A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am wondering about my relationship. I am 31 years old in a very serious relationship with a 36 year old man that has 4 kids. One of his kids is by my distance cousin. He tells me he loves me and even gave me a ring for Christmas but I have this gut feeling that our relationship will not work because i am insecure about his baby mamas. I know that he has to have a relationship with them because of his children but i can not help feeling uneasy about the situation. Also, his oldest child is 18 and about to have a baby. I want to have children but not if his grnadchildren are the same age as the children I want to have with him. Am I end over my head or should I wait and see what the future holds?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2008): Thank you so much for your advice. You really lifted my spirits.
Have a blessed New year.
A
female
reader, katatonik +, writes (30 December 2008):
 Your lover is a package deal, and the kids are part of the package. If you want to love him you will have to accept the family he already has. It may not be easy and it may not match up to your mental image of what your ideal family would be like, but unfortunately you don't get to pick and choose here. Do you love him enough to work through this? The answer to that question will determine what you must do, as there is no magic solution that will make him a single man with no past and no kids. Good luck.
By the way, there's no reason why you can't still have a child with him if he already has a grandchild. I know many people in families where some of the nephews and nieces are older than their biological "uncles" and "aunts." Denying yourself motherhood, if you and he both want it, over such a technicality would be foolish.
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A
female
reader, satindesire +, writes (30 December 2008):
 Well, sweetheart, that's really hard to say. Unless you're both really committed to the relationship, having outside stress like a broken family can be REALLY difficult to manage and still remain good to each other.
One thing you need to know from him is how he feels about his ex(es), how well they get along and what your role will be with his children.
A man who simply cannot get along with his ex(es) will make a relationship much more difficult on you, because there will be a lot of hostility and anger that you'll have to deal with...Plus, if the ex(es) are hostile towards you, they might severely limit how much mothering you can do towards his children.
Also, if you want to have your own kids, it could be very difficult trying to explain whose kids are whose, since his daughter is having a baby as well. These are all situations that could make your relationship feel very awkward.
Just make sure in communicating with him that you both are completely ready to be in a strong, happy, committed relationship together. When there are so many other people that could influence you two, you need to be a really tight unit and get along very well.
I wish you the best of luck and many prayers!!
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