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*ndie's Thoughts agony aunt

*ndie's Thoughts

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*ndie's Thoughts's profile:

I'm Andie and I'm surviving life until I can really start to live it :)

Karma does happen:

My dad was a married woman's other guy for only a few weeks (about a decade before my mum met him), then realised he wasn't okay with helping her betray her husband. His friend became her other guy, husband came home while they were at it, the guy jumped out of the window and the husband knew, so grabbed a bicycle, chased him and punched him once, going 20mph, so it knocked him out. A couple of relationships later, after getting £15,000 in debt to help a woman leave her abusive husband and getting in a relationship with her, my dad came back from a holiday with his parents and found her with another guy.

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Adult son's fiance is too old for him

Q.   My wife and I have been aware of our son’s dating preferences since he left home for college. He prefers older women. We believed it was a phase and did our best not to get bent out of shape. We have met several of his older girlfriends over the ...

A.   16 April 2019: Ultimately, his sex life isn't something you should be thinking about, even in this context. He's happy. Tolerate it. Try to accept it. Don't allow yourself to dwell on the negatives. Just leave him be and welcome her as much as you can.... (read in full...)

Do I go meet my grandmother knowing my mother may get upset?

Q.   I have never met my mum's mum and she recently sent me a message saying to come to see her in her home city , I'm not sure if I should , as my mum hasn't seen her in over twenty years and I don't even know her and if my mum finds out I feel as ...

A.   16 April 2019: Ask your mum what happened, if you don’t already know. You don’t need her permission, but it would be inconsiderate not to tell her first.... (read in full...)

Can't understand why my lesbian g/f would be taking birth control for the sole purpose of not getting pregnant

Q.   I'm struggling how and if to bring this up with my partner as I want to be sensitive and not offend her, I'm not sure if I'm getting red flags or being paranoid. My girlfriend and me are in a long distance relationship. She is having some birt...

A.   16 April 2019: It’s possible she’s cheating, but some women start on them for one reason and stay on them for another. Maybe it helps her hormones, after being on them for some time? You just have to ask. She could be cheating, but she may not be.... (read in full...)

I get dates but then I think there might be somebody better so I ghost them

Q.   Hello everyone, I am looking for some help and would be grateful for your opinions. I'm single and looking for a woman, and I've had 13 dates so far this year. I'm not a fussy guy and I liked 9 of them. With 7 of these 9, I have had second or th...

A.   15 April 2019: Sorry, I don’t think ghosting is fair, regardless of whether it’s 10 dates or 1. If you are going to keep doing this, please have the manners not to ghost people. Rejection sucks, but being ghosted is horrible. It’s hard to open yourself to dating, ... (read in full...)

Adult son's fiance is too old for him

Q.   My wife and I have been aware of our son’s dating preferences since he left home for college. He prefers older women. We believed it was a phase and did our best not to get bent out of shape. We have met several of his older girlfriends over the ...

A.   15 April 2019: OP, the thing is that almost all of us COMPLETELY understand and agree with where you’re coming from, if we were in your shoes. We can’t really fathom what they do have in common from a life perspective in terms of marriage, but we also see that it ... (read in full...)

Adult son's fiance is too old for him

Q.   My wife and I have been aware of our son’s dating preferences since he left home for college. He prefers older women. We believed it was a phase and did our best not to get bent out of shape. We have met several of his older girlfriends over the ...

A.   15 April 2019: I feel like this is fake. The age range of the OP, the idea of turning your back on him for his own harmless decision, etc. If it is real: Leave him to it. Sure; it’s unlikely to work out, but it’s his choice. You have to let him live his life his... (read in full...)

My mother threatens to cut me off over the clothes I wear

Q.   I'm a 31 year old woman who lives and works away from my parents. My parents were never the overly controlling kind, although my mother is kind of very conservative when it comes to certain things. She doesn't approve of partying or wearing ...

A.   13 April 2019: Just be yourself and have better online security on who can see your photos.... (read in full...)

I have feelings for a younger woman that's moved into my home and I don't know what I should do

Q.   Dear 'Cupid' I have been in a sexless relationship for over a year and we finally split up. My evenings became about beer and take out and over many months I put on weight and didn't bother with dating or about the opposite sex barely at all. ...

A.   13 April 2019: Unless you want a sexual harassment situation and losing the money from a tenant, don’t make the creepy decision to hit on her. Treat her like a niece, not a random woman. Cut any attraction or any non-platonic thoughts/behaviour. Find a woman your ... (read in full...)

I have neve wanted children, husband is being pressured to adopt his orphaned nephew

Q.   My husband and I are both 29 and child free by choice. His sister and her husband, both 40, passed away in a car accident two months ago. They left behind a 9 year old who is currently living with my husband's parents. Long story short, his paren...

A.   13 April 2019: “I hope that he's making the right decision for HIMSELF and not because of family pressure” or wife pressure! You’re just as pushy as his other family members, so own it. Don’t get me wrong; I completely understand that you don’t want children... (read in full...)

I still resent the way my husband proposed to me.

Q.   I wanted to see if I’m being sensitive or not, I can’t get over the fact after 6 years of marriage with two kids of how my husband proposed. We’ve been dating for 5 years before he propose and the way he did it makes me sad till to this day. I see ...

A.   9 April 2019: You were good enough, but you CHOSE to accept his crappy “proposal”. I’d have cried and said “no chance”, then left. You stayed with him too long, to be honest, when it was clear he was a bit of a jerk who didn’t want the same things as you. He ... (read in full...)

Does anyone have any advice on dating a divorced man with 2 young children?

Q.   Does anyone have any advice on dating a divorced man with 2 young boys (2 and 3 years old)? He's 6 years older than I am and from the moment we met, there was an instant connection. He treats me much better than I've ever been before and I believe ...

A.   9 April 2019: I haven’t been in your shoes, but it’s relatively simple. You’re on the right track; you’re taking things slowly and communicating well. You’ll never be an “instant mum” because you have to slowly become like a step-mother figure, not instantly or ... (read in full...)

My older boyfriend wants me to pretend to be his daughter.

Q.   I dont think age should matter in a true loving relationship. My dad thinks otherwise and so I have moved out and anto my bf's place a few months ago. Although he is about 10 years older than me he is just so adorable. I like so love him to pieces ...

A.   7 April 2019: Look, it IS creepy, but maybe you’re too naive to see it. You felt it was strange because it IS and he’s manipulated you over time into thinking it’s normal now. He wants to have sex with someone he has groomed into behaving like his daughter. It’s ... (read in full...)

My father made me look foolish when I was buying a car.

Q.   Help with interferring father please. My elderly father embarassed me when I was trying to buy a new used car..!! He lives in another state and I don’t see him or my mother much.. 1-2 times a year, we small talk on phone every 5 -6 weeks, ...

A.   4 April 2019: I was gunna say “sure, firmly tell him: ‘I appreciate it, but please don’t do it again’.” However, you’re not 20 and trying to get out on your own. You KNOW how to handle yourself. You don’t NEED to learn how to do it independently. He wasn’t doing ... (read in full...)

We have 3 children already and I'm exhausted. How do I tell my husband I want an abortion?

Q.   How do I tell my husband I want an abortion. We have three kids together already and frankly, I'm exhausted. I'm a stay at home mom and often find myself being the sole caregiver because he's working. Hes said in the past that hes pro-choi...

A.   4 April 2019: There IS a difference between 3 and 4 children. They DO grow up, but you have many years to go before that. Some women regret an abortion, but many are relieved or understand that they made the right choice for them in that situation. I happen to ... (read in full...)

My husband is selfish, I am thinking of enlisting in the military.

Q.   My husband would not let me see his cell phone last night. I wanted to see the pictures from a birthday party, he said "No, I would go through his phone" and if I trusted him then I wouldnt have a issue with it. I am a stay at home mother 3 kids, he ...

A.   4 April 2019: There’s so much to unpack here.... You have no right to have access to his phone - have the pictures moved to a shared computer or print them out. He is being oddly protective of his phone - implying he may have something to hide OR you have... (read in full...)

We’re a fit couple in our late 60’s, retired. How much sex is normal

Q.   We’re a fit couple in our late 60’s, retried. How much sex is normal? We do it three times a week on average. I could do it every day, she says even three times is too much. She enjoys it more than me, not that I don’t enjoy. She says none of...

A.   4 April 2019: There is no normal. This is normal for you and her. She has gone through menopause and that can decrease libido and cause soreness. Three times per week is still a good amount; it’s a compromise between what you’d both prefer. I think you should ... (read in full...)

I'm afraid to be skinny again, and am happier being fat.

Q.   I've had weight issues my entire life. I used to be around 150lbs (8-10 size) and was very tall for my age in high school. Family members and bullies would degrade me and call me derogatory names, that I should stop eating even though I rarely a...

A.   4 April 2019: I’m wondering if there may be a vocabulary barrier because your age says 30 - 35, but you say you left a group home only 2 years ago. If you are happy at your weight and a doctor hasn’t told you to lose any, stay that weight, but be consciou... (read in full...)

He cheated on me, was violent but it now feels things are back on track. So why am I not happy?

Q.   I really don't know how I feel anymore, my head is all over the place and I'm so mixed up. I've been with my boyfriend for 8years. When we first met things moved very fast and I knew i loved him very early on. We had what I thought was the perfect ...

A.   30 March 2019: He’s an abusive cheater. You’ll never be happy with him and nobody else will be happy with him either, while he’s a violent jerk. Leave. “Back on track” is only temporary.... (read in full...)

I want to sleep with my boyfriend (no sex) but my parents said NO

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a month. This weekend he asked if I could sleep over. Obviously, I’d love to. However, my parents are catholic and extremely conservative. I brought up the idea and they automatically said no. Honestly, ...

A.   27 March 2019: I'd like to add some more :) Sleeping while cuddling a partner is really lovely. However, you and your boyfriend haven't been together long enough for him to be at the cuddling-only stage in your relationship and it's highly unlikely he's mature e... (read in full...)

I want to sleep with my boyfriend (no sex) but my parents said NO

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a month. This weekend he asked if I could sleep over. Obviously, I’d love to. However, my parents are catholic and extremely conservative. I brought up the idea and they automatically said no. Honestly, ...

A.   26 March 2019: OP, I totally get where you're coming from, but you're wrong here. Cuddle on a sofa. Cuddling in bed almost always leads to something when you're young and hormonal, even if you were sure you didn't want it to beforehand. I didn't sleep in bed with ... (read in full...)

Do I wait until after his birthday to break up?

Q.   I am kind of on the young side. I have been dating this guy for 2 and a half months and just seemed to have lost interest in him and am starting to have feelings for another guy. I want to break up with my current boyfriend but still be friends. How ...

A.   25 March 2019: I'm hoping my first response will be added soon, so here's something I'd like to add to that one: don't rebound. Always give at least 3 months between relationships - especially at your age and when they last longer than a couple of months when ... (read in full...)

How do I become more comfortable with sex when my own body isn't responding the way I want it to?

Q.   So, there's this young man. We've been together for a couple of months although we've known each other for longer than that. The mutual attraction developed slowly over several months until at one point it was undeniable, but it still took us a ...

A.   25 March 2019: Lots of people experience this! You're worried because of your age, but you need to treat it as though you were 18, 38, 58 or 78! Take things slowly. If you trust him, then trust that he's not going anywhere and LET him stay for a while with no ... (read in full...)

Do I wait until after his birthday to break up?

Q.   I am kind of on the young side. I have been dating this guy for 2 and a half months and just seemed to have lost interest in him and am starting to have feelings for another guy. I want to break up with my current boyfriend but still be friends. How ...

A.   24 March 2019: If you mean today, you don’t have a choice now. It will need to be after his birthday (preferably 2 - 3 days). For what it’s worth, my boyfriend and I broke up (albeit after 3 years together) 4 days after my birthday and it didn’t hurt any more or ... (read in full...)

I wear conceal to hide spots. What if I guy wants to see my face without the makeup?

Q.   Hi, I've been thinking lately, I got some pimples and redness on my face and to make my self cofidence rise again, I cover them with concealer, and if I have a boyfriend in the future and if he wants to see me with no make up, what should I do??? ...

A.   23 March 2019: When there’s a guy you like who genuinely likes you, he will not care that you have spots :) We all get them sometimes, especially as teenagers - you may find that a boy you really like and he’s got spots, maybe on his back/chest instead of face or ... (read in full...)

A complicated LD relationship just got more complicated. What should I do?

Q.   Hi , if you are in my shoe what will u do? This is my situation, .. This guy i met online and we been talking for long hours everyday.. Discussing about us and our future. Especially we are also discussing about our 1st meeting in indonesia then we ...

A.   23 March 2019: OP, I sympathise with you. You have fallen into the trap of an LDR where it’s not real. Some LDRs are real, but this one isn’t: - you haven’t met yet or met fairly regularly - I love you is too soon (if you haven’t met in person yet) - it’s too ... (read in full...)

How do I get the feelings I had for my dead ex into my new relationship?

Q.   I'm in distress thinking about an ex who passed away many years ago I'm in a relationship at the moment I do love him but it feels in a different way to cut a long story short although they wernt always happy between my ex and me I see are memories ...

A.   22 March 2019: No relationships are the same. I’m sorry for your loss, but new relationships won’t compare. No new relationship compares to a long, mostly happy one because it’s still new. Every new relationship is a new “flower”, so don’t compare it to other ... (read in full...)

Why did he unmatch me after hooking up?

Q.   I hooked up with this guy from Tinder the other night but we didn't have sex because I was on my period. That didn't seem to bother him but I was uncomfortable with it and gave him oral instead. I told him next time we will go all the way and he ...

A.   20 March 2019: You’re clingy just by not letting this go. You hooked up once. That’s just how it works when you hook up. If you weren’t clingy (for a hook up scenario), you wouldn’t care.... (read in full...)

She thinks there was a hidden message about being fat in my fruit and yoghurt comment

Q.   So I have been with this woman for 18 months. Our relationship has been perfect so far, no arguements, always get on. Today she had an arguement with a friend and was not very happy after. She sent me a message saying she was going for a walk and ...

A.   20 March 2019: Let her cool off. Most women are sensitive about their weight/diet/body being commented on because of social standards and you picked a bad time to suggest something healthy because she’s just had an argument with a friend and wasn’t happy, which ... (read in full...)

I want my married lover's wife to know I am having his child

Q.   I have been dating this married man a little over 2years now. I was with him for 5 months before he married his wife(chose another woman over me whiles I was with him). At the time of his marriage I was two months pregnant for him which I made him ...

A.   18 March 2019: You won't get any sympathy here. You're being nasty to his wife when you and he are to blame. You knew he was married, but you still carried on with him. Now you need to stop this childish behaviour and sort out how you're going to raise this baby ... (read in full...)

Why is my boyfriend suddenly acting differently regarding oral sex

Q.   Hello, I have a quick question. My boyfriend is 54 and lately, when I'm performing oral on him, he remains soft yet ejaculates. Also, lately, he only wants me to suck, no licking around it like he used to like and suddenly, he's been pressuring me ...

A.   18 March 2019: I agree with Honeypie, but would hope he'll see a doctor if it continues. I would also add not to do anything he pressures you into.... (read in full...)

What’s wrong with people? Do we not listen now??

Q.   Why are people so self absorbed and disinterested? Is this rude? If you saw a friend you hadn’tseen in ages and she didnt once ask how you or your life was what would you do? You havent seen her in 5-6 months. and of course ask how ...

A.   18 March 2019: Why haven't you seen her in that long? Have you made the effort? Some people ask how you are just so you can ask them and they can ramble about themselves - hence your feelings being hurt because you didn't get to talk about yourself and she... (read in full...)

Is there anything wrong with fantasizing what your friends would be like in bed?

Q.   Hey, I want to ask a quick question (I'll try to keep it quick anyway) Is there anything wrong with wondering what your friends are like in bed, or even fantasizing about such things when you're alone? I love my partner and he satisfies m...

A.   18 March 2019: I think it's silly to say men and women can't stay platonic if they're heterosexual - are bisexual people supposed to be lonely? o_O The thing is just that people have fantasies and they often include people we're friends with - that's life, re... (read in full...)

I’m nervous about losing my virginity? Any tips?

Q.   hi everyone I was hoping to get advice on losing virginity as an older overweight woman. I am 27 years old and I am still a virgin. I have a fwb situation going on and I plan to lose my virginity to him. The Problem is that I’m extremely nervous ...

A.   11 March 2019: For what it's worth, my response is coming from experience as an overweight young woman with no confidence in myself or my appearance. That's why I'll always advise waiting until in a loving relationship with someone who makes you feel safe and ... (read in full...)

I’m nervous about losing my virginity? Any tips?

Q.   hi everyone I was hoping to get advice on losing virginity as an older overweight woman. I am 27 years old and I am still a virgin. I have a fwb situation going on and I plan to lose my virginity to him. The Problem is that I’m extremely nervous ...

A.   11 March 2019: I'm with Honeypie. You really like him, but he just wants sex. This has BAD IDEA written all over it. Why don't you want to wait for someone who loves you and is truly attracted to you - not just for sex? #1: Birth control AND condoms - no excep... (read in full...)

I missed out on a group poster, and now I feel bad! Why do I feel not part of the team?

Q.   I have been on leave 10 days got back to work today. How would you feel if you were on leave and the boss (female) took photos of all the female staff to celebrate int womens day? To show we are a good team. (Yes there are guys there, but t...

A.   11 March 2019: It’s okay to feel a bit left out, but it’s just poor timing. You happened to be on leave when she happened to take the photos. You weren’t the only one. Don’t allow it to get you down.... (read in full...)

Would you date a toothless guy?

Q.   Will you date someone with no teeth? I mean, i know hes not broke, he has 2 jobs in LA, he has Volkswagon car and can travel anytime he wants. Im just curious why he wont go dentist for it to be fixed. Lol...

A.   11 March 2019: I wouldn’t date him if he could afford to fix them and didn’t care to. That said, it really is none of your business unless he asks you out or you are already dating.... (read in full...)

My FWB blocked me on WhatsApp!

Q.   what do you do/say to someone that has blocked you in wassup? I was seeing this guy for about 2 yrs. It wasn't a serious relationship but it is a friend with benefits. ...

A.   11 March 2019: You were a booty call for two years. You held on for too long. Booty calls should be infrequent and only last a few months to avoid this mess. He’s blocked you because he wants something with someone else. Let it go and find someone else who wants ... (read in full...)

Boyfriend tells me he doesn't want kids, I leave crying and I haven't heard from him since. How is he so cold?

Q.   My LDR boyfriend of a year and a half finally admitted to me that he had 100% decided that he doesn't want kids. I am 40, have frozen my eggs and most days I feel the incredible yearning for a family. I say "finally admitted" because he has k...

A.   11 March 2019: Do NOT get back with him. Having a child is NOT okay when he only agrees to it or says he wants one because he wants to “win” you back. OP, find someone else; it’s been nearly a year and you can find someone who wants children and wants them with ... (read in full...)

He changed his looks and I am no longer attracted at all to him. Do I end things?

Q.   Hi I’ve been dating a guy for 6 months- it’s had it’s ups and downs- mainly as it started as a friendship with absolutely no sexual attraction on my behalf . I’ve never looked at him and thought ‘god your handsome’ but he has a lovely personali...

A.   9 March 2019: Thing is, MOST people change their looks every now and then. Sometimes they’re a great fit for us and others are faux pas. Sometimes we love them, but our partner doesn’t. Looks are temporary. If you really loved him, you’d just accept that it’s not ... (read in full...)

She blocked me on facebook because I looked her up

Q.   Been seeing this woman for four months, have a lot of fun going out dancing movies places to eat, the sex is great, but she only has time to see me once a week,I told her I looked her up on Facebook, she got really mad,she said that's personal, so ...

A.   9 March 2019: I think she just sees you as casual - whether that’s because she has a boyfriend or not. She doesn’t want anything serious with you, so I’d let her go.... (read in full...)

Boyfriend tells me he doesn't want kids, I leave crying and I haven't heard from him since. How is he so cold?

Q.   My LDR boyfriend of a year and a half finally admitted to me that he had 100% decided that he doesn't want kids. I am 40, have frozen my eggs and most days I feel the incredible yearning for a family. I say "finally admitted" because he has k...

A.   28 June 2018: OP, he knew you'd never not want kids. You froze your eggs, for goodness sake. That's a commitment to it. Also, whilst he could have been a little nicer about it, there would have been no point in talking marriage when you were obviously so incom... (read in full...)

Boyfriend tells me he doesn't want kids, I leave crying and I haven't heard from him since. How is he so cold?

Q.   My LDR boyfriend of a year and a half finally admitted to me that he had 100% decided that he doesn't want kids. I am 40, have frozen my eggs and most days I feel the incredible yearning for a family. I say "finally admitted" because he has k...

A.   27 June 2018: I can't add to HP's great response. All I'm going to say is that, if you're financially and mentally stable, I think you need to just get a sperm donor and have a baby on your own. You are getting older and now is the time to have a baby, rather ... (read in full...)

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