A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for about 3 years now. We were able to make a long distance relationship work for about a year and then 9 months ago he changed jobs so that he could move in with me.Our relationship has always been pretty strong however we have had a few major arguments since he's lived with me over a girl that he works with.I first became wary of her when she invited my boyfriend to a gig with her and his colleagues joked that they were going on a date. In the end he never went with her as he said he thought it was weird she had only asked him.I then had concerns after learning at how open about her sex life she is towards her male colleagues, including my boyfriend, and after finding that she often messaged him on social media outside of work about it I asked him to unfriend her so that he could not receive any further messages.Not long after this I discovered that they were still in contact over social media after I had watched him unfriend her weeks previously. My boyfriend told me that she had put him on the spot at work, asking why they were no longer friends and so to avoid tension he readded her. Again I had him remove her from social media.Last night I found 4 nude pictures of her on his laptop and it has absolutely broken my heart! When I confronted him he said that the nudes were posted by herself online and another colleague had sent him the link to have a look. And without thinking, he saved them. He has told me he's never looked at them to get off and that was not his intention when he saved them - it was just force of habit from when girls used to send him nudes whilst he was single.He has assured me that he doesn't see her in a sexual way at all, but I am struggling to understand why he would save them at all if that was the case? During the argument he was crying uncontrollably and saying that he didn't want to ruin things as I was the best thing that has ever happened to him. He is the love of my life and I have said that I can forgive him, but one more stunt like that and things are over.But now I don't know how I'm feeling. I'm trying to convince myself that, although making an incredibly stupid move, if he's telling the truth then he hasn't really done too much wrong. But at the same time, I feel like he has cheated on me. Especially because it involves the same girl that we have had issues with before.I am definitely not the jealous type and I am very easy going when it comes to him having porn pictures and videos saved, but is this different because it is somebody he personally knows and sees most days?We've both already agreed to move on from this as long as there are no more secrets and he looks for new work, but am I being a pushover? I really don't know how I should be feeling and need some advice on what to do now.
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at work, cheated on me, jealous, long distance, move on, nude pictures, porn, sex life Reply to this Question
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (21 June 2016):
 He is lying, off course she sent them to him and he saved them, you don't save nude pictures by accident. He cried because he got caught, don't let him fool you. Also you telling him he HAS to delete her off social media probably just made him want to talk to her even more, she was like the forbidden fruit, nobody likes to be told what to do from there partner.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2016): Years ago I dated a guy who kept mentioning some female friend of his, although I never met her, but I chose to trust him. However, I went through a similar situation to you. He would say he was off out with his "friends" on his motorbike and then show me photos of the trip out and she was always there. Then he started taking his phone into the bathroom with him, like it never left his side. Then something about his behaviour also changed and my intuition kicked in. He brought his laptop round one night for help with his CV, went out to get pizza and left it unlocked so I snooped. There was this friend, semi-naked, in her underwear, posing for him to take a photo. Of course when he came back in he threw me a lie of, oh she used my laptop to email photos to her boyfriend in Slovakia bla de bla..... but one week later I found out he had been sleeping with someone else, I found a letter to her, he got very careless ..... whether or not he had been sleeping with this "friend" as well I have no idea, but let's just say no sane woman leaves naked photos on someone else's laptop OR online unless there is something going on other than the recipient is a professional photographer. Sounds very much to me like he is lying and he got caught. Ask him to show you the messages and links from his friend. But really, it sounds like he is lying to your face.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (20 June 2016):
 Oh he's lying!! And once he got caught, he didn't know what else to do or say so he cooked up the whole story about his colleague sending him the link and him not being sexually interested her. I'm not saying colleague didn't send the pics, maybe he did; BUT there was absolutely no need for him to have saved the pics. He did because he wanted to. It's as simple as that.
Would this be a deal breaker for me? Yes. Because this girl has come up repeatedly in his life and having nude pics of hers is really the last straw. I also find it hard to believe that she posted here own nudes online... Seriously who does that? Unless she's a prostitute or trying to proposition clients, that sounds highly unlikely. Are you sure the girl hasn't sent him the pics herself? Did you ask you have a look at the email that he says his colleague sent?
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (20 June 2016):
 Hmmm, you can only hope he's telling you the truth so why not ask him to show you this so called link and the attached message from his mate otherwise how can you not be 100% sure she didn't sent them to him herself? If she has then he lied and to be accepting them-cheating. He has agreed to want to move on from it as long as there no secrets, so being transparent of such a request shouldn't be that much trouble if things are above board. if he pulls the "dont you trust me? " line you can simply answer with " I'll let you know after you show me".Good luck
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (20 June 2016):
We men do stupid and mindless things at times...wait...lots of times...but nude women...we live there. A naked woman is like crack to us. So I highly doubt it was a mistake. A foolish man would look for an easy woman...like this coworker. A wise man would stay very far away from such a woman....For this very reason...it brings nothing but trouble.
Coming to visit and coming to live with...are two very different things.
Once you see things at an early stage that his interest is focus elsewhere and not with you...it is time to ask yourself...how badly do you need this relationship?
I would give him a chance to prove what he said. However, I would be ready like rain to wash away the foolishness out of my life.
Do you know what a pushover greatest strength is??? To be able to push back. :)))
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