A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone, I have been feeling incredibly confused and feel that I need some advice before I can let this go.. Im 29 and the guy in question is 26.. we dated for only 3 weeks. He is quite an introvert and definitely not the player type. The dates went great, we got on well and there was lots of laughter and affection. After 3 weeks I felt ready to sleep with him and when he suggested staying at my place one night I happily agreed. We were about to start "doing it" and he stopped and told me that he has a problem with premature ejaculation. I tried my best to be nice and make him feel comfortable about it. He ended up coming before he could penetrate. He didn't say much about it and we both ended up falling asleep because it was very late. I cuddled him throughout the night but I noticed that he was suddenly very cold and unaffectionate and the same the next morning. That day I sent him a text saying I had a good night and said that we would have to try that again *wink* and smily face. But this was his reply: I need to have fun and I get bored of girls easily so I need to change them all the time. I thought it would be different with you but its not. This seems bizarre to me because he is shy and his friends have commented on his lack of experience with women. I then pressed him further for answers and then he said that "I realized we don't have much in common and its better that we end now than in 6 months". I asked him if he was definitely being honest and upfront with me and he said yes.It just seems strange because I thought we got on well and seems a coincidence that he only realized our incompatibilities straight after he stayed the night?! So I am wondering which is the most likely truthful reason he ended it??Thank you!
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ejaculation, player, shy, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2012): I would just like to say a big THANK YOU to everyone who took the time to give advice. I really appreciate it! xx
A
male
reader, Myau  +, writes (12 December 2012):
 Id forget him, hes a looser.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (12 December 2012):
 I think you posted this already, but I will give you the same answer as last time..
He is embarrassed. It's a jab in the pride when he couldn't perform.
There is nothing YOU can do. You were willing to give him time and try this a few times to make it work, he isn't.
The whole, I get bored with girls.. is false bravado. To try and make it sound like it doesn't matter..
THIS is all HIM - nothing to do with you.
He is not capable to go past the initial dating stage. Nothing because he can't find a decent girl, he obviously can.. but because he isn't willing to find help or keep trying til he succeeds.
HIS loss, honey 100%
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2012): I've learned a important lesson over the years: you can't worry about the way other people act. It's almost impossible to understand all the intricacies that create different personalities.
It sounds like you did everything right, so I'm positive the problem is not with you. It's better that it ended in three weeks because it doesn't sound like he was worth spending any more time with.
I can't imagine how embarrassing that would be for him so acting rational may be difficult in that position.
Don't worry about it, you can find another guy who's better suited for you.
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A
male
reader, dave1982 +, writes (12 December 2012):
"A man is a man. You should always be careful and play it safe. " - WHOA! We aren't all bad ya know ;)
OP, this guy is most likely really ashamed of this. The problem is that no matter how you approach it the shame that he feels is likely to keep him from you. See, he has an actual medical problem but he can't mentally realize that it's not his fault. Making him realize that you understand could be close to impossible.
Personally, I would try the approach of telling him: hey, he might find it humiliating, but you find it flattering. It's not every day that a man is so attracted to you that he can't even make it in. Right?
There are meds that may help if you do get him back. I do NOT have any issues sexually - but I take Celexa (Citalopram) for mild depression and a common side effect is anorgasmia. In other words... it takes a long time and A LOT of excitement to drive me over "the edge". ;)
Best wishes!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2012): I think what your hinting at is totally possible, that he is so embarrassed and ashamed of his pre mature ejaculation that he chose instead to break it off with you because he can't handle what in his mind feels like massive humiliation. BUT it is still no excuse to treat you that way. If that really were the case, even so, the way he is handling this is really immature and just straight up shitty. I used to have a boyfriend who pre maturely ejaculated (he was 22 at the time) and he never walked out on me because of it. In fact we had what felt like a story book romance. So this guy just sounds like a jerk. Plain and simple. And one more thing. This comment you made, "He is quite an introvert and definitely not the player type." Look, I don't care how introverted he seems or unplayer ish and inexperienced he acts, as long as he has got a pair of balls and a penis between his legs, he is a man. Don't let your guard down that easily or be misled by other factors that are insignificant in judging a guy. A man is a man. You should always be careful and play it safe.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (12 December 2012):
 He does not feel worthy of love because he can't satisfy you in bed. The problem goes beyond nervousness. It could be psychological as well. I am betting that if you stick with him for long he will still cum too soon. He ended it before you could do that to him, at least he is in control of the situation. His reply also shows little consideration for you. He does not want to care that you are hurting, but instead he feels more comfortable to portray you as a player who is just in it for the sex. He wants to blame problems on you. Your post tells people that you can't trust people's words even when they say they are being honest. Sometimes deep denial is stronger than truth. In a way you are indeed incompatible. You want to enjoy sex, you want it to be affectionate and relaxing. And to him, sex is so stressful it wrecks his whole being when he can't do it right.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice + ♥, writes (11 December 2012):
 You are right. This is a fragile male ego, that was unmanned. He is running away.
Can you get him back without becoming a stalker? It appears that you have already tried every reasonable approach.
Quite frankly, he needs a success and you are wanting to give him one. It is too bad that he is not allowing you in.
FA
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