A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Why do men i date find my one night stands in the past distasteful?
View related questions:
one night stand, sex life Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2008): Because he values you and does not like the thought that what is precious to him - you in the whole intimate package - well you gave it away in the past too easily in his eyes and because of that he can no longer see you in the same way - he may also be jealous that you have had so many lover and he has not - a lot of men find this very difficult to handle
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2008): Probably because they are.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  + ♥, writes (17 April 2008):
 I'm with Double M. I quote him: "Jealousy and envy are powerful human emotions. The older we live and the more experiences - we sometimes learn to accept others with less judgement, but some never learn. Be honest, but you do not have to advertise the past."
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A
female
reader, Ask oldersister  +, writes (17 April 2008):
 Probably because you don't know that you are supposed to keep this information to yourself. No guy wants to hear about how many guys you've slept with and the details. In the future, keep your mouth shut about it and if you truly meet someone special- let him know what you've learned from your past experiences without going into numbers and graphics, okay? Take care.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  + ♥, writes (16 April 2008):
 It is a free world, people are free to have one night stands and others are free to find it wrong.
Find a different type of men to date.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2008): It's a natural way for males to feel. Some feel it worse than others, but most meen feel this way more than most women. Biology is not geared to make our relationships smoother when it gets in the way of making babies more effectively.
When a male gets involved with a woman who has "given it away" a lot in the past, evolution emotionally punishes him for it. It makes him feel like a chump and/or he think less of the woman. If he had built her up in his minds before finding out about her past, then it will hurt him VERY badly. It will usually hurt worse the more he cares about her.
Biology says to men: "Why should you put so much work into a relationship with this woman now, when a bunch of other guys have already gotten the same shots at fathering her kids without having to do nearly as much? Now she's got a better chance of having other kids to support & hurt her fertility already, a better chance of having an STD, she probably has a better chance of having strong attractions to these other past men who may still be around (to get into her pants behind your back and sneak their genes into a kid that YOU raise as your own), etc. It's just not smart shopping to pick a mate like this."
Women have their share of biologically-driven counter-productive feelings about choosing a mate too. Just different issues. (For example, "bad-boys" . . . need I say more?)
You've also gotta appreciate that it's not like men sit around WANTING to feel this way. The fact is that it tortures us and screws up our romantic life just as much as it does for the women involved. It's just forced into us by nature.
Surf this website, and you'll find a never-ending list of men asking questions about how to cope with these feelings. But there's no solution and it never goes away. Most of us already know that these feelings are not fair to the woman, or logical to the present situation or anything. But natural emotions don't just obey our commands and turn themselves off whenever they get inconvenient.
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A
female
reader, duskyrowe +, writes (16 April 2008):
 My motto is..... What they do not know won't hurt them!!!!
If you give too much away about yourself, ie your past sex life then men are more inclined to use you as they feel that you are fair game.
Boasting about your one night stands is rather off putting, if you want to meet the man of your dreams. It makes them feel that you are easy and would sleep with every Tom, Dick and Harry and makes you look cheap. If you do meet your potential partner and the subject does happen to crop up about your past liasons then I would tell them that you have had a few serious boyfriends and then leave it at that. Do you see where I am coming from with what I am saying???
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A
female
reader, Annalisa +, writes (16 April 2008):
 I know that sometimes you just want a bit of fun, but sex is more than pleasure. It involves the risk of pregnancy.
If you've had one-night stands with strangers, you risk rape, abuse, STDs and of course pregnancy.
I'm not in a position to judge, as I've used men for sex, before, but now that I've grown up and settled down, I look back and realise how wreckless I've been!
One night stands are irresponsible and a man who might be thinking of you as his potential life partner and the mother of his children, should be forgiven for worrying about your moral standards and wisdom. He might feel you lack self-respect, which would imply you might not respect him either.
If you're not likely to have one any time soon, why bother telling your man about your past one nighters?
Let him get to know you first. Your past is your alone and hopefully you've learnt from it.
Saying all that, I recently told my husband about one particular episode and he was so shocked he was actually turned on and found it quite funny that he had me down as a sweet and innocent girl!
Still, once is more than enough, mentioning every episode from your past would just be torture!
God bless you and good luck!
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A
male
reader, Dr T  +, writes (16 April 2008):
agree with eyeswideopen.. dont broadcast it, problem solved
Unless now you are holding some sort of world record or something? In which case you need a secure bloke.
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (16 April 2008):
 Jealousy and envy are powerful human emotions. The older we live and the more experiences - we sometimes learn to accept others with less judgement, but some never learn. Be honest, but you do not have to advertise the past.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (16 April 2008):
 Well for crying out loud keep your mouth shut. There, problem solved.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2008): I get jealous of my girlfriend's past one night stands more than the sex she had with her ex-partners, because to me her sex is worth so much, and it kills me that some other guy got it so cheap.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2008): Men have a built in need to ensure parentage of their offspring. We are descended of animals after all. Watch any of natures animals around you and you will see the male keeps other males away from their mate.
In humans we act kind of differently. The male can either become possesive or he can try to increase his chances by picking a mate that isn't easy for his rivals to get at, Ideally a virgin or someone who is very hard to get.
What worries your dates is the fact that as soon as their back is turned, you will be in bed with the first guy to buy you a beer.
The best thing to do is not to talk about your past or this will continue to be a problem for virtually every guy you meet.
Hope this helps D X
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (16 April 2008):
 Men have double standards !! Period!
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A
male
reader, 09876  +, writes (16 April 2008):
 Some guys can be very dumb and territorial when it comes to those sort of things. I know a few guys like this, they don't like the idea that their partner has been with other men. Call it greed or jealousy, but either way its often hypocritical and it shouldn't get in the way of a relationship. Hope this helps
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A
male
reader, pyan +, writes (16 April 2008):
Hi
men can only accept things like that when they get older. when i was younger i would think about my wife ex partners and it would get to me. know we talk about it openly and use it as a turn on
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