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Why does he want to be 'just friends'?

Tagged as: Dating, Faded love, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (30 December 2008) 9 Answers - (Newest, 31 December 2008)
A female United States age 30-35, *alyov writes:

My boyfriend and I dated for 28 days. We were soo happy together. He would text me all day the 1st coupe of weeks and he'd make me every morning with a 'good morning baby!' and it was so nice.

The on the 18th I was with him and some girl popped up on MSN saying "I thought you wanted to view my webcam?" and he just "LOLed" and Xed out of the convo really fast.

So the next day my friend sent him a text saying "Next time a girl asks you to view her webcam the answer is NO." And things went down hill from there.

He started to get a bit distant, or so it felt. He stopped talking to me as much. =(

He just said he wanted to hang out with his friends for a bit and he didn't want to talk so much because he needed to catch up with them since he really hasnt seen them in awhile because of college...I was okay with that but I missed him.

On the 18th we had planned to see each other on the 27th.

The closer it got to the 27th it sounded like he was becoming aggravated or something about me coming...but I didnt think any more about it when we were together because things seemed perfect again.

We stayed the night together and the next day sat around cuddling and watching movies. We were planning on going to get some ice cream so he went downstairs to get ready and I sat here upstairs for a bit then came down.

When I got there he was laying on the bed and we kissed, he didnt seem into it. So I asked him what was wrong and he said "I want to go home."

I was confused and said "You don't want to be with me?" (it was his idea to spend a few days together for some alone time.)

And I started crying...I tried not to but it happened...

So I went upstairs and sat...after a bit he came and sat beside me...I should have said something but I didn't....we didnt talk for an hour until we parted...he just said "bye" and got out of the car.

I went to talk to his friend about it and his friend said "he really likes you...he wants to be with you but doesn't...hes confused."

I called my bf and we talked.

I asked him what he wanted to do..and he just kept saying "I dont know" over and over...until finally hes like.

"What do you want?"

I said "to try and fix things and get back to normal, what do you want?"

he replied "to just be friends"

I dont get it...why does he just want to be friends if he says he still "really likes me"

We havent spoken since then...which was Sunday and I see him online right now and I want to talk to him so bad...but I know I need to give him some space to think things over...

What should I do? and what do you think about all of this?

I accused him of liking his ex...I said "is there someone else you like too? Do you like both of us?" and he hung up on me and I called back saying "that was immature"...he said "it was immature calling me a player."

but his best friend told me that he does still like her...

I'm so confused..I know he likes me...and I like him...whats wrong? What do I do?

View related questions: best friend, his ex, immature, msn, player, text

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A female reader, Kalyov United States +, writes (31 December 2008):

Kalyov is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Kalyov agony auntWell when we were together it seemed everything was great...

so I wasnt sure.. =/

we cuddled all day on Sat and Sun

and he followed me everywhere I went like a little lost puppy (though hes a foot taller than I)

and he woke me up with a Kiss on Sunday

and then later on he said "I think we should be friends" I was so confused...

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A female reader, Kalyov United States +, writes (31 December 2008):

Kalyov is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Kalyov agony auntits hard to think of him as a bad person because he always said the sweetest things

him: i feel bad for not having anymore to be able to get you somthing

him: any money*

me: aww its fine baby all I need is you =)

him: -kiss-

him: and you;ll get me this weekend

him: and ill be ALL yours

me: =) just want I wanted ^_^

me: does this Christmas gift last long?

him: for years

me: aww

him: for as far into the future as i can see

me: how long is that baby?

him: well you have one more semister at macc that we'll be together tru

him: then if you go to columbia college you'll be even closer

me: =)

him: if you cant go to cmu

him: if you came to cmu we could spend every night with each other

me: ill look into it baby

him: i know sweetie

him: but either way we will be closer

him: yep =)

him: you and I...were perfect

him: don;t you think?

me: =)

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A female reader, Kalyov United States +, writes (31 December 2008):

Kalyov is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Kalyov agony aunthis friend said

"he wants you be with you but doesnt"

whats that suppose to mean?

he said something about finding a way out

why would he want a way out if he called us prefect together?

=/

Im so confused

and I miss him

we haven't talked since Sunday and we talked everyday

I guess I should give him some time to think things over...since he says he still likes me....

=/

I want to talk to him thought but should I?

should I give it a week or so?

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A female reader, prenezmoila United States +, writes (31 December 2008):

prenezmoila agony auntDon't waste your time on him. He's not mature enough yet to know what he wants and it sounds like he was most interested in you for physical reasons. I suggest you move on to better guys, they're out there. Good luck.

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A female reader, Kalyov United States +, writes (30 December 2008):

Kalyov is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Kalyov agony auntI didnt want in the relationship really at first...

I had just stopped talking to a guy who had really hut me before

doing the same thing!

He had a gf I didn't know about..and when I did he sill flirted and wanted me to come visit him (because he moved away)

I was really wrapped up in him..even though I knew it wrong I still talked to him and it hurt a lot...

well when I started talking to my ex...I told him all about it and he said

"I want to be there to help you forget about him..help you with this."

and

"I will never hurt you...you have been hurt enough."

thats how he got me into the relationship

but now it seems hes the same way?

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A female reader, Kalyov United States +, writes (30 December 2008):

Kalyov is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Kalyov agony auntHe kept wanting sex but I wouldnt give it to him...I let him do other things, but pushed him off and asked him to stop when it got too far.

I asked him if it was the sex thing he said "no" I asked "you sure?" he said "its not now stop asking!"

He kept talking about us together next school year...he wanted me to apply to his Uni so I did...and I got accepted yesterday, but we are apart now..so he doesnt know I got in.

he was with his ex for a year...so it confuses me if its commitment...

But I do believe he likes me...but sadly I think hes too restless to just be with one girl =/

He wont admit it

but I think thats it =/

I know he did stop talking to one of his EXes when we met

but not the others I suppose

which it wouldnt brother me

he he wouldnt view their webcams =/

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A female reader, Kalyov United States +, writes (30 December 2008):

Kalyov is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Kalyov agony auntHe kept wanting sex but I wouldnt give it to him...I let him do other things, but pushed him off and asked him to stop when it got too far.

I asked him if it was the sex thing he said "no" I asked "you sure?" he said "its not now stop asking!"

He kept talking about us together next school year...he wanted me to apply to his Uni so I did...and I got accepted yesterday, but we are apart now..so he doesnt know I got in.

he was with his ex for a year...so it confuses me if its commitment...

But I do believe he likes me...but sadly I think hes too restless to just be with one girl =/

He wont admit it

but I think thats it =/

I know he did stop talking to one of his EXes when we met

but not the others I suppose

which it wouldnt brother me

he he wouldnt view their webcams =/

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A reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2008):

i think he likes you but doesnt seem ready for a grown up relationship - he wants you but he also wants to talk to girls on MSN and god knows what else - but thats not right if you are putting your heart into the relationship - i think he has a lot of playing around to do yet and probably wouldnt be very trustworthy either. Just have fun with him but i wouldnt expect any serious commitment - not for a while yet. Its not you it is actually him with the problem, hes immature and not ready for a serious relationship.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (30 December 2008):

Honeypie agony aunt***but his best friend told me that he does still like her...*** First of, don't throw his past in his face. That isn't going to do a darn thing for either of you.

Secondly, give him the space he asked for. But also sit down and figure out how you really feel about him. Maybe he isn't ready for a steady relationship. Maybe he is a little bit of a player, but don't like to admit it.

Good luck,

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