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*ndie's Thoughts agony aunt

*ndie's Thoughts

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*ndie's Thoughts's profile:

I'm Andie and I'm surviving life until I can really start to live it :)

Karma does happen:

My dad was a married woman's other guy for only a few weeks (about a decade before my mum met him), then realised he wasn't okay with helping her betray her husband. His friend became her other guy, husband came home while they were at it, the guy jumped out of the window and the husband knew, so grabbed a bicycle, chased him and punched him once, going 20mph, so it knocked him out. A couple of relationships later, after getting £15,000 in debt to help a woman leave her abusive husband and getting in a relationship with her, my dad came back from a holiday with his parents and found her with another guy.

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I'm happy with the way things are, but she is talking marriage and babies

Q.   I have been dating a girl for 7 months now, due to my working hours and her studying at college, we only see each other 2-3 times a week. I am happy with the relationship the way it is because I like my space and time to myself, however she is ...

A.   20 September 2018: Break up. Let her find someone who does want that in the future and, after 7 months, can see it with her - not immediately, but in their future.... (read in full...)

My fiance is a virgin but I've slept with 6 people and had an abortion. Do I need to tell him all this?

Q.   Hi, I am engaged to a wonderful guy from the last 5 months, we are going to get married this December 2018,I came to know by investigation and inspection and his views and thoughts and actions, that he is a virgin and he is against premarital sex ...

A.   19 September 2018: As long as you don't lie about it, you don't have to tell him about it either. If he asks, don't lie.... (read in full...)

My wife wants to use a sperm donor to ensure that our third child isn't autistic but I’m not sure how I feel about this.

Q.   My wife (34f) and I (36m) have been married for just over six years and in many ways have an ideal marriage and are very much still in love. Despite two kids, we still have sex 2 - 3 times per week. We still find time for getaways nearby beaches, ...

A.   19 September 2018: If I'm honest, and please don't take this the wrong way, but you probably shouldn't be having any more children - autistic or not. You have a lovely family, why add to it? Your children are no doubt your world, but it's life that autism is a cha... (read in full...)

Should I tell my partner about this encounter I had?

Q.   Hi I’m not proud of what I’m about to write I feel very ashamed I’ve been with my partner for 5 years I went out had a lot to drink and ended up going back to a mans place we had oral but not penetrative sex i think I done it as I’ve been unhappy in ...

A.   18 September 2018: If you were staying together, he deserves to know, but it's clear you need to break up. Tell him or don't, but you're not happy and he's not interested, so don't stay. For what it's worth, being cheated on destroys people, so there's no point... (read in full...)

I’m pregnant by a boyfriend using me for a green card! Advice needed!

Q.   Hi there I am pregnant 9 weeks I’ve been dating this honderan man for almost two years. My boyfriend has been distant because he wants to get married but it’s to get his green card. He loves me but i am catholic and I want a church ceremony I’m not ...

A.   17 September 2018: OP, it's a bit late to want to do things the Catholic way. You're an unmarried pregnant woman. Time to stop being stubborn and think about the foetus. If you want an abortion, that's okay, but don't put it off any longer! Marriage should not ... (read in full...)

I want a second child and my husband does not! It’s really becoming a problem for me! Advice?

Q.   My husband and I are at a complete impasse. We have a 3yr old son who is amazing and I feel truly blessed to be his mommy, but I yearn for a 2nd baby! I have felt this way for over a year. And anytime I speak to my husband about it he is very ce...

A.   17 September 2018: Important answers needed: - did you agree on how many children before you got married? - has he told you why he doesn't want another child? - have you only wanted another child for a year? - have you discussed it without crying? ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend spends more time with my dog

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year. We do live together and for the most part it’s great but, lately he hasn’t really been affectionate. I have 4 dogs but my one female he is particularly close too. Well anyway my problem ...

A.   17 September 2018: My whole response was an assessment and advice. The dog doesn't understand why you moved the bed. You did move in sooner than is best 95+% of the time. Your honeymoon phase is wearing off and you're either unintentionally irritating him or he's just ... (read in full...)

Would it be ok to ask my mum to buy me a vibrator?

Q.   I'm 17 and have the money to buy a vibrator, but I have no way of actually getting one by myself. I don't have any friends old enough to take me some where that will sell them to people under 18, and I don't have a credit/debit card so I can't buy ...

A.   16 September 2018: I wondered that at your age and the answer is no, you don’t ask. When you’re 18, you can get one for yourself. Until then, a shower or massager (like Cindy suggested) will be fine or take Honeypie’s advice. Yes, it’s good to use a vibrator... (read in full...)

My boyfriend spends more time with my dog

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year. We do live together and for the most part it’s great but, lately he hasn’t really been affectionate. I have 4 dogs but my one female he is particularly close too. Well anyway my problem ...

A.   16 September 2018: First thing’s first: moving the dog bed punishes the dog because they don’t understand you’re doing it to punish your boyfriend. Secondly: you rushed into things if you’re already living together and have only been together for a year. Thirdly... (read in full...)

He’s going away for the weekend with one of his best female friends!

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been together 3 months,we knew each other before though and its pretty serious. Everything has been good but there is one thing Im not comfortable with and its that hes going away for the weekend with one of his best girl ...

A.   14 September 2018: Holidays are expensive and often non-refundable. He should not have to cancel a pre-booked holiday that he’s been looking forward to and neither should his friend. His friend happens to be a girl. Lots of guys have close girl friends. Just like gay ... (read in full...)

My brother finally introduced us to his fiance - she's my ex!

Q.   My brother has recently introduced the family to his new fiancée - but there's a massive issue. Basically he lives away and none of us have met her before - we only knew her name. We were all excited to meet her - but when he introduced her to ...

A.   12 September 2018: You need to own up to your brother about your child. I don’t care how judgemental your family is; your daughter deserves not to be a secret! It’s not her fault you and her mum ended up conceiving. She will have issues her whole life if you’re just a ... (read in full...)

I want my mother to move in with us so I can take care of her

Q.   Hi everyone. My fiance and I are in the process of moving back to my home state and purchasing a house there. It is a relatively large house and we have more than enough space to start a family. My mom is not in the best of health. She recen...

A.   11 September 2018: Don’t move her in. Move her close by, if possible. It’s great that you want to keep her involved and look after her, but your husband understandably wants his own family space for the family you hope to start (something that will be difficult enough ... (read in full...)

Why do I get so turned off after sexual contact?

Q.   I am male and am 21 years old. I'm currently on the dating scene but whenever I'm with someone it seems to be that I am lusting them and after it gets any further I get an immense feeling to be with them sexually, then after any sexual contact is ...

A.   11 September 2018: You rush things. Maybe you're realising that sex is all you're getting because it's all you're offering. 1) Lust is normal, but you don't have to act on it. Learn some self-control. If they throw themselves at you, assume sex is all they want and... (read in full...)

I am recuperating from surgery and my boyfriend is having some girl I've never met pick him up and go out drinking

Q.   I need to know if I'm being Ridicolous and this is just petty. Or if what he is doing is wrong. I ended up having emergency surgery Wednesday which was completely unexpected. My boyfriend has been amazing. Coming to see me straight after work and...

A.   10 September 2018: So? He's friends with a girl. Most guys are. Should lesbians not have female friends? If you trust him not to cheat, trust him not to cheat. He wasn't alone with her. Lots of women hang out with guys at their house sometimes. The only real... (read in full...)

He’s going away for the weekend with one of his best female friends!

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been together 3 months,we knew each other before though and its pretty serious. Everything has been good but there is one thing Im not comfortable with and its that hes going away for the weekend with one of his best girl ...

A.   8 September 2018: I get why you’re not comfortable, but it’s also none of your business. She’s a friend. You’re new. Even knowing him for a while beforehand doesn’t mean it should be serious this early on. Being friends and being a couple are two very different t... (read in full...)

I have an IUD and we don't have condoms so why did I find them in my boyfriend's things?

Q.   Me an my fiance have been together for almost 10 years we are in our 20s an have a daughter an wanting more kids lol but we were going to bed when he comes in an puts his cigarettes an that down an he leaves the room an I look were he put them cuz ...

A.   8 September 2018: You need to ask him. That said, using two forms of contraception and birth control is really important because one can fail, leaving the other to do its job. Ask him, but do use condoms or femidoms in future too.... (read in full...)

Is this relationship based on sex?

Q.   I am in a weird relationship with a 48 year old man. I lost my virginity to him but lied I was on my period. I had sex because I was ready to and do not feel an ounce of guilt. All I wanted from him was to have sex, get over with the pain and move ...

A.   8 September 2018: Time to move out permanently and cut things off with this man. You are paying him rent in the form of sex. That may not have been what you intended, but you know that’s what you’re doing because you are getting free things from him, yet they aren’t ... (read in full...)

My 5 year daughter's friends show each other their private parts

Q.   I have a 5 year old daughter, and yesterday she came to me saying that boys and even girls show each other their private parts. They are all 5, and i was shocked about it. She told me that 3 boys and 1 girl were asking her if they can show my daugh...

A.   8 September 2018: I understand why you’re upset by this, but this is very normal. Chances are, unless you are from a country where it is drilled into people that naked bodies are shameful, even you saw a naked body when you were a child because children often show ... (read in full...)

I’m worried and insecure about my body!

Q.   i’m a little worried about my nipples and i’m really insecure about my body. my nipples are pointy and i’m not sure if it’s normal or attractive. any advice ? HELP .... lol ...

A.   5 September 2018: OP, Google "nipple gallery" and "vagina gallery". You'll see pictures of body parts that are all different sizes, shapes, colours, etc. and know they are all normal.... (read in full...)

She's had more sexual experience than I have. Will I regret it later?

Q.   I'm a 25 year old guy, my girlfriend is 33. We've been on/off for a year and have quite a strong bond (we broke up once, recently rekindled it, now its getting serious again. No other partners in the inbetween) I have a real problem with our...

A.   5 September 2018: OP, sex tales are worthless, even if they're just to make you feel better (delve into why that is). Hopefully, you'll be a great, well-rounded middle-aged man, not someone who is superficial enough to find the value in having been able to "pull" ... (read in full...)

My husband cheated while we were separated

Q.   Hi, I have been married for 14 years now and have a 11 year old son. I walked out of his home 7 years back when I couldnt get along with his parents and he wasnt ready to live separately with ME. He would come and see me and my son on weekends. But ...

A.   4 September 2018: You’re being immature and selfish. Your son deserves his dad in his life. It’s your job to teach your son not to sponge off of people when he’s an adult. You are hurting your son. Divorce your husband. He’s not even really cheating because... (read in full...)

Did my girlfriend cheat on me?

Q.   I’m 43yrs of age I been with my girlfriend for 14yrs an she is 32yrs of age. for the last few months we been having alot of great sex like everyday then one day for 3hrs she went to work and next day we had sex an her vagina was alittle opening ...

A.   4 September 2018: At 29 you dated an 18 year old? It's been 14 years and you're not married or engaged? Yo're both grown adults, so where is this going? It's dead, OP. There's been no progression for 14 years. You need to grow up. You are 43. Time to decide what y... (read in full...)

My husband cheated while we were separated

Q.   Hi, I have been married for 14 years now and have a 11 year old son. I walked out of his home 7 years back when I couldnt get along with his parents and he wasnt ready to live separately with ME. He would come and see me and my son on weekends. But ...

A.   4 September 2018: OP, you’re not in a relationship with him. You’re married on paper only. He hasn’t grown up and you haven’t stepped up enough to let go. You know his behaviour isn’t good for your child, so stop allowing it. Your child isn’t a pawn in this mes... (read in full...)

Is it too much to ask of my b/f not to watch violent movies when he knows that it triggers me because of my past?

Q.   A year ago i went though a trauma. My ex beat me black and blue and strangled me repeatedly in a spontaneous rage. It took a few months for him to begin serving prison time, and so my feelings of safety were further compromised during that period ...

A.   3 September 2018: First of all, I'm really sorry your ex did that. Now for the advice: Therapy. Continuously. Also, you started dating pretty quickly, considering you've already been with this guy for 5 months or so and the trauma was only a year ago. That's n... (read in full...)

Can a gay man become straight or could this ruin our friendship

Q.   It was 5 years ago when I decided to move from Ireland to Chicago to work it was there I met my best friend. Me and John met at work and formed an unseperable friendship. We have been through so much together from breakups to happy moments to ...

A.   31 August 2018: You don't change sexuality. It adapts as you understand yourself more, but that's it. Stop rushing things. You've been in friend mode for 5 years - you don't know what it's like to be a couple and you don't even know if he's actually bisexual... (read in full...)

I often worry when people don't respond quickly enough

Q.   I often get worried when I don't receive a reply from someone and I know this may seem silly as not everyone is able to reply or they might be busy. there's one friend in particular that I try to not text or contact because I get worried if she does...

A.   30 August 2018: Buy a lock box that has a timer. Put your phone in it for 2+ hours every single day. Send a text to anyone VERY important (not just random friends/family members) that you’ll be unreachable by mobile until __am/pm. It’s an addiction. You need to ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend contacts my mum instead of me

Q.   After my previous post where me and my boyfriend have been on break for 3 weeks after a big row over one of my flaws..I ended up in A and E yesterday after an accident in work..my mother text him to let him know and he rung her right away. What's ...

A.   30 August 2018: You want to stand up to him? He’s done nothing wrong. He’s just confused, but knows he doesn’t want to be with you if you don’t get help. That doesn’t mean he won’t be a bit worried if you end up in hospital. It’s clear you have a lot to work on, ... (read in full...)

My will be joining another couple for a threesome

Q.   So let me start by saying my wife and I have been married for 8 years an are blessed/ deeply in love. So last night we had a couple over for cocktails, I was at work when they arrived and when I got there my wife was already buzzed and was acting v...

A.   27 August 2018: I’m really sorry, but this isn’t a happy marriage between two people who are in love and want the same things in life. Your wife will go ahead and have sex with someone else - she’ll either do it with your reluctant “consent” or she’ll cheat, but it ... (read in full...)

He wants to return to his home country but I don't want to join him

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 4 years. Things have been good but we're trying to think more seriously about our future together. He's from another country and originally wanted to move back there to start a life. For a litt...

A.   27 August 2018: I’m sorry, OP, but you can’t stay together. He misses home - he needs to go back. You’d miss home - you can’t go with him. It’s that simple, albeit sad. Going long distance won’t make either of you change your mind. It doesn’t seem silly to break up ... (read in full...)

Are most people this uncomfortable seeing their exes?

Q.   Today we were going to go to a supermarket and my boyfriend did not want to go inside at all because his exes mom was in there. It made me feel like he wasn’t over that person because he always makes sure that person isn’t there If we are to sto...

A.   27 August 2018: He’s uncomfortable seeing exes. ALL exes. Not just this one ex. You think he’s not over ALL of them? Even when he told you at the beginning that this is how he handles it. It’s not unusual that people do this, just like it’s not unusual for some not ... (read in full...)

11 years together and partner cant say anything nice about me?

Q.   This may seem really trivial, but I just wondered what people thought. My partner doesn't do romance well and although he says he loves me, that's about it. Doesn't really say I'm pretty or anything like that. I'm the kind of person that need...

A.   27 August 2018: You’ve been together since teenagers. Maybe it’s run it’s course because your love languages don’t match. Get a book on the 5 love languages and see if you can communicate better with him once you have the book to show him. You both need to ... (read in full...)

Is it possible for someone to be so self-centered and selfish that he doesn't even realize he's in the wrong?

Q.   Is it possible for someone to be so self-centered and selfish that he doesn't even realize he's in the wrong? Here are a few examples : 1. I believe in bringing the kids to travel internationally to visit different countries and cultures to 'see...

A.   27 August 2018: The simplest answer, is that yes, someone can be so oblivious and self-interested that they don’t understand when they’re wrong. However, a large issue here is that he feels his childhood was fine and wants it for his children. He doesn’t see the ... (read in full...)

5 years with my partner but don't know if I want to spend the rest of my life with him

Q.   I’ve been with my partner for five years now and I honestly do love him. However recently I’ve started thinking that I don’t know if I want to spend the rest of my life with him. We currently live together but I’ve been wanting to move house for ...

A.   27 August 2018: I think the main issue here is that you’re not compatible in what you both want from life in the future and currently. That’s generally what happens when you’ve been together since we were teenagers or not long after that. It is quite complicated, ... (read in full...)

His mother is undergoing chemo and he doesn't have much time for me

Q.   I have been friends with my boyfriend for 5 years and we always knew we had feelings for each other but it was not the right time. we have been a couple for the past 4 months. and I drive an hour to go see him few days a week because it is easier ...

A.   27 August 2018: Seriously? It's only been three weeks. She's going through chemo, which makes people very ill. She is his mum and deserves more of his time, like she dedicated to him, than you do as a new girlfriend. Keep talking on the phone. Let him know you... (read in full...)

I'm afraid that having a transgender friend means he's stringing me along

Q.   I am in a long distance relationship for a year and a half planning to move in with him. I’m pregnant. My boyfriend is very handsome cares a lot about his appearance. Well I put kisses baby and he put kisses mami then a transgender guy from his...

A.   26 August 2018: I'm confused about the situation (post) too. The thing that confuses me most, though, is the point of telling us the friend is transgender? It doesn't appear to be relevant.... (read in full...)

How do I tell my fiance I'm not a virgin. I don't want her to know who I had sex with

Q.   My cousin and I, when we were in are early teens, made an extremely stupid choice and had sex with each other. We are the same age and at the time, we both enjoyed it. We lost our virginity to each other. Now as an adult, I realize how stupid it ...

A.   26 August 2018: Few people say who they've had sex with before, they just say they have. "I'm not a virgin" doesn't usually get followed up with "who did you lose it to?" and if it does, you just say "someone from before" or "someone I'd rather forget being ... (read in full...)

Our male co-worker is too friendly with my girlfriend

Q.   Hey so i work with my gf and we have this male coworker who is engaged. but he is always giving my gf a little gift like once a month. it could be some bread he baked or the last thing was a pack of paper clips with a note saying he hopes this ...

A.   24 August 2018: Gifts? Some paper clips and some bread. It's highly unlikely he gave her the bread and nobody else - you just might not notice or know the person. It sounds like he's just being friendly and your girlfriend has no discomfort from it either. ... (read in full...)

My husband's driving triggers my panic attacks

Q.   I suffer from anxiety, and i have been married for 7 years now. I constantly have an argument with my husband whenever he is driving. I have severe fear from driving (specially highways), and i always argue with my husband if he just slightly gets ...

A.   24 August 2018: Visit a therapist and, once you and your therapist understand each other, ask if your husband can join for one session, to help him understand. That said, there are few things more distracting than someone arguing while you're driving. The more... (read in full...)

Leaving a married man is more painful than staying

Q.   So I ended my A over a month ago. I felt like a huge weight was lighted off my shoulders that I finally off the roller coster ride of emotions. I started wanting more than he can give He would always make excuses to come to my place go to your p...

A.   24 August 2018: Stop it. Stop hoping now! He is keeping you on a lead, waiting for you to come crawling back. It is so clear what kind of man he is and you still want him, even though he is happy to destroy his family over an affair. Do you want him? Okay, so yo... (read in full...)

Leaving a married man is more painful than staying

Q.   So I ended my A over a month ago. I felt like a huge weight was lighted off my shoulders that I finally off the roller coster ride of emotions. I started wanting more than he can give He would always make excuses to come to my place go to your p...

A.   24 August 2018: Karma, unfortunately. Almost all break ups suck and hurt a lot, but that's life. You were more invested than he was and you're going to feel rubbish for a while - it doesn't just magically make you feel good that you left an affair. Time to commi... (read in full...)

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