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Do I pick my FWB or the girl I was dating?

Tagged as: Breaking up, Dating, Friends with Benefits<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (16 July 2017) 5 Answers - (Newest, 17 July 2017)
A male United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Hi all. In much need of some help to sort out this insanity I've found myself in.

So I've been in a friend's with benefits relationship with a woman for 2 years now. She's actually become my very best friend. But I also have a girl who is super pretty, smart, and genuinely seems to love me, and I don't know how to pick between the two. It's to the point of losing sleep because I don't know what to do.

Some back story. I started seeing this girl last September. I immediately told my friends with benefits I was going to give it a shot with this other girl and we began dating. But I had become so close to my friends with benefits over the course of time and blurred the line between friendship and relationship so much that we didn't know how to shut that part of our relationship off and just be normal friends, as it had become so entangled. So I avoided putting a title on the new relationship because I didn't want to cheat as I was trying to figure out how to untangle our relationship and just be normal friends.

Well I never could manage to figure out how to do that with my friends with benefits, and the other girl found out. She lost it on me and gave me an ultimatum: the friends with benefits or her. I told her I would immediately end it with my friends with benefits and be exclusively with her because I didn't want to lose her. I called my friends with benefits and told her we needed to end it, and she unexpectedly broke down sobbing saying I was her best friend and that she thought of us as a relationship just without the title and how much I had hurt her. I had no idea she cared that much.

So now I'm so confused. I thought I wanted to try to have a relationship with the other girl, but when I heard my friends with benefits crying, it literally ripped my heart out and made me realize just how much I truly care about her, too. I'm so lost as to what to do. I know that I sound like a real jerk because it seems like I'm playing two women, but it's really not like that. I just really, really care about both of them and have no idea how to not hurt one of them. What do I do? I obviously have to make a decision. Either the girl I was dating or my friends with benefits. Who do I pick? Help!

View related questions: best friend, friend with benefits

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2017):

If you choose the girl you meant to date, she will probably forever resent the fact that you had a FWB behind her back - it's a really bad foundation to a relationship. If you choose your FWB, she will probably forever resent the fact that you tried to date another girl - another bad foundation to a relationship. I agree with the other posters, move on from both and save everyone (including yourself) some heartache.

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom + , writes (17 July 2017):

N91 agony auntNeither of these are right.

You don't just decide to 'give it a go' with someone. What a half assed attitude. If you want to be with someone it isn't a choice, it's something you do without hesitation and you want to shout it from the rooftops how happy you are with this person. It doesn't sound like either of these have this effect over you so I'd break things off with both, has some time to figure things out for yourself before you start getting back into dating.

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A male reader, froglegs France +, writes (17 July 2017):

I for one don't think there is such a thing as FWB,

People just try to tell them silvies that they are in this FWB friendship to act as if they are in the fashion,

the short responce here is, YOUR in one relatinoship, you have to put an end to it before you start the next

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A female reader, Miss.Cupid United States + , writes (16 July 2017):

Miss.Cupid agony auntI think you should step away from both and figure yourself out. Its not fair to have both girls waiting around.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2017):

Neither as there would be no choosing .. you would know and you wouldn't hesitate over which one .

So neither .. stop seeing them both and let them find someone who can truly love just them .

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