A
female
age
41-50,
*orceedea
writes:Okay, so here's my situation. My first boyfriend of 5 years who is now my ex has a girlfriend. Him and I have known each other for 12 years. Our relationship has been an on and off thing because he always told me the same thing (I want to explore my options) and I always felt like he never took me seriously. Anyway, we have tried to maintain as friends because he always told me he wanted to keep me as a friend because I am the closest person he has and the only one (other then his family) who knows him so well. Back in December 2012, his brother passed away. He was deployed to stay in Japan and when it happened, they gave him emergency leave to come here to Florida for his brother's funeral. I went to his brother's funeral for emotional support for him and his entire family. Thing that got me is that I stayed for 3 days and within those three days, I knew he was hurting be he also confused the hell out of me because he began to talk about his feelings towards me. Saying he never stopped loving me and that he still questions what would things be like if we would have stayed together etc. He said, he wants to be with me but is afraid of hurting me some more so he refuses to even attempt. I was angry at him and told him "What could you possibly do to me to hurt me more and if you love me so much and care about me and know that you have this fear, why express yourself in that way to me?" It doesn't make sense. The situation of his brother's death was so awkward because there were memories between us both that I couldn't avoid since people around us were talking about it and it was hell for me emotionally. All of the love and feelings I had for this guy just started coming out again. I honestly don't know what happened that we ended up sleeping together and I felt horrible about it. His cousin didn't help the situation even though she tried and his mother was a shock. Asking me to get back with him and build a life with him etc. When he returned to Japan, he spoke about his current girlfriend to me and how there are certain things about her he does not like etc. He said He's still getting to know her but feels that the one that he wants needs to do something he feels can be done for him to make up his mind. He said, that he was coming back in July to Florida and asked me if we can meet up. At the time, things between him and her wasn't serious and I told him. The day you become serious with this girl I will step aside because all of your past girlfriends have contacted me and started trouble. This conversation we had was in May and His girlfriend lives in Romania and around May to July, she flew to Japan and stayed with him. During those months, he posted pics of him and her on his facebook wall and posted where he took her etc. I would comment on his pictures (as a friend) and he would ignore me but everybody else. I said nothing about it up until he posted that he was flying to come here to the states. He ignored every question I asked him. When he came here to Orlando, he contacted me to see him. At that point, I deleted him from my facebook and told him that I don't think it's a good idea for him and I to see each other because he has a girlfriend and what happened between us both and the things he said was recent. He said he understands and left it at that. Ever since we have not spoken to each other at all. He hasn't tried contacting me or anything. My question is, do you think I did the right thing? Why would he go through all that trouble just to ignore me at the last minute when he became serious with this girl? My mother said I did the right thing and I'm talking to another guy. His cousin contacted me saying she told him she prefers me over every other girl he's ever had because I've always been there for the family and showed that I cared despite what has happened. I don't understand why she would tell me that either? Any ideas or thoughts would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, sorceedea +, writes (9 August 2013):
sorceedea is verified as being by the original poster of the question So, he wrote to me for some reason saying he has moved on and hope that I will do the same and that he decided he's going to settle with his current gf and is opening up to her and that he's going to cut all communication with me and that he finally got closure and respects my decision. I think things between us is a definite end even though it surprised me and confused me. He's not good for my health period! I think he might have written to me reversing the situation to make his gf believe that he's the one cutting all communication and ties with me. I might be wrong but he wrote this to me right after I deleted him from facebook and refused to see him the day he called me to meet up with me. Thanks for your advice :-).
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2013): I think you did the right thing. I think you have been a ping pong ball long enough. Let it go and move on. His has not gotten in touch with you so obviously he does not want to speak to you. Cut your ties on facebook etc and move on girl!
The way he has behave seems like he just wants you to be there when it is convenient for him. If you bump into him in Florida one day. Say hi and hows it going but don't go back there. Seems emotionally draining.
Good luck.
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