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*ndie's Thoughts agony aunt

*ndie's Thoughts

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*ndie's Thoughts's profile:

I'm Andie and I'm surviving life until I can really start to live it :)

Karma does happen:

My dad was a married woman's other guy for only a few weeks (about a decade before my mum met him), then realised he wasn't okay with helping her betray her husband. His friend became her other guy, husband came home while they were at it, the guy jumped out of the window and the husband knew, so grabbed a bicycle, chased him and punched him once, going 20mph, so it knocked him out. A couple of relationships later, after getting £15,000 in debt to help a woman leave her abusive husband and getting in a relationship with her, my dad came back from a holiday with his parents and found her with another guy.

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I cheated on my girlfriend 3 times. I'm sorry. I want her back

Q.   So I royally messed up and need to win my girlfriends trust back. We have been dating for just over two years, she is amazing. She’s smart, sweet and an amazing mother to her daughter. Over the last 8 months I cheated on her with three different ...

A.   20 February 2018: TOUGH. She hopefully won't forgive you. Cheating is a CHOICE. You CHOSE to cheat THREE TIMES. That's not a mistake or an accident - it's a DECISION. If you REALLY loved her, you wouldn't have cheated once, let alone three times. If you really just ... (read in full...)

I'm pregnant and my boyfriend talks trash to me. Should I tell him that it hurts me?

Q.   I am pregnant with my boyfriend's baby. It was an accident. He wanted me to get pregnant tho. He was a player for a long time. He calls me names like whore, skank and bitch. He tells me to just deal with it. It's usually in bed but sometimes ...

A.   20 February 2018: An accident? But he wanted you to get pregnant? Did you not use birth control and condoms? He could have sabotaged a condom. OP, I'm sorry, but I have to ask.... WHY? Why are you with an ABUSER? Do NOT risk an underweight baby for a man who w... (read in full...)

I got accepted to a different college and don’t know how to tell him!

Q.   So.. my boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 5 years now and our senior year is going to come to an end soon. For the majority of our relationship, he had been living in a different city from me. We spent 3 years apart from each other and for ...

A.   19 February 2018: OP, this is a childhood relationship. You have been children for most of it (under16). You're not going to stay together for the rest of your lives, except perhaps if you spent a few years with other people and ended up finding each other again in ... (read in full...)

How do I approach my very religious and conservative parents about my clothes?

Q.   Hello! I wrote in about my parents before and I updated what their problem was and I am having another issue. This one is actual clothes. My parents, especially my mother, are really worried I’ll end up re-doing my whole wardrobe since I got all ...

A.   19 February 2018: Get the therapy. Find time. Don't deliberately send pictures to your parents of things they won't like. Doing everything in a short period of time is mostly what's worrying them. Absolutely figure out who you are, but slow it down - not just ... (read in full...)

A relationship with an attached man is making me feel so sad?

Q.   I've been seeing a man who lives with his baby mama for a year and I've fallen head over heals in love with him.He told me that he was in the process of leaving her and they are not really together but idk..He still live her a year later with no ...

A.   19 February 2018: Sorry, OP. His lunch times *aren't* flexible. Nobody in a 9 - 5 job is *allowed* to extend their lunch breaks because they won't be doing the hours they're paid to do - he's lied to people, probably telling them he's checking on his child! Serio... (read in full...)

Too invested after a few dates?

Q.   I’ve been on five dates with a guy. We slept together on three of the dates. We definitely fancied each other, but during date number four he said that his long term goal is to work away. I’ve been in a relationship in the past with someone who ...

A.   18 February 2018: You aren't friends. You went on a few dates and had sex. That's not friendship - you're still strangers. It will likely be uncomfortable to become friends. In future, it's unwise to have sex so early on, as it's incredibly likely you're either g... (read in full...)

Is it safe to wear a butt plug for a long period of time?

Q.   I have a new BF and he suggested we try anal sex. I have never done this before and so he said it wont hurt if I either relax or i could prepare myself by waring what he called a Butt Plug as this would make intercourse easier. Is it alright /safe ...

A.   18 February 2018: "What he called a butt plug" - No, OP, that *is* their ACTUAL name. Do YOU want to try anal sex? If so, he MUST wear a condom every time, be happy to stop mid-entry and you MUST be able to trust him. Also, lots of lube would be needed, as well as ... (read in full...)

I want to be his girlfriend..not his FWB

Q.   Am in a fwb situation..we are monogamous with each other..he tells me he loves me..I tell him that too.. But he says he does not want a girlfriend..he did take me out on valentines day..but next morning referred to me as his fuck buddy...I hate t...

A.   18 February 2018: OP, it's common sense: "referred to me as his fuck buddy...I hate that...", then don't be one. You *are* his F*ck Buddy. You agreed to it, you've continued it and you know he doesn't want a girlfriend. Tell him you want more, then leave when he ... (read in full...)

I'm afraid if I have a baby I will have to do all the housework and take care of the baby too

Q.   My husband and I are planning a baby. I’m a bit worried however that I’ve to do all the housework and take care of the baby as well. I have told my husband that we should move to The West Coast to my friend so she can be involved throughout. My ...

A.   18 February 2018: For what it's worth, children are often miserable in spotless homes because they naturally come with a bit of clutter and aren't free to play without you freaking out about the mess. Sure, tidy toys away when they're done, but sometimes they should ... (read in full...)

A relationship with an attached man is making me feel so sad?

Q.   I've been seeing a man who lives with his baby mama for a year and I've fallen head over heals in love with him.He told me that he was in the process of leaving her and they are not really together but idk..He still live her a year later with no ...

A.   17 February 2018: OP, how can you seem him during his work hours.... when he should be WORKING? You need to learn to be content single, so you don't choose guys like this who aren't available. You have plenty of time, provided you start the process now. Be ... (read in full...)

I love him, but his deception can’t go on!

Q.   Hi Aunts! I'm 29 years old and in an alleged relationship with a married man for the last one and a half year. It wasn't intended to happen cause we were only friends, but developed nonetheless. At first, he kept his marital status a secret from me....

A.   17 February 2018: "Told him a thousand times that I want to leave" - told him you want to leave? Why? Don't tell people, just do it. No point telling him you WANT to leave because you're not doing it. You found out he was married. A decent person would never sp... (read in full...)

My husband doesn't understand how important my sister is to me.

Q.   My husband recently lost his job. I told my sister immediately. My husband is now angry at me and said I should have asked if he wants me to make it public. I told him he cannot control me and that I share everything with my sister and also that my ...

A.   17 February 2018: Sharing YOUR stuff with your sister is not bad. Sharing HIS stuff with your sister IS bad, unless you've ASKED him first.... (read in full...)

I'm afraid if I have a baby I will have to do all the housework and take care of the baby too

Q.   My husband and I are planning a baby. I’m a bit worried however that I’ve to do all the housework and take care of the baby as well. I have told my husband that we should move to The West Coast to my friend so she can be involved throughout. My ...

A.   16 February 2018: OP, once the baby arrives, the house will get messier. Your expectations will have to be realistic - which they aren't, right now. Would you really use your friend for housekeeping? Jeez. I get it, you like a clean house, but most mums (just after... (read in full...)

My husband is a hopeless cook who thinks he is great

Q.   My husband likes to cook but is bad at it. I am a great cook since I’ve worked in the restaurant industry for ten years. I want to teach him and have him start by helping me chop the vegetables and take care of the kitchen first before doing the ...

A.   16 February 2018: You're being bossy, so he loses interest. He's your husband, not your employee. Let him know YOU don't like his food much. Don't say it's bad, though, as others may like it or not be as picky as you. Also, if you're this fussed about food (n... (read in full...)

I feel jealous and insecure around my 10 years younger girlfriend

Q.   I'm dating my girlfriend for almost 3 months, she's ten years younger, very sweet and caring, but there is a few issues that I'd like to share. She's still in college, sometimes I get worried and jealous about other guys hitting on her! She u...

A.   16 February 2018: "I'm dating my girlfriend for almost 3 months, she's ten years younger, very sweet and caring, but there is a few issues that I'd like to share." - You shouldn't have this many issues after only 3 months. "She's still in college, sometimes I get ... (read in full...)

He talks marriage but I think he is just using me for sex.

Q.   So I was with a guy when I was younger we didn’t date but we would make out etc teenager stuff right (No sex) it lasted like 4 years so I consider it a relationship he ghosted me and then 3 years later came to see me and we talked made out etc he ...

A.   16 February 2018: Wow. I'm sorry, OP, but try to see this clearly. He used you for experimentation, then vanished - probably to find a girlfriend. Then he comes back for a little while - probably when his relationship ended. Then he vanishes again. Serio... (read in full...)

He didn't get me a present for my birthday or Valentine's Day

Q.   My boyfriend and I got into a huge fight, and in the end I decided to break it off with him because it was getting nowhere. Last year on my birthday, my bf didn't get me anything or take me out to eat anywhere. It was literally NOTHING. But I ju...

A.   16 February 2018: Spending $300 on someone at your age is stupid. I'm sorry; I know you meant well, but it's a waste. It's incredibly rare for relationships at your age to last, so you're throwing money away that should be used for your FUTURE. University isn't ... (read in full...)

My husband doesn't understand how important my sister is to me.

Q.   My husband recently lost his job. I told my sister immediately. My husband is now angry at me and said I should have asked if he wants me to make it public. I told him he cannot control me and that I share everything with my sister and also that my ...

A.   16 February 2018: OP, no matter how important your sister is to you, him losing his job is not YOUR information to tell! You broke his trust and his pride. Losing a job can really damage someone's confidence and you ran to blurt it out to your sister - not even his ... (read in full...)

I'm pregnant with my first cousin's baby

Q.   I'm pregnant with my first cousin's baby and i'm going to birth the baby but i'm worried. Doctor says my baby is fine but i'm still worried. My cousin is scared and we both can't tell our families because they're really strict but now they know tha...

A.   14 February 2018: For what it's worth, if something has to be kept a secret, it's nearly always a bad idea to do it. This relationship, for example: if you "can't" (won't) tell them, don't do it. If you can tell them, but are scared to, either tell them or don't be ... (read in full...)

Is pregnancy a normal turn on for a man ?

Q.   Me and my boyfriend have been together about 6 months and we have a pretty normal happy relationship. Decent sex life and I love him and care for him dearly. I see a future for us. There is one thing that always comes up though recently. Pregna...

A.   13 February 2018: This seems like a fetish, more than just a turn on. It's also *highly* irresponsible to have/want unprotected sex before you're both ready to be parents. Personally, I'd consider him too high risk. He could sabotage contraception and bail once the... (read in full...)

Can a relationship that started out purely for sexual hookups actually amount to more.

Q.   A year ago I started a purely sexual relationship with a friend of my ex bfs. We had both just gotten out of relationship so we were only looking for a hookup. It was suppose to be a one time thing but turned into regular hookups. They were amazing ...

A.   13 February 2018: It very rarely amounts to more. The only way you'll ever know is by asking. Once feelings get involved, you can't continue the FWB. Ask him. I'm really sorry you lost the baby, but please don't risk pregnancy with people you're not in a highly c... (read in full...)

How to stop being self-conscious about my body?

Q.   I have been postponing scheduling my physical exam with my new doctor because I am pretty self-conscious about my body. My old doctor retired and he was at least 30+ years older than me and this new one he is younger and closer to my age range. I ...

A.   13 February 2018: 1) He won't see your whole body nude unless it's a rare exam? 2) Find a female doctor, if you're uncomfortable with him 3) Your problem areas won't just go away, so maybe you need to see a therapist about it, if you're disgusted 4) ... (read in full...)

How do I approach my very religious and conservative parents about my clothes?

Q.   Hello! I wrote in about my parents before and I updated what their problem was and I am having another issue. This one is actual clothes. My parents, especially my mother, are really worried I’ll end up re-doing my whole wardrobe since I got all ...

A.   12 February 2018: Say those things, very calmly and don't allow yourself to take part in an argument. State those things, then leave it. Don't get annoyed or frustrated. Accept that she won't see it the same as you do. You're an adult - be responsible, look for a way ... (read in full...)

What is considered cheating in an open relationship?

Q.   My wife and I agreed to be in an open relationship. We were both very into the idea for years. During sex, she haexpressed interest in a mutual male friend. Several months later I was suspecting that they were fooling around but she never mentione...

A.   12 February 2018: In most basic terms, there isn't any cheating in an open relationship. HOWEVER, there are usually rules agreed that end up with "cheating" being anything outside of those rules. Either agree on rules, accept feeling cheated on or end your marriage... (read in full...)

I'm pregnant with my first cousin's baby

Q.   I'm pregnant with my first cousin's baby and i'm going to birth the baby but i'm worried. Doctor says my baby is fine but i'm still worried. My cousin is scared and we both can't tell our families because they're really strict but now they know tha...

A.   9 February 2018: I think it's a cop out to wait until the baby is born. You made the decision to have sex with each other - why avoid owning up to it until the last minute? You didn't care when you were doing it and risked young pregnancy. Take responsibility and ... (read in full...)

I'm pregnant with my first cousin's baby

Q.   I'm pregnant with my first cousin's baby and i'm going to birth the baby but i'm worried. Doctor says my baby is fine but i'm still worried. My cousin is scared and we both can't tell our families because they're really strict but now they know tha...

A.   8 February 2018: If you're adult enough to have sex and get pregnant, you need to be adult enough to own up to it. You can't raise this baby alone. You and your cousin need to step up and start behaving responsibly. NOW.... (read in full...)

I cheated and I stay because I think I owe him

Q.   (Mod note: based on your follow ups you are in an abusive relationship and require assistance beyond the scope of this site. Please contact the organization provided by the last post. This question is being closed now.) This is going to be a long one...

A.   8 February 2018: This is all incredibly abusive and dangerous for your children. Seek help from a charity that helps people escape abuse, then set up a life for you and your kids without doing any form of porn. Steer clear of guys for the time being too. Focus on ... (read in full...)

I thought he loved me but he cheated and she's pregnant!

Q.   Hello this may be a lil not lengthy but I need advice. I was in a long distance relationship with someone I met on a job two years ago, we met when I moved to Virginia for a short period of time but because we were both in a relationship at the time ...

A.   8 February 2018: This isn't love. Love is faithful. He's a liar and a cheat. You really don't want any part in that, and neither would the other woman, if she knew. In fact, you should really feel sorry for the baby. Take a break for a few months, then loo... (read in full...)

We went a month without sex and now I realize I don't want it anymore. How do I tell my boyfriend?

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years and everything has been going well, until last month. We've been discussing a lot of changes in our relationship, where we want to live, what the plan is for the next few months etc. Anyway, we had a ...

A.   7 February 2018: Intimacy doesn't have to be sexual - lots of people don't ever want sex, you just have to find someone compatible. This will be a deal breaker for your relationship. Is it possible you don't want sex any more because your relationship may be impro... (read in full...)

Will I ever be able to get pregnant?

Q.   So to start im 25 years old my question is kinda going to be all over the place so just bare with me please. So 3 years back I was in a relationship with a guy who did me wrong and gave me a std that I had no symptoms of and it was sitting in my ...

A.   7 February 2018: Sorry, OP, but you're in the wrong place. We can't help you and it would be irresponsible to try. You need to speak solely with your doctor about this and find a support group for people in your situation or similar.... (read in full...)

Could my FWB's partner's ego have kept him from admitting that he cares about me?

Q.   I've been on and off friends with benefits with a guy for 4 years. I've fallen in love with him and I told him in person. he said he likes me but can't commit to me because of his family situation as his family are not speaking to him. During this ...

A.   7 February 2018: You did the right thing by leaving because you were only supposed to have NO STRINGS ATTACHED sex. That's what it was for him, but you got attached and are projecting your hope on to him. I'm afraid you shouldn't enter something like that unless ... (read in full...)

I don’t really want to go on this vacation with my dad and his girlfriend!

Q.   Dear Cupid. I am 24 and need some advice... I’m due to go on a trip in june, with my dad and his girlfriend...tickets have been paid for and now I’m not really wanting to go...I’ll be stuck on a yacht for 10 days, their friends are going bu...

A.   6 February 2018: There are two issues to deal with here: Dad - say no. Tell him you appreciate it, but don't want to go and will pay for your ticket, if he can't get a refund or find someone else to go. He can't force you to go. Mum - alcoholism doesn... (read in full...)

What else besides texting my daughter should I do to stop this?

Q.   I just witnessed my pregnant daughters husband playing footsies with my other daughter under the table! I texted my single daughter and told her to Stop what she was doing with her sisters husband now. It did not stop completely however. The ...

A.   6 February 2018: Yes, pregnant people have a lot going on, but they're not weak or fragile. They still deserve to know if their partner is cheating on them and can't be trusted! It's better she knows before the baby is born, than finds out in the first few months ... (read in full...)

What else besides texting my daughter should I do to stop this?

Q.   I just witnessed my pregnant daughters husband playing footsies with my other daughter under the table! I texted my single daughter and told her to Stop what she was doing with her sisters husband now. It did not stop completely however. The ...

A.   5 February 2018: Speak to your single daughter first, then your pregnant daughter. She deserves to know who her baby will be raised by.... (read in full...)

Is "we need to chat" the same as "we need to talk"?

Q.   If someone says ‘we need to chat’ is that different than ‘we need to talk’ or do you think it’s the same thing? ...

A.   4 February 2018: They both literally ONLY mean "we need to chat/talk". It could be to talk about anything, not necessarily something negative.... (read in full...)

Why is my sister in law making herself accessible to me?

Q.   So I've been married for 10 years now, why all of a sudden my wife's sister is starting to change with doors open and making sure I hear her orgasm at night when she masterbates? I Love my wife but damn her sister doin this stuff, Please Help....

A.   3 February 2018: This sounds like a made up fantasy? Anyway, as Honeypie said: countless reasons. Why she does it doesn't really matter, as you are going to find a way to live separately and not have any inappropriate contact with her sister, correct?... (read in full...)

Should I just walk away and save myself more heartache?

Q.   Hi recently I’ve started dating a woman who is a bit older than me (I’m 22 she’s 34). It was all going well we were seeing each other most nights, we had a real spark so good we started being in a relationship, anyway a week ago she said she wasn’t ...

A.   3 February 2018: I'm sorry, OP, but please be honest with yourself: what can a 22-year-old offer a 34-year-old grown woman with children? He can offer her an ego boost and sex with a younger guy, but not usually much more than that. She is trying to let you down... (read in full...)

Is it ok to not have a label on what I am?

Q.   I "want" to be with men but I find women alluring, I wouldn't say I overly like either gender nor am I that sexual a person. Sometimes bordering on asexual. Basically wondering if it is okay to not have a label on what I am? To know i want ...

A.   2 February 2018: You could be pansexual - basically not fussed by gender. Either way, you don't *need* a label. Plenty of people feel the way you do. Lots of groups online for likeminded folks!... (read in full...)

I don't want to give my friend false hope

Q.   Dear all I just need some advice. A good friend of mine told me she had feelings for me last November. I didn't have those feelings so rejected her and she was upset. It was tough for some weeks but eventually she stopped being upset and we seeme...

A.   1 February 2018: She isn't necessarily a spoiled brat or crazy, just someone who has developed strong, unrequited feelings. That doesn't mean you have to give her an answer other than "I'm sorry, I just don't feel that way about you", but it does make her actions ... (read in full...)

My family wants me to forgive our dying father for the abuse but I can't!

Q.   Am I a demon for not caring that my dad is dying from cancer and i want nothin to do with it or him or those who care about it. I've posted about my dad with other accounts which I have deactivated. So I would just give a summary of what he did. ...

A.   1 February 2018: Why would you need to call him every day? Don't. I know you feel pressured to, but just call once a week or something, if you feel you have to call. Don't blame your family, just because you're feeling trapped. How they feel isn't wrong, just lik... (read in full...)

My family wants me to forgive our dying father for the abuse but I can't!

Q.   Am I a demon for not caring that my dad is dying from cancer and i want nothin to do with it or him or those who care about it. I've posted about my dad with other accounts which I have deactivated. So I would just give a summary of what he did. ...

A.   31 January 2018: You don't have to see him, but cutting your family off just because they do want to see him is over-dramatic and not fair. It's their right to cope how they cope, the same way you are coping by choosing to keep your distance. Them being around h... (read in full...)

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