A
female
age
18-21,
anonymous
writes:Hi,Im 17 and Ive recently come into contact with a 43 year old man who wants to have sex with me. He's married and Im a virgin. I want to have sex with him but Im worried it's illegal and I'm worried about what people might say if I tell them I lost my virgnity to a man almost the same age as my parents.I really like him though, the only downside is that he is married and much much older.Any advice? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (4 July 2020):
 Hey Lovely,
This is not the way you want your first time to be. Imagine it was your daughter, for a second. Would you be happy she had sex with a married man? Or a man so much older? No. You’d be concerned about how sensible and responsible she is.
You’re still very young, so I know it feels nice to have an adult man interested in you, but he’s preying on young girls, not just you. He’s not a great catch and can’t be trusted if he’ll cheat on his wife.
You’ll feel much better and not used if you wait until you’re in a committed relationship with someone you can trust, who loves YOU and isn’t just looking for a naive teenager to have a sexual fling with.
Please, OP. Don’t do this. It’s a massive red flag if a guy over 25 is interested in a 17 year old - even more so if he’s over 30, let alone over 40!
Don’t start out your sexual life with a married man who you can never trust and doesn’t actually specifically want you. You will regret it, Hun.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2020): Say it all works out and you and him live happily ever-after.
At 22 you fish college and have your first kid, he's 52.
I remember at 32 running a mile behind my kid's bike when the training wheels came off, your guy will be 57. By college years he'll be 72. he'll probably eyeballing her classmates in high school.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2020): You say this guy wants to have sex with you, but believe me he would grab the chance to have sex with any female who is willing and younger. It is not YOU he wants, I doubt he will remember your name later, it is a young female, any young female. There is nothing special or personal about this. Older men who are frustrated or have a non existent or boring sex life dream of having the chance to go with a much younger woman. Most never get the chance. You could be a racist, boring, stupid or only have a year to live and his only interest in you would be well she has two legs, two arms, breasts and a **** I hope she lets me do it. As far as he is concerned he is looking for a living, breathing blow up doll. Don't see this as some sort of honour, it is actually an insult that he thinks this is all you are good for. A decent man would be wanting you to wait until you are in a proper relationship with a single man who cares about you.
Remember also that if this guy was nice and good at sex he would not be struggling to get love and sex off his wife, he would already be well sorted at home. So he will be a big disappointment all round.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2020): He is a pervert and you need to stay away from him. What type of man would cheat on his wife with a teenager? Why would you want a married man to use you to cheat on his wife? And as a guy, he is trying to use you. So, do NOT have sex with him and if possible, cut off all contact with him. And if you do go thru with it, this is an action that you will regret for the rest of your life.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2020): You're a young and impressionable teenager. The idea of an older-man wanting to have sex with you is too exciting; and the fact you are a virgin only adds to the excitement.
As I know most teenagers, the more you tell them not to; the more likely they are going to do exactly what you've warned them not to do. It's like a reflex. A reflex is a movement or reaction that happens without thinking. You are much too excited over this to just not do it.
He has a wife, and you're only a child compared to him. What if his wife finds out? She will be extremely angry, hurt, and upset. Even though you are only a child, she will hate you! I don't really think you care much about that. If you did, it would be enough just to know that. You would have decided not to do anything, without even bothering to write to DC.
What if your dad did such a terrible thing to your mom with one of your friends? Could you forgive him? Would your mom?
She will go to your parents to tell them what happened. All the adults will go completely crazy. Your mom will be furious, and very worried for you! No telling what your angry father might do to that man! They will also be upset with YOU!!! You have to watch-out for yourself when they aren't there to keep an eye on you!
But you're a teenager. Expected to do something to hurt yourself, without even thinking of all the consequences. Then suddenly you'll become the victim once you've done it; and you'll want everybody to feel sorry for you. You are only a child. You don't know what you're doing.
I'm not going to tell you not to do it. I'm going to leave it up to you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2020): Here is my advice OP: Date boys your own age! Stay away from the men who are more than 10yrs your senior, as they are preditors of naive young girls like yourself! NEVER hook up with a married man, who is not your legal husband! Keep your legs together! Just because you see something you want, you have NO RIGHT to steal it: that is right, steal! That husband belongs to his WIFE, not some young kid who has a fire, in her panties! When you get married to the love of your life, will you want YOUR husband screwing some teenaged girl? I think not! So please be merciful, to that wife, and that whole family! We are civilized beings, not animals that get in heat, and then rut with anything! Good luck, and please do the correct thing!
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A
male
reader, stanliwise  +, writes (3 July 2020):
 Wait with this decision for about three years by then you should be 20. Then if you still feel like having the sex then go ahead.
Before then let me give you a hint to the future, by years later you will remember this decision you’re about to make and you will laugh hard how naughty you were then. Your problem is nothing more than youthful exuberance growing wild in you. The best way to deal with life decision is to wait to the moment you are mature for it. In my opinion, you are too young for this kind of decision. You are better leaving it till you are more experienced. Right now concentrate on your education and skill acquisition.
Time for sex topic will come on it on and by then you will understand what exactly to do
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2020): He is a man who is quite happy to betray the woman he married and claimed to love for a 17yr old girl . That is NOT because he loves you believe me . Men like him Prey on younger women and they just want the ego boost . How would you feel when one day after being married to man giving him twenty or so years of your life and probably children he is sneaking around sleeping with 17yr old girls ? What does this tell you about the type of person he is ? So you really think he is deserving of his wife or you? In truth he is nothing but a gross sleaze , don’t waste yourself on something like him , you will forever regret it
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2020): You mention you came into contact with him. Hopefully he is not your teacher or some authority figure.
As a seventeen year old woman with your whole life ahead of you...what are you thinking? It sounds like your inner radar has already kicked in regarding the fact this guy is married. As to your reputation there is no guarantee anyone would know but you would...and you my dear are the most important person here. It is not him and his married self and his wife...but you.
On the chance he is a teacher boards of education and teachers union will likely discipline and possibly fire him if it gets out that this happened.
Now let us get back to you.Forgive me for asking but what do you get out of this. You have the upper hand here as you are free and unfettered. Other posters here allude to your self esteem. You are seventeen...just beginning your life and now is the time when you need to find your goals and aspirations for the future. Do you have an active friend group, involvement in sports or activities?
It sounds like you want to rid yourself of your virginity but my firm advice is to cut contact immediately with this guy. There is nothing good for you in this. You deserve better.
Good Luck
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (2 July 2020):
 Perhaps you should go and ask his wife how she feels about this. Trust me, if you go ahead with this, you are going to regret "giving it away" for the rest of your life because, as soon as he has sex with you, he will lose interest and it will hurt you so much.
Do you not think you are worth better?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2020): My advice... wait and find yourself a guy who is not married and who is nearer to your age. He will not leave his wife and you will end up heartbroken. Cut it off now before you get hurt.
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A
male
reader, kenny + ♥, writes (2 July 2020):
 That's two downsides, yes he is married, and yes he is much older, 26 years older infact.
I think if you go through with this you will regret it later on and come to wish you haden't
The fact is you want to have sex with him because you believe its going to be something deep and meaningful. He want's to have sex with you because of the fact that he will have slept with someone considerable younger than himself and will have given himself an ego boost.
My advice would be to save your virginity, there is absolutely no rush at all, save your self for when you fall in love and that love is reciprocated back.
This older guy will never love you, he will never leave his wife. And you will always be the one who was that girl who slept with someone's husband.
Save yourself all the heartache, and forget this guy and move on. You will 100% regret it if you go through with this.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2020): This is not appropriate AT ALL!!
You say you like this man? So what do you think will happen after you have had sex?
I will tell you. You will become his plaything, someone he uses for sex. He will NOT leave his wife for you. You will continue to fall for him and you will get hurt.
This man is telling you everything you want to hear right now to get you into bed. You like the version of this man he is showing you. Once he has gotten you into bed, his true self will start showing. It will not end well. You are setting yourself up for hurt.
A 43 year old married man should NOT be propersitioning a 17 year old
Girl for sex. Whether it’s illegal or not is irrelevant.
He has a wife. That poor woman has no idea that he wants to cheat on her. Imagine how you would feel if that was your husband.
Your parents would not like it if they found out. A lot of people could get hurt because of this.
Loosing your virginity is not a race. Find a boyfriend your own age, who loves and respects you.
I don’t want to be mean, but I feel like I have to be harsh with you.
Stop talking to this man immediately. He is no good for you. Or this will be something you will really regret.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2020): Are you out of your mind? This SHOULD be illegal, if it’s not in the UK. I personally think 17 is too young for sex and this man is an adulterous predator. Stop talking to him immediately. I don’t think you actually like him— you just like the attention. Or this post is fake (that’s happened a lot on here lately)
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (2 July 2020):
 Growing up and being an adult (which you aren't, YET) is about making good choices, having a set of values and morals to live by, respect, common sense, manners and lastly THINKING before doing.
You are 17. There IS no hurry in having sex. Especially not to the point where you go boink some OLD married dude.
Being young doesn't equal being STUPID. Doesn't mean you can be responsible for your choices and actions.
What exactly is that makes you think this is a good idea? At all? Because HE wants to?
Do you understand what marriage means?
I have a 17 year old daughter (I have 3 16, 17-almost 18 and a 20 year old). And I can tell you this, I would BE so disappointed if any of my girls CHOSE to do this. While for many being a virgin ONLY means having zero experience, the first time and the first person you have sex with will affect the rest of your life. Studies show that MOST women REGRET their choice in partner for their first time.
And who IS this guy that he has the ACTUAL NERVE to tell a 17 year old that he wants to have sex with her? Is he your boss?, coach?, family friend? Who?
Because NO DECENT GROWN ASS man should be preying on a teenager. Especially not a married one. That is absolutely GROSS behavior! Inappropriate behavior!
What do you think this would lead to? IF you did it? Have you thought ahead?
What would it say about you and your ability to make smart choices, you think?
While HE is the adult and SHOULD be capable of making the RIGHT choices, you are NOT without responsibility for YOUR actions.
How do you think his wife would feel about this? Maybe you should ask her? No? Why not? If you think it's OK to have sex with someone else husband, wouldn't it be ok to talk to the wife about it?
While he has made no marriage vows to YOU, he has made those to his wife.
My advice, (which all depends on who this man is in relationship to you) IS to SHUT this down. SAVE your first time for someone who is ACTUALLY worth of YOUR affections and intimacy. YOU will regret this if you go through with it. It's NOT the smart thing to do.
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