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*ndie's Thoughts agony aunt

*ndie's Thoughts

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*ndie's Thoughts's profile:

I'm Andie and I'm surviving life until I can really start to live it :)

Karma does happen:

My dad was a married woman's other guy for only a few weeks (about a decade before my mum met him), then realised he wasn't okay with helping her betray her husband. His friend became her other guy, husband came home while they were at it, the guy jumped out of the window and the husband knew, so grabbed a bicycle, chased him and punched him once, going 20mph, so it knocked him out. A couple of relationships later, after getting £15,000 in debt to help a woman leave her abusive husband and getting in a relationship with her, my dad came back from a holiday with his parents and found her with another guy.

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Lost my virginity and I didn't even enjoy it but now I'm wondering if I could be pregnant

Q.   I just lost my virginity, tbh it was painful and i never enjoyed it at all, according to my friend its because he never did foreplay. Even though i was not satisfied, apparently he was because he came on the inside of my thighs. The cum wasn't alot ...

A.   22 November 2017: OP, see a doctor. Don't have sex unless you're using reliable contraception.... (read in full...)

I'm married but starting to get obsessed with the guy my husband and I had a threesome with

Q.   Over a year ago my husband and i had a sexual threesome with a single male friend of ours after a night of drinking...this was totally my husbands idea..I was always attracted to this friend but had no intentions of taking it any furthur, even ...

A.   21 November 2017: OP, you're stalking him. You are MARRIED - act like it. This guy is not right for you and you are clearly obsessing. Let go of him and divorce your husband too. Bear in mind that you cheated. You wondered if your husband did, but you *definit... (read in full...)

Does this guy who works with the man I'm sleeping with like me?

Q.   Hello, I'm going to make this question as quick as possible haha! About 8 months ago, I got involved with my boss. He has just quit the company the day we slept together, so technically he wasn't my boss anymore that night, but you get t...

A.   21 November 2017: It's great that you're being responsible with protection - it's surprising how many don't. However, whilst I completely understand that you don't want to know, it's important that you do - so you know how at risk you are of diseases (condoms... (read in full...)

I have been having an affair with a woman for 7 years and I am content. Is this strange?

Q.   I have been the male equivalent of a mistress for the past 7 years. Is it strange that I don't mind? I havent dated or even tried to date because I am just fine with having her a few times a month. I am 42 years old and never been married, but I ...

A.   21 November 2017: Honestly, you're trying to fool yourself. You wouldn't be here trying to validate it, if you were content. Look at yourself. Put yourself in her husband's shoes. Do you not care that you're a big part in ruining someone else's life? As soon as ... (read in full...)

How will having a baby affect someone with PTSD?

Q.   I have been with my boyfriend for a year now and we have spoke about our future what we both want , i work and he doesnt and that is due to him having ptsd . he has his good days and bad more good and he goes out everyday so he doesnt get low and it ...

A.   21 November 2017: Honestly, OP, he needs to be able to hold down a job (not temp ones) before being fit to parent. If he can't handle a long-term job, how will he handle parenting? It's also too soon to start a family with him, after only a year - you don't truly ... (read in full...)

How will having a baby affect someone with PTSD?

Q.   I have been with my boyfriend for a year now and we have spoke about our future what we both want , i work and he doesnt and that is due to him having ptsd . he has his good days and bad more good and he goes out everyday so he doesnt get low and it ...

A.   21 November 2017: As someone with PTSD, he needs to get therapy and resemble a normal life before becoming a father. Also, I know you may feel like time is "running out" for you to have a baby with him, but you've only been together for a year - that's still ver... (read in full...)

Am I reasonable to choose money over potential happiness?

Q.   Dear aunts, I am in a fix as I type this. I made a first attempt at online dating about 7 months ago and the only guy I really had an interest in, we hit it off. It was rocky at first but we are amazing now and not a day goes by without us chatting ...

A.   21 November 2017: Please be careful, OP. There's something not right about him. If you want to continue with him, that's okay, but please be more realistic. Love develops over time spent in person. Fantasies develop over time spent talking over the phone and onli... (read in full...)

Does this guy who works with the man I'm sleeping with like me?

Q.   Hello, I'm going to make this question as quick as possible haha! About 8 months ago, I got involved with my boss. He has just quit the company the day we slept together, so technically he wasn't my boss anymore that night, but you get t...

A.   21 November 2017: I think that, if you want to continue this arrangement, you do need to verbalise it and assess where you are. Make sure it's exclusive or you're at risk of STDs. Also make sure you use condoms every time *and* birth control - no excuses. If yo... (read in full...)

We still sext even though he has a girlfriend, how do I move on?

Q.   For the past two years ive been sort of sexting/sending the odd nude to this guy. Recently though he's gotten into a relationship, however we have still continued sexting etc. We've never slept together its strictly 'cyber'. A few weeks ago (I ...

A.   21 November 2017: I'm glad you took them as they were meant: a reality check, not nastiness. You can do it, OP. Be glad you've (hopefully) learnt from this at such a young age, not found yourself doing it 10+ years from now. To see who you could become, if you don'... (read in full...)

We still sext even though he has a girlfriend, how do I move on?

Q.   For the past two years ive been sort of sexting/sending the odd nude to this guy. Recently though he's gotten into a relationship, however we have still continued sexting etc. We've never slept together its strictly 'cyber'. A few weeks ago (I ...

A.   20 November 2017: Also, OP, take a good look at yourself. You spitefully tried to hurt an innocent person and it backfired. His girlfriend has done nothing to you - YOU are the one being cruel by sexting with her boyfriend. You will only deserve better when you... (read in full...)

Lost my virginity to a man I don't know or like very much

Q.   How do I cope? I recently lost my virginity to a guy I barely knew and i regret it so much.i don't feel innocent anymore. And the worst part of it is i lost to the wrong guy,i always assumed i would lose it to someone i loved so much and it would be ...

A.   20 November 2017: Apologise and say it was a mistake, that you aren't interested in a relationship. Not being a virgin doesn't mean you're "bad"; it just means you made a silly decision. Learn from it and wait for a relationship next time.... (read in full...)

Am I reasonable to choose money over potential happiness?

Q.   Dear aunts, I am in a fix as I type this. I made a first attempt at online dating about 7 months ago and the only guy I really had an interest in, we hit it off. It was rocky at first but we are amazing now and not a day goes by without us chatting ...

A.   20 November 2017: OP, I'm all for long distance relationships, but only realistic ones. What you have with this man isn't healthy. Trust me; I know the red flags - we all do. No man who cares about you would tell you to put him first, instead of a job - especially ... (read in full...)

How to deal with a more sexually experienced partner?

Q.   I'm a male virgin who's never kissed a girl or been on a date. I'm not particularly handsome either and I am obese. I will be visiting an escort in a few weeks to lose my virginity. Finally I'll get to feel what intimacy is like. However I've b...

A.   19 November 2017: Also, in the nicest possible way, I think you need therapy to stop feeling sorry for yourself. Most women would rather date a virgin who wants to learn, than someone who paid for sex. YOUR VIRGINITY IS NOT THE PROBLEM. An escort will not teach yo... (read in full...)

How to deal with a more sexually experienced partner?

Q.   I'm a male virgin who's never kissed a girl or been on a date. I'm not particularly handsome either and I am obese. I will be visiting an escort in a few weeks to lose my virginity. Finally I'll get to feel what intimacy is like. However I've b...

A.   19 November 2017: OP, the escort won't help you. Do it if you want, but it's like a drug - the high wears off. You'll realise your virginity isn't what's holding you back. You're not suddenly going to get a girlfriend because you've had sex once, with someone who had ... (read in full...)

We still sext even though he has a girlfriend, how do I move on?

Q.   For the past two years ive been sort of sexting/sending the odd nude to this guy. Recently though he's gotten into a relationship, however we have still continued sexting etc. We've never slept together its strictly 'cyber'. A few weeks ago (I ...

A.   19 November 2017: He's a cheater. You're a cyber misstress. You block him and never speak to him again. It really is that simple. It's not emotionally easy, but it is that simple. Once you block him, WITHOUT a goodbye (or he'll try to persuade you to keep sexting)... (read in full...)

Am I reasonable to choose money over potential happiness?

Q.   Dear aunts, I am in a fix as I type this. I made a first attempt at online dating about 7 months ago and the only guy I really had an interest in, we hit it off. It was rocky at first but we are amazing now and not a day goes by without us chatting ...

A.   19 November 2017: OP, you will never be happy or responsible until you can financially support yourself. Moving to another country with a man you truly barely know is not wise - you will turn into a "mail order bride" and be "bought" by this man. Take the job your... (read in full...)

I sent him a nude, I hope he hasn't lost respect for me.

Q.   I posted a while ago saying i had a met a man with quite an usual job- he's a travel author (fairly successful). He is 35 years old, is in the public eye quite a lot and has a lot of female attention. I went on 2 dates with him back in june but then ...

A.   19 November 2017: You'll only be seen as a sex object unless you ask for more than just sex - BEFORE hooking up. How can he see you as more than a F buddy if you send nudes and would have sex before being in an official relationship with him? As a side note, ho... (read in full...)

How to overcome the guilt of dating my friend's ex

Q.   Dear Cupids I met this wonderful man. We have been dating for less than two months but our relationship is moving quite fast. It feels so right and ever-since we dated we have not spent a day without talking to each other. He calls and we mee...

A.   19 November 2017: It's actually a red flag that he's pushing marriage so early on. It's great to say "I'm looking for a wife someday", but not repeatedly mentioning marriage and implying you should get married soon. I'd keep an eye on him because it's not a good ... (read in full...)

Where do you go to meet momen?

Q.   I still don't get where a guy is supposed to try and meet single women. Why is it so hard at my age? Everyone says that gym is a bad idea.. the bar is a bad idea, workplace is off limits, etc. You can't approach a woman at the park because you will ...

A.   18 November 2017: OP, don't give up on online dating. You're frustrated, I get it, but that's just life. Dating is about testing the waters until it works. Volunteer, church, new hobbies, forums of hobbies you have, speed dating, singles events, etc. Your at... (read in full...)

Would this relationship be wrong?

Q.   I've already asked this question but I didn't outback detail in to it so I'm gonna try again! Is it wrong for me to be falling in love with my soon to be step uncle ? I've recently turned 18 and he's recently turned 21. My uncle is marrying ...

A.   18 November 2017: OP, these details could just have been added to your last. The responses won't really change. Just tell your family - don't hide it. Keeping any relationship a secret is a bad idea. As for sex, he may not have mentioned it yet, but please make ... (read in full...)

How do I tell him his breath smells?

Q.   I am seeing the most amazing person I have ever met, but I have a problem. His breath always smells and I have no idea how to bring this sensitive subject up without hurting his feelings. I did not notice it at first, but recently I have become ...

A.   18 November 2017: I think it's a good idea to do some research into constant bad breath and halitosis. Then, approach the subject with him and ask if he'd see a pharmacist, dentist or doctor about it.... (read in full...)

How do I make myself more attractive now that I'm out?

Q.   I’ve just accepted that I’m gay, I’ve told friends but not told family yet. There was this one guy I really fancied and I told him I liked him but his got a boyfriend his 32 his bf 22 (will that even work?) Anyway after exploring the gay world......

A.   18 November 2017: Um, let's start with your interest in the 32 year old. He has a boyfriend and you told him anyway? Why? Did you think it would change anything? It's really none of your business whether it will work out with his (what I would consider) borderli... (read in full...)

How to overcome the guilt of dating my friend's ex

Q.   Dear Cupids I met this wonderful man. We have been dating for less than two months but our relationship is moving quite fast. It feels so right and ever-since we dated we have not spent a day without talking to each other. He calls and we mee...

A.   18 November 2017: OP, you are a grown woman. Stop talking about love and marriage, when you've only just begun dating this man. You need to slow things *way* down - not get wrapped up in him like a teenager. You have plenty of time, so enjoy the moments, but don'... (read in full...)

Does this guy who works with the man I'm sleeping with like me?

Q.   Hello, I'm going to make this question as quick as possible haha! About 8 months ago, I got involved with my boss. He has just quit the company the day we slept together, so technically he wasn't my boss anymore that night, but you get t...

A.   17 November 2017: As an addition to my response, your ex-boss only wants sex, so he either wouldn't care that the friend took you out or he'd only "care" because he's possessive, not because he likes you.... (read in full...)

Could this relationship be wrong?

Q.   I am falling in love with my soon to be step uncle and I don't know what to do. Do I end things now before it gets out of hand or do we carry on being like we are and tell people about us ? Is it forbidden to date him ??...

A.   17 November 2017: OP, if you'd have to break up because of it, there's no point carrying on until then, is there? It's just a waste of time and will hurt more. As for the "we're both very mature", please be careful. You can only be as mature as your age allows.... (read in full...)

Does this guy who works with the man I'm sleeping with like me?

Q.   Hello, I'm going to make this question as quick as possible haha! About 8 months ago, I got involved with my boss. He has just quit the company the day we slept together, so technically he wasn't my boss anymore that night, but you get t...

A.   17 November 2017: OP, listen, when you start *thinking* about dating, the FwBs have to stop. Think about it, it comes out that you've been hooking up with someone literally days before or during dating someone - logical or not (because of unspoken exclusiv... (read in full...)

Is it too much to hope that things might work out with my ex?

Q.   My ex text me after a week. After breaking up, briefly getting back together, then breaking up again, my ex text me asking how I was. We'd been having difficulties for a while because I just felt that my bf wasn't giving me any of his time. He was...

A.   16 November 2017: OP, this is familiarity, not love. You're not compatible and you only want him back because you haven't given yourself a chance to move on. You know he won't change and he doesn't need to. The same thing goes for you. You're just not meant to... (read in full...)

How do I tell potential dates that I do not engage in sex outside marriage vows?

Q.   Hi I am going to start online dating . I don’t want to have sex before marriage . I am not virgin I was married before. Mostly folks respect your decision ( not sex before marriage) if you are virgin . If you are not virgin they don’t respect ...

A.   15 November 2017: I'd put it in your messages to each other pre-date, to avoid time wasting. Just say you only partake in sexual intimacy when married. Waiting a few dates before saying it isn't likely to waste time because most people don't want what you want and... (read in full...)

Should I tell my daughter about her biological father?

Q.   This is a family question, my daughter doesn't know who her biological father is but from the time she was a baby my boy friend has been her dad and plans on adopting her. She knows that he's not her bio dad. Her bio dad had his rights terminated, ...

A.   15 November 2017: Honeypie is totally right. Make it age-appropriate. Don't tell her his crime until she's old enough to understand - i.e 15 or so. Until then, keep it simple. First name only. Basic description that fits lots of other men. Explain this to your fam... (read in full...)

Accepted a job but I feel over qualified

Q.   Hi. I have done my postgraduation in biotech in 2014. Since then till now at end of 2017, I am continuously giving interviews for research post. As some people may know, there are very less jobs in biotech in India and that too ask for NET ...

A.   14 November 2017: I feel that millennials are too often judged based on the few who are arrogant and entitled, WiseOwlE ;) OP, in the nicest possible way, you need to grow up and knock yourself down a peg or two. Being snobby about "dignity" is a bad trait to hav... (read in full...)

Mum kept hitting me with a shoe

Q.   I can't talk to my mum and I think she's being abusive. So this is the thing right. My mum just loses it all the time. It's like there's a war going on in my house. It always happens when I come home from school. We just yell at each other. She ...

A.   14 November 2017: You mother was definitely wrong to do that. However, you aren't helping your case. Chores are a shared responsibility. We often need to get them out of the way, like homework, before doing our own things. Learn to hold your tongue - it's useful th... (read in full...)

My housemate keeps having sex in our shared spaces and I don't like it.

Q.   My housemate keeps having sex/foreplay with her boyfriend in our shared living spaces, like the living room etc. She tells me and laughs about it, but I actually find it so disrespectful and it makes me quite angry how she disregards my comfort ...

A.   13 November 2017: Speak to her one more time and, if it continues, tell your housemates and make sure they're on the same page - as in no sex in the shared spaces. If they don't like it either, then you can all say something. It's just gross and disrespe... (read in full...)

Is $3000 too cheap for an engagement ring for a high maintenance girlfriend given my income and background?

Q.   Hi, I would appreciate if you can help me with my question. If a guy is a university professor, in his mid 40s with some debt from divorce, planning to propose to his high maintenance girlfriend who is beautiful and highly educated do you think ...

A.   13 November 2017: How old is your girlfriend? If she expects you to spend more than $1000 on a ring, she's really not worth marrying because she's TOO materialistic. She'd be after your money, not you, and wouldn't stick by you if you lost most of your money. ... (read in full...)

My sister's boyfriend kissed me and now we've been making out behind her back!

Q.   My sisters boyfriend kissed me what should I do?? I’m 15 years old and my sisters boyfriend is 19 they’ve been dating for about a year I’ve known him as long as she has known him. This all started about 3 months ago when he started grabbing...

A.   13 November 2017: There are two main points here, but the most important is that no decent adult will touch a minor inappropriately, let alone kiss one! He is a creep. Secondly, you should stay away from him - for the above reason and that you're old enough t... (read in full...)

Led into a fantasy and I like it

Q.   The other night after having sex my girlfriend told me she wanted to do it again but that this time I could do whatever I wanted to her and she would let me. She said she would be my whore for the rest of the night. When we started up again she...

A.   12 November 2017: First of all, you need to have a safe word established IMMEDIATELY. You can't safely explore kinks without a safe word, as "no" is often ignored, so it needs to be something you WILL NOT, under any circumstances, ignore and will instantly stop. Make ... (read in full...)

My housemate keeps having sex in our shared spaces and I don't like it.

Q.   My housemate keeps having sex/foreplay with her boyfriend in our shared living spaces, like the living room etc. She tells me and laughs about it, but I actually find it so disrespectful and it makes me quite angry how she disregards my comfort ...

A.   12 November 2017: Tell her, in no uncertain terms, that the shared spaces are off-limits to all of you, when it comes to sexual activity and that she needs to respect that. If she does it again, bring it to the attention of your other housemates.... (read in full...)

How much does having a girlfriend actually cost?

Q.   So, I was telling my roommate about my plans to build a new computer and media center for the living room, and he told me I should get a girlfriend (instead of appreciating my contributions to the house). While he might or might not be right, I ...

A.   12 November 2017: OP, there's no formula to work this out. For a few dates, you may be paying for it all, but you may go dutch or swap who pays when. You say you understand it depends on the lifestyle, but you still expect an answer. You go for coffee or a pi... (read in full...)

I am the mother of five young girls and just found my boyfriend looking at teen girl porn

Q.   My boyfriend is looking teen porn almost every day. He promised me a couple months ago to never do it again when I found stuff that looked WAY too young and wrong. I about had a break down because I have 5 girls almost ready to be teenagers. How is ...

A.   12 November 2017: OP, I agree. Anyone who gets turned on by minors, even if it's 18 year olds resembling minors, then I think it's dangerous. Having fantasies is okay, but not about minors.... (read in full...)

I am the mother of five young girls and just found my boyfriend looking at teen girl porn

Q.   My boyfriend is looking teen porn almost every day. He promised me a couple months ago to never do it again when I found stuff that looked WAY too young and wrong. I about had a break down because I have 5 girls almost ready to be teenagers. How is ...

A.   11 November 2017: OP, 24 is a bit young for a more mature woman. However, you're still missing the fact that staying single to avoid having a man in the house (as a single parent, not now) is irrational. Nobody would have step-parents if single mothers never ha... (read in full...)

He wants to finger me but we don't want to have sex

Q.   Hey am just 20 and my boyfriend wants to finger me... But we don't want to have sex... Is it OK... Or possible.. ...

A.   11 November 2017: Please do some research on sex education. You need to know how your body works and how men's bodies works. You also need to know how to have safe sex (eventually) and avoid pregnancy and diseases. That is very important. As for him doing that to ... (read in full...)

I am the mother of five young girls and just found my boyfriend looking at teen girl porn

Q.   My boyfriend is looking teen porn almost every day. He promised me a couple months ago to never do it again when I found stuff that looked WAY too young and wrong. I about had a break down because I have 5 girls almost ready to be teenagers. How is ...

A.   11 November 2017: Call the authorities to protect him from himself, if you believe that he's suicidal. Don't keep in contact with him, but warn the police that he's threatened suicide. How old was he? Anyway, please don't let this deter you from dating. You've f... (read in full...)

I am the mother of five young girls and just found my boyfriend looking at teen girl porn

Q.   My boyfriend is looking teen porn almost every day. He promised me a couple months ago to never do it again when I found stuff that looked WAY too young and wrong. I about had a break down because I have 5 girls almost ready to be teenagers. How is ...

A.   9 November 2017: I'm with Honeypie - deal breaker for me. Legal porn is one thing, but under 18s is completely different. I also can't stand that adults deliberately watch 18 year olds who look younger because it's perverted to me. Your daughters should come fir... (read in full...)

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