| Latest articles: How to avoid being used financially
This question has 13 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 October 2010: I have tried to keep my relationship problems away from this site as I do not want my advice to be assosiated to my own questions. However I have now learned an important lesson that I want to share with the rest of you, in the hopes that you will ...
What I've learned from my family.
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
14 June 2010: In order for aunts and question askers to see who they are getting advice from, I will continue to write some more about me, and where I come from. The things that I draw on when giving advice, what type of experience I have in life. This arti...
How one person changed my life
This question has 12 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
8 June 2010: I've been an aunt on this site now for quite a while, at first I started as an anonymous, until I finally took the step to make an account and dare to be identified somewhat. As I've gotten to know a few people on here, albeit still strangers ...
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I can't afford to pay every time we go out. What's the best way to let her know?
Q. Hi. So I asked someone out and we had dinner and I payed, which I was happy to do. I've asked her out again for a coffee and she said yes. The thing is I just can't afford to pay for her every time we go out. I don't know if she'll be expecting me ...
A. 28 July 2012: I don't think you should offer to pay the next few times if that's not something you want to keep doing. Women aren't mind readers any more than men are you know. If you continuously offer to pay then she will think you WANT to pay. Some men do feel ... (read in full...)
I can't afford to pay every time we go out. What's the best way to let her know?
Q. Hi. So I asked someone out and we had dinner and I payed, which I was happy to do. I've asked her out again for a coffee and she said yes. The thing is I just can't afford to pay for her every time we go out. I don't know if she'll be expecting me ...
A. 26 July 2012: If you've been paying all this time then she will expect you to pay again, no doubt. But just tell her beforehand that you'd like to go out again, and then before you order anything ask her if she wouldn't mind splitting the bill.
I have to ask t... (read in full...)
How do you bring up mental illness in a delicate way?
Q. I always thought something was off with my BF until recently when I found out for sure there's something very off. I found tiny, secret cameras hidden in small holes all over our apartment, my mail was opened by him, and I think he records my ...
A. 26 July 2012: End the relationship and be honest about why. That way he gets an initiative to seek help. If you stay with him regardless he wont feel a need to seek help. If you leave without saying why, he might not grasp that you caught him, and will continue ... (read in full...)
Ladies: What Keeps A Guy Out Your Friend Zone?
Q. I've noticed that some guys sabotage their own luck with women, and may not know it. What they do to woo a woman, can sometimes end up friendzoning him instead. Outside physical attraction (which may be outside your control), what things can a guy...
A. 26 July 2012: I'm not sure what you mean, because in my experience the "friendzone" thing is just BS. Like it's been argued so many times: men and women don't stay just friends when there's a sexual attraction for one or the other. Girls are more likely to think ... (read in full...)
Would you want to know if your partner was cheating?
Q. If you were in love and in a happy relationship and you been togather for along time, If you could chose to find out for certin if you were being cheated on would you? Or would you just continue the happy relationship with out knowing for certin? ...
A. 25 July 2012: I'd want to know. I'd want to know that my happy relationship was TRUE, and not just a LIE. I wouldn't want to be in a fake happy relationship.
Betraying someone is the worst thing you can do to another. Yes, I'd want to know if I was throwing... (read in full...)
Am I being unnecesarily jealous or do I have a valid point about her fling from the past contacting her?
Q. Hi all, I'm hoping to receive some impartial advice on a problem I'm experiencing ATM. Been with my GF now for over a year and living with each other for a month. While on holiday it came to my attention that a guy she had 'fun' with between h...
A. 25 July 2012: You need to be more clear about your point here. What exactly do you want her to do? What exactly is crossing the line here for you? You can't prevent him contacting her. Is she responding back, is that the problem? Has she agreed to meet him, are ... (read in full...)
She's my Dream Girl. But I'm consumed with jealousy over her past. Can someone help me resolve this huge problem?
Q. how do I stop thinking about my Girlfriends past and make sure its not the end of our future? I looked at many sites about guys on this subject but Wow all these dudes think they got it bad with like girlfriends having 3-4 partners more then th...
A. 25 July 2012: A, the issue is inside of your mind. The way you think about it, the very ideas you choose to believe in, are what's preventing you from enjoying your life with her.
Her "sacred" body you call it. No. Not sacred. HER body. Not her SACRED body. Th... (read in full...)
Did I do the right thing? He cheated, and he asked me to tell him when I do forgive him?
Q. I found out today that my boyfriend of two years has been skyping another girl, calling her 'sexy', 'love', 'cutie', all things that he calls me, telling her she's 20 times hotter than me, that he'll think of her when he's in bed with me, etc. ...
A. 25 July 2012: He knew what he did was wrong. He just didn't care about your feelings. How emotionally cold would you have to be for this to NOT hurt you? Don't give him so many excuses... such as "he seems to think this sort of thing doesn't count, until I told ... (read in full...)
Do you believe someone can 'change' when it comes to excessive porn.
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for over 6 months, in the past he's looked at women, had a blog full of half naked women, womens butts etc when he knew it upset me and continued, he bought lads magazines AFTER we started going out. Now he claims he's ...
A. 24 July 2012: I don't think it matters if he has changed or not. Because the trust has been broken. You do not trust him... and it is very difficult/unwise to try and rebuild trust in someone who has shown you before that they can't be trusted. Don't be naive. If ... (read in full...)
Why is it because I'm fat I'm all of a sudden not good enough?
Q. Ok so Im having a little bit of a problem here. Im over-weight, reason is medical but nonetheless I am. I have long red hair, my eyes change between blue, green and grey on a daily basis and Im only 5’1. My boyfriend is 6’1, slim, dark bleh. ...
A. 24 July 2012: As teenagers you care only about what your peers think. Being fat, or dating a fat person, at this time and age is considered uncool by many. Hence, when listening to peer pressure, they will turn you down because of your weight. Peer pressure ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend sent me horribly abusive text messages but now claims he does not remember any of this!
Q. My boyfriend recently called me fat on a voicemail message when he was out and I was out but seperatley he said answer your phone u fat b*****d on text me calling me an wh*re and never to bother him again. He said he cannot remember any of this but ...
A. 24 July 2012: Deep down you love him. Sure. EVERYONE loves their boyfriend. Love is not enough though. You're hurting, he's not nice to you, you don't do couples things, and it's going to get worse and worse. Listen, you DON'T want to spend the rest of your life ... (read in full...)
She loves me more than I care for her...can this work out?
Q. Okay short and simple but really need your views on this. I met this girl and we started dating. Things were going well until she met my sister who did not like her very much and from there it pretty much went downhill. This girl loves me t...
A. 23 July 2012: "Is it fair to not date someone that loves you because you feel their health might deteriorate?"
All that says is that you don't love them back, which is contradicting, as if you don't love them back you wouldn't care if they die shortly. If you D... (read in full...)
Should we just let the china plate go?
Q. This probably is not the most appropriate place to ask this, but: My wife took a plate of cookies to some new neighbors. They weren't home, so she left a note. They haven't returned the plate, and it's been a week or two. To make matters worse th...
A. 23 July 2012: Yeah, I wouldn't have eaten those cookies either. Maybe you live in a small town where this is normal, but here where I live you'd just throw those cookies in the trash and wonder why strangers would leave cookies on the doorstep. But, it could be ... (read in full...)
My dad won't come to my wedding!
Q. Hi, I recently got engaged to a wonderful man and we are planning a wedding for spring 2013. I've been with my now fiance for about 6 years now, so I feel like my dad should have had this coming. To put it into perspective, my dad had a cold u...
A. 23 July 2012: This shouldn't come as a shock to you. So he's a selfish man. Well, that wasn't anything new, you knew that already. So he's cold, again, not news. This was something you knew about.
I realize you were hoping for something better, but as an adult... (read in full...)
Should we just let the china plate go?
Q. This probably is not the most appropriate place to ask this, but: My wife took a plate of cookies to some new neighbors. They weren't home, so she left a note. They haven't returned the plate, and it's been a week or two. To make matters worse th...
A. 23 July 2012: No. Don't be so passive. Just use the china plate as an opportunity to go knock on their door! You sound like you and your wife don't know your neighbours well. It could be the note flew away and they don't know who it was from. Could be they ... (read in full...)
Why does sex hurt me so much?
Q. I was reading a post about a girl that wants to lose her virginity and she got a few answers saying sex shouldnt hurt. Sex often hurts me, practically every time. Im engaged, have children both vaginal births, and am in my early 20s. I have been ...
A. 23 July 2012: It's not supposed to hurt! There's something unusual going on here. Pap smears can be uncomfortable and hurt if you're not relaxed. Probably having a stranger look at you down there in such a way is what makes you tense up. But you should be relaxed ... (read in full...)
Is my weight the reason I can't get a boyfriend?
Q. I've convinced myself that my weight is the reason I can't get a boyfriend, I'm 14, 5,5, 12st. Is this normal? I go through stages where I get really tall and skinny, then bulk out again. Is this the reason I cant get a boyfriend?...
A. 23 July 2012: When I was your age I didn't have a boyfriend either, and I'm thin as a stick. People thought I was anorectic. Now, I can't read your size (I think in cm and kg), but I know it isn't looks that determine whether you get a boyfriend or not. I changed ... (read in full...)
Guys, would you be disappointed to know that the girl you're dating had hair loss and wears a wig? Any ladies out there who have gone through this?
Q. This is a question for guys mainly (or for any girls in my situation or who have been in my situation). I have androgenetic alopecia, I'm 23, so I feel I'm too young for this! :( Anyway, for those who don't know, it means I'm losing my hair. ...
A. 23 July 2012: "Well people say I'm pretty (though I'm not particularly beautiful or hot)"
I hope you know why people say that. Beauty is not just in the mere physical, but also in how a person carries themselves, how they act, how they smile, how they treat ot... (read in full...)
Should I forget my hopes and dreams for a man who might never get his act together?
Q. I am planning on going overseas in a month in order to continue my chosen career as there are no opportunities in my country at the moment. I am also going because I want to explore the world and travel. My bf is aware of my future plans but not ...
A. 23 July 2012: You need to ask yourself a few questions here. What is it YOU want? Don't think about loving him, or what he wants, or what everyone else in the world does. Seeing your friends get married might make you want to get married, but is that really what ... (read in full...)
Romantic night romantic enough?
Q. I need advice, im planning a romantic night for my boyfriend tomorrow night so i need answers asap! i planned on lighting 2 candles "the room is small) and getting some rose peddels putting some on the floor and bed, buting a 12 pack of his fav. ...
A. 22 July 2012: *favourite snack and movie. Sorry for all the errors.. I wrote a bit too fast.... (read in full...)
Romantic night romantic enough?
Q. I need advice, im planning a romantic night for my boyfriend tomorrow night so i need answers asap! i planned on lighting 2 candles "the room is small) and getting some rose peddels putting some on the floor and bed, buting a 12 pack of his fav. ...
A. 22 July 2012: Why the soda? If he drinks all that you'll just end up alone in bed while he's at the bathroom.
If you want to spice thinsg up buy a pineapple. Then you both eat it, then wait a few hours, then enjoy... It takes away any flavour/scent you have... (read in full...)
How to keep a guy?
Q. I'll try to make this as short as possible. My question is more how to keep a guy. My problem is, I never seem to be able to stay in a relationship, or even let it get to a serious relationship. The thing is, it's me that breaks it, not them. I just ...
A. 22 July 2012: Something tells me you've never been in love with any of these boyfriends. Have you? If you have then it would surprise me that you ended a relationship with them. When you are in love you are head over heels for the other person, want to be with ... (read in full...)
I got dumped for going to a strip club!
Q. Ok I have a girl friend and she broke up with me because I went to a strip club with my friends on a company trip is she over reacting we been dating for 9 months...
A. 22 July 2012: Did she previously tell you she wouldn't allow strip clubs? If so then she isn't over-reacting.
It doesn't really matter if she over reacts or not though. She's entitled to do what she wants, as are you. She should have told you before hand tha... (read in full...)
I think I am always going to be second best.
Q. Dear Cupid Me and my boyfriend have been dating for a few months now and i'm a little worried. Around a year ago he had just broken up with his last serious girlfriend of 2 and a half years and it really affected him and i know he's still a bit...
A. 21 July 2012: Maybe it is best to step back and give him some more time to get over his ex. He isn't over her, and it sounds like he needs to take his time to think things through before he enters a new relationship. Unfortunately I don't think he's ready to be ... (read in full...)
Our date nights are boring, and not what I like to do!
Q. Im having some issues with our date nights. My bf and i live together and have two children. When we have a date night, whether we have a bby sitter or not we tend to do the same things. We either go out to a movie go out to dinner rent a red box ...
A. 21 July 2012: Research what is in your area and what options you have that are local and affordable. Maybe you can't go fishing the way you want to because it costs money? If so, are there more affordable fishing-trip options available? Can you save up money by ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend wants to have sex before I go to University so he will remember me, is this a good idea or is he still a womanizer?
Q. hi i have been dating this guy for eleven months now we agreed on not having sex but we do kiss, and recently he says he wants to have sex before i go to the university in order to keep me in mind. i dont understand this at all, rumours have it that ...
A. 20 July 2012: If he thinks you're so easy to forget then forget about HIM.
If he loves you he will remember you, always. If he loves you he will never forget about you, even if you never meet again.
He just wants to use you for sex. ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is bipolar. Is there a chance that we will be ok if he takes his meds?
Q. I would have been with my boyfriend a year as of the 23rd. Throughout the whole relationship he has had what appeared as trust issues. Looking through my facebook/phone, accusations, and bad thoughts that he said he "couldn't control", running ...
A. 16 July 2012: Well.. your boyfriend to some extend can sound similar to my dad. My dad has been diagnosed as bipolar, I think. I don't know for a fact. But he did say it once, after a huge fight we had.
One thing to think about is that personality disorder... (read in full...)
I'm not sure that I can handle this long distance relationship
Q. Hello there, So I need some advice from you guys. I have a met a really wonderful guy recently. We got together at the beginning of May at Uni, unfortunately around revision period and then on June 7th following the end of term we had to separate...
A. 16 July 2012: He doesn't sound fit for a long distance relationship, and he doesn't sound like he is committed to you either, I'm sorry. If he wanted a relationship with you to work out he'd have to be willing to sacrifice some, so that he could nurture a ... (read in full...)
Does every woman queef?
Q. Does every female queef? I really want to be able to stop queefing during intercourse, I usually do the first time, for example say on a night time the first time me and my partner have sex I usually queef then if we have sex more times during tha...
A. 16 July 2012: Yes, every woman queef. Some more than others with certain men. For most part it's to do with the man pressing air into you, so make him adjust his movements and the queefing should stop, or happen less often.
Some women can queef intentio... (read in full...)
All of my boyfriend's ex girlfriends and friends are strippers, ex cons, prostitutes, porn stars ...and generally people who are a little shady, while I'm a virgin!! What the hell is going on?! Why did he pick me?
Q. My bf is 31, I am 26 and we have been together for about seven months. Things are going great...however...I'm confused about the fact that all his exes and friends are strippers, ex cons, prostitutes, porn stars ...and generally people who are a ...
A. 16 July 2012: To answer the headline question.. The answer is to revert the question: Why did you pick him? Someone who sees herself as being full of dignity, being a virgin (not that that alone makes you decent at this time and age), why would you be with ... (read in full...)
I wish they didn't exist!
Q. This is very harsh as I'm a mother to a 3 year old myself but I seriously cannot stand the sight or thought of my boyfriend's children. He has 3 kids to 2 different women they are 6, 4 and 2 and I'm now 3 months gone with his 4th. At one point I ...
A. 16 July 2012: Hormones. I think that instinctively it's normal to want his other children gone, so that you and your child will have his full attention.
In the animal kingdom a new alpha female will kill the offspring of the former alpha female, if she has ... (read in full...)
I want to lose my virginity before I turn 22 in a month's time, but I do not want my first time to be horrible.
Q. Growing up I was taught to respect women, and to never use them. As I finally turned twenty one last year I realized something very sad, that I'm the last of a kind. The 21st century dating world is very different from what I was taught to live in. ...
A. 14 July 2012: You're in a loop alright, but self imposed.
"I a virgin who want to date women who have there own criteria for men."
That's all nice and dandy. No problems there.
"I do not fall into that criteria, is everyone following me?"
No, so... (read in full...)
How do I react to in-laws who've threatened a wedding boycot unless we agree to their demands?
Q. ok so a few days ago i proposed to my girlfreind (she said yes) we are both keeping are own faiths even though i offered to convert. she says its when we have kids that we can raise them as a mix of our respective religions, so they know about th...
A. 14 July 2012: "my question is this how can we get her mum and dad to come around to our way of thinking?" You can't. But you are adults now, or at least you are heading into adulthood. Being an adult means that you must accept that people will disagree with yo... (read in full...)
Is this relationship worth all the pressure he is putting on me to have a baby and move in with his parents?
Q. Here is my story. My bf and I are in a slump and a lot of crap has happened between us and now I'm being pressured by him. I feel super lost right now. I have been dating my boyfriend for nearly 2 1/2 years and before all the trouble began, we had ...
A. 14 July 2012: She left her boyfriend to be with YOUR boyfriend. That alone tells you there was more than just one night of cheating. This is an ongoing affair. He still talks to her. She still wants to be with him.
He's pressuring you to have a child with him... (read in full...)
I want to lose my virginity before I turn 22 in a month's time, but I do not want my first time to be horrible.
Q. Growing up I was taught to respect women, and to never use them. As I finally turned twenty one last year I realized something very sad, that I'm the last of a kind. The 21st century dating world is very different from what I was taught to live in. ...
A. 14 July 2012: When a woman puts on paper her ideal man she doesn't mention his height. Actually, physical attributes come long down on the list. I know, I've played this game hundreds of times with my friends. When we were children we always listed up physical ... (read in full...)
Is my girlfriend too good to be true or do people like her really exist?
Q. My girlfriend and I have been together for over a year and a half now and get on so well in every area of our relationship. Am I just seeing her through rose-tinted glasses or do people like her really exist? I keep thinking something's boun...
A. 14 July 2012: I choose to believe that they exist. But it's magic to me: Hard to imagine, but the world would be a sad place if we couldn't hope for such romantic connections.
You're lucky. ... (read in full...)
Why does my guy do things that frustrate me so much?
Q. I have been with my partner for 3 years, we live together, we have already discussed what we want with our futures and things are generaly good between us. Recently, however, he has been driving me insane to the point of me feeling like i s...
A. 13 July 2012: Maybe you've let him get away with this behaviour for so long that he's started over-doing it. Make it clear what you dislike about his responses and then leave the room or end the conversation. If he dances you in circles with meaningless answers ... (read in full...)
How is it possible to be in love with 2 people?
Q. How is it possible to be so in love with two people?? I always believed that you could only love one other person at once (as a partner) but Im in love with two. Its officially a HUGE problem. My ex dumped me a year and a half ago because we w...
A. 13 July 2012: It's possible to be in love with two people, yeah. That's why it's dangerous to play with fire if you're already in a relationship. There's a thin line which shouldn't be crossed, because it's not like once you love someone your heart is set on them ... (read in full...)
Is to okay to experiment with girls?
Q. Hey everyone, I am 23 years old,lately I have been very curious about having a sex with a girl..is it because I want to experiment or I'm just curious or bisexual I don't know.. I have never kissed or made out or even done it with the girl,but bef...
A. 13 July 2012: It's OK to experiment, as long as you aren't cheating on anyone. If you are in a relationship already then it is not okay to experiment with other people, regardless of gender.
Try it out. I did. It's definitely something you should do before y... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is mad at me for something that isn't really my fault. I don't know what to do.
Q. Hi, I have a boyfriend working outside the country, he flies back every few months and I have been to see him twicein the pasy year. I bought him a plane ticket to come home for my birthday in April and his first words at the time were'when it's my ...
A. 13 July 2012: How long have you been together? Don't pay for things for him again. I was in a LDR too once, and he was always short on money as well. I paid a lot for him, but when it came around to him paying for me in return (just as with your bf) he didnt have ... (read in full...)
Can you tell the difference between love and lust?
Q. Dear all, Is it possible to be affectionate and miss someone a lot but not love them? I'm 5 months in a relationship and have developed strong feelings but I'm not sure if its love? What's the difference and how do you know? We currently on...
A. 13 July 2012: You'll notice it when it is different from before. Perhaps you've started to love him, but aren't there quite yet. Give it some more time. In my experience, when you love someone you just know it somehow, and it feels natural to say it. When you ... (read in full...)
I want to lose my virginity before I turn 22 in a month's time, but I do not want my first time to be horrible.
Q. Growing up I was taught to respect women, and to never use them. As I finally turned twenty one last year I realized something very sad, that I'm the last of a kind. The 21st century dating world is very different from what I was taught to live in. ...
A. 13 July 2012: There's always a choice. But if you are very picky about what sort of girlfriend you want then you'll have to wait longer, that's really all there is to it.
What type of woman do you want then? Maybe we should start there instead, and then you... (read in full...)
I want to lose my virginity before I turn 22 in a month's time, but I do not want my first time to be horrible.
Q. Growing up I was taught to respect women, and to never use them. As I finally turned twenty one last year I realized something very sad, that I'm the last of a kind. The 21st century dating world is very different from what I was taught to live in. ...
A. 12 July 2012: You're stereotyping a lot, and none of it is based on experience. Just imagination. Women, tons of them, do want men like you. You are just telling yourself that they don't, because it suits your idea of the world right now. But what this tells me ... (read in full...)
I want to lose my virginity before I turn 22 in a month's time, but I do not want my first time to be horrible.
Q. Growing up I was taught to respect women, and to never use them. As I finally turned twenty one last year I realized something very sad, that I'm the last of a kind. The 21st century dating world is very different from what I was taught to live in. ...
A. 11 July 2012: You're not the last of your kind. And you're not the only 21/22 year old virgin in the world either.
Being a gentleman, as you call yourself, why do you have the need to lose your virginity before next month? Did someone put you up to a dare?
... (read in full...)
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