A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Why do married men--or any man for that matter--stare at other women when they want to be with you and they love you and all that stuff? Men are so confusing sometimes I'm surprised I have nerves left. Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, troubledtoomuch + ♥, writes (31 July 2008):
 Uncle Sneaker has it 100% correct. It is eye candy, like looking at a beautiful bluebird or cardinal in the trees. Attractive women look very nice and are very pleasing to look at. This is never going to end. It will not ever become boring, so learn to live with it and be confident that you are the one who he is with and wants. My wife and I both look at members of the opposite sex. I look at other women, but I like to look at my wife when she is wearing her tight jeans and tops even more and she knows it. She even likes to look at hot other women and points them out to me when we are out. Even at her age, she also gets some good looks herself, even from much younger guys.
A
male
reader, Uncle Sneaker  + ♥, writes (31 July 2008):
 What a lot of complicated answers.
I don't think it's complicated.
Men look at women because women look nice. Very nice. Extremely nice. Women are worth looking at.
Just because you might happen to drive the best car you could possibly buy and you are perfectly happy with it, doesn't mean you aren't going to look at a Ferrari when it goes past, does it? You know you wouldn't really want it youself because it's not right for you and wouldn't really feel comfortable, but it doesn't stop you looking!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2008): when you find out the answer let me know. My husband is driving me bananas - i don't get it. I have told him how it makes me feel and he still does it, to me that is not love if you cannot refrain from one thing that makes me, your wife of one year, girlfriend of 11, and mother of two kids, feel absolutely pathetic.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2008): The bottom line is woman compete with woman! Women check other women more than men do. We men are image driven and look at woman because they reveal their body parts (skin tight pants, half the tits out there) which every guy wil take a glance even the 80 year olds its only normal. If woman dont like it than us man looking at your body stop giving us a reason to do it! If you dressed a bit more conservative the problem would go away. So them blame is on you ladies for throwing the dog a bone!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2008): Well, I agree with alot of what is said. It seems that some people agree that if you are not in a good place with your man or just had a fight or taking him for granted, they tend to look more. I'm not sure why, but I have also read this on other sites too!! If you give him attention (like we women like), they seem to reciprocate the attention and place extra focus on you. I was completely betrayed by my ex-husband, so when i got into my current relationship, i had a lot of trust issues and insecurities. I realized that my man is going to look, as will I, but that's all it is. If he's staring and making sound effects, then that's a whole other story. But my man is very subtle in his glances and never makes me feel uncomfortable about it. When i see a nice ripped guy running with no shirt- i'm sorry, but i DO look. It's not like i'm wanting this stranger or thinking of him all day, I'm just taking in a beautiful male body. I'm not comparing him to my man or wishing my man looked like that. And that's simply because I love my man the way he is and that's why i love him- because he is who he is. I have to believe that he feels the same about me. And something that always helps me when i'm feeling a bit insecure or low is that- I know other men are looking at me. I never throw it in my man's face or anything, but its my little personal mantra that picks me up when i'm down. And if i tell my man i got checked out, I can see the twinge of jealousy, and he'll say "jerk." In some respect, i think he's proud that he's got a woman that got checked out. I know this sounds a bit conceited, but you have to think of things in a way that benefit you and keep you positive, rather than feeling low and doubtful. Keep your head up ladies....we're all sexy beings and we need to appreciate our looks and not compare them to others...we only have one life...enjoy who you are because we are all beautiful!!!!!!!!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2008): My fiance did this to me a couple of times. But I have cured him of it. I started doing exactly the same when I saw a fit young man. He hated it. I also made him realise how RIDICULOUS he looked as a 51 year old man looking at young girls, like an old pervert. I explained how they saw it, and it embarassed him enough to stop. To the man who said we women would blow a fuse if we knew what you were thinking when you look, well, if only you knew what WE were thinking when your huffing and puffing away (hilariously that most of you are only good for looking) know what I mean!!! we are far too polite to tell you though. Excusing my fiance on this, as he is brilliant in bed.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2008): Hi, You have one of the most asked question by women.I ask myself this question. We will never satisfy men enough for them to stop looking at other women. ( thats i think)Men dont understand what they are doing to theirs partners when they look at other women, if a woman look at another man you bloke flips, but if they do it , its ok.Dont think so!I get really upset and have anxiety attacks when my partner looks at another woman, i keep thinking im not good enough for him, cus if i was he wouldnt look at another.I beat my self up about it so if anyone else could help me understand i would like to learn.( men arent our psciologist, or our doctor they are somebody just to share our body with )
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female
reader, olinda  +, writes (24 July 2008):
I'm from italy and reading these I think everyman in the world do it.
so I think i'll never marry in may life.
when I have a relation and I go out with my boy friend I look evreymen around me and he sarts to be jelous.
may he will not stop but at least he will feel like I do.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2008): but are they thinking of people they see outside when having sex with their partner?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2008): There's the more primitive alpha male, your typical manly-man who drinks beer, farts, and stares at other women and they really have nothing more to offer, so don't be surprised if you're sitting there bored at a restaurant while he's looking around the room. On the other hand there are a more evolved species of man, intelligent, will fill up dinner with conversation (even better when you actually have things in common with the guy)and focus his attention on you. So take your pick.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2008): Guess what? To your surprise, there are actually gentlemen out there who consciously choose to not look while out with their woman because they actually care about what hurts their woman. Don't you want a best friend who gives you the reciprocity of what you can give them? If you are able to offer undivided attention, exclusive desire, and monogamy to your partner you sure as hell deserve the equality! It's simple, quit settling for a loser who doesn't give you this respect, get out there, and befriend a gentlemen! As a tip, you won't find him in a bar. Where are these great men? I don't want to take credit for the research, but here is a link with the answers. This is a great site that pushed me to break up with my loser ex who was just making me miserable with his crass behaviors. And for you women out there who say you don't mind your man looking, good for you, at least someone's taking those guys that us other women don't want. So maybe it evens out. For every women who doesn't care, there is a man who will do that in front of you (god knows what they are doing NOT in front of you), and for women who can offer the exclusive attention, don't settle. There are men who will offer you the reciprocal. Anyways, here is the fabulous link. http://howtotellifaguyisajerk.blogspot.com/2007/05/where-are-great-men.html
And even if you don't find a man, don't feel obligated that you even need one. Do you know how many happy, vibrant single women go through life doing everything they've ever dreamed without a man? You can find unconditional love in other people, pets, family, friends. And no drama. Live with purpose! and good luck.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2008): The answer is really simple. Truth is we just can't help it. It seems to be a general consensus among people and the media to seriously downplay mens sexual needs in fear of feminism _ .
Men are not like women, we have a 'much higher' sexual drive than women - but this fact is maliciously downplayed. Men are naturally polygamous, it's not difficult for us to have relationships with more than one woman, in fact we would desire it. Women can surprisingly turn down sex, for us it's a struggle :( .
As for why men mind it when others look at their woman, again it's just how we are. We are extremely possessive and it's just in our nature to do so.
All this may seem selfish, but it's not something we can help. It's an integral part of us that is difficultly being suppressed within us, society's become too ignorant for the needs of 'equality'.
You see it wasn't too long ago that polygamy was a norm. Hell, some wives actually went out their way to look for another wife for their husbands.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2008): men look because if you look good and they got you they can do better they think with there man part i have men friends they tell me and men can have someone they are in love with but they have to keep it open because not alot of relationship work any more
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male
reader, q1605 +, writes (6 February 2008):
 Look at how much hub bub this question generated. Gentleman out there. Can you imagine what kind of rise we would get if they knew what we were actually thinking while our eyes lingered just a bit too long
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2008): Hey I stumbled upon this and thought it fascinating. I like also the woman who wrote about not exactly appreciating being the one stared at. I have tried to explain it to the guy I was seeing in these terms. I have explained to him that I have been the one who is being stared at and whether it's ogling or not there is almost always an unhappy looking woman by the side (or a few paces behind him because he can't be bothered to wait for her). And to any guys reading this it makes us, the woman being scrutinized, idealized, and otherwise "ized", feel we should somehow lock eyes with your woman to put her at ease knowing all to well it wont because it's not us but him she is uncomfortable with. And it makes me think, here is a guy who can't commit (ooo the "c" word) to finishing his previous business, be it a break-up and not a lingering squishy wishy washy mess, or be it commiting to realizing a good thing when its there and working to make it last. And what does he expect to get out of it? I mean when it goes beyond staring and suddenly he's approoaching you because he's now drunk and his girlfriend or whoever is in the bathroom or buying another round of drinks and what does he expect?
That you are going to be okay with maybe dating a guy who, even if he does end it with the previous one, will also turn tail on you the moment the relationship leaves the "honeymoon phase"?
Maybe you guys don't realize that now there are more and more women who are willing to put their hearts on hold in the first few weeks of a relationship in order to save themselves a lot of trouble down the line.
My x-guy did this too...stared at other women and then I started looking back and assessing when he tended to do this and it always seemed to come after we had been having hard times. I don't even think he was very aware of it, which is why I think he would do it whether I was there otr not though I would rather believe it was only about making me jealous. If this is true, guys do it to make you jealous, then they are the ones insecure really and are trying to make you just as miserable. Or perhaps they are not feeling loved or special. Whatever the case, if you are hurting the person you are with and say you love than something is wrong. She may not actually be "crazy" or "psychotically jealous". You may be a sadist, enjoy sabotaging your relationships or simply a control freak who thinks the only way to get what you want is to keep her in a constant state of insecurity. Think about it next time you try to think of yourself as an "alright guy", or protective and a safe place for her to fall. Think about the kind of women you attract with this if no relationship ever seems to stick.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2008): To the Gent who admitted his behavior and then said he did not look so much when alone. That is funny you said that because I had the opportunity to watch my guy when he did not know I was there, and the very person he was looking at while I was there, he had no interest in when I was not... how funny. Thanks for your honesty,
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2008): Everybody keeps on saying that girls look too, but is this weird or not, because I don't look at all when in a relationship. Maybe it's just really strong will power or something, but I do not notice any male creature or thing passing me by when I'm with or without my man. My man is really good about not looking at other women, he will purposely turn his head away or walk in a different direction. I think its because I made it clear that if I have strong enough guts and will to not look at another so on so "attractive" guy, than perhaps he should try not to either with women. The only time I ever feel tempted, is when I'm going through a really rough patch in the relationship, or I have some strong financial problems going on. But that's something totally different, and probably a lot worse than glancing at another guy. I dunno. Anyway, I would have to agree with some of the answers above, saying that if he looks, then you should look ten-fold, because it takes two to tango.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2008): Glancing is natural, staring is not.
My girlfriend has complained several times about me 'staring' and I have to plea guilty. I have a really bad habit of doing so. We have just read the entire thread and I learned one thing from it. It really hurts the other person (usualy the woman) when we (men) do that.
Here's what I think; the automatism of 'glancing' or acknowledging is just that, automatic and instinctual. I've started doing it at 11 years old. However, I believe 'staring' for a prolonged time is something that we males learn and make a habit in this society therefore, it is something that we can put an end to with a little effort.
What I find weird is that when I am by myself, I don't tend to stare as much as when I am accompanied. And the second thing is that the more she is jealous, the more I am inclined to look; it's as if it says, 'I really don't trust you' and it makes me feel like shit.
good luck to you all.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2008): All of us wonder why. The questions we ask as women are " is this woman he is looking at, does he think she is more prettier or better?", " Will he think of her while having sex with me?" "Will he start to think that maybe he can do better?", "Does he wish he could do better but is settling for me?" Beleive me I have asked these questions. Funny thing is though, this is what I did because I had enough: I started going to the gym for myself not for my partner. I started losing weight and feeling good about myself and I even hired a personal trainer. My guy became paranoid that my personal trainor wanted more and I was checking out buff guys at the gym. I said why do you think this way hun? is it because you do the same things? He did not know how to answer that. He has a thing for latino chicks, so I made it obvious I had a thing for "the Rock" he makes a big issue when the Rock comes on tv. and i flat out said what is good for the goose is good for the gander babe if you can't take it dont dish it out because i give it back 10 fold. His whole attitude changed. Instead of me feeling bad about myself, I made every effort to make him feel the way he makes me feel when he looks at other chicks. Ladies...start taking back your strength and your courage. If your man treats you like crap or hurts you when he stares and stares at other women do it right back and see how it likes it and if he makes a big deal out of it tell him if the kitchen is too hot get the hell out. And if he doesn't mind...while hey ladies look at all the eye candy your sweet tooth can handle...it's time women started controlling how they feel instead of a mans actions controlling how they feel.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2008): I have been wondering about this same topic for a couple of years and had my own insecurities. I soon figured out that the women my husband tends to look at are well...fake. They are covered in make-up and most are toothpick thin... no offense some can't help it, but that is what todays society now sees as the model female. Being overweight most of my life has brought on self esteem issues but I was once told that "it takes all of a woman to bring out the best in a man". And its true, if your not happy whom ever you are with is not going to be happy either. Most humans by nature are rebels, if you say "no", they say "yes", if you say "don't" they say "what if",
I found that not nagging or arguing with my husband has brought him back to reality simply because I would nag and cry and complain and call everything he looked at disgusting, then I just stopped and let it go. Then I found he wasn't doing it anymore. He simply got bored. There was no point because he knew he could. Not all men are the same but when I stopped worrying so much about what he was doing or looking at and took more time for myself and taking better care of myself he began to notice and wanted to be apart of that.And the better you will begin to feel about yourself too. Don't try to be somebody your not cause when you loose yourself in that and come crashing back to earth you will be so confused it can take a lifetime to find your roots again.Take care ladies and gents.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2008): I am glad I read this amost 6 months ago. I married a man who had been on his own for over 15 years and it was his thing to look...but I have found that it is my way or the highway....becaus I KNOW there are men out there that don't do this...I know he loves and adores me and I know the way it made me feel had NOTHING to do with low self esteem...it is just down right horrible, and there is a differnce between noticing and looking, and you know it when it happens. Anyway, if you find yourself with someone who does this, make you happiness the priority because I will never live like this no matter how much I love a man..NEVER NEVER....because without him, there are many other options and fun I could have...either my way, like it or not, or the highway, because I AM WORTH IT !
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2008): I used to have this problem as well with my boyfriend. we have been together for a year and i used to always catch him looking at other girls when i was with him. it really hurt and at first, i didnt say anything about it, just kept it to myself. But then it got to a point where it was all i could think about and it always ruined the day. from then on, whenever i saw him looking at another girl and staring, I would say something. every time he would deny it and we would have horrible arguments and sometimes this happened in front of people that he knew and it often turned out that it was my fault? i was paranoid and i needed counselling and there was something wrong with my head and the way that i thought? whenever i confronted him also, the subject of the conversation always turned onto me and i would always find myself apologising for accusing him, even though i knew damn well that he was doing it. i felt like shit and i stopped buying underwear and things for him and our sex life died. apart from looking at other girls, he was a good boyfriend to me and i loved him more than anything which is why im still with him. im so glad that i found this website because i was starting to think that there is something wrong with me. im glad to hear that other people feel the same way and that im not paranoid. ive started to make threats to my boyfriend and say that im not going to be with him anynmore if this continues. i also make big scenes out of it and i have made it clear that it really hurts me. not just when he looks at other girls but also when we watch movies with sex-scenes in them. he used to stare but now he looks away or at me, and i appreciate that. i still get pissed off from time to time when i think that he is looking because i will spot an attractive girl before he does and now he doesnt look as often. maybe its becasue he knows that im going to notice if he does and he doesnt think its worth the drama. i know that he looks at other girls when im not there and im not really okay with that either. it is cheating as far as im concerned. i have a low self-esteem and i dont know whether i should seek help or not? i feel too embarissed to talk to anyone about it because i feel like im being really paranoid.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2008): Women stare at blokes/guys to, its only natural, so no need to panic, men always get a bad press about being perverts, sex addicts etc and it really annoys me, we are only human, both sexes do it married or not, its part of nature.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2007): Hey guys. Have you ever wondered if maybe we don't WANT you eyeballing us? When we're walking along the sidewalk, and we catch your ridiculous stare, it's very likely that we're also looking at the woman who is on your arm and thinking, "You've landed yourself a loser!"...So keep that one in mind! Put your tongues back in your mouth, and start appreciating the woman who loves you despite all of your ridiculous ogling.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2007): i totally understand all the females on this pg....i told my husband im not the only one who felt this way.. and that just cuz his strange momma wanted him to keep in contact with his exes(ya shes doing her damnedest to get her little boy back all to her self)dosent make it right...my husband used to dream of nurses he knew when we had sex(thats cheating in my book)he has also flirted with other chicks in front of me and hae also ogles ever damn thing with tits or an ass. i don't want to go places with him watch tv with him or even play a damn video game cuz he ogles all of them..im starting to get relay board cuz im left with very little i can do...why do men choose to be in a relationship with us yet it seems hunt for better gens...im sick of it, my self after catching an all consuming lusty look to a video game character on a game i WAS relay in to i told him enough is enough. hes receiving the silent treatment right now while i consider if i should stay in this bull shit relationship, funny how i used to think he was the man of my dreams best thing ever to happen to me. i have not been treated well by men, so i thought he was so great. i was wrong im at a point in my life i wont settel for second best any more. i deserve the best, and im sick of settling for what is not.. damn it i want to live.
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female
reader, Fire_Tiger +, writes (20 November 2007):
 Well, the last boyfriend I had had a TERRIBLE case of the roving eye and was a main contribution to why we split up in the end because I felt I couldn't handle it anymore. Perhaps I also discovered how much of a jealous and posessive person I am, but he didn't try to soothe that, he just played on it. I would try to ignore it but it came to the point where I wouldn't even want us to go out in public together coz he would literally LEER and DROOL and other girls, and of course it would make me feel ugly and like I wasn't good enough. It would put me in a rage. I would even get angry about women on TV, and finally any female that came within eye contact. Everyone told me that it was natural for him to do that because he's always been like that and he would tell me himself he doesn't realize he's doing it but I wouldn't buy that.
So eventually it came to the point where I could no longer take it and decided to break it off - we still see each other now and then (for sex and just to hang out) but I definitely can't be with him coz I'd be miserable all the time. I bet he wishes he didn't have a roving eye now.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2007): I think the best way to make your partner feel loved and secure is to act like they are the only one in the room, and to consciously look away when you see an attractive member of the opposite sex walking by.Sometimes it's an instinct to have a look when someone attractive walks by, but it should stop there. If your partner keeps on staring at that person, they are being insensitive and disrespectful to you. I would hate my boyfriend looking at another woman, but if he glances and looks away, I would be willing to let it go, as long as he doesn't look at every female that passes by. I've heard lots of times that it has nothing to do with the woman. She may be the most beautiful woman on this earth and her partner would still look so I hope the women posting here won't feel insecure or like there's something wrong with them. It's kind of like when you're driving by in the car, and you see a big attractive billboard. You'll quickly take your eyes off the road and have a look. Not because you want to have an accident or be a careless driver, but because the billboard caught your attention.I think one way to resolve this issue would be to let them know how it feels. If he stares at a woman, stare at the next attractive man you see. And don't feel bad about it, give him a taste of his own medicine. Chances are, he'll hate it. As long as he does it, you do it too. If you can't beat em, join em. Another tactic would be to take a female friend along next time you go out and ask her to point out a hot guy in front of your man and say yes, that guy is hot. And see what he says. Or how he likes it.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2007): I think the whole looking at the opposite sex is normal. ALTHOUGH staring ogling is not.
I have an ex who used to stare sometimes and i would confront him on it & 99% of the time he would deny it, this would make me mad and time and time again we would argue over it, what became ridiculous was we ended up arguing about him lying and not about the subject in hand. I would think if he is gonna do it at least admit it. Though with this ex i felt really insecure with him as he treated me like shit......The next guy i was with im sure done/does it but he was more tactful and as he made me feel loved it wouldn't bother me nearly as much. Basically i think we all look men and woman but as i said above there is looking and staring i accept my boyfriend looking/glancing but id hate it if i saw him stare
Also someone else mentioned sisterhood if i see a couple walking along the road i always look down or away cose i dont want the girl thinking im looking at her man as its another annoying thing to see another girl looking at our boyfriends.
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reader, martini  +, writes (2 November 2007):
 Wow this thread is old. Alas, I can't help but rebuttal 60% of the posts here about men being pigs. If men that look are pigs, then women that look are....?
No, that last sentence/question actually doesn't mean anything. Always wondered why men are referred to as pigs. Why not toad, or cat, I like cats...
Anyway, I think this really depends on how your companion looks at other females. For example, my youngest uncle is a total horndog and completely disrespects my youngest aunt, his wife on a whim. When I brought my female friend over, he just stood there with a horny expression on his face, checking out her body. I laughed of course, and told my friend afterwards. Now I can tell you that is quite inconsiderate of him - what you probably call a hungry boar?
However, if say you're my girlfriend and we walk down some street and a beautiful woman walks down across from us. I might take a glance, make note of her, and then look away. So does that means I am what you call a "pig" as well?
You have to remember, EVERY ONE, 100% of all human beings on this planet - unless they have some illness or deformality, WILL have some form of desire and lust in varying degrees. EVERY ONE can recognize a beautiful thing or person.
Lets look at it this way: how can you tell what music sounds good to you, and how can you tell what colours match you better, and how can you tell what type of smell you like?
Take it up a notch: Why do you prefer the GT3 RS over the Gallardo? Why do you prefer fiesty women over docile women? Why do you like Spanish castles over Chinese castles?
Take it up another notch: Why do you like shapely fit and muscle-toned women more than 300 pound women? Why do you like Harajuku styles more than trendy westernized styles? Why do you prefer a woman who can stand up for herself over a passive push-over?
Clarifying: There are a slew of factors why men look at other women, when they are in love with you. However, lets look at the partners themselves and the love you speak of. Is the "love" you speak of the delusional "I love you forever and ever and ever, my heart belongs to you for all of eternity, that my soul and all that is me is your's until death do us part" -OR- is the love you speak of the more realistic kind where there is no question as to why and it just is with complementing factors?
If it's the first, one then great, live in your fantasy world and cry and scream that men are all pigs because they look at something else regardless of interest levels. If it's the second one, then great, you have to understand and recognized that it's dependent on how he's looking, why he's looking, and whether you think he is really yearning after some body else, or just taking a glance and making note of it.
Long winded. Fabulous. Need drink.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2007): I just want to say that I am insecure and have low self-esteem and have been married for over 5 years with my husband who I know loves me to death, but he looks at other women while we are out together (used to anyway, not so much anymore). Men just don't understand that if it bothers a woman, like myself, then you shouldn't do it. I realize that "we both" look at the opposite sex when we're not together (I admit it), that is fine, but "not" when we're together. I have respect enough not to do that and so should the man. He should make "YOU" feel like "YOU'RE" the only one that matters to him. Where is the romance in a relationship if your out with your boyfriend/fiance/husband if he's sitting there "constantly" looking at other women? Again, where's the romance in that? -- Unless you're looking for a Ménage à trois (which I can tell you that most of us are not). I feel a glance or two is acceptable if she is attractive, but it needs to stop there. They don't need to be constantly looking at the other woman 3, 5, 10 times over. It is preverted, inconsiderate, appalling, offensive, and degrading to us. It is just something that a man (who "LOVES" his woman) should not do in front of her, especially if it bothers her. We know you do it, but it really does hurt our feelings when you do it in front of us. It does make me feel that I'm not worthy enough or good enough or pretty enough or sexy enough, especially if you're glancing at some other woman more than twice. It's obvious then that you're realy interested in her, so it does make me feel that if I wasn't around and she found you attractive and came over to you because she caught you looking at her 10 times over -- so that must mean you "want" her -- and she tries to hit on you or give her phone number and you're going to sit there and tell me that you're going to tell her you're happily married, have a girlfriend or fiance and "I was just looking at you from afar." Give me a break!! Temptation can be evil and it's wrong and you shouldn't go there in the first place. No man, if he "really" loves his woman, should constantly keep looking at others. My husband's daughter caught him looking at another woman while we were just dating and she got on him about it, and he said that we're not married yet. So what is his excuse now? In my opinion, it scares me to death to think that he is not completely happy or satisfied with me (he says he is with his mouth, but his eyes say differently). He tells me I have nothing to worry about and, of course, the most notorious excuse of them all is that "it's natural." That's bullshit! It's only natural for perverts. I know he truly loves me but is that enough, can I really trust him? -- that's what I wonder. I have walked out on him in a restaurant for looking at "a couple" of different women in my presence and we got into a big huge fight and I think I finally made him understand then where "I'm" coming from. It is the biggest pet peeve I have with him and he should consider my feelings in the matter even if he thinks he's doing nothing wrong. If it bothers us, then they need to stop looking in our presence. That's all there is to it!! For those women who don't care, good for you! I am not that kind of person, can't help it, and he should respect my feelings if he "really" loves me. Which, like I said, he has come a long way from how he used to be, and I am much happier nowadays.As a matter of fact, if a guy is looking at me too long or over and over again, my husband gets offensive (not when I'm looking at other guys, so he says), so why is it okay for them to look at other women over and over again, but men can't look at us?? Explain that one!!I know I get offended when a guy is looking at me over and over again. It makes me feel uncomfortable. I don't like it, so tell me again why there's nothing wrong with it?And when a guy is looking at me when he is with another woman, I think "what a PIG!!"
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2007): I've had countless heated discussions about this with my partner (now husband) of 10 years. He was very cagey about his reasons for staring and initially claimed that he simply couldn't help noticing attractive women and that all he was thinking at the time was: 'she's nice looking'. I wasn't convinced about this as sometimes he would practically salivate and it seemed as though he became very distant.
Anyway, I pestered him so much that he ended up admitting that he likes to imagine what these attractive women look like naked and claimed that all men do this and its simply admiring the female form.
Now I don't especially want to go out anywhere with this man because I know that when he is looking at another female, he is mentally undressing them. I suspect that most mens porn habit makes them stare even more as they regularly look at naked women on the internet etc and their curiosity gets the better of them.
Now I know that male curiosity about the female form is a natural thing but I am very uncomfortable with all this because I guess, admittedly, I feel insecure about it and feel he is comparing me with them. Especially now that I have had a baby, my body has changed quite dramatically and although he tells me he still finds me attractive, I can't help thinking that the post pregnancy body does not fit society's notion of an attractive woman.
This male behaviour has made me question the idea of marriage as I don't feel that men are naturally designed for it and cannot be anywhere near mentally faithful and struggle to stay physically faithful (i know some men can't even manage this). Trouble is, when men find someone attractive their brains respond and send messages to the rest of the body which makes him feel good. Men don't even seem to realise themselves why they find the female form so attractive. They think it is just because it is a symbol of beauty but it's not just admiring it's an obsession with it and nature intended this to ensure reproduction.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2007): I have no idea! I hate it! And I totally know what you mean. I've been with my boyfriend for four years, and he even admits to looking at pretty girls even with me. He says its in 'mens' nature to do so. Anyway, I have no answer to your question. Maybe a guy can reply to your question and we will both know why they do that!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2007): hiya, i am so confused just now i really don't know what 2 do i have a 3month old baby 2 my partner, and a few nights ago i new there was sumthing up i asked he said nothing then after about 2 hours he said that he was talkin 2 a girl at his work, and he found her "HOT" i don't know what 2 think will he cheat or not i feel like crap already as i have just had a baby and 2 hear that its so upsetting,i asked him if he was unhappy and he said no he was happy but then said he didn't know i asked again can u tell me that u will never cheat and again he is i don't know, he then told me even if he was unhappy he would never tell me cause he doesn't know how 2 that and would want 2 hurt me he then after a few hours said that he was happy........ but i am just so confused does he want 2 be with us or other women ???
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2007): i have had this happen to me.next time i saw a good looking man i looked. he didnt care.said it was normal. go figure.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2007): Not sure what the answer is on this. My man is going through a very low self esteem issue at the moment and has recentlt been caught texting another girl, prob was he stupidly got the number wrong and sent it to a phone we share! He is going to see a therapist next week as he feels he has some serious low self esteem issues which are causing him to seek female attention. He swears he would never see anything through and just wanted her to say yes so he felt wanted. This hurts me so much but I can see he is being genuine. The fact he wants to work on it shows he is being as honest as he can! Men eh?
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female
reader, lisa21 +, writes (26 September 2007):
this is going to sound strange, but i've never caught my fiance looking at anyone else, infact i spot girls looking at him and i told him once and he turned around to them and asked them what their problem was, i know he likes the attention but i also know he is only in love with me and i know he sees other women but i believe him when he says he doesn't feel attracted to them or think about sleeping with them.
my past relationships were not good, my exs cheated made it obvious they were looking at others, thats why i ended it so it took alot for me to trust my fiance... what i'm trying to say girls, is that not all men are the same... just alot of them lol x x x
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2007): MALE READER AS A MAN I CAN TELL YOU THAT I USED TO SO IT ASAN ADOLESCENT. MEN DO IT BECAUSE THEY FEEL ATTRACTED TOWARDS WOMEN SEXUALLY. IT IS NOTHING BUT LUST. A HONEST AND COMMITTED MAN WHO LOVES HIS PARTNER WILL NEVER FEEL AND DO THAT.GIRLS DONT LET YOPURSELVES BE CONNED!
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2007): MALE READER AS A MAN I CAN TELL YOU,
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2007): Fact of the matter is men AND women all look. If you were walking in a garden, wouldn't you notice the flowers. So when men and women notice members of the opposite sex, all they're doing is appreciating the beauty of life. There's no hidden agend |
