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*ndie's Thoughts agony aunt

*ndie's Thoughts

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*ndie's Thoughts's profile:

I'm Andie and I'm surviving life until I can really start to live it :)

Karma does happen:

My dad was a married woman's other guy for only a few weeks (about a decade before my mum met him), then realised he wasn't okay with helping her betray her husband. His friend became her other guy, husband came home while they were at it, the guy jumped out of the window and the husband knew, so grabbed a bicycle, chased him and punched him once, going 20mph, so it knocked him out. A couple of relationships later, after getting £15,000 in debt to help a woman leave her abusive husband and getting in a relationship with her, my dad came back from a holiday with his parents and found her with another guy.

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Should I be over his cheating?

Q.   I’ve been with my guy for over 6 yrs now. We got into a discussion yesterday about his twin boys momma. Saying you know we will have to be around her more. And I said “as long as nothing else happens again” due to him going behind my back a couple ...

A.   22 January 2019: Get over it or don’t. If you don’t, which I totally understand and agree with, you need to leave him. You accepted that he cheated on you MULTIPLE times. It’s not surprising you’re not over it, but you can’t hold it over him and stay together. ... (read in full...)

I’m sad and lonely and find myself masturbating too much. Any advice?

Q.   ive just turned 30 and I've been sad and alone recently. Every time i asked a girl out either: they're gay, not dating "right now", or see me better as a friend. recently things in my life haven't been going well. personal failures and lif...

A.   22 January 2019: Nothing is wrong with you; you’re just in a low mood and stuck in a rut. Work on those two things and you’ll get your mojo back, having more success in life and dating - though you’ll need to make sure you’re approaching women who are interested in ... (read in full...)

I’m not sure how to interpret ‘hey chick’ in his text!

Q.   If a male acquitance or a friend sent you a text starting 'hey chick' and you had not one like that before from them, is it something as a female you would find endearing, condescending or the sender being flirty with her. Had one recently and ...

A.   22 January 2019: I don’t think it was flirty, just neutral. To be honest, very few women like to be called “chick”, especially past 25. If you’re reading into it, though, it seems you may be curious about more from him?... (read in full...)

Should I ask my married lover for baby?

Q.   So I have been seeing a man who lives with his common law wife and thier 2 kids.When we met he told me that he was in process of leaving her but now almost 2 years later he still lives at home and he won t see me outside his work hours. Anyways, ...

A.   21 January 2019: GROW UP! Your child would be better off conceived through a reputable sperm donor agency than an affair! Stop being selfish. Good mothers aren't selfish, so fix yourself before trying to get pregnant. - Dump the guy permanently - Work on impro... (read in full...)

Should I ask my married lover for baby?

Q.   So I have been seeing a man who lives with his common law wife and thier 2 kids.When we met he told me that he was in process of leaving her but now almost 2 years later he still lives at home and he won t see me outside his work hours. Anyways, ...

A.   19 January 2019: I'm sorry about your miscarriage. That said, do not put your affair on a baby's shoulders. "Your dad is a lying, slimy cheater who never left his wife for me and rejects you because of our affair. I'm just as bad for staying with a married man and ... (read in full...)

Can we get married in a church if neither of us are religious?

Q.   My fiancee and I would like to get married in a church, however neither of us are religious. Does anyone have any thoughts or advice on this? Neither of our families are religious either. We have come across many churches locally and while ...

A.   19 January 2019: Weddings in churches and chapels IS common.... for religious people. If you don't believe in God, it's disrespectful to marry in His house. If you do believe, but don't go to church, then you're still a believer, so it makes sense to marry in a ... (read in full...)

If a girl is interested in a guy, he jumps at the chance to go out with her, why won't this guy?

Q.   There's a boy in my class who's really cute, smart, nice, everything I like in a guy but he ignores me. I try talking to him and he either doesn't talk to me or tells me to leave him alone. I've passed him notes in class and left notes in his locker ...

A.   19 January 2019: "....he either doesn't talk to me or tells me to leave him alone" - that is him refusing consent and you are ignoring it. If someone you didn't like was pestering you and beginning to stalk you, how would you feel? Delete his number and addre... (read in full...)

I broke up with my boyfriend of 8 years because he wouldn't commit but now I'm feeling very down

Q.   I’m feeling really lonely and fed up since splitting from my boyfriend 6 weeks ago. We were together for 8 years. Basically I split from him because I know he will never commit to me and I got tired of waiting. In the end I felt like i’d fallen ...

A.   18 January 2019: It hurts. Even leaving an abusive partner can hurt. We put our hearts into something and it is painful if it doesn't last. Have you messaged him? If not, then he could say the same about you "finding it easy to cope". Don't contact him, though. ... (read in full...)

Should I contact my boyfriend again or just give him space?

Q.   My boyfriend of 2 months has suddenly gone odd. We had pet names for each other on social media. He not really spoken to me much in the last few days. Today he cleared the nicknames we had for each other and he wont reply to any message i sent him ...

A.   17 January 2019: Give him a week, no contact. If he doesn't get back to you by then "Bye, Bob!".... He's only been your "boyfriend" for two months - that's barely any time at all, so this shouldn't be happening. That said, I think there may have been some smo... (read in full...)

I hate being criticized and corrected and I don't like anyone see me other than at my best. How do I change this?

Q.   Most of my self-worth depends on me not looking stupid in front of people, and it is affecting my life. When I was younger, everyone told me I was smart. I was always reading and didn't have to try very hard to learn. I barely studied and still ...

A.   17 January 2019: Get some therapy. It's narcissistic to consider yourself superior or to want to be superior to people - especially family/boyfriend. Nobody wants to stick around someone who makes them feel inferior or who refuses to accept that she doesn't know ... (read in full...)

Can we get married in a church if neither of us are religious?

Q.   My fiancee and I would like to get married in a church, however neither of us are religious. Does anyone have any thoughts or advice on this? Neither of our families are religious either. We have come across many churches locally and while ...

A.   17 January 2019: I agree with Honeypie. Find a venue that LOOKS like a church, but isn't one. Churches can be beautiful, but there are many places just as beautiful, with the same vibe, but without *using* a religious venue.... (read in full...)

What would my deceased boyfriend's family think of me moving on with his cousin?

Q.   My sons father passed away almost two years ago and I’ve been single since then haven’t even Pursue anyone since. Recently his cousin that I’ve never met started coming around a lot lately and once we started communicating we started to like each ...

A.   16 January 2019: If I'm honest, I'd be uncomfortable with my mum dating my dad's cousin (or vice versa) if he passed away. With so many great people available, there's no reason to date within a family. It also seems like you're largely interested because he's come ... (read in full...)

I can't climax and I'm worried he will leave me because of it

Q.   Hi, I am in need of some advice. I have been dating a really nice man for over a month. We have been intimate with him a few times. It was an amazing experience even though, I did not climax. He seemed really worried about it. Would tell me when I ...

A.   15 January 2019: You're an extremely new couple, so this isn't major yet. You both have issues, though: - You can't climax - He knows nothing about climaxing (how it's not the be all/end all) and he blames his ED on the woman's body! You being turned on or ... (read in full...)

I think my step daughter is selling nude photos of herself. How do I bring this up to her father?

Q.   My husbands adult daughter can't seem to hold down a job she also has anxiety issues. I have been told she is selling nude pictures of herself online and I don't know what to do? I think she will deny it if I ask her and tell her father I am making ...

A.   15 January 2019: If it's true, that's fair enough. She's an adult and it's money. However, a job is fair game for *general*, PRIVATE discussion - so you can ASK her about it, out of curiosity, but not get your husband involved. As an adult, she can do what she ... (read in full...)

What would my deceased boyfriend's family think of me moving on with his cousin?

Q.   My sons father passed away almost two years ago and I’ve been single since then haven’t even Pursue anyone since. Recently his cousin that I’ve never met started coming around a lot lately and once we started communicating we started to like each ...

A.   15 January 2019: I'm sorry for the loss of your boyfriend. My advice for this is to nip it in the bud. I don't think it's good to "keep it in the family". That's your son's second cousin. It's not worth it. I'd advise being friends, but no more. No flirting and no ... (read in full...)

I feel like the definition of a failure, any words of wisdom?

Q.   Hi all. I am 15 years old and have recently been challenged with some difficult feelings. I'll sum up the story: A decent while ago (about 4 months ago), after two years of having feelings for my close friend, who I've known for a long time, I fin...

A.   15 January 2019: Okay, ready? I've just said this to another boy your age and, unsurprisingly, it applies here too: Give it time, OP. It's natural to be upset, but try not to be dramatic. Rejection is hard, but you're not depressed - just very sad, which is ok... (read in full...)

I feel like the definition of a failure, any words of wisdom?

Q.   Hi all. I am 15 years old and have recently been challenged with some difficult feelings. I'll sum up the story: A decent while ago (about 4 months ago), after two years of having feelings for my close friend, who I've known for a long time, I fin...

A.   14 January 2019: All I'll add is that most people don't start dating until their late teens or early 20s because it's too much hassle when nobody is mature enough to handle it, which is normal and how it should be, in your teens. Focus on friends and yourself... (read in full...)

Girlfriend caught me texting another girl and broke up with me. I want her back

Q.   I recently got caught messaging another girl my by gf of one year. Me and my gf had planned to get married and have a future together so I don't know why I did what I did. After getting caught I explained everything that happened and she broke it ...

A.   14 January 2019: OP, you did what you did because you're still a kid. You're both too young to be planning a future past going to college/uni or getting your first proper job, that includes marriage being too serious for teens to discuss seriously. You're still ... (read in full...)

How to impress a woman on a Speed Dating event

Q.   This question is mainly for men but the ladies can chime in as well. If you meet a woman for the first time and have only 5 minutes to talk what will you ask or say to her that would leave an impression on her? I am asking this because I go ...

A.   13 January 2019: Yeah, I third (or fourth, by the time this gets posted?) that you asked MEN for advice on what WOMEN find interesting. See the problem? Men know what they do, not what women want to be asked from a woman's perspective. I want to be asked things a... (read in full...)

Older man wont leave his girlfriend for me.

Q.   I started an emotional and physical affair with a man I work with around this time last year. He started seeing someone about 3/4 months before me and him started talking. He's 15 years older than me,I'm 32 he's 47. We connected on a level I never ...

A.   12 January 2019: Either find a new job or stop contacting him for work. If you “can’t” stop contacting him for work, find a new job. If you don’t, you’ll cave in and waste your life.... (read in full...)

Why do I always want the people I shouldn't?

Q.   I've realized lately that the only time I've ever felt really crazy about someone, it was because I was not allowed to have them. To give an example, it started with an ex-boyfriend. After we broke up we still saw each other a few times a year, even ...

A.   12 January 2019: Some people do feel this way, but you won't deal with it well on your own; you need therapy to establish why you can't commit without a desire to cheat and why you don't care about other people's feelings (the boyfriend, the ex's girlfriend, etc.) ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend's 12 year old doesn't like me and boyfriend will not step in and do anything

Q.   Hi I’m in a bit of a dilemma and seriously need some advice. I’ve been with my bf now for 7 months. We both love each other And have spoken frequently about marriage and living together. However here is my problem. I have met and get on ver...

A.   12 January 2019: I think your attitude won't help you. Do you know what it's like to be 8, have your parents separate, then Dad has a new girlfriend when you're 12 and they're already talking about moving in and getting married? YOU ARE NEW. He is SCARED of what y... (read in full...)

My boyfriend won’t stop lying to me

Q.   Hi I have been dating my boyfriend for almost 7 months. He just turned 19 and he goes to college 5 hours away. This isn’t a problem we started dating Way before he started college and he didn’t plan on picking a school that far away but we make it ...

A.   11 January 2019: Find someone closer in age and distance who won’t lie to you. You’ll think you’re mature enough, but you’re not and that’s how it should be. He’s at a different stage of his life to you and he’s lying to spare your feelings, when he just needs to be ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend tries to have anal sex without my permission. Does he not respect me?

Q.   I am 64 female,boyfriend is 60,seeing each other for 6 weeks now and have had amazing sex,he is much more sexually experienced and into porn very much. He tried to enter me analy without asking me and I jumped back because it really hurt,told him ...

A.   10 January 2019: Get rid. He's borderline raping you already because you've told him you don't consent to it. Stop having sex with him because you will get hurt and regret it. Find a man who will respect you and your very valid boundaries - this guy doesn't and ... (read in full...)

Will I ever get the chance to massage her all over?

Q.   Hi, on the question of massages, I have a friend who will let me massage her back, neck, etc and feet, but not butt. She has also allowed me to see her topless, but she doesn’t fancy me and we also cuddle in bed a bit when she sleeps over. She ...

A.   8 January 2019: Look, she doesn't see you sexually. You're a platonic companion that blurs the lines a little, but her boundaries are CLEAR. NO sexual activity. If you keep wanting more, find someone else. You're not compatible! I don't know why you keep this going ... (read in full...)

We got into a fight and now my friend no longer wants to be friends

Q.   Recently i got into a row with one of my best friend. We have known each other for 9 months now and we used to be very close. We have had lots of fights and now she gets irritated on small small things. If i ask her to come out to meet, she ignores. ...

A.   8 January 2019: MOVE ON. You're not meant to be friends. It's clear.... (read in full...)

Has my husband lost interest in me sexually?

Q.   Hello!! Me and my husband have dated for 3 years and we just got married last summer. I love him so much and he loves me the same. But there was things of been bothering me....:( We used to have very active for sex when we started dating. And i...

A.   7 January 2019: There are two issues here: • Once or twice per week is still a good amount of sex. You're insecure about the type of porn he watches, so you need to work on that. • He definitely seems addicted to porn. Discuss it with him calmly and ask h... (read in full...)

We got into a fight and now my friend no longer wants to be friends

Q.   Recently i got into a row with one of my best friend. We have known each other for 9 months now and we used to be very close. We have had lots of fights and now she gets irritated on small small things. If i ask her to come out to meet, she ignores. ...

A.   7 January 2019: OP, it's a load of rubbish. Friends don't argue so much - especially not after only 9 months of knowing each other. You're not compatible as friends. Dial it down. You can be friends without needing to make it to best friends status. You've c... (read in full...)

Should I delay IVF-treamtment, in order to get married in my dream dress?

Q.   My boyfriend and I are engaged to be married in 6 months. We have been trying for a baby for close to 2 years now. Last year, we underwent a fertility check as we didn't manage to get pregnant. Turns out he's got low sperm quality and I have ...

A.   7 January 2019: Thank you for your update! Stress will do you no good for the wedding or conceiving (affecting both your body and his) and it's awfully stressful to keep trying with no luck, so I think it would be best to wait until after the honeymoon (if you're ... (read in full...)

Older man wont leave his girlfriend for me.

Q.   I started an emotional and physical affair with a man I work with around this time last year. He started seeing someone about 3/4 months before me and him started talking. He's 15 years older than me,I'm 32 he's 47. We connected on a level I never ...

A.   7 January 2019: Why invite him over? He's a cheater - he deserves a text, not a phone call or a visit, where he can try to manipulate you into staying by crying. You are an ego boost. You are a sex object. You are a bit on the side. To someone else, you will be ... (read in full...)

How do I get in touch with him?

Q.   Hello everyone reading; On Wensday (02/01), I had to get my hair braided at my hair dressers house. While I was there, the was his gentleman who came to the living room (Where my hair was being braided). He stood next to me trying to take someth...

A.   7 January 2019: Either wait or ask the sister about the church. You could easily genuinely ask about the church. That said, what "wrong idea" are you concerned about giving them? You think he likes you and you like him - isn't that the "wrong idea"? Do you want... (read in full...)

Should I delay IVF-treamtment, in order to get married in my dream dress?

Q.   My boyfriend and I are engaged to be married in 6 months. We have been trying for a baby for close to 2 years now. Last year, we underwent a fertility check as we didn't manage to get pregnant. Turns out he's got low sperm quality and I have ...

A.   7 January 2019: I'm sorry for your TTC trouble, but congratulations on your upcoming wedding! As married life and a new job are such big adjustments, I agree with Honeypie that those should probably be your priorities. The dress is a minor thing in comparison, a... (read in full...)

Why did she cheat in this way?

Q.   Hi everyone! So I recently just got out of a yearlong distance relationship with another woman. I was half her age and was the older one in the relationship and she was also the “man” as well. She lives in another country and even has a fiancé of ...

A.   6 January 2019: You’re not really acting like a mature 30 - 35 year old. You were with someone. They weren’t single. You broke up. You’re hurting. Gradually move on. Don’t get bitchy or immature in return.... (read in full...)

We got into a fight and now my friend no longer wants to be friends

Q.   Recently i got into a row with one of my best friend. We have known each other for 9 months now and we used to be very close. We have had lots of fights and now she gets irritated on small small things. If i ask her to come out to meet, she ignores. ...

A.   5 January 2019: 9 months of fights isn’t a best friend situation. Let her go and move on.... (read in full...)

I'm a stay at home mom with 3 kids and feel all the parental duties have become one sided

Q.   I've been in a relationship with this man for going on 5 yrs. In that time, we've had 3 children. Our 2 oldest, he was a great father. After our youngest was born this past yr our parental duties have seem to become a lot more one-sided. I ...

A.   5 January 2019: Day care once a week and start a group hobby or job. Being a stay at home parent often means the partner contributes the paid job and you cover almost all of the parenting. It’s hard work, but that’s why day care once or twice per week can be worth ... (read in full...)

Why did she cheat in this way?

Q.   Hi everyone! So I recently just got out of a yearlong distance relationship with another woman. I was half her age and was the older one in the relationship and she was also the “man” as well. She lives in another country and even has a fiancé of ...

A.   5 January 2019: You were having an affair, not a relationship. It really hurts, but you chose it. You’ve learnt your lesson and will hopefully start to heal soon. Please get therapy to help you with your feelings about your divorce because getting into an affair is ... (read in full...)

I would like to grow this new friendship by meeting outside of that one activity, but I’m worried she will think I am trying to put the moves on her

Q.   I was in a long distance relationship for about half a year. In that time, I felt lonely so I signed up for some things that interest me. During one of those things, I made a female friend who is also in a long distance relationship. Since then, we ...

A.   4 January 2019: It has to be a group setting or it is sort of asking her out - especially for drinks, which is a date thing. Ask more than just her to go or find another way to make friends.... (read in full...)

I had unprotected sex with a friend and now I am worried

Q.   I had unprotected sex with a friend . I don’t know what I was thinking but I’m so worried now. I thought he had a condom but I got carried away when he said he doesn’t . I had to ask him after a couple of days and he said he doesn’t have any...

A.   3 January 2019: Never have sex without protection. You could be pregnant, even on birth control ,so check for that too. Also, you need to carry your own condoms because then you know it hasn't been tampered with. Steps: 1) Pregnancy tests x 3 2) STD test... (read in full...)

A stranger offered herself to me to help me lose my virginity. Do I accept?

Q.   I will be 20 very soon and am still a virgin. I have tried to date probably more than a hundred women and have always been rejected. I have contemplated visiting an escort but don't want to lose my dignity doing so. Out of a whim I posted an ad o...

A.   3 January 2019: Oh come on.... 100 women by 20? Ridiculous. There is no way you have put in effort to try to date 100 women. If you have, DESPERATION is why you're being rejected. Don't do it. You need social skills, not sexual ones. No use for sexual skills if... (read in full...)

My brother is too touchy-feely with his girlfriend in public and it's embarrassing!

Q.   Would you say anything in this situation or stay out of it. My younger brother is 25 he is dating a really nice girl who just turned 20. He is a good kid, never been in trouble before. It’s very plan to see that he is head over heels in love wi...

A.   2 January 2019: Yeah, you tell him. Kissing is fine, a hand on her butt is fine in a club, but I hand up her skirt in public is 100% a major no-no. It might just be her age and inexperience meaning she’s not confident enough to tell him not in public or it might ... (read in full...)

Older man wont leave his girlfriend for me.

Q.   I started an emotional and physical affair with a man I work with around this time last year. He started seeing someone about 3/4 months before me and him started talking. He's 15 years older than me,I'm 32 he's 47. We connected on a level I never ...

A.   28 December 2018: You’ve been gullible and lied to. Don’t “date” married people. It’s as old as time and there are plenty of examples on here. I’m sorry, OP, but it’s the very high risk you take when you get into an affair.... (read in full...)

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