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What's on this older guy's mind? Why doesn't he text me like he used to?

Tagged as: Age differences, Dating, The ex-factor, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (6 December 2011) 4 Answers - (Newest, 7 December 2011)
A female New Zealand age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Hi i'm really confused...

There's a guy i've been texting for sometime now. We have an age gap of 9 years but i really like him. We used to text throughout the day. When we first met, i really thought everything went well because he did text and call me on the days that followed. I started getting the feeling that maybe he indeed did like me too (he had told me previously he liked me and loved talking to me) But then he started getting busy with work. Or thats what he told me. Now even on holidays, he doesn't text or call like he used to...like for the past few days when he says he'll talk to me later, he doesn't. I used to love the good night text he sent me before he went to sleep, now i miss that. He still continuously pokes me on facebook though. I dont know what to think anymore. Whats on his mind?

Another thing that bothers me, is that he just got out of a relationship around 6 months ago. He'd been dating that girl for 1 year and their break up was horrible. He still doesn't seem to be over her. He keeps telling me his past bothers him. And maybe he isn't texting me cause he's not able to let go of his past. That girl has already moved on and is dating someone else now. I hate seeing him in that state...

i know i'm thinking too much and i know i sound crazy but i dont know what to do about it. i like him and want to be with him :( but i'm very shy to tell him how i feel...please help

View related questions: facebook, on holiday, shy, text

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (7 December 2011):

So_Very_Confused agony aunt Poking on face book means NOTHING that is not a relationship. TEXTING is not a relationship… IF he’s not over his ex and he’s not dated others, you will be he rebound girl and nothing good comes of that…

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A male reader, Sageoldguy1465 United States +, writes (6 December 2011):

Sageoldguy1465 agony auntDid you put out for him? IF you did, then you were his "rebound" sex.... and now - sad as it may seem - he no longer needs that rebound sex, so he's in the process of tossing you aside..... Sorry, that's the way it is when you deal with unscrupulous guys.....

Good luck....

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (6 December 2011):

Honeypie agony auntHe is not over his ex.

You can't have a successful relationship by poking each other on Facebook and thru texting.

I would honestly back off, if he IS interested he will contact you.

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A female reader, k_c100 United Kingdom +, writes (6 December 2011):

k_c100 agony auntLook you are only texting this guy, it doesnt even sound like you have been on a date so none of us can tell you why he is texting you less - you will have to ask him to find out.

But one thing is for sure, it definitely sounds like he is not over his ex, so I would advise you dont even think about dating him, he is not in the right frame of mind to have a relationship so it would be you that ends up getting hurt.

I think its a bad idea to even date him - he is not ready for it and that could well be the reason why his texts have slowed down, because he doesnt want to lead you on because he isnt ready for this.

But if you are not willing to give up on him, then you are going to have to be brave and tell him how you feel. Only then will you find out what is going on with him and what will happen next.

I hope this helps and good luck!

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