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*ndie's Thoughts agony aunt

*ndie's Thoughts

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*ndie's Thoughts's profile:

I'm Andie and I'm surviving life until I can really start to live it :)

Karma does happen:

My dad was a married woman's other guy for only a few weeks (about a decade before my mum met him), then realised he wasn't okay with helping her betray her husband. His friend became her other guy, husband came home while they were at it, the guy jumped out of the window and the husband knew, so grabbed a bicycle, chased him and punched him once, going 20mph, so it knocked him out. A couple of relationships later, after getting £15,000 in debt to help a woman leave her abusive husband and getting in a relationship with her, my dad came back from a holiday with his parents and found her with another guy.

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Teen daughter does not believe me. In your opinion did I do something wrong?

Q.   I'm a single mother of two children. A girl who is 15 and a son who is 11 years old. We had a good life. We would take vacations and go back to our home country to visit every year. They both attend private Christian schools. Five years ago I di...

A.   26 February 2017: Your children will need to be exposed to safe sex education when they're 13+ because the more clueless they are, the more likely you are to find yourself being a young grandmother. It's your job as their parent to teach them responsible things, even ... (read in full...)

I care my girl is letting herself go. How can I help?

Q.   Me and my gf been together 4 years. Over the years she has let herself go. I have been encouraging her to keep in shape for over a year. She has been lazy and eats junk all the time. I like to see her happy so if she likes eating, i don't say much. ...

A.   26 February 2017: It's possible it's not just laziness and eating junk - it could be symptoms of something else. For example, your perceived laziness and junk food could be a sign of depression. When complaining, reassurance is needed. Perhaps you're not going to... (read in full...)

Teen daughter does not believe me. In your opinion did I do something wrong?

Q.   I'm a single mother of two children. A girl who is 15 and a son who is 11 years old. We had a good life. We would take vacations and go back to our home country to visit every year. They both attend private Christian schools. Five years ago I di...

A.   25 February 2017: You didn't do anything wrong, but it may go against their rules. Quite honestly, if you have children who want to learn, you don't need them at a private school, just at a good public school. Also, off-topic (but important), what will a Christia... (read in full...)

We've dated for 4 years, but now she doesn't make an effort anymore. What could improve the relationship?

Q.   I am in between a rock and a hard place....I have a girlfriend of 4 years and I feel differently about our relationship to what I used to. I want to talk to my girlfriend about it but she doesn't want to listen! Nor talk...she is pretty closed w...

A.   24 February 2017: You're just not compatible. You want romance and she doesn't, for starters. You need to break up - she won't change and shouldn't have to; you both want different things.... (read in full...)

Would I be betraying my Mom's memory if I get close to Dad's new girlfriend?

Q.   Hello, My name is Bree. 2 years ago my mother died and it has been sad and rough for my Dad and I. When my mom died it really broke my Dad's heart, he loved her so much and misses her, and I miss her too. But last month my Dad told me he met another ...

A.   24 February 2017: She's closer in age to you than your dad, so I think any relationship between you would be more like friends than parental. Honouring your mum's memory is about making her proud of you, not isolating yourself from people your dad may date. Mo... (read in full...)

My best friend hates my boyfriend, I don't want to break up with him for her.

Q.   I have a boyfriend that I love very much, however my best friend hates him and she thinks he's taking me away from her. However I hang round with my best friend a lot more than I do with my boyfriend and she gets very jealous when I'm with him . She ...

A.   24 February 2017: Your relationship likely won't last very long, I'm afraid to say, but that's normal for your age. So is your friend's jealousy. I think what you need to figure out is who you want in your life more. Him? Her? If you choose him and break u... (read in full...)

I like him but worry about his motives.

Q.   Hi so there's this guy that I've had feelings for for a while. I'm 99% sure he at least likes me a little but for some reason I still have some doubt in my mind, which might just be because I'm not use to guys genuinely wanting to get to know etc. ...

A.   24 February 2017: It's possible, but not likely. How old is he? Will his parents be there? I think it's good that you don't want to have sex until you know someone has feelings for you, but I think you should prolong it to being in an official relationship with som... (read in full...)

How do I stop falling in love with my best friend?

Q.   I'm in love with my best friend at college. He's not your average stud bit of a stoner, very clever and it nerdy but probably THE funniest guy I have ever met, I could be having a really shit time and I'd talk to him for like 2 minutes and he puts a ...

A.   23 February 2017: OP, please stop taking drugs and considering one night stands - both are reckless, irresponsible and damaging, especially at such a young age. As for him, rebounding won't help. Understand that you can do better and the crush will fade, but you'... (read in full...)

She's still sharing a bed with her partner of 6 years! What do I do?

Q.   Hi I'm seeing a girl and have been for over 6 months but she's still living with her partner of 6 years ... I did know her before and was common knoledge they were not close ... she promised me she would leave once she got the finance to move out ...

A.   23 February 2017: I can understand not necessarily being able to move out yet, but sharing a bed is a no-no. You *must* leave her. How long have they been broken up? Definitely dial down your feelings; love isn't a good idea with her.... (read in full...)

Sucking on breasts. Is that so enjoyable that it can be described as an act of love and deeply satisfying when between two adults in a relationship?

Q.   Dear Cupids Having experienced the wonder of a female friend breastfeeding her child a question arose. When a woman breastfeeds her child, it's a highly beneficial situation for both of them. Not only in nourishing, but also for bonding, cl...

A.   23 February 2017: It was about if women would want sex-free hook ups or if women daydream about male virgins - either way, my comment still applies to it being a likely result of your upbringing, nudist or not. Nothing inherently "wrong", just odd and not common.... (read in full...)

Sucking on breasts. Is that so enjoyable that it can be described as an act of love and deeply satisfying when between two adults in a relationship?

Q.   Dear Cupids Having experienced the wonder of a female friend breastfeeding her child a question arose. When a woman breastfeeds her child, it's a highly beneficial situation for both of them. Not only in nourishing, but also for bonding, cl...

A.   23 February 2017: I never said a kink was bad, but sucking a breast is more like sucking a toe, than a baby breastfeeding. I remember your posts about a woman wanting to hook up just for foreplay and not sex. Perhaps your family raising you as nudist has adapted ... (read in full...)

Chaotic childhood. Do I leave it ? do I dig further to find out more about my mother?

Q.   My upbringing was somewhat chaotic. my father 19 when he had me and my mother a drug addict. Me and my twin sister were removed from her care at 1 years old and spent sometime in a foster home until a relative fostered us. we were given a little ...

A.   23 February 2017: Drugs are enough. He may not be telling you because he worked hard to leave it in the past. If you know her name, you could Google her or ask your case worker, but I'd stop hassling your dad about it. You may not like what you found, though.... (read in full...)

Sucking on breasts. Is that so enjoyable that it can be described as an act of love and deeply satisfying when between two adults in a relationship?

Q.   Dear Cupids Having experienced the wonder of a female friend breastfeeding her child a question arose. When a woman breastfeeds her child, it's a highly beneficial situation for both of them. Not only in nourishing, but also for bonding, cl...

A.   23 February 2017: I'm very maternal, but not over my boyfriend sucking my breast. You don't have to feel maternal over a man committing a sexual act (sucking your breast) to be a maternal woman. I'm a little maternal over my boyfriend, but not during sex. ... (read in full...)

Sucking on breasts. Is that so enjoyable that it can be described as an act of love and deeply satisfying when between two adults in a relationship?

Q.   Dear Cupids Having experienced the wonder of a female friend breastfeeding her child a question arose. When a woman breastfeeds her child, it's a highly beneficial situation for both of them. Not only in nourishing, but also for bonding, cl...

A.   23 February 2017: Out of curiosity, what is/was your relationship like with your mother? The reason I'm asking is that equating adults sucking on breasts to babies breastfeeding, saying the bond is the same, is a bit unusual and implies there's perhaps a part of ... (read in full...)

Sucking on breasts. Is that so enjoyable that it can be described as an act of love and deeply satisfying when between two adults in a relationship?

Q.   Dear Cupids Having experienced the wonder of a female friend breastfeeding her child a question arose. When a woman breastfeeds her child, it's a highly beneficial situation for both of them. Not only in nourishing, but also for bonding, cl...

A.   23 February 2017: A little bit for foreplay is often enjoyed by most (but not all) women - however, it is sexual. It's closer to sucking on toes than babies breastfeeding. Babies breastfeeding is innocent, but grown adults sucking on breasts is not. It's sexual, ... (read in full...)

Should I stop having sex with my boyfriend???

Q.   Me and my boyfriend have been dating for 9 months. During month 6 he proposed to me the issue I am having is with sex I want enjoy having sex with him but I crave it so much I feel overwhelmed. We don't have sex often because I really want to s...

A.   22 February 2017: Proposing after 6 months is a red flag - it's too soon. You're still new to each other. Also, you can't save "most of sex" for marriage - you've blown that by having sex now. There's nothing wrong with pre-marital sex, but you must use condoms ... (read in full...)

How can this be resolved? I want a Baby. He couldn't think of anything worse.

Q.   My husband told me the other day he never wants to have children. I’m devastated. Don’t get me wrong I love him completely and can appreciate that it’s just how he feels but I feel angry and bitter and am having serious thoughts about leaving him if ...

A.   22 February 2017: I'm so appalled that people actually marry someone before talking about wanting children. Honestly, OP, you have no future with him. Children deserve parents who *want* them, not parents nagged into it. Adults also deserve to be child-fr... (read in full...)

I can't get in contact with my love who has moved on to another country. How can I deal with his absence?

Q.   This boy that I have fallen in love with has moved to Spain and I have no way of getting in touch with him. Although he is back in summer but that's 5 months away. I'm worried he might find another girl whilst he's there and everyday I worry an...

A.   22 February 2017: I'm sorry, OP, but this is not love. Love is mutual and he clearly wanted to get away without telling you. Have you spoken to him? Why did he leave without telling you, unless you were not a part of his life? You should not wait for him; yo... (read in full...)

He looks at naked women online but said he'd leave if I posted nudes of myself!

Q.   I want to post nude pics of myself on an amateur site . It excites me to imagine men getting off to pictures of my naked body . My husband is against it and says he will leave . He looks at other men's wives naked and at porn . Why is it ok for him ...

A.   21 February 2017: You posting nudes of yourself for others to look at is *not* the same as him looking at other people. Him posting pictures of himself nude would be the same as you posting nudes. Watching porn is completely different to posting nudes. It's not... (read in full...)

Is he just being a generous best friend, who loves my company? Or is he in love with me?

Q.   Good morning Aunties, I have a mighty problem I need help with. I am a bisexual man, 33 years of age. I am attracted to this 19 year old guy. He says he doesn't love me as a lover but as a friend. He says he is Christian and that his parent woul...

A.   21 February 2017: OP, you shouldn't *ask* for a break up, you should *tell* him you need to stop talking to him. Don't let him beg you to stay. He needs to move out and you need to move on. Please do not interact with guys so young, next time; he's barely an adult ... (read in full...)

I'm a virgin and a little afraid of sex but I'm worried this guy will want it

Q.   I'm a virgin at the age of 21 and always feel embarrassed talking about it. I've never done anything with a guy... But I've met a guy and we get on well... however I'm afraid of having sex. I don't know why. I just think he will just want that. An...

A.   21 February 2017: If you don't want to feel used: - do not stay over a guy's house unless you want sex; that's what he wants - do not have sexual contact with a guy until you've been officially dating as a couple (boyfriend/girlfriend) for 3+ months If he ... (read in full...)

Am I normal for hoping he could overcome his alcoholism?

Q.   I want to know if I am normal. I have been involved with an alcoholic on/of for ten years. I miss him deeply, like I am vexed. My mind knows the truth but my heart can not get the message. I weigh out the cons but the love I feel and felt outweighs ...

A.   21 February 2017: "He does not see his behavior was out of line" - that's why he won't really change. Please seek therapy because he was no good for you. You don't belong together and you need to understand that. God can't tell you to let go of him, but a therapis... (read in full...)

Is he just being a generous best friend, who loves my company? Or is he in love with me?

Q.   Good morning Aunties, I have a mighty problem I need help with. I am a bisexual man, 33 years of age. I am attracted to this 19 year old guy. He says he doesn't love me as a lover but as a friend. He says he is Christian and that his parent woul...

A.   20 February 2017: You coerced him into giving you oral sex and he didn't want to - you got him drunk; I remember you posting about it. Please, *PLEASE* cut all contact with him. He is immature and still acting like a naive child. You are way too old for him. You... (read in full...)

I fear rejection. Could his actions be a sign that he only wants sex, and nothing more serious ?

Q.   I have been seeing a guy for some time now and it has been amazing and I utterly admire him but the thing is I don't know what we are. He is all sweet and kind and all touchy and shows affections when I'm with him even in public, he is very playful,...

A.   20 February 2017: Don't settle. You need to be mature enough to speak your mind, or you shouldn't be dating/having sex. Ask him where you stand. You don't want to keep what you have; you want more. If you don't want the same thing he does, you have to end it.... (read in full...)

What are the protocols about posting and commenting on the pictures of others on social media? Or am I just being crassly controlling?

Q.   I am coming to social media rather late in life and am confused by the protocols that seem to liberally litter posts with kisses and hearts. So when my girlfriend posts a pic of an event she attended where I wasn't present and someone responds...

A.   20 February 2017: That seems perfectly fine, as long as it's not frequent flirting. Don't let social media cause problems in your relationship.... (read in full...)

Does she still want this wedding?

Q.   Just a quick question? Me and my partner are due to be getting married in october this year not a big expencive one but one we can offord we have put deposits down for most things but now all of a sudden shes saying we cant offord the wedding so i ...

A.   20 February 2017: Try pre-marriage counselling asap, so you can work out what is holding her back.... (read in full...)

I can't get over the thought that he stares at my little sister!

Q.   Hi everyone. I'm writing this as my thoughts are consuming me and ultimately upsetting me and affecting my behaviour with my partner, which I hate. I have been feeling very insecure lately and issues of the past keep popping into my mind and I find ...

A.   20 February 2017: If she's under 18, then there's a problem. If she's over 18, I think you need to seek therapy, so you can learn the difference between staring/glancing in a flirty way and staring/glancing just because it's human nature to look at people.... (read in full...)

I feel betrayed and violated that he's been snooping on me on my phone! There's no reason for him to do this!

Q.   I'm so angry as I write this post and a little confused. I was talking to my boyfriend of 9 years the other day and he asked me about something that happened to one of my friends that I could of swore I never told him, I brushed it off thinking...

A.   20 February 2017: Personally, I couldn't stay with him. If you do snoop, you own up without them asking and apologise. You don't wait until you're caught. Whether you stay with him or not, change every single password. Write them down somewhere privately (on a lo... (read in full...)

How should you say that you're rich, on Tinder?

Q.   I'm not rich, but if a guy were rich, what would be the best way for him to say that he's (seriously) rich on something like Tinder?...

A.   19 February 2017: He wouldn't need Tinder if he was rich. He also shouldn't put it on his profile if it's fake because that's lying. Nor should he put it on there if it's true because he would attract gold diggers or people could catfish him to get him to meet ... (read in full...)

Should I really start planning a future with him?

Q.   Hello! My boyfriend and I are both 20 and met at his hometown in Denmark in October before we took the relationship to long distance. So far he was my first everything-my first kiss, my first boyfriend, and my first time having sex (i don't regret ...

A.   18 February 2017: I think you need to stop planning so far ahead on a new relationship. Slow down *massively*. Secondly, plan to live alone, if you move to Denmark. Too many people go from long distance and not being able to meet regularly, to living together ... (read in full...)

Is he trying to convey something by winking at me?

Q.   Hello there, My co-worker and I were very good friends at work. We had never gone out together, I felt some subtle hints from him. Then we got into major conflicts, he came by to apologize afterward. After that, I backed off and just be another ...

A.   18 February 2017: I agree that it's probably just saying "all's good now", but remember the saying "don't sh*t where you eat", i/e keep it professional at work.... (read in full...)

Feel like I'm never going to be enough for him. Is my husband gay or just into weird stuff ?

Q.   My husband of 12 years has been web camping girls for 8 years about anal play, pegging and being dominated. I just found out and have taking it hard. He has even had advertisements for meeting girls. He says it because he didn't think I would lo...

A.   18 February 2017: You should divorce him, but not because he has kinks, because he's been cheating by camming girls and you don't know him any more. Plenty of hetero men enjoy anal play, so he may or may not be gay. That's actually irrelevant, though.... (read in full...)

I'm scared my girlfriend is going to break up with me because of the distance

Q.   Dear friends Well I'm quite scared my girlfriend will break up with me. I have had three relationships and the previous two both progressed the same way. It was perfect for a while, then they started to criticise me, act a bit cold. Then one day...

A.   18 February 2017: I'm in an LDR and we will have had to be apart for 3 years, seeing each other once a month for two days, with the odd longer visit. Trust me when I say that 4 months is nothing and strong relationships that are meant to be will manage it ... (read in full...)

Help, he dismisses my feelings of rejection and that he's being disloyal!

Q.   I've been with my partner for 3 years now I'm 23 he's 28. We have a 19 month old daughter and lived together almost the whole relationship. Hes never gave me one single compliment but I've got over it thinking he's just not that type of person. But ...

A.   18 February 2017: You need to leave him. Men (and women) who move in too quickly, make babies out of marriage and don't have a job or care for their child are irresponsible wastes of space. They want someone to sponge off of and, unfortunately, you didn't realise ... (read in full...)

Why is my friend touching me this way?

Q.   I have a friend whom I know from 2 months and we became close in a very short while... From few weeks he is touching my sides, hips and breast. What does this mean? ...

A.   18 February 2017: Tell him to stop. Friends should not touch you sexually. If he doesn't stop, don't talk to him any more. He's touching you inappropriately and he may get worse, forcing you to do something you don't want to do. Don't let people touch you like tha... (read in full...)

My family expects me to get married, but I'm more attracted to men and gay marriage isn't an option. How do I convince them I'm not the marrying kind?

Q.   Hi, I'm much more into men physically/sexually speaking. The hitch is that I live in a traditional and homophobic society.My family want me to get married any time soon. How can I "convince" them I'm not the marrying kind, without telling them I'm ...

A.   17 February 2017: Do whatever you need to do to live your life happily, without hurting yourself or someone else. Do not live your life pretending to be straight and never having love because of that.... (read in full...)

I don't feel the 'spark' anymore. Is this reason to break up?

Q.   I am quite young and have been going with a guy for 4 and a half months now. Sometimes i feel really attracted to him and can't wait to spend time with him, but recently i just don't feel that "spark" anymore. However this is definitely not a re...

A.   17 February 2017: I think that, at your age, it's a very good reason to break up. Most teen relationships don't last because it's normal to get bored of things quite quickly. Everything should be age-appropriate and I think this sounds like a fair decision... (read in full...)

My family expects me to get married, but I'm more attracted to men and gay marriage isn't an option. How do I convince them I'm not the marrying kind?

Q.   Hi, I'm much more into men physically/sexually speaking. The hitch is that I live in a traditional and homophobic society.My family want me to get married any time soon. How can I "convince" them I'm not the marrying kind, without telling them I'm ...

A.   17 February 2017: I get that this is a religious/cultural taboo, but are you really going to live your one life for other people? I know it's not the ideal situation, but you could move to a less judgemental place where you can be yourself and live a happy life. Yo... (read in full...)

My boyfriend keeps texting a female co-worker and it's getting inappropriate. Am I overreacting?

Q.   So my boyfriend has a female co-worker. He told me a couple weeks ago that it was pretty obvious to him and a few co-workers that a supervisor was trying to get with this female coworker, let's call her "B". My boyfriend told me that he told B "I ...

A.   17 February 2017: Why can't he be friends with a female co-worker? Having a problem with it is probably why he's hesitant to be upfront because he thinks you'll read too much into it. Men can have friendships with women without anything inappropriate ha... (read in full...)

My boyfriend doesn't like my name

Q.   My boyfriend does not like my name. Of course he is entitled to his opinion about that, but I feel that I am inseparable from my name, and it suits me completely- it IS a big part of me. I asked him the other day over dinner if he liked it when...

A.   17 February 2017: In all fairness, WicketPoet, her boyfriend appears to respect her boundaries, but shouldn't try to force himself to like her name or have to lie about it so she'll stay with him. OP, most people just aren't bothered about names - that doesn't mea... (read in full...)

My boyfriend doesn't like my name

Q.   My boyfriend does not like my name. Of course he is entitled to his opinion about that, but I feel that I am inseparable from my name, and it suits me completely- it IS a big part of me. I asked him the other day over dinner if he liked it when...

A.   17 February 2017: You are not your name. Several other people have your name and the only thing that differentiates you is your personality and your looks. Your name may suit you, but disliking your name is not an issue - it would be hard to find many other people ... (read in full...)

My family expects me to get married, but I'm more attracted to men and gay marriage isn't an option. How do I convince them I'm not the marrying kind?

Q.   Hi, I'm much more into men physically/sexually speaking. The hitch is that I live in a traditional and homophobic society.My family want me to get married any time soon. How can I "convince" them I'm not the marrying kind, without telling them I'm ...

A.   17 February 2017: "I appreciate your concern, but I will not be getting married any time soon, regardless of how often you bring it up." Without sounding harsh, you are nearly 35 and need to be firm that your life is your own because you are a grown man. Just kee... (read in full...)

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