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Why has he not met me yet?

Tagged as: Online dating, Social Media<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (16 July 2017) 8 Answers - (Newest, 25 July 2017)
A male United Kingdom age 26-29, anonymous writes:

There's this guy I like....

so he keeps making plans to meet me then goes quiet for the before and day of.

Why, does he not really like me?

Does he really like me and is nervous?

We seem to get on well over text and phone and social media but in person he always seems to let me down!


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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (25 July 2017):

aunt honesty agony auntHe is wasting your time, and believe me he could very well have social anxiety, it is not always obvious to another person and it can be hid very well.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2017):

Thanks for your answers guys...

just to clear up he is definitely not a catfish, I know where he lives, and sort of know where he works and he don't have social anxiety but your all right!

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom + , writes (17 July 2017):

N91 agony auntPretty simple, stop letting him waste your time.

If he wanted to meet you he would do, no ifs ands or buts.

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy + , writes (17 July 2017):

CindyCares agony aunt If he always lets you down, why are you still there just waiting to offer him on a silver plate .. the chance to let you down one more time ??

Maybe it's normal that you are curious about the reason why- but, whatever it is, at the end of the day it can't be anything good or beneficial to you.

He could be catsfishing you and does not show up because he can't - he ( or she ) is too different from how he portrayed himself. That's my guess number one.

It's quite a few years now since my forays in the world of online dating, and even then it was full of bullshitters, but from reading DC posts I get this feeling that it has got worse and worse. Even then people used to say things to make themselves more marketable, and I guess a bit of hype just comes with this sort of things. Therefore, " I own my own business " would mean that the guy was scamming naive tourists by selling them fake tickets to Broadway shows. Or " I am a successful performer " means the dude is busking in front of a subway exit. But I never had anybody calling himself a SWM, and then turning out to be, say, a married woman mother of 6, or a Tibetan buddhist monk. Which, you can't exclude it may happen these days :)

Another thing, is that a lot of people are bored and with quite some time on their hands, and romancing people from afar is a free passtime and a distraction. Then, it never turns into something real, though, because they never meant it to be real, most of the times they already have a significant other, or do not want to date,- just to kill time.

Or else, this guy, as some other poster suggested, is an old hand at this game and is talking to 10 or 20 other guys at a time, so he has some trouble in managing the traffic fliw. He fixes a date with you , but by the time the day comes, he has already something else lined up with someone who is more alluring, or just more conveniently located.

I know I did not mention the option YOU like , i.e. he is just terribly shy, a painful case of social phobia... but it is the very least probable. One can be shy without being so blatantly rude and dismissive, and without wasting people' s time , and if he actually had such a big problem with meeting in person, he should have : a )realized that he needs to stay away from dating sites until he has worked on himself, because dating sites are for meeting people and not for stringing them along abusing of their patience and undersdtanding , or b ) warned you during your text and phone convos that he has this type of difficulty, and asked for your support in figuring out together a way to overcome his mental block.

Long story short, he is bullshitting you. For whatever reason, he keeps promising something that he won't/ can't deliver. So- not a viable candidate, if you have a bit of self respect. Move on.

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A male reader, Been there Now over it United States +, writes (17 July 2017):

He is probably stringing several on-line women along. This is not uncommon for guys, who want to keep their choices abundant. But you're right...there could be other reasons. None of which are acceptable. If he is unable to meet you and should let you know why. This guy has at least let you know (if unintentionally) that he is not worth YOUR time to meet. Go ahead and move on.

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A male reader, judgedick France +, writes (17 July 2017):

judgedick agony auntI agree with Honeypie here and just would like to know if you know where this guy lives, I mean really know, The Internet is a great place for people THAT ARE SAD AND BORED to make up whole lives and live in this land of make believe,

this guy might have a wife and you just pass his time when at work and when she is not around or like many when he is in the toilet on his phone play with you and his wife making the dinner,

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (16 July 2017):

Honeypie agony auntSo he is a flake?

He makes plans with you and then JUST doesn't show and vanish out of contact around the planned day?

He is a TIME WASTER. He isn't GOING to meet. He likes chatting with you but he doesn't want to meet up. Is he a catfish? Have you talked over video chat? If not, why not?

Do you have his first and last name and have you googled him?

Maybe he has a GF already. Or he lied about his age, his looks, his background, heck his gender... PEOPLE lie online.

Personally? I think you should look elsewhere for someone to date.

How many times has he stood you up, so to speak and how many times do you think he needs to KEEP doing that before you get it? He isn't going to meet up with you and it has NOTHING to do with you.

YOU are wasting your time.

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A male reader, Billy Bathgate United States + , writes (16 July 2017):

Stop making plans to meet him.

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