it’s NOT your daughter, then yeah, it’s ... (read in full...)

My ex girlfriend wants to be reimbursed for gifts she gave me.

Q.   I have recently broke up with my girlfriend after nine months together, a couple of weeks before we separated she bought me a present but now we're not together she's asking me to give her back the money she spent on that present, I don't think ...

A.   8 November 2018: Give the gift back. Simple as that.... (read in full...)

My boyfriend doesn't want children, my mother is heartbroken.

Q.   I met my boyfriend 1 year ago. He is 40 and I am 30. He told me about 3 months into the relationship that he does not want to have any children. I am confused because I am not sure if I want to have any. I know that my current circumstances will not ...

A.   8 November 2018: Sit by yourself. What do YOU want? Not your mum, not your boyfriend. Right now, you don’t want one. Maybe you’ll change your mind in a few years, but maybe you won’t - wait and see. For now, you don’t want any and that’s okay. That said, I don’t ... (read in full...)

Is what this 15 year old girl wears okay around a father who drinks?

Q.   Is it ok for a 15 year old girl to walk around the house in her bra around her father...and he drinks heavy so his judgement could be possible inpaired .what should I do? how should I handle this while staying with them....?...

A.   8 November 2018: If it’s a sports bra, it’s not really any different than a crop top. Does it make a difference if she’s wearing a sheer top over it? Lots of woman and teen girls are wearing sheer tops with their bras visible - does that change it, even though you ... (read in full...)

Is what this 15 year old girl wears okay around a father who drinks?

Q.   Is it ok for a 15 year old girl to walk around the house in her bra around her father...and he drinks heavy so his judgement could be possible inpaired .what should I do? how should I handle this while staying with them....?...

A.   8 November 2018: With respect, I disagree, WiseOwlE. Plenty of teen guys can walk around their house in their underwear, so a girl should be able to as well - at least her top half, if it's a typical bra and not a sexy one. It's often more covering than a bikini and ... (read in full...)

Should I confess I'm gay, would it get him in trouble?

Q.   I've been online friends with another guy who lives in the UAE that I am 90 percent sure has feelings for me, and while I feel the same way I am unsure if he would get into any type of trouble if I were to confess my feelings for him and he were to ...

A.   7 November 2018: Just be online friends. You’re too young for an LDR to work out (you need money, lots of time to visit, transport, etc.) and definitely not when the person is in an area where being gay is illegal.... (read in full...)

She loves me but has a LDR boyfriend.

Q.   A girl has a boyfriend but she loves me. Her boyfriend lives far than Im living close to me. We had sex several times and we both promise to get married but she is yet break up with him? I need some advice.....

A.   7 November 2018: She wants both until one of you leaves. Stop talking to her and no more sex. If she wanted to be with you, she wouldn’t have a boyfriend. You give her the sex her long distance boyfriend can’t give her - that’s it.... (read in full...)

Why is his dad trying to set us up and should I go along?

Q.   Long story short, am a virgin and one day my mom met an old time neighbour (who moved away but is living here again) who has one son. She kept bragging about how her daughter is "a princess" and then the guy said I have "a prince". Ever since he has ...

A.   6 November 2018: If the son has a girlfriend, just let him go. His dad may not know or just may not like the girlfriend, but you need to stay out of it.... (read in full...)

We have fun and the sex is amazing but then why doesn't he fall for me?

Q.   Hey all. I feel like a spoilt brat here, like Verruca Salt when she can't get what she wants. I've completely fallen for a co worker. He works in another office and lives 80 miles away. He lives alone (divorced with a son) as I live with parents ...

A.   6 November 2018: You have to let this go - he won't want you for more, whether you give him sex or not. It's not about not being good enough; it's about being with people who want you around and not trying to make people like you. Stop trying so hard. Be your... (read in full...)

Why do I attract abusive men? My current bf said that I deserve disrespect because I'm not glamorous!

Q.   My boyfriend said I don't deserve to be talked at with respect because I'm not glam. Why do I attract abusive men both my last two boyfriend's have been that way. Verbally and physically....

A.   6 November 2018: Likely because you're drawn to them. Now, that doesn't mean their abuse is your fault. He should be your ex-boyfriend after that comment, so don't stay with him any longer. I know it can be hard to leave, but you'll regret wasting your life on ... (read in full...)

We have fun and the sex is amazing but then why doesn't he fall for me?

Q.   Hey all. I feel like a spoilt brat here, like Verruca Salt when she can't get what she wants. I've completely fallen for a co worker. He works in another office and lives 80 miles away. He lives alone (divorced with a son) as I live with parents ...

A.   6 November 2018: You're too old for this mess, OP. He's telling you what you want to hear, enough for you to keep having sex with him. Why would he "buy the cow when he gets the milk for free"? Your friend is right and you're being naive. Stop this before you real... (read in full...)

He can't say I love you to me but we keep breaking up and getting back together. I don't know what to do

Q.   Okay, this is going to be long and I apologize in advance - I’ll try to summarize as much as possible. Two years ago (August 2016) I started my masters program in a big city. I was on dating apps for fun, mostly, not looking for anything serious...

A.   6 November 2018: Break up once and get back together, both actively working on the things that went wrong - preferably with the help of a therapist? You’ve got a chance. Break up multiple times and keep getting back together, with no change in the relation... (read in full...)

What do I say to her to prove I’m genuinely sorry?

Q.   I’m here for advice and I’m looking for advice and don’t know what to do. I came across a female on a dating app who I really liked and we share things in common. there’s were going great until I said to her you’re ignoring me and now she is giving ...

A.   5 November 2018: Questions: - Why did you feel she was ignoring you? - How long had you been talking before you accused her of ignoring you? - How is she giving you a taste of your own medicine? - Why are you just friends with someone on a dating site?... (read in full...)

My husband seems to think I am a bank, smokes weed all day and chats with other women!

Q.   Hello My husband isnt working and I am providing for our family. He is unable to work do to his new arrival to my country. During hid time here, he tells me his friends back home need an apartment to rent and they need to open up their ow...

A.   2 November 2018: Pretty sure we’ve advised you before to divorce him because you married before you properly knew each other and he’s just using you. I’m sorry, but our advice won’t change. Cut him off and get a divorce.... (read in full...)

I'm in love with my step brother and afraid to tell our parents

Q.   i'm in love with my step-brother, and i am honestly scared of what would happen if my parents were to find out. i told my friends about it and the are okay with it they say that we are not related at all so it okay because our parents aren't even, ...

A.   1 November 2018: I know it's hard, but you need to stop. What will you explain to your baby brother/sister about their brother and sister dating? It's not a good idea. Your mum clearly suspects you're too close. You know, deep down, that you won't stay together fo... (read in full...)

I haven't heard from LDR boyfriend in 3 days

Q.   Hi ive been dealing with many stuff and been hurt many times to. but my point is october 28 was my last messge with my ldr boyfreind its been 3 days now and he hasn't respond to my messege at all i text hime 2 times saying hey i hope you are ok i ...

A.   1 November 2018: I agree. Don’t bother again for a week, then you know where you stand.... (read in full...)

I'm unable to move on after being rejected by the girl I love

Q.   In my current state I feel lonely, depressed and unable to get over recent rejection with the *only* person I've had feelings for so far. To give more insight, I'm 15 years old and far from being attractive. In fact, I've not been favoured once by...

A.   31 October 2018: OP, it hasn’t been long. You’re 15, so you haven’t had time to be “looking for a while now”. It’s okay to be hurt and disappointed, but you need to accept that it will fade over time. Go out with other friends. Spend time with family. Distract... (read in full...)

He's successful and talented.. I fear missing out on an exciting life if I'm not with him but I want a completely different future

Q.   I recently met a guy who’s an actor so his life is definitely in London. My life definitely isn’t in London. I don’t want to live there. I established this when my performer ex got a job there and it was the end of our relationship. We met a ...

A.   31 October 2018: “I’ve got a feeling of fear of missing out on his next career move, and the excitement of being the girlfriend being involved in his exciting public side of life“ - that’s “fame wh*re” ideas, right there. Don’t get me wrong; I don’t like using that ... (read in full...)

Why did my boyfriend treat me so badly and not care that he accidentally hurt me?

Q.   My boyfriend was getting ready to go to work today and we were talking to each other. We both moved in closer at the same time and the brim of his hat hit my nose really hard pushing it backwards and my nose made a cracking noise. I fell back in ...

A.   30 October 2018: Why do you think you reacted like this? Should he be worried? I get that it hurt, but it's the brim of a hat, so he may have thought you were exaggerating or overreacting. It may have hurt, but I think you overreacted to him ignoring you. It... (read in full...)

A friend is interested in a poly-amorous relationship but how do I tell my wife?

Q.   I and my wife have been married for 40 years and our love for each other is as solid now as it ever has been. Our sex life up until 8 years ago was very satisfying. Eight years ago my wife sustained an injury which has left her house bound. She ...

A.   29 October 2018: If you can’t happily stay with your wife, knowing your libido will likely decrease over the next decade anyway, then I feel divorce is the only option. It’s not fair to expect your wife to let you have a mistress. It wouldn’t be polyamory because ... (read in full...)

We met online I'm 18 he's 34. Is it wrong that I want to be with him?

Q.   I just want opinions. I have known a man for over 3 months now. We met online, we Skype regularly, he's amazing. We talk everyday. He lives 2 hours away from me.The only thing is he is 34 and I am 18. I want to be with him so bad. Is this wro...

A.   28 October 2018: No! You're already intimate? Oh, gosh, OP. You barely know the guy and you're barely an adult. He's already turned his porn star stuff on you by saying he "felt unwanted because you don't initiate". You shouldn't be initiating anything with each ... (read in full...)

Has anyone else given up a fairly long-term, comfortable relationship for something new and exciting with so much in common and a strong sexual attraction?

Q.   My boyfriend and I have just passed 3 years together. We have a great life together: we laugh a lot, we support each other, we cook, we travel, we have many of the same interests and tastes. I know he loves me and I love him too, but it's always ...

A.   28 October 2018: Well done for realising what you have, OP, and appreciate your boyfriend for being so understanding about it. As for the second guy, he's an ass. Seriously, he's being manipulative: "my feelings won't go away", "you'll miss me", "you know where to... (read in full...)

She said no. Should I keep trying?

Q.   So, I've liked somebody for a long time (2-3 years) and recently, a couple of weeks ago I decided to tell them how I felt. I've been friends with her since we first met and everybody I know was certain she was into me as well. Unfortunately I was ...

A.   28 October 2018: Was this you? These answers will help and be the same ones you get here: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/will-i-ever-find-someone-the-same-as.html You’re very young. You know you will find someone else. You will not be alone for the remaining 60... (read in full...)

Lover wants to stay with his children for now

Q.   My lover cannot live with me just yet because he still wants to live with his children who are 21 and 19.....He said they still need him .... He doesn’t love his wife... they share no interests as a couple, just stayed married for their kids sake... ...

A.   28 October 2018: You’re not only wasting your time now, you’ve been wasting it ever since the affair started. He’s married, living with his wife and probably having more intimate moments with her than you think. He’s not staying for the ADULTS; he’s staying because ... (read in full...)

Has anyone else given up a fairly long-term, comfortable relationship for something new and exciting with so much in common and a strong sexual attraction?

Q.   My boyfriend and I have just passed 3 years together. We have a great life together: we laugh a lot, we support each other, we cook, we travel, we have many of the same interests and tastes. I know he loves me and I love him too, but it's always ...

A.   28 October 2018: The unfortunate thing for Female Anon is that she doesn’t know this future and spark will stay. Hopefully it will for her, but you would giving up someone you love, at a time of grief, when you were actually very happy until this guy came along who ... (read in full...)

We met online I'm 18 he's 34. Is it wrong that I want to be with him?

Q.   I just want opinions. I have known a man for over 3 months now. We met online, we Skype regularly, he's amazing. We talk everyday. He lives 2 hours away from me.The only thing is he is 34 and I am 18. I want to be with him so bad. Is this wro...

A.   27 October 2018: This is dangerous. I’m sorry, OP; I know what it’s like to crave love, but a man nearly twice your age is not where you should try to get it from. No decent 34 year old man will be genuinely interested in someone who’s only just begun adulthood ... (read in full...)

Has anyone else given up a fairly long-term, comfortable relationship for something new and exciting with so much in common and a strong sexual attraction?

Q.   My boyfriend and I have just passed 3 years together. We have a great life together: we laugh a lot, we support each other, we cook, we travel, we have many of the same interests and tastes. I know he loves me and I love him too, but it's always ...

A.   27 October 2018: Liven up your own relationship. So many people want that comfortable love and all good relationships will get there. Try to make things a little more exciting or spontaneous, but don’t give up something that was more or less perfect for you until ... (read in full...)

Has anyone else given up a fairly long-term, comfortable relationship for something new and exciting with so much in common and a strong sexual attraction?

Q.   My boyfriend and I have just passed 3 years together. We have a great life together: we laugh a lot, we support each other, we cook, we travel, we have many of the same interests and tastes. I know he loves me and I love him too, but it's always ...

A.   27 October 2018: The grass is always greener until you get there. You need to cut ties with this new guy. The spark always fades, if it’s even there to start with. You have a stable, loving(?) relationship with a future planned. Don’t give that up unless you don’t ... (read in full...)

Men never notice me, it makes me feel bad.

Q.   I am 23 and I never get hit on, catcalled, approached, or asked out. I've never even had a boyfriend before. My friends seem to get hit on and catcalled and it starts making me feel like I am unattractive. I never thought I was ugly but not getting ...

A.   25 October 2018: Being catcalled is harassment - it’s not positive attention. Let’s get that out of the way first. Stop trying. Seriously. You’ll look desperate and that puts people off. If you focus too much on men and what they think, you’ll waste your life awa... (read in full...)

After years of putting up with my wife's drunken behavior, she gets sober and 6 months later she is getting righteous on me!

Q.   I first met my wife in college. I drank once in a blue moon, but not really. If was before I met her, but she told me she was a binge drinker who was hospitalized because she threw up blood from an ulcer after a lot of drinking. When we dated we...

A.   24 October 2018: Do you love her? If not, leave. If you do, quit drinking around her. Don't have alcohol in the house, including empty bottles/cans and only drink when you go out with friends. Addiction is ridiculously difficult. This isn't her being self-rig... (read in full...)

My lesbian partner seems too close to my friends!

Q.   Hello mates :) I've been in a relationship with a lesbian. We're bestfriends and turns into lovers. 2 months of love :) But mates, I start to wonder why she's way too close with my girl bestfriends and heck they look so sweet :( I'm pretty jealous ...

A.   23 October 2018: First of all, maybe this is just lost in translation, but you don't need to keep saying "lesbian". We know she's a girl and you're a girl, so we don't need to keep hearing lesbian, as it's no different than any other relationship. No, you should... (read in full...)

How can I talk to someone that doesn't listen to anything I have to say?

Q.   Hello and thank you for your opinions in advance My husband and I have been together for two years. When we were in a relationship he was extremely loving, expressive, a real sweetheart which didnt take me long to fall hard for him. For the fir...

A.   23 October 2018: You married a stranger. For all you really know, he smoked weed more or less every day anyway, but you weren't in the same country to see it. Sorry, OP, but you're going to waste your life on this guy. Chalk it up to needing to spend more time ... (read in full...)

I kissed other men while we were broken up, now back together did I cheat on him?

Q.   My boyfriend and I had split up for week, his decision and I was gutted but said I would respect his decision. I went out with a friend for a night out and i kissed two men. I love my boyfriend and I was upset with it all. We have now got back tog...

A.   20 October 2018: OP, telling someone something has to be in their best interest. Telling someone because you feel guilty is selfish. However, I think you know what you need to do and I think you'll need a therapist to do it. I'm glad you're both going to try to m... (read in full...)

I kissed other men while we were broken up, now back together did I cheat on him?

Q.   My boyfriend and I had split up for week, his decision and I was gutted but said I would respect his decision. I went out with a friend for a night out and i kissed two men. I love my boyfriend and I was upset with it all. We have now got back tog...

A.   19 October 2018: I think you may be getting too defensive to appreciate the advice from us, but hopefully you’ll be able to cool off and hear us out. No, you didn’t cheat, but your way of coping isn’t healthy either and is rather self-destructive. Drinking... (read in full...)

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