A
male
age
41-50,
*ossoleary
writes:Hi, I have been living with my girlfriend for 2 years now. I'm English living in Costa Rica and she's Costa Rican. When we first met I found her text an American man she used to work with. I found out they were having sex,skyping and sending rude photo. She told me she never had sex with him. But I saw some emails. I never told her I knew the truth. This was before we was together. I then went into her email account and sent him an email from her saying for him to never contact her again. That was 2 years ago. I am in England for two weeks, she is in Costa Rica. She is going to USA for work while I'm in England and returning after me. She has told me she has contacted the American man and found out that I told him never to contact her. She is very angry that I went to her email account and did this. My question is why did you contact him? She has told me she wanted to say hello. I'm angry and broken hearted she has contacted him. I have told her not to contact him again but she refuses. I see her on Whatsapp online status. I ask who she is talking to and she says here family but I check her family status and they are not online. She now blames me and is getting angry about me keep asking about the man and asking who she's talking to. . She says she loves me and don't care for the man. What should I do?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (21 June 2016):
 You should never read someones emails, never mind pretend that you are them, no wonder she is annoyed. When she lied to you at the start that is then why you should have asked her why she lied, not gone snooping some more.
I don't know why she contacted this man, but that was her choice, maybe she did just want to say hello. Instead of you trying to make things up to her you TELL her that she needs to stop talking to him. That is very controlling. You should never tell your partner what they can and cannot do. You need to learn to control yourself and your issues. If you do not trust her then end it, don't try and control her.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (20 June 2016):
 YOU fall to your knees and beg forgiveness and pray she accepts you back.
YOU betrayed her.
YOU lied to her
YOU invaded her privacy and her trust.
IF you don't trust her then do her a favor and leave her now.
'I have told her..." umm excuse me YOU do not have ANY right to tell her WHO she can and cannot contact. EVER. MY HUSBAND does not have the right to tell me who I can and cannot have contact with. HE has the right to ask but not TELL.... and I have the right to agree or tell him to take a flying leap. He trusts me to do what I need to do and want to do to keep our relationship healthy. FWIW I have ended a few friendships because of my marriage. NOT because he demanded that I end them but because the people I NO LONGER am friends with told me I had to make a choice.
So I did. I choose the person who trusts me enough to let me choose my own friends. That would be my husband.
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A
male
reader, Garbo +, writes (20 June 2016):
 Your situation has so many markings of a failing relationship of which the broken trust is something that could likely lead into complete breakdown. I could understand your snooping into her email but impersonating her without her knowledge is a total breakdown of any semblance of trust. This is a highly negative action on your part and is being reciprocated with a negative as well. It's one bad negative feedback loop. What I could suggest is to attempt to break that bad loop and the best thing to do is - do nothing. Let this US trip episode pass by, stop talking about the American and focus on some other things, like her statement that she loves you and that's it.
I can also understand your concern about that other guy and her hooking up with him, but that matter has been so badly mishandled that I also see no way to put it back together. Taking no action on any of this might be the best option because it will do no more harm nor elicit another negative response.
So focus on managing the negatives by doing nothing that could elicit them.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2016): She is cheating on you. Break up with her.
Sorry for your loss.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (20 June 2016):
 Oh Boy! You had no right to check her emails, you certainly had NO RIGHT to email that man telling him no contact and signing it with her name, no right at all! Its no wonder she is angry ..... as for her contacting him to catch up when she went to America ... well Einstein, she didn't know that she had "supposedly" emailed him telling him no contact.
That was you, not her!
You ask what you should do, in my opinion you should first recognise the breaking of trust you committed by getting into her texts and emails and reading them, and the double betrayal emailing somebody in her name. Once you recognise your actions were unacceptable you need to apologise profusely, and do whatever necessary to regain her trust.
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (20 June 2016):
What is this? High school?
You found emails that the woman you are dating is lying to you about her pass relationship. OKay... you accept that and kept dating her.
You invaded her privacy and used her email to LIE to the guy as she did to you...Two wrongs added up to what??? WRONG!!!
She found out what you did, and she is angry...and now you are wondering why she is contacting the very man you are trying so childishly to keep her away from???? HUH!!!
If you have done your job as a man, and treat her the way you want to be treat yourself. Love her and respect her, she would have no reason to be looking for someone else. But since you have not done that...hmmm.
This is what love is. See if your actions measure up....
"Love is patient and kind; it is not jealous or conceited or proud; love is not ill-mannered or selfish or irritable; love does not keep a record of wrongs; love is not happy with evil, but is happy with the truth. Love never gives up; and its faith, hope, and patience never fail."
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