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*ndie's Thoughts agony aunt

*ndie's Thoughts

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*ndie's Thoughts's profile:

I'm Andie and I'm surviving life until I can really start to live it :)

Karma does happen:

My dad was a married woman's other guy for only a few weeks (about a decade before my mum met him), then realised he wasn't okay with helping her betray her husband. His friend became her other guy, husband came home while they were at it, the guy jumped out of the window and the husband knew, so grabbed a bicycle, chased him and punched him once, going 20mph, so it knocked him out. A couple of relationships later, after getting £15,000 in debt to help a woman leave her abusive husband and getting in a relationship with her, my dad came back from a holiday with his parents and found her with another guy.

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She agrees to a threesome when drunk but not when she's sober)

Q.   Ok... So my wife and I have discussed threesomes with another woman and she has accepted as long as I dont participate, in other words not really a threesome just voyeurism on my part, which i'm totally cool with, but I would also like for her to ...

A.   22 May 2017: How is it difficult to understand? It's so clear she doesn't want to do it. If you love your wife, stop talking about threesomes because you're making her feel like she has to.... (read in full...)

Why does my husband have this need to tell virtual strangers they are attractive?

Q.   My husband and I have been married for 2 1/2 yrs. our relationship was the result of an affair that started as friendship. He is 20 yrs older than me. We have been incredibly happy for 8 yrs. He recently turned 70 and now seems to need attention ...

A.   22 May 2017: He's feeling old. With all due respect, I don't know why the young women are going for him. Does he have money? He sounds like he's becoming slimey and I think you should nip it in the bud asap. Get therapy, if he is receptive to it. If he isn't... (read in full...)

He says he wants a child and gets upset when I give my reasons for why it doesn't work for me now!

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been dating for 3 months now and he just brought up wanting a baby with me. I've had an abortion in a past relationship. We are both still in college and as much as I want a kid I just don't see it as a good time to have one ...

A.   22 May 2017: Also, please do stick to your guns and not allow broodiness to take over when you know it's not the right time. You'll have plenty of time to have children someday, but not plenty of time to have few responsibilities.... (read in full...)

He says he wants a child and gets upset when I give my reasons for why it doesn't work for me now!

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been dating for 3 months now and he just brought up wanting a baby with me. I've had an abortion in a past relationship. We are both still in college and as much as I want a kid I just don't see it as a good time to have one ...

A.   22 May 2017: That's ridiculous - what is he thinking?! Is he your age too? Either way, he seems to be pushing you. Of course you shouldn't have a baby yet. You're so young and starting out in setting you're own life up, why does he think it's okay to keep bri... (read in full...)

How do I recover from this breakup?

Q.   My boyfriend and I broke up a few days ago. Neither one of us was expecting it, but it became clear that we loved each other but we weren't on the same page and wanted different things. Our maturity levels did not align. The hardest part for...

A.   21 May 2017: When someone passes away, do you get over it in a few days? No. Relationships are the same. Give it time.... (read in full...)

I cannot keep on ignoring him. He keeps on asking me to his, what should I do?

Q.   Dear Cupid, I am only 14 but have a boyfriend I think he is super sweet and super cute but he is always asking me round to his. I always decline because I am too nervous because he seems to eager to move on with our relationship but all we have ...

A.   21 May 2017: It is a very good thing you're not ready yet and well done for saying no. He may be cute and sweet most of the time, but it is *not* good for him to be pressuring you. I know he's young, but boys who do that end up pushing girls intimacy it, whic... (read in full...)

Can a relationship work when you love their personality but aren't attracted to them sexually?

Q.   I talked to a guy for a long time via text before actually meeting him. I loved talking to him and we share the same humour. Upon meeting him I continue to love his personality but I am not physically attracted to him. Can a relationship ever work ...

A.   20 May 2017: You can do, if you start to fall in love, but if it doesn't appear within a few months, it's probably best to let him go because the longer you hold on, the harder it'll be if/when it ends. You both deserve to be found attractive by your partner.... (read in full...)

He's engaged and 13 years older than me. Could things work out?

Q.   How many years apart is too many? The man I love is 13 years older than me, I believe it's one sided, but I'm just curious on what people believe. He's also engaged, could this possibly work out for me at all?...

A.   20 May 2017: Is he single? No. Is he close to your age? No. Both show there is no hope of you two together. At your young age, it's important you find someone close to your age too. It's also never okay to go after a taken person.... (read in full...)

My LDR boyfriend wants to try to have a baby but we would still be long distance after the baby was born.

Q.   hi guys and girls, i need some advice, i cant wrap my head around a situation what could happen. Me and my long distance relationship have been talking about the future, ( before I go into too much detail, we have been together over a year and a ha...

A.   19 May 2017: At your age, an LDR should be closed within a year. Very few excuses for it not to be. Do not have a baby with a man who isn't around. It's one thing to choose to be a single mother (adoption or sperm donor) and it's another to deliberately have a ... (read in full...)

I hate that I don't want sex

Q.   Hi Everyone! I don't really know where to turn or who to ask for advice. I'm a 24 year old female- have been with my current partner for 6 and a half years. With our up's and downs admittedly. I love this man, I look forward to seeing him eve...

A.   17 May 2017: I'm appalled at anyone suggesting you're selfish or should force yourself. NO! Sex is supposed to be enjoyable for both people, not traumatic. You need to see a doctor about the pain. Also, needing lots of lubricant is normal - many people d... (read in full...)

Why does my teacher take photos of me? Yes I do have a crush on him.

Q.   So I have a crush on this particular teacher for at least 4 years already. At first, i was completely not interested and found him extremely ugly. However, tables had been turned around in my second year of my Secondary school. Apparently he f...

A.   11 May 2017: This crush isn't important. You shouldn't act on it. You need to report him if he is taking pictures of you. It's not okay for him and he shouldn't be a teacher, if he is.... (read in full...)

I'm fixated on having a boyfriend

Q.   I am 15, i have had boyfriends but not proper relationships. I am desperate for a boyfriend. It is on my mind all the time. I don't know any lads my age who would want to date me. I fall in love too easily and always think about boys I don't know ...

A.   11 May 2017: You need to be realistic here: - it's not falling in love; it's infatuation, a strong crush - you can't have boys "stolen" from you; they aren't yours just because you like them - dating at your age isn't a proper relationship, which is g... (read in full...)

I am at the end of desperation with my relationship problem.

Q.   I am a married man and I got involved with this super nice girl at work. I love her slightly more than my wife but I can't leave my marriage because of my children. I wanted to leave my wife until my children confronted me and I had no choice. When ...

A.   11 May 2017: You don't deserve "closure"; you caused the heartache. Your wife is hurt. You owe her. Your kids know you betrayed their mum. You need to make it up to your family. You *have* to realise the lady was *never* your "girlfriend". Married me... (read in full...)

15 yr old Daughter completely cut me out of her life without even a hint why.

Q.   Need some advice from the aunts, I hate these problems that you have to try and squeeze into a box, cause there's so much more to it, but I couldn't possibly address it in its entirety but leaving anything out u may not get the whole gist of it, so ...

A.   10 May 2017: A 15 year old is old enough to know why her father has been so unreliable. Heck, a 13 year old deserves to know. You wanted to keep it from her until she's older, but she isn't stupid or too young to notice. Her mother has a very good reason t... (read in full...)

Do I confess to my date about his ex?

Q.   What do I do? I've got a date with this guy who I've fancied for a long time, but last year, I catfished his ex. Not on purpose, I just wasn't comfortable at the time with my sexuality. We spoke every day and then I realised after a couple ...

A.   4 May 2017: Wait and see how it goes. You could casually fit "I did a few stupid things when coming to terms with who I am" into the conversation and own up if he asks for more info, but don't make it about you. You may be able to talk about silly things you've ... (read in full...)

How can we successfully transition to, and survive as a LDR couple, after 3 years of dating each other at our college?

Q.   Hi! My boyfriend and I have been dating for 3 years, and we're now graduating college, and for the next year, will be in different countries... we know it's going to be hard, but we think we can get through it. I'm honestly really stressed beca...

A.   4 May 2017: Weekly video chats - twice weekly, if you can sometimes. Text/Facebook/WhatsApp. It's emotionally hard in that you can't physically be together, but you can still communicate frequently. Be busy with hobbies/work/friends, bu... (read in full...)

Am I being too demanding? His excuse is, ''yes, but just not yet.''

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been dating for several years. We do not live together. He wants me to move in with him, but I won't, because his ex-wife still has a key, and he refuses to change the locks. I don't feel safe leaving my things in his house ...

A.   2 May 2017: You don't just St need our advice; you *need* to take it. Don't stay with someone who is clearly being childish and disrespectful. He doesn't care about what you want.... (read in full...)

Advice on how women feel about orgasms please?

Q.   My question is for the ladies out there - do you need an orgasm to enjoy sex? Most women I've ever been with have said they don't so I always took that to be true, but the one I'm with now says she does want and expect an O every time... Now I fee...

A.   30 April 2017: Starting sex before she's warmed up can be sore and painful, even with lube because she won't be turned on or relaxed. Most women are okay not having an orgasm every time, but you still need to do enough foreplay to allow them to enjoy the quic... (read in full...)

Am I being too demanding? His excuse is, ''yes, but just not yet.''

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been dating for several years. We do not live together. He wants me to move in with him, but I won't, because his ex-wife still has a key, and he refuses to change the locks. I don't feel safe leaving my things in his house ...

A.   30 April 2017: You really need to decide if this is what you want for the rest of your life. Unless you give him an ultimatum, he won't change. Even if you do, he may not and you'll need to leave.... (read in full...)

How do I leave this abusive relationship? He always finds me when I do leave.

Q.   How do I even begin to leave an abusive realationship?? My partner has became very abusive in the last 9 months ( I know what your going to think .. why am I still with him after that amount of time) the answer is I'm sacred!!) what can I do?! ...

A.   30 April 2017: You must get help; you can't leave alone. If you escape to your sister's place and he comes to get you, don't let anyone open the door. Call the police if he continues or won't leave. When he leaves for work, take a bag of important things a... (read in full...)

He went to a strip club, I went to see male dancers and an "eye for an eye" isn't feeling good right now

Q.   I feel like the back story is needed (see below). But, my question is how do I let go of the fact my boyfriend went to a strip club TWO nights in a row while on business? I eneded up going to a male strip club for a girls night recently, now I'm ...

A.   29 April 2017: An eye for an eye isn't never good. It's childish. You're mismatched because he thinks you're overreacting, but you are being hypocritical and over-dramatic about the whole situation, as you've been to strip clubs too and the way you've written ... (read in full...)

Does my friend have a fetish for trans guys?

Q.   Dear Cupid(s), I have a cis-male friend who identifies as gay. I don't know if this is something I have noticed being transgender myself, but the only guys he has outwardly said he's attracted to when we are out, or together have all been transge...

A.   29 April 2017: Honeypie, when people are transgender, it's easiest to remember by knocking off the "trans" before man/woman and that's the gender they identify as. So, "trans guy" is just "guy" ("female to male") and "trans girl" is just "girl" ("male to ... (read in full...)

Is it normal for men to have sex when women are having their periods?

Q.   I'm meeting up with my bf next month who stays in another city. The problem is that the date when I will be going, I might be on my periods. I've told him that already to which he has said that he's fine with it. What can this possibly mean? Is he ...

A.   27 April 2017: Some do, some don't. Unless he's excited about it, I wouldn't say it's a preference of his. Personally, I'd feel gross if I was intimate with a guy while I was on my period, but some don't care. If you don't want to, don't. If you do, you can ... (read in full...)

I am at the end of desperation with my relationship problem.

Q.   I am a married man and I got involved with this super nice girl at work. I love her slightly more than my wife but I can't leave my marriage because of my children. I wanted to leave my wife until my children confronted me and I had no choice. When ...

A.   27 April 2017: Stop acting like you're the victim. YOU CAUSED THIS! Of course your wife went crazy and your kids confronted you. I'm pretty sure you can get a divorce even if she won't sign it. She is not your "girlfriend" because you are married! You hav... (read in full...)

Is he cheating on me if he's flirting in public with other girls? Should I kiss him for the first time at the party?

Q.   hey guys i need some help. I am dating this boy that i have strong feelings for. But recently I see him flirting with some other girls like playing around, like poking their stomach,laughing,and talking a lot to each other in front of me knowing w...

A.   26 April 2017: He's interested in other girls too, so even if he doesn't *want* to hurt you, he already is by flirting with other girls. If you go anywhere in private, it suggests you want to go further than just a kiss and he will try to. Do not be alone wi... (read in full...)

I need to tell him I only want casual sex, not a relationship!

Q.   I met this guy on a dating app and we have been on two dates so far. I don't think he and I are compatible but he's very nice and good-looking. I cannot see a long-term relationship forming from this AT ALL, but would like to turn it into FWB if it ...

A.   25 April 2017: You don't need a guy to tell you that most are happy with women making the first move. If you don't see it going anywhere, you need to tell him *before* another date. There's no point dating him if you just want to turn it into a FWB situatio... (read in full...)

15 yr old Daughter completely cut me out of her life without even a hint why.

Q.   Need some advice from the aunts, I hate these problems that you have to try and squeeze into a box, cause there's so much more to it, but I couldn't possibly address it in its entirety but leaving anything out u may not get the whole gist of it, so ...

A.   25 April 2017: My comment didn't poke at you for being an addict, but I think you're naive or in denial if you think you managed to keep your daughter away from it all. You may not have directly put her in harm's way, but she isn't unaware. It's her choice t... (read in full...)

How does one stop being so desperate for a man?

Q.   How does one stop being so desperate for a man? I realize and this is the lesson (hard learned) that me and most of my gf are desperate for men- so much that sadly we do a lot and get nothing out of relationships- I did a lot for my ex and out of ...

A.   23 April 2017: Please seek therapy and find things that enrich your life. Volunteer. Get a new hobby. Travel. Pining after men means your life isn't full enough for you to be happy otherwise. It's perfectly okay to *want* a partner, but to be obsessed or d... (read in full...)

We broke up and we're not a couple any more. Should I be concerned that he's recently had a tattoo of my name inked on his neck?

Q.   I'm completely puzzled as to why but my ex boyfriend has just this week gone and got my name tattooed onto the back of his neck and I'm worried he now thinks we are back together after I have been talking to him about the reason I left him. We wer...

A.   23 April 2017: I think you've unintentionally given him false hope and he's refusing to accept that it's over for good. There's no in between with him - you have to cut *all* contact and tell him it's over permanently. Don't talk, don't explain, just ignore a... (read in full...)

I keep thinking that married life is the happily ever after and I feel very insecure about being single

Q.   I'm feeling insecure by comparing my life to other peoples'. I am very happy with my life. I'm living abroad, I living the adventure I always dreamed of. Then I see my friends back home who are moving in with their partners, so in love, getting ...

A.   22 April 2017: Marriage is a lot of work, so it's not automatically happily ever after. Even long term relationships have difficult patches and take a lot of effort. Focus on things you want to enjoy before marriage and maybe having a longer relation... (read in full...)

He's going to prison for 10 years and I don't want to wait for him. Is that wrong?

Q.   This is a really unique situation, I'm sure. So my fiance is going to be in prison for the next ten years. I've been with him 3 years. Is it bad for me to not want to wait for him?..I'm only in my mid 20s, and I don't want to put the rest of my ...

A.   22 April 2017: He must have done something pretty bad to go to prison for a decade - it's wise that you break up with him because he's not a good person for anyone to be around, right now. It's not selfish; you *should* break up.... (read in full...)

Married to my FWB guy but sex life is terrible and husband isn't 'up for it'

Q.   Hi all, we just celebrated our 1 year anniversary and my husband doesn't feel like having sex much. I m lucky if I get it once a week. And he gets erection after a lot of trying. I will give u some?background info. So basically we started as FWB a...

A.   22 April 2017: He needs to see a doctor; it may be stress or health causing trouble. All couples need time to themselves and with others, so perhaps you should find another job, so you're not together 24/7.... (read in full...)

I am at the end of desperation with my relationship problem.

Q.   I am a married man and I got involved with this super nice girl at work. I love her slightly more than my wife but I can't leave my marriage because of my children. I wanted to leave my wife until my children confronted me and I had no choice. When ...

A.   22 April 2017: You need to get a divorce and be single. You don't need to be married to be a good father and you're not being a good husband or boyfriend because you refuse to choose. Whether your mistress (she's *not* your "girlfriend") wants anything to do wi... (read in full...)

Why do girls do things that make them unapproachable and rude?

Q.   Why do girls always have to be glued to each other or have their noses in their phones or in a book? Don't they realize that makes them unapproachable and that it's just plain rude? Also, they do the same things on dates too and act rudely just to ...

A.   21 April 2017: You're taking it personally, when it's not. Women who are busy reading or on their phone are doing so to avoid being approached and having to reject someone. That's not rude; it's a clear sign that they want peace. It is rude to do it on a date,... (read in full...)

Do I call this married man?

Q.   I'm 23, and I am dating a married man, who is 35, for 8 weeks now. We haven't had sex yet, but we've been kissing, making out and stuff. However, he used to call me whenever he was free. But now, all he says after making out is "Call me!" Last time, ...

A.   20 April 2017: He's a married man and you're his mistress - with or without sex, you're not a "slut", but it's not surprising he treats you like one. You can stay away, but you're choosing not to. You may find it easy to be charmed by older men, but that doe... (read in full...)

I waited 3 years to tell my LDR boyfriend that I have 2 children and now he's unsure of how he feels

Q.   I've been in a 3 year long distance relationship with my boyfriend. I'll admit I've been wrong in never disclosing to him that I've been married, divorced, and have two teenage children. I'm also 42 yrs old while he's only 33 yrs old. I've trav...

A.   20 April 2017: He's only just found out about your kids, so you were hiding them. If things work out, you can get him a job at your company, but you should not have him move in so soon.... (read in full...)

I waited 3 years to tell my LDR boyfriend that I have 2 children and now he's unsure of how he feels

Q.   I've been in a 3 year long distance relationship with my boyfriend. I'll admit I've been wrong in never disclosing to him that I've been married, divorced, and have two teenage children. I'm also 42 yrs old while he's only 33 yrs old. I've trav...

A.   17 April 2017: I understand a fake name or a text least a nickname, as not to be searchable by people you know, but there was no need for a fake age or bio. I know you work very hard for your family, but you chose to have children and that's why dedicating 16 ye... (read in full...)

I compared my husband's penis to my ex's and my husband can't get over it

Q.   I know the backlash I'm in for... My husband and I have been together over 10 years. Early on, I compared his penis to my exes unfavorably. I don't remember, but it's seared into his memory; I did it multiple times. He tells me that I was passiona...

A.   17 April 2017: You both need individual therapy - you for the abuse you received and him for the abuse you gave. You also need couples' therapy to work on fixing things. Individual therapy is the priority, though, because you both need serious help immediat... (read in full...)

Is it all in my head or do I have something to be worried about?

Q.   So to be completely honest I'm 16 and I'm worried my boyfriend came in me about 3-4 weeks ago.. it's really been messing with me.. I took the morning after pill as soon as I could which was the third day but a little bit after 72 hours. I asked him ...

A.   16 April 2017: If you're old enough to have sex, you need to be responsible enough to have safe sex and see a doctor, not ask strangers online who have no way of knowing if you're pregnant. Go to your doctor. Get a pregnancy test. Get on birth control and *nev... (read in full...)

I waited 3 years to tell my LDR boyfriend that I have 2 children and now he's unsure of how he feels

Q.   I've been in a 3 year long distance relationship with my boyfriend. I'll admit I've been wrong in never disclosing to him that I've been married, divorced, and have two teenage children. I'm also 42 yrs old while he's only 33 yrs old. I've trav...

A.   16 April 2017: You've lied about half of your life. He shouldn't stay. You made a choice to lie and you should have told him within 6 months, not 36. Personally, I think you shouldn't let him stay. He probably can't trust you after this, even if he thinks he ... (read in full...)

15 yr old Daughter completely cut me out of her life without even a hint why.

Q.   Need some advice from the aunts, I hate these problems that you have to try and squeeze into a box, cause there's so much more to it, but I couldn't possibly address it in its entirety but leaving anything out u may not get the whole gist of it, so ...

A.   10 April 2017: First off, good on you for getting sober. Secondly, she is old enough to decide if she wants contact with you or not. Lastly, I really think you should see a therapist to discuss this at length and find out if there's anything else you can try... (read in full...)

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