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male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I've been going out with my GF for about a year, and we're discussing marriage. I've done quite well in my career, and some of the things my GF has said have given me the definite impression that this is quite important to her in a potential husband. So, I said to her a while back that I sometimes get the feeling that she just likes me for my money. Her response was "No, it's not that. It's like my former boyfriend, my girlfriends thought I liked him because he had big penis, they knew he had a big one. But, it wasn't that, he was just too huge."Why would a woman say something like that? I had never brought up the penis size issue before, and it's a somewhat odd response in several ways. First, given that I can tell she likes the fact that I'm finanacially well-off, it seems as if she was actually saying she liked her ex's huge penis, even though that wasn't the main thing she liked about him.Also, if he really was "too huge", why would her friends think she liked him because he was so huge? If she really didn't like it, wouldn't she have said to them "I really like X, but his penis is just too huge, it hurts!" or something like that? i.e. why would her friends think she liked him for his huge unit unless she told them about it in a "good" way? (e.g. "oh my god, he's huge, I love it!")Once she brought it up, I did get curious and we discussed the size issue a couple times. She said her ex was so big it caused bleeding, and she said something to the effect that they'd never really had intercourse because he couldn't fit all of it in. But, she said at other times that he was complete loser, and sex was the only thing he had going for him, so that seems to contradict her other statements.
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her ex, money, penis size Reply to this Question
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male
reader, alex74  +, writes (29 October 2011):
 Ugghh. Of all the things she could have used as a comparison, why did it have to be the penis. No guy wants to know they are smaller than the last guy. I think women don't realize the seed that can be planted when divulging such information. Or at least hopefully they don't. It's an attribute we have no control over and there is nothing we can do to change it. I feel your pain. When I was just dating my wife, she informed me that her ex was very well-hung, could last a long time, and could give her an orgasm during intercourse. All things, that in spite of a lot of obsessing and trying, I am not and cannot do. The only advice I would give and have received from DC is that if Mr. Horsec*ck was so wonderful, she would still be with him. You probably have attributes that outweigh any deficiencies you perceive yourself to have. For most women, sex is more about the intimacy and not as much about the physical pleasure (at least I hope so). But believe me I know it can be a big blow to the ego.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (27 October 2011):
 I'm seeing this a bit differently.
she has no filter. (much like me or my boyfriend) and what she thinks she says... and she may not have meant anything by it...
it may have been just what popped into her head as a way to explain why it's the same thing.. she's not with you just for ONE thing and not for the thing her friends think...
what's trash to one person is a treasure to another.
my ex husband is a nice guy but he's not the be all to end all for me but he rocks the world of his current love and she thinks he's all that and a bag of chips...
Maybe JUST Maybe she really didn't think about the fact that men view making money one way and penis size another. Maybe she just thinks of both of them as equal attributes in a man that she has no control over either of...
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2011): "other time she says he was a complete loser and sex was the only thing he had going for him." Oops, it sounds like the truth has slipped out among the lies.
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A
female
reader, PerhapsNot +, writes (24 October 2011):
 Oh men and their penis envy. :) Yes, her initial statement is incoherent and the others contradict, but in the end, it doesn't matter if she liked or dislike his titanic penis. You're giving her former boyfriend's junk way too much time.He had a third leg and you don't - who cares, it's not the end of the world! Stop thinking about him and focus on what truly concerns you: thinking that she is with you for your money.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice + ♥, writes (24 October 2011):
 Hey Mr. financially successful,I think that everyone who has a particular winning attribute, Good looks, money, big breasts whatever, wonders if their partners see them one dimensionally. We all want to be accepted as a whole person, the way we see our selves. Your girl does not want to be seen as one dimensional either. She was offended when you asked if she only liked your money. She wants you to see her as the complex beautiful fun person that she is, and not as a gold digger. The reason she brought up the penis thing was because her girl friends thought she was only with the other guy because she was a pleasure seeking hedonist. She was offended at being thought of that way. She had no intention of making you feel insecure about your size. She wanted to explain to you that she is more than that. Now you are pestering her about the size issue. First the money then the size, soon she will think you are insecure and needy, not good. Especially because you are not insecure or needy. You are a mature, successful businessman. If she starts to see you as needy and insecure you will lose her no matter how big your portfolio is. While women are biologically inclined to seek security, They are generally much more interested in the money after the divorce. If women were that interested in penis size the common term for an obnoxious bore would not be "dick".let this slip into the past and concentrate on the things that were working.FA
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (24 October 2011):
 No, she said she didn't like her ex's penis. But yes, it was an odd response. You need to tell her that such comments make you feel insecure, as most mentioning of an ex would make a current partner insecure. But don't make this about his penis, really, that was her using a terrible example. Her ex's penis is irrelevant. But if you absolutely must go into details:
"why would her friends think she liked him because he was so huge? If she really didn't like it, wouldn't she have said to them "I really like X, but his penis is just too huge, it hurts!" or something like that?"
She probably did. But then again why would she, it's none of her friends damn business is it? Her friends knew he had a big penis, but that doesn't mean they knew because she was bragging about it or anything, or saying anything about it for that matter. They could have known from other sources or that she casually mentioned it somehow.
"why would her friends think she liked him for his huge unit unless she told them about it in a "good" way". Because people assume things. You also assume she likes you just for your money, but that isn't so either.
About the rest of it, what are you so worried about? Do you honestly think your girlfriend is lying to you about her ex's penis? That's hilarious. Why would she. No, she didn't like his penis, and that's the end of that. Anything else is you reading way too much into it. But, like I said, it was a bad topic for her to bring up as we all know that guys have a lot of ego in their penises, and a penis should never be compared with anyone else's, much like no woman wants you to compare her breasts (or but, or other body feature she's a bit insecure about) to another woman's. It's just a no-no. Tell her that you don't have a problem with her having had sexual relationships before you, but that you'd rather not want to hear the details in the future. You don't want to know how huge or small or anything else any other mans penis is.
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A
male
reader, serenity80  +, writes (24 October 2011):
I think sometimes you can tell the same story from different perspectives and it will sound very different.
In this case I don't your girlfriend is necessarily contradicting herself. I think you are "pushing" the issue and trying to intellectualise what she was going through and your insecurities are coming through.
I remember having a girlfriend who was extremely tight, to the point it was very difficult having sex with her. On one hand, I could say around my friends "wow she was always so tight it was like nothing I've had before" but to someone else I could say "She was so tight it used to really make sex difficult because I was preoccupied about whether or not she was getting hurt, also there were some positions we just couldn't do"
The truth is both statements are true. I think the same is true about what your girlfriend has said.
Above all, you are OVER THINKING all of this and this is why you are getting yourself in this state.
I don't think any guy wants to hear what your girlfriend has said to you, but then again it is probably naivety why she said it. She doesn't have a penis so she doesn't know what it's like for us guys to compare ourselves.
So is this an issue you can drop and get past, or is it going to ruin your relationship?
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