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*ndie's Thoughts agony aunt

*ndie's Thoughts

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*ndie's Thoughts's profile:

I'm Andie and I'm surviving life until I can really start to live it :)

Karma does happen:

My dad was a married woman's other guy for only a few weeks (about a decade before my mum met him), then realised he wasn't okay with helping her betray her husband. His friend became her other guy, husband came home while they were at it, the guy jumped out of the window and the husband knew, so grabbed a bicycle, chased him and punched him once, going 20mph, so it knocked him out. A couple of relationships later, after getting £15,000 in debt to help a woman leave her abusive husband and getting in a relationship with her, my dad came back from a holiday with his parents and found her with another guy.

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My husband's behaviour towards my daughters has grown terrible

Q.   I’ve been with my husband for 8 years. We have a 3 year old child together and I have two girls from a previous relationship ages 9 and 10 who don’t see their biological dad. When my husband and I first got together he was excellent with my girls an...

A.   24 June 2019: Children first. Personally, if you keep telling him and he’s not changing, I’d tell him bluntly: “Either you stop or we’re gone because I will not have my girls being treated unfairly. They were part of the deal when we got together and have become ... (read in full...)

I lied to my ex boyfriend about my pregnancy

Q.   i lied to my ex boyfriend about my pregnancy and i wanna now how i can get him to talk to me again its so hard not to think about him i can't get no sleep at night cause all i do is think about him what should i do i need help....

A.   23 June 2019: OP, please consider that your post tells us nothing. We can't advise you because your post doesn't make sense. Did you lie: - saying you were pregnant, but you weren't? - saying you weren't pregnant, but you are? - saying you weren't pr... (read in full...)

My ex gave me money with no strings attached to buy land but my husband is upset

Q.   I have been married for four years... But we stay in our father inlaws house. My husband has a job but doesn't know how to manage his finances..so we haven't invested much. More so his growing old and is to retire in the next 10years. We have two ...

A.   23 June 2019: You were wrong, yes. IF your husband is financially irresponsible, the money should be in your or your child's name - where he can't use it. That said, you shouldn't have gone to an EX-PARTNER for money. It's SUSPICIOUS that a man would give you ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend expects me to cut his family's hair for free since I will soon be a hairdresser

Q.   I'm about to qualify as a hairdresser and my bf if expects me to cut his families hair for free otherwise he says it will be awkward? He has a large family and I've spent nearly a year and half working for apprenticeship wage. Am I right to be ...

A.   23 June 2019: "Sorry, Honey, but hairdressers don't work for free, even for family. Nobody works for free and I can't afford to either." If you want, you can offer discounted rates for their FIRST haircut for you or ONE free hair cut per person in his IMMEDIAT... (read in full...)

I am in love with my cousin that is 10 years older than me

Q.   I just wanna let u know I’m 17 and my cousin she’s 27! I know this is going to sound like a very crazy story and looking at the ages I know. Me and my cousin love to mess with each other it’s our??? thing! As time went I had feelings for her and ...

A.   23 June 2019: You're just hormonal, OP. Sex and kisses don't make feelings go away; they make them stronger. You can't be with her, so you move on like you would if it was any other girl, with the addition of reminding yourself that she's family and off-limi... (read in full...)

We are both married but how do I let go of this man who is my real love?

Q.   This is going to sound ridiculous and like me and this other person are the worst people in the world. I am married, but separated and this man is married with kids. We have been talking for quite some time now. We have never done anything sexually ...

A.   23 June 2019: OP, when we do something that hurts or betrays others, feeling judged is part of the consequences. On here, most of us will judge the actions, not the person. It’s rare that someone on here who cheated/cheats actually takes full responsibility for ... (read in full...)

Why does a man with a perfect girlfriend still feel the need to have sex with someone else?

Q.   I'd like to know WHY a man can have sex with two women at the same time? I don't mean a threesome. But having two sexual relationships concurrently. One of the relationships is with a woman he's been with for 6 years and he supposedly loves...

A.   22 June 2019: She is enough - he’s just an idiot. People cheat because they can, not because they “need” to. The real question here is why someone would stay with a partner who cheats, if they know it’s happening/happened.... (read in full...)

They are both my friends do I tell her that he's going to a swingers club?

Q.   Hi everyone, Around a year ago I found my very close friend on a popular swingers site. He’s my best mate and I’m also pretty close with his girlfriend. They’ve been together for a few years now and have a serious relationship, house, engageme...

A.   22 June 2019: If she’s being cheated on, she deserves to know, but it may be an arrangement they have that you don’t know about or he could just be joking. Screenshot what he said and ask him about it “just out of curiosity”. Try to sound genuinely interest... (read in full...)

We are both married but how do I let go of this man who is my real love?

Q.   This is going to sound ridiculous and like me and this other person are the worst people in the world. I am married, but separated and this man is married with kids. We have been talking for quite some time now. We have never done anything sexually ...

A.   22 June 2019: Remember that there is more than one person out there for everyone. If there wasn’t, nobody would get remarried or find love after becoming a widow/widower. Get the divorce finalised and cut all contact with this man or it will stop you moving o... (read in full...)

Do I give up my baby dream

Q.   I joined a dating site last year and after a few bad dates i found a guy that was perfect we had several dates loads in common enjoy each others company but he decided to tell me hed rather be friends with benefits. I agreed but now im unsure what ...

A.   21 June 2019: OP, how long are you going to wait before using a sperm donor? The little family unit may not be on the cards in the way you’ve imagined. If you can afford to have a baby on your own, then you don’t need to give up on the baby dream. I’m not sayi... (read in full...)

Do I tell my husband that his adult daughter is putting terrible things about him on social media?

Q.   Do I tell my husband or not that his adult daughter is putting nasty things on social media about him, things like he's not been around for years and other horrible stuff, which is untrue we took her out for dinner last weekend! I am assuming it's ...

A.   21 June 2019: I’d leave it. They have to work things out themselves. She’s venting about something, presumably from before you were on the scene, and it’s their job to communicate it.... (read in full...)

I just want my husband to pay attention to me and not stare at other women

Q.   I am a middle age woman of 48, my husband is 52. I have a very low opinion of myself and have cheated on my husband because he as looked at porn and been on dating sites in the past and I think he as cheated on me too. I need lots of attention ...

A.   21 June 2019: OP, your marriage is really toxic. You’re nitpicking smaller stuff because you’re not happy overall. A name tattoo is meaningless - it doesn’t mean he loves you more or less. Renewing vows is a little more significant, but it doesn’t guarantee love ... (read in full...)

I just want my husband to pay attention to me and not stare at other women

Q.   I am a middle age woman of 48, my husband is 52. I have a very low opinion of myself and have cheated on my husband because he as looked at porn and been on dating sites in the past and I think he as cheated on me too. I need lots of attention ...

A.   19 June 2019: You need marriage counselling or divorce. Personally, I'd leave him because you're both toxic and need a fresh start to work on yourselves before trying to be with anyone else. Cheating is not excused by poor self-esteem and a lack of attentio... (read in full...)

Why doesn't my husband address me as his wife?

Q.   Hello and thank you My husband addresses me as his girl , his babe, his baby on social media but never his wife. We are legally married. I'm not sure of I'm over thinking or getting upset over the title. His girl to me means girlfriend. I ha...

A.   19 June 2019: Personally, I think you’re overreacting. They’re just the typical nicknames, even for spouses. It’s also just social media - your family/friends should be the only people on there that you care about and they should know you’re married after the ... (read in full...)

Are straight people welcome in gay clubs or not?

Q.   Recently my gay friend invited me to accompany him to the gay club. I'm straight and I was kind of in two minds about it. I'm not homophobic at all but somehow I felt like I don't belong in there and as a straight person, I shouldn't occupy places ...

A.   18 June 2019: Like anything, some people accept it and others don’t. Frequenting them regularly isn’t usually a good idea, but going occasionally with a gay friend seems fine. I also don’t think you need to tell people you’re straight, just that you’re not ... (read in full...)

I am upset that my friend is moving and I don't know what to say to her

Q.   I'm in a really bad mood with my friend because she is moving. She is going to her bfs country to visit family. I haven't spoke to her in a few weeks because I'm really annoyed and I don't want to lose my friend but I know she will go and I don't ...

A.   18 June 2019: Therapy isn’t always needed, WiseowlE, but we shouldn’t dismiss the suggestion of it if the person is struggling because we don’t know of underlying issues they may have. If someone is finding it unusually hard to “summon up maturity” and “press ... (read in full...)

I've fallen in love with a woman 30 years younger than me with a boyfriend

Q.   I fell in love with a woman 30 years younger than me i behave she is my true love we have spend hours talking about everything but she treats me like a dad i think about her day and night her a boy friend\ fiance lives with her he hurts and abuse ...

A.   17 June 2019: WiseowlE, the OP may need to “get a grip”, but he does need therapy if he “can’t see how inappropriate, absurd and creepy his INFATUATION with her is, regardless of how innocent he feels it is”. That means if he “can’t” or doesn’t want to “get a ... (read in full...)

Should I stay and see how we can manage this for the sake of love or should I walk away?

Q.   Hi there, I am in a very difficult situation right now, due to the fact that my boyfriend is dealing with something very hard for him, my boyfriend is older than (quite older) I am 30, he is 47, he is divorced from 6 years ago, he came to this ...

A.   17 June 2019: OP, you’re at a great time in your life to find someone nearer your age with little drama (if any) who wants similar things in life. This guy seems like he will always be attached to his ex-wife because he promised his dad, as well as things just ... (read in full...)

I am upset that my friend is moving and I don't know what to say to her

Q.   I'm in a really bad mood with my friend because she is moving. She is going to her bfs country to visit family. I haven't spoke to her in a few weeks because I'm really annoyed and I don't want to lose my friend but I know she will go and I don't ...

A.   17 June 2019: OP, I understand that you’re sad about losing your friend, but you’re not being a good friend. Most friends support each other through this time, not ignore them for weeks! You also just say she is going to his country to visit family.... is she m... (read in full...)

I've fallen in love with a woman 30 years younger than me with a boyfriend

Q.   I fell in love with a woman 30 years younger than me i behave she is my true love we have spend hours talking about everything but she treats me like a dad i think about her day and night her a boy friend\ fiance lives with her he hurts and abuse ...

A.   17 June 2019: You don’t love her. She’s barely into adulthood - THAT is why you’re her dad figure. Stop talking to her and, in the nicest possible way, grow up. It’s not realistic to genuinely believe you’re in love with her. You’re infatuated because she’s yo... (read in full...)

I think my boyfriend is cheating and lying to me

Q.   hello to all ill try to make this long story short, i am in love with a man whom ive been with for two years, we have had some break ups along the way because he was unfaithful and got someone pregnant, he wanted to work things out so he asked for ...

A.   14 June 2019: Why do you care if he’s cheated now? You accepted it before. OP, if you don’t want a partner who cheats, don’t stay with someone who has already cheated. There shouldn’t be break ups or cheating in a relationship, let alone one that’s only two... (read in full...)

I broke it off with my lover but miss him terribly.

Q.   I am in a marriage and I’m very very happy with my husband we’ve been together for the past 20 years, we decided that due to our own dysfunctional upbringings we would create a wonderful loving safe environment for us and our children to live in ...

A.   14 June 2019: OP, you’re not in a very happy and loving place with your husband. If you were, you wouldn’t have cheated for FIVE YEARS. You also wouldn’t be calling someone else the “love of your life”. I’m truly sorry that your husband’s medical condition means ... (read in full...)

I'd like to date my friend but worried about losing his friendship

Q.   I like this guy. I play tennis with him so I am around him pretty much all day every day especially because it's summer. He has shown lots of signs that he's into me but I guess I'm just scared to lose him as a friend if I get rejected. I want to ...

A.   14 June 2019: All I’ll add to what the others have said is that many people in their 20s and up still have friends from when they were teenagers, but very few are still with the boyfriends/girlfriends they had as teenagers. If you value your friendsh... (read in full...)

I never get what I ask for from my husband

Q.   My marriage is in trouble and I need help. I have been married 4 years and we have a little boy together. My husband is a nice man, does provide, makes tea and tells me he loves me. But, he doesn’t listen or take action. For example, we have...

A.   13 June 2019: I honestly think you need to put off trying for another baby for a while. Marriages need to be stable before adding more children. Even if he does want another child, this stress won’t be helping either of you. Now is clearly not the right time to ... (read in full...)

My husband had a sexual fling while I was mourning the loss of my father. How do I get past this?

Q.   My father died last year. It was a tough time for me and still is. We were very close. I found out recently that my husband of 6 years was having a "fling" with an old friend while I was mourning my dad's loss. It wasn't a full blown affair. It was ...

A.   13 June 2019: Oh, I’m truly sorry to have to add this, but you need to get tested for diseases that he may have got from her and given to you. I’m so sorry for your loss and I wouldn’t advise you stay with him, but do think you need counselling to help you deal... (read in full...)

How do I deal with post-breakup loneliness?

Q.   My ex-fiance and I were together for three years. I was very upset and lost shortly after the breakup. However, as soon as I moved out a few days later, I was neutral/happy. The pressure had been lifted and this neutral/lighthearted feeling lasted ...

A.   13 June 2019: I think gaming online would be a good idea. You’re on your own, but you can talk with new teams every time, on certain games and consoles. It gives you a chance to have basic conversations with some people, which can help with loneliness. You just ... (read in full...)

Why am I always the runner up?

Q.   Why am I always runner up? I don't date much - in fact in the last few years I hardly dated at all, but the last three men I was involved with all chose someone else over me. The first went back to his ex, the second chose to date my friend instead ...

A.   13 June 2019: This is what guys day about “nice guys and bad guys”. It’s a load of rubbish for the most part, especially past 21. Confidence helps, but pushy or arrogant won’t hold a relationship. If you think about law of averages, OP, think about how many men... (read in full...)

I feel I have no say in how we spend our holidays becuase I have no family

Q.   I wrote last week about going on holiday to see my partner's family and the fact that we had to keep to schedule and had no time alone even though I was ill. I appreciate everyone's advice. Some said I should have my own staycation meaning stay at ...

A.   13 June 2019: OP, you don’t have to be with someone with no family; you have to be with someone who’s family is in the UK and who doesn’t want to move to another country. You’re just not compatible with your partner in terms of future plans and now he’s ... (read in full...)

My husband had a sexual fling while I was mourning the loss of my father. How do I get past this?

Q.   My father died last year. It was a tough time for me and still is. We were very close. I found out recently that my husband of 6 years was having a "fling" with an old friend while I was mourning my dad's loss. It wasn't a full blown affair. It was ...

A.   12 June 2019: “Forgive, don’t forget”. Basically, he CHOSE to cheat on you. He knew what he was doing. Forgive him, but don’t stay because there’s no excuse. That’s what I’d advise, anyway. You deserve better and CAN find better.... (read in full...)

Why did I panic in the middle of our BDSM thing?

Q.   My husband and I are new to BDSM and have been experimenting a lot the last couple months. Last night after he did his thing he was pushing to try and get me to finish (which hasn't happened yet). I was liking what he was doing but started getting a ...

A.   11 June 2019: If you were raped, then BDSM has to be taken extremely slowly! Please get counselling if you aren’t already to help you heal.... (read in full...)

He doesn't have the guts to fully accept me in his life yet won't let go of me

Q.   Please could somebody help with the below before I lose my mind? I apologise in advance if this gets long winded! I’ve been with my partner 8 years. There is a 15 year age gap - he was divorcing when we met and his family frowned upon this. For t...

A.   10 June 2019: “They know I exist but they don’t like me so he denies we are an item.” You should have left after a year of that. Why on earth have you wasted 8 years of your life on this man? The only escape route IS to pack your bag and take your child. T... (read in full...)

Why did I panic in the middle of our BDSM thing?

Q.   My husband and I are new to BDSM and have been experimenting a lot the last couple months. Last night after he did his thing he was pushing to try and get me to finish (which hasn't happened yet). I was liking what he was doing but started getting a ...

A.   10 June 2019: You’re not being ridiculous. You both did the right thing by respecting your limits. It can be a lot psychologically to start BDSM. You can keep trying every now and then or perhaps find out that it’s not for you in reality. Maybe find a forum fo... (read in full...)

LDR girlfriend got drunk at a club and can't remember anything

Q.   Dear all I've been in a relationship for nearly 3 years and during that time nothing bad has happened, it's been pretty good mostly. At the moment it is long distance and has been this way for 6 months. My girlfriend went to an exhibition ...

A.   9 June 2019: You don't have much choice. You have to go with your gut. It sounds suspicious, but being raped when drunk isn't unusual. Do you think she's the type of person who would use this to cover her tracks? Does it sound like she's telling you to preempt ... (read in full...)

Is it possible for beauty to love the beast?

Q.   I am posting this question partly out of my own insecurities but also because some people are talking behind my back. I am a virgin who is in his first relationship. My girlfriend is a friend from school who got divorced not too long ago. I used to ...

A.   8 June 2019: A website called "beautifulpeople.com" is MEANT to be shallow, hence the URL. Most people would get kicked out for not being model-like. That doesn't mean you're "more ugly" than the average person. Ignore her family. Attractiveness to others i... (read in full...)

Our vacation centers always around my boyfriend

Q.   I've been with my bf for nearly 5 years. He's from a different country so we don't get to go on vacation unless it's to see his friends and family. I don't mind but when we do go we don't get time to relax. I've gotten sick on this trip to the point ...

A.   8 June 2019: I'm not sure how this relationship will work out because your boyfriend doesn't seem very considerate of you if he's still telling you to stick to schedule when you're ill. He can go see them while you recuperate (or do your own thing when not ill). ... (read in full...)

What do I do inbetween therapy sessions?

Q.   What do I do in between therapy sessions? I know life goes in per usual but I feel so lost. During therapy, everything seems to make sense, we are getting closer to solving the puzzle. I am still in process of telling my therapist my life story and ...

A.   8 June 2019: Well done for going to therapy! Almost everyone could benefit from a good therapist at some point in their lives, even therapists themselves :) Find a new hobby that is free or affordable. Try new things that will help you build up what you like... (read in full...)

My boyfriend treats me like glass since I'm a virgin

Q.   Hi y’all. I’ve taken some of your advice to put myself out there and date and get to know a guy. He’s actually a classmate of mine and my friends set us up. We’ve been dating for for a while but he treats me differently. The conversation of sex c...

A.   7 June 2019: Well done, OP. I disagree with a certain response because it’s dismissive and judgemental, so I’m glad you’ve asserted yourself and accepted that you deserve better. It’s great when a guy respects you, virginity or not, but going on about it and ... (read in full...)

Crushing on the Walmart guy!

Q.   I'm going to try and keep this as short as possible! I have been single for almost 4 years. I haven't dated anyone I just haven't found anyone that I'm interested in until now. A few months ago I seen this guy that works at my local Walmar...

A.   7 June 2019: That’s great, just go slow. Him already knowing your daughter’s dad isn’t always a good thing and he’s still a new guy, so no more “the one” stuff.... (read in full...)

Abusive actions, abusive words, messaging other women—I feel I just don’t know him anymore!

Q.   Hi, I’ve been with my boyfriend for over 8years. We have talked about marriage and having children and settling down. We currently live together. For the past few months however I just haven’t been happy. We’ve been arguing a lot and we just feel...

A.   6 June 2019: I'll give you two examples to think about. It may seem long and irrelevant, but bear with it. A is 29. She has been with D for 12 years. He cheated once when they were about 17, so they broke up, but not for long and he hasn't cheated again (a... (read in full...)

Is he wanting my home number?

Q.   Ok so I have a strong attraction for a much younger junior guy in my line of work. We get on well, are both single and have a definite chemistry (e.g. laughs and jokes, tease each other etc) and although I look quite good for my age, I feel I'm ...

A.   6 June 2019: "Don't sh*t where you eat".... What will happen if you ask him out and he's not interested or if you try to date and it doesn't work out? Are you happy to change jobs and/or be the centre of office gossip? Some people do meet their partners at work, ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend treats me like glass since I'm a virgin

Q.   Hi y’all. I’ve taken some of your advice to put myself out there and date and get to know a guy. He’s actually a classmate of mine and my friends set us up. We’ve been dating for for a while but he treats me differently. The conversation of sex c...

A.   6 June 2019: Waiting a while is a good idea whether you’re a virgin or not, but him constantly going on about you being unique/special purely based on that is a little odd. If you plan to be in a relationship and possibly have sex with a partner, you HAVE to be ... (read in full...)

Is it possible for beauty to love the beast?

Q.   I am posting this question partly out of my own insecurities but also because some people are talking behind my back. I am a virgin who is in his first relationship. My girlfriend is a friend from school who got divorced not too long ago. I used to ...

A.   5 June 2019: Looks fade. Love for the person keeps it going. COMMUNICATE. She’s with you for a reason. If she’s not a bitch, she’s unlikely to be with you for money. Time to establish what you both want sexually because she may be feeling the same thing. The ... (read in full...)

Crushing on the Walmart guy!

Q.   I'm going to try and keep this as short as possible! I have been single for almost 4 years. I haven't dated anyone I just haven't found anyone that I'm interested in until now. A few months ago I seen this guy that works at my local Walmar...

A.   5 June 2019: OP, time for a single mothers’ group. He’s not the one. You don’t KNOW him. You need to stop rushing off into fantasies because it’s not good for you or your child. You’re an adult and a mother - those things both mean you need to stop allowing ... (read in full...)

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