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*ndie's Thoughts agony aunt

*ndie's Thoughts

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*ndie's Thoughts's profile:

I'm Andie and I'm surviving life until I can really start to live it :)

Karma does happen:

My dad was a married woman's other guy for only a few weeks (about a decade before my mum met him), then realised he wasn't okay with helping her betray her husband. His friend became her other guy, husband came home while they were at it, the guy jumped out of the window and the husband knew, so grabbed a bicycle, chased him and punched him once, going 20mph, so it knocked him out. A couple of relationships later, after getting £15,000 in debt to help a woman leave her abusive husband and getting in a relationship with her, my dad came back from a holiday with his parents and found her with another guy.

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I overheard my wife saying that her ex was the best sex she'd ever had and now my ego is shattered!

Q.   So my ego has been devastated and I really don’t know how to handle this. Turns out I’m not the best sex my wife has ever had. Any advice is appreciated. About a week ago my wife had one of her friends at our house for some drinks. After ha...

A.   13 July 2018: I understand why some are suggesting you speak to your wife about it, but I think that should be a last resort, as you eavesdropped and she'll know you did, which could reduce her trust in you allowing her to have private conversations with her ... (read in full...)

I overheard my wife saying that her ex was the best sex she'd ever had and now my ego is shattered!

Q.   So my ego has been devastated and I really don’t know how to handle this. Turns out I’m not the best sex my wife has ever had. Any advice is appreciated. About a week ago my wife had one of her friends at our house for some drinks. After ha...

A.   11 July 2018: I get that it stung, but you were listening to their conversation, instead of going out of earshot. 1) He was better in bed. 2) She wouldn't cheat on you. 3) He was a jerk. You're focusing on the fact she lied to you about you being the ... (read in full...)

I think I'm a great catch so why don't more guys go after me?

Q.   I’m in my early 20’s and I’ve been single for a few months now, and I’m having a hard time figuring out why guys don’t really approach me when I go out nor message me. Even on dating apps like Tinder, I don’t have as many guys as I’d like try to ...

A.   11 July 2018: "I’m not cocky at all but I feel like I’m a great catch." That really contradicts itself - especially when you add in the "look like a model" stuff. Most of the things you mentioned were appearance-based too. More to people than that, OP. You shou... (read in full...)

My boyfriend is going away on vacation for two weeks!

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 8 months and we have an amazing relationship. In a few weeks he’s going away with his family to his family’s house in Europe for 2 weeks. I know this sounds pathetic, but I’m genuinely upset that he’s ...

A.   11 July 2018: You are overreacting, but I think you know that. "Upset" is a strong negative feeling when someone you're newly dating is going away for only a fortnight. I think taking a picture every day becomes "text pesty". Give him a couple of days (maybe o... (read in full...)

What would you do in my situation? Travel first or settle down now, travel in retirement?

Q.   I have been in a relationship with a man for a year. I'm pretty happy with this guy. We've had ups and downs, but overall things are good between us. We love each other. We have a holiday booked together and are planning to move in together. Howeve...

A.   10 July 2018: I think it's been incorrectly assumed that people can get a mortgage on their own in the UK - most can't. A large number of people in their late 20s/early 30s are stuck living with their parents to save up for a mortgage, so it's impossible for the ... (read in full...)

I'm 8 weeks pregnant and questioning my relationship with my partner because I just found out that he's slept with numerous prostitutes before we met.

Q.   Hello. I am 8 weeks pregnant , was so happy with everything and looking forward to the future but now I’m seriously re thinking the whole thing. I have been with my partner a while and we were just discussing the blood tests I am getting for...

A.   5 July 2018: It's not entirely rare, but it's not very common either. It's also not selfish to feel the way you do; I'd probably feel different about someone I was dating too. That said, you're pregnant, so you've both gone past that stage now and you've g... (read in full...)

To have sex or not ever have sex?

Q.   Mod note: combined posts Why are people hypocrites when it comes to sex? And by that I mean, I am a 26 year old virgin and my friends tell me to wait and how my virginity is such a great gift. They will tell me I am lucky to be virgin, that sex ...

A.   4 July 2018: All I'd say about not having sex before marriage is that it's like not living with someone before marriage. Until we live with someone for a few months, we can't understand: - what quirks they have, - how they handle bills, - how they sleep... (read in full...)

I don’t have to get married but I still want a ring!

Q.   I am hurt, Insulted and don't know what to do. My bf and i are together already for 3 years. Everything smooth and find. But there's one thing im asking him to do for me. A partnership ring. Yes ' not wedding ring but a partnership ring. He ...

A.   3 July 2018: If I'm honest, you seem to be settling for someone who isn't compatible and doesn't want the same future that you do. What you do about it is up to you. Sorry, OP.... (read in full...)

Is it ok to fall in love with your cousin?

Q.   My whole family went to Minnesota to visit my aunt and cousins! My cousin is a boy, 16 Years old and I’m 15 Years old and a girl. When I first saw him it was like love at first sight....sometimes he would roll his tounge at me just to be funny or...

A.   3 July 2018: It's not love, it's hormones. As long as you don't act on it or tell him, it's okay and totally normal. This happens all the time, OP. You need to be mature about it and remind yourself that it's just a crush because you're used to him. Serious... (read in full...)

How do I stop getting erections around her?

Q.   My second cousin (a female) and I spend a lot of time together. We are both 13 years old and we share a lot of hobbies. We are both cousins and friends. The problem is that I keep on getting erections around her. I will admit she is extremely...

A.   1 July 2018: OP, guys get erections for lots of reasons. Wake Up. Math Class. Swimming. Shower. Sunbathing. Library. Cinema. Waiting Room. Whether your cousin is cute or not, that doesn't mean you're erection is because of that. Find trousers that keep you... (read in full...)

My pregnant wife swears and breaks things when angry, sometimes I think I'd rather raise the baby as a single dad.

Q.   She is 36 weeks pregnant. I've been night shift all week and sleeping during the day. I have university 2 days per week and I will go straight from work to a half day of uni. Return home about 4pm and sleep until 10pm then go to work. I'm full ...

A.   1 July 2018: OP, we're here to support you, but this is an advice site. You don't want advice. You need to either get a divorce and fight for custody or seek a professional therapist to vent to.... (read in full...)

How to tell my family that I may never get married..

Q.   Hi. I'm a 36-year-old guy living in a traditional society. Physically speaking, my interest in women is almost nonexistent, as have been scarce my sexual experiences with them. Until two or three years ago, I used to go on many dates with girls, i...

A.   29 June 2018: You need to make a choice, OP: be single forever or come out at some point.... (read in full...)

My partner doesn't help with the new baby, is overpowering and dominant, and abusive when drunk. I've had enough of him!

Q.   Hi all, I am at a crossroad in my relationship/life. I had a beautiful baby month in January this year. He is my pride and joy. However I am now seeing a side of my fiancee that i hate (i know thats a strong word) I'm not sure I love him or want to ...

A.   28 June 2018: I know some abusers can change after a commitment has been made and they've "trapped" you, but did you really now know he thought it was a woman's job to take care of the home and babies alone? Like there was no sign of that belief at all? Botto... (read in full...)

How to tell my family that I may never get married..

Q.   Hi. I'm a 36-year-old guy living in a traditional society. Physically speaking, my interest in women is almost nonexistent, as have been scarce my sexual experiences with them. Until two or three years ago, I used to go on many dates with girls, i...

A.   28 June 2018: So, is it that you don't want to date/marry anyone or just not women? If you want to date/marry a man, live your truth and come out when it's safe to do so. Don't keep it a secret and date because that can be dangerous. If you just don't want ... (read in full...)

Am I mean to delete all our photos from his phone?

Q.   I plan to break up with my boyfriend but I don't want to let him know until I delete all our photos together from his phone. Am I mean to delete all our photos from his phone? I never wanted to take pictures with him in the first place because I ...

A.   28 June 2018: "Am I mean to delete all our photos from his phone?" No, purely because you can't do it. It's illegal and it's none of your business what he has on his phone. That said, him keeping pictures of exes should have shown you that he was going to keep ... (read in full...)

Boyfriend left for a night of hard drugs and drinking and I haven't heard from him in 24 hours. Should I dump him?

Q.   Hi. My boyfriend went on a night out that resulted in me not hearing from him for over 24 hours. He said he had ended up drinking all night with some guy he met and tried to get cocaine too. While doing this he also decided to ignore my messages ...

A.   28 June 2018: If my friend (former boyfriend) goes out, I usually ask him if he can let me know when he gets back safely, if it's at night, just because it's a dangerous world and I'd ask my family and other friends the same. He sometimes texts me, so I'll reply, ... (read in full...)

My best friend is in love with me but I don't feel the same way and now I've lost my best and only friend because we're not even on talking terms

Q.   Me and my guy best friend has been friends for years. He confessed his feelings to me, he was in love with me too much. He would never leave a day without talking to me. I love him as my best friend. And i can't imagine myself not having him beside ...

A.   28 June 2018: At this point, you're like family, albeit his is also romantic interest. Losing a family member is really hard. Routine changes, feelings are hurt and things are raw. People get through it, though. You need to find new friends. One of the reasons ... (read in full...)

Boyfriend tells me he doesn't want kids, I leave crying and I haven't heard from him since. How is he so cold?

Q.   My LDR boyfriend of a year and a half finally admitted to me that he had 100% decided that he doesn't want kids. I am 40, have frozen my eggs and most days I feel the incredible yearning for a family. I say "finally admitted" because he has k...

A.   28 June 2018: OP, he knew you'd never not want kids. You froze your eggs, for goodness sake. That's a commitment to it. Also, whilst he could have been a little nicer about it, there would have been no point in talking marriage when you were obviously so incom... (read in full...)

Boyfriend tells me he doesn't want kids, I leave crying and I haven't heard from him since. How is he so cold?

Q.   My LDR boyfriend of a year and a half finally admitted to me that he had 100% decided that he doesn't want kids. I am 40, have frozen my eggs and most days I feel the incredible yearning for a family. I say "finally admitted" because he has k...

A.   27 June 2018: I can't add to HP's great response. All I'm going to say is that, if you're financially and mentally stable, I think you need to just get a sperm donor and have a baby on your own. You are getting older and now is the time to have a baby, rather ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend is being secretive of his phone and is liking Instagram pictures of girls in bikinis!

Q.   I am 16 and my boyfriend is 15. We have been dating for almost 5 months. He is from Israel and went to go visit his family for 6 weeks. It has only been less than a week since he left but for a couple of weeks before he left I have been getting a ...

A.   26 June 2018: OP, he's fifteen. He's a boy, not really a young man yet. You are in between a young woman and a girl - some aspects of you are more mature than others. However, at his age, most boys are still just boys. He "likes" these pictures because he hasn'... (read in full...)

How do I ask for a sex toy?

Q.   I want a sex toy because, I'm a 17 year old girl now. I know after I ask I'm going to say, think of it this way, I'm still a virgin. Most people my age aren't anymore. But the problem is, I have to ask my dad. Not a mom. How do I do this? I'm ...

A.   24 June 2018: Buy your own. No, seriously. You don't ask parents for this kind of toy. You earn money and get your own. Also, the majority of people your age ARE still virgins. Some lie and pretend they aren't, while others don't want to share because of ... (read in full...)

My ex wants to say goodbye!

Q.   My ex of 1 year got a job opportunity in France a few months back and we decided to end it due to the distance. She wants to see me before she leaves but I don’t know if that is a good idea as I’m trying to move on and it may spark old feelings ...

A.   24 June 2018: I agree that I think you'll regret not going, but that you should keep it in public and non-date-like. I think it would help solidify "she's going to another country, that's the end of it" for you, even if it stings a little.... (read in full...)

Is a B-cup too small?

Q.   Is B-cup too small? Everyone in my family has A-cup boobs, but I am a B-cup. I am not growing anymore, and all my friends and family make fun of me and call me flat. It hurts me a lot. So, on legitimate average? When is a boob size too small, or too ...

A.   22 June 2018: I love HP's examples. First of all, your family are smaller, so they have no leg to stand on making fun of you. Secondly, I have a 40J chest. It's HORRIBLE. I'm fighting to get a reduction because: I can't run. I can't jog. I can't j... (read in full...)

I ask women I sleep with about their opinion on abortion because I don't want kids. How do I know the girl I'm seeing is on the same page?

Q.   So I met a wonderful girl online and we hit it off really well. We kissed on the first date, had lunch on the second, and ended up sleeping with each other on the third when she invited me over to her apartment for pizza and a movie. We used ...

A.   22 June 2018: Get a vasectomy. Be responsible for yourself, don't leave it up to the women. You should absolutely NOT try to change her mind. An abortion isn't an easy thing and is not something anyone should try to encourage or dissuade.... (read in full...)

I want a baby but time is running out fast!

Q.   IM not sure what to do , Im a single woman and dont have time on my side children wise. I want to have a child before its too late. I have never met 'the one'and im starting to feel down because time is running out. With adoption it can take a long ...

A.   17 June 2018: You're just going to have to accept it, I'm afraid, OP. Get counselling to hep you figure out which is best for you.... (read in full...)

My ex-girlfriend has a way of messing with my head

Q.   Hi all, Long story cut short. I was in a lesbian relationship with my gf for two years. She kissed a guy during our relationship (even lied to my face and was secretly sending messages to him). This pushed me to pursue my dreams in working a...

A.   15 June 2018: Unfortunately, you're doing this to yourself. You KNOW what she's like and, other than throwing a few "I love yous", she's not hiding her motives. You give her sex, that's all she wants. Now's the time to cut ties permanently; she won't change h... (read in full...)

Is this normal?? Am I stupid to love a man who does not respect the institution of marriage??

Q.   Dear Agony Aunt I am married for 20 years to a narcissistic surgeon with roving eyes yet I've stayed with him thinking that we love each other. He had been unfaithful to me and my young children once in the past and after leaving home he returned...

A.   15 June 2018: If you arranged for prostitutes for him, you don't "respect the institution of marriage" either. Anyway, whilst him being a cheater is totally on him, you being a workaholic won't help. I don't think staying with him is best for you or your ... (read in full...)

The death of my pet caused me to perform terribly at work!

Q.   Hi everyone. This is a coworker relationship question. Nothing romantic. Just wasn't sure where to go to ask this as I like going here. I started this job about two months ago. It is a unique job. Without getting into too many details, I...

A.   15 June 2018: "Hi Mary, I'm sorry you had to take on the extra work on Wednesday; my pet passed away that morning, so my performance was off. What can I do to help out?" Then leave it. For what it's worth, while we know birds can bond with us just as much as ... (read in full...)

Is my long-distance husband using me?

Q.   Hi and thanks I have wrote on here before but I wasnt able to find my question. I have married a man from Africa, I'm Canadian. We met on Facebook and we have been married for 16 months. Doing a long distance relationship isnt easy ...

A.   15 June 2018: Well done, OP; it's about time. A divorce is on the horizon and it will be what's best for you - that much is clear.... (read in full...)

My boyfriend's drunken behaviour was nasty. Should I just let it pass?

Q.   My bf, myself and our close friends were at a house party. I spent most of my time helping the hosts so I was pretty much sober while my bf decided to get sloshed after many years. By the end of the night, he had way too many and was totally out ...

A.   15 June 2018: The most important thing here is that he needs to avoid getting drunk if he can't behave in a respectful way. When you next go out where drinking is likely to occur, bring it up briefly. "John, I don't mind you drinking, but please don't drink so... (read in full...)

Me and my dad's friend want to take it to the next level

Q.   Me and my dad's friend have been texting for a while and we've talked about taking things to another level... Im not sure what to do about it, i mean i'm 21 an he's about 30, I have always like older guys and we are into each other but you know he's ...

A.   15 June 2018: If you respect your dad, you'll stop texting his friend in any way you wouldn't want your dad to see. If he respects your dad, he wouldn't consider you available. Seriously, where do you see this going? The chances of it ending well are very sl... (read in full...)

What’s the difference?

Q.   Whats the difference between making love and just having sex? Like what are some things that would take place if you’re making love rather than just having regular sex?...

A.   12 June 2018: In all honesty, it's pretty self-explanatory. Anyone can have sex, but only people in love can make love. There's a deeper connection on a romantic level that goes beyond the shallow romance in some hook-ups.... (read in full...)

Is my long-distance husband using me?

Q.   Hi and thanks I have wrote on here before but I wasnt able to find my question. I have married a man from Africa, I'm Canadian. We met on Facebook and we have been married for 16 months. Doing a long distance relationship isnt easy ...

A.   10 June 2018: I'd also like to point out that, not once in your post did you mention love. Maybe you did in your other one, but I'm glad you didn't in this one because, when writing this post, your feelings of love went out the window. That's how it should be ... (read in full...)

Love triangle--why is he good to her and pushes me away when I am the one who is always there for him?

Q.   Ok here it goes. I have been seeing this guy now off and on for almost 3 yrs. But he treats me so horrible. There is another women involved. I'm the one that is always there for him no matter what. But now he is in jail and the first time I bail him ...

A.   10 June 2018: You've shown him that you're happy to be used by him. Stop. He can't MAKE you do these things. You WANT an abusive criminal boyfriend who has another woman he's interested in more than you? Why, OP? Find a real man who pays for himself, isn't ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend says if I don't lose weight after our baby's birth he will dump me!

Q.   I am 24 weeks pregnant. My boyfriend is constantly calling me fat. He says he is teasing. He also said that if I don't lose the weight after the baby is born he will dump me. I have taken all these things to heart. I was really skinny before I got ...

A.   10 June 2018: Dump him and file for child support. I mean it. No decent partner would want to cheat. No self-respecting person would allow their partner to cheat. "Oh, sorry son/daughter; Daddy doesn't love me if I'm not skinny". Do you know what messag... (read in full...)

Is my long-distance husband using me?

Q.   Hi and thanks I have wrote on here before but I wasnt able to find my question. I have married a man from Africa, I'm Canadian. We met on Facebook and we have been married for 16 months. Doing a long distance relationship isnt easy ...

A.   10 June 2018: Oh, OP. Where has your common sense gone? Divorce him. Now. HE is a grown man. You are NOT responsible for him. You say his friends are grown men and should support themselves, but so should HE! Not only that, but he's 10 years younger, you m... (read in full...)

Does kissing get easier over time?

Q.   I recently asked this question on here, http://www.dearcupid.org/question/im-a-first-time-dater-and-find-myself.html and you guys gave me some great advice and I've been trying to incorporate what I was told. Essentially the advice was to go...

A.   7 June 2018: Be patient and continue being honest. Absolutely don't rush sex - that's wise, though waiting to marriage often leads to sexual incompatibility. Just tell him you'd like to slow down the kissing stuff.... (read in full...)

Does kissing get easier over time?

Q.   I recently asked this question on here, http://www.dearcupid.org/question/im-a-first-time-dater-and-find-myself.html and you guys gave me some great advice and I've been trying to incorporate what I was told. Essentially the advice was to go...

A.   6 June 2018: Thing is, you're dating. You're in a relationship, but want a friendship to grow first. That's not how it works or how he wants it - sorry, OP. If you need to grow together in friendship first, then you need to tell him point blank. "Bob, I like h... (read in full...)

Does kissing get easier over time?

Q.   I recently asked this question on here, http://www.dearcupid.org/question/im-a-first-time-dater-and-find-myself.html and you guys gave me some great advice and I've been trying to incorporate what I was told. Essentially the advice was to go...

A.   4 June 2018: You're just not ready to be in a relationship where kissing is involved. Forcing yourself will push your progress back, not forward. It's okay not to be ready. You'll only get more anxious if you keep pushing yourself. Let him go to be with so... (read in full...)

His daughter and I are close in age she hates me, but I love her father so much help!

Q.   I'm 24, my boyfriend is 42 and we met 9 months ago on a cliff while he was on holidays in my country. At the time he was talking to his buddies about how amazing the scenery was and we locked eyes for the first time and smiled at each other. ...

A.   1 June 2018: You barely know him. This isn't love. You had sex really early on and you're infatuated because an older, charming man is interested in you and he's infatuated because he's divorced and a sweet young lady is interested in him. You're still s... (read in full...)

My pregnant wife swears and breaks things when angry, sometimes I think I'd rather raise the baby as a single dad.

Q.   She is 36 weeks pregnant. I've been night shift all week and sleeping during the day. I have university 2 days per week and I will go straight from work to a half day of uni. Return home about 4pm and sleep until 10pm then go to work. I'm full ...

A.   18 March 2018: OP, you're other post (http://www.dearcupid.org/question/my-wife-wont-allow-me-to-choose-our.html) and this one show you need to leave your wife. You can stay miserable, but she is a volatile person and your baby is not safe with her. Quite... (read in full...)

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