A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I am a 16 year old girl and my boyfriend is 18 year old . Both of us love each other very much but we are of diffrent caste and our family is highly orthodox but he had promised me to marry and now he is asking me to have a physical relationship. I dont know what to do. I feel I can't say no to him . Please suggest what to do ? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, sammy621aa  +, writes (7 December 2011):
its ok to say no. If you are not ready then your not ready just tell him that and if he loves you and respects you then he should be willing to wit as long as both of you need to. Remember its ok to say NO. :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2011): So many of my friends have said this exact thing to me, all I tell them is DONT put yourself in a position where you feel vanurable or uncomfortable.
If he really loves you he will understand your reasons for not wanting to have a physical relationship with out being married. You know what you want in life and I am pretty sure you dont want to have to carry a baby while you are still in school where people will judge and call you names just because of pleasing your boyfriend.
He is not worth it if he cant wait a couple of years for that type of relationship. You are still very young and should not have sex with out protection.
Good Luck and remember you have rights and you just need to say no. simple. :)
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (6 December 2011):
 Why can you not say no to him? He promised to marry you, so if he wants sex with you he needs to marry you first, it's that simple. If he doesn't want to marry you after all, and just wants to have sex with you, is that really something you should accept?
Marriage, then sex. If he can't wait until you are married then break it off with him, because he is the one who couldn't keep his promise to you. Never do something you don't want to yourself, and think about the consequences. What if you have sex with him and then he leaves you? That is a risk you shouldn't take, not when you should be married before having sex, people somewhere, somehow, someone will find out about it and it can ruin things in your life.
What if your boyfriend has sex with you and then doesn't marry you? Will a new man want to marry you when you are not a virgin? What if you get pregnant, because when you have sex you are always at risk of pregnancy. Think ahead. If he promised to marry you then he needs to marry you before he tries to push for sex. If he wants sex now I think that's all he wanted from you.
How long have you been together?
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A
female
reader, Jd90  +, writes (6 December 2011):
Talk to him. You should never feel pressured into having sex. Try talking to him and tell him that you are not ready. And a promise to get married is not the same as being married.
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A
female
reader, bluecow +, writes (6 December 2011):
 Before you do anything.... think of the consequensesWhat will your family do if you sleep with him - but dont marry?What will your family do if you marry him?What will his family do if you sleep with him - but dont marry?What will his family do if you marry?What happens if you dont marry but have slept with him. Will you be able to remain in your community?What happens if you get pregnant before you marry?I fully admit my knowledge of the Caste system in india is poor, and based largely on what I have read in the media, so I admit my view is likely very skewed. In an ideal world you wouldnt have to be considering your familys feelings over caste at all, but I worry that this isnt the case.Would it be possible to marry with your families consent? Could you both approach your families to arrange your marriage?On top of all of this is the fact that you feel you cant say no!. That worrys me. You have EVERY right to refuse to have sex with anyone. You do NOT have to do ANYTHING you dont want to do. If you dont want to have sex, then dont. If you do, then remember what the consequenses are, and whether its worth it before marriage. If you feel you may be forced into sex, then is this really the man you want to spend the rest of your life with? (I'm not saying this is the case, but worry its a possibility).Do you have a family member you can confide in? Someone you trust to give you real sound advice before approaching the rest of your family?I'm sorry my advice has been more questions than anything else. The bottom line is that you CAN say NO.
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