A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi all. A few weeks ago I found out I am pregnant. My partner and I are delighted as we have been trying for about a year, the baby was conceived with fertility treatment and we have just bought a house together. The thing is that I am struggling with horrible symptoms – tiredness, awful sickness and I feel my social life has come to a halt. Some evenings I fall asleep on the sofa at 8pm as I am so tired and poorly ( I work full-time as a manager). Last weekend we arranged to see the fireworks but in the end we didn’t go because I just felt too sick ?My bf is trying the best he can. We have quite a fiery relationship where drinking featured heavily at times, more on my part than his. I used to binge drink and usually this ended up with one upset or another. Now I am drinking nothing and whilst that is fab, I have found that I feel bored as hell; my life has become about work, coming home, having a bath, cooking, eating, falling asleep, and pretty much feeling rough through all of this. My bf does stay at home enough with me, he is a mental health nurse and he works shifts so he works weekends, evenings and nights regularly. He is still drinking but not to excess, he has a couple of pints/glasses of wine around 3 times a week with I would say about a monthly night out where more/lots of alcohol would be consumed. The thing is, I lost it with him last night and now he is very upset with me. He worked a late shift and told me he was going to have a drink with his friend after work and be home at 10pm. By 10.10 I was already clock watching and feeling irritated. I text him to find out where he was and he replied by ringing me at 10.30pm to say he was having another drink. I put the phone down on him and he finally came home at 11.20 (he’d had 3 pints) and then we had a massive argument. The thing is, I know deep down that he was not being unreasonable and I hate it that I am reacting this way. I have wanted to have a child for the last 8 years and feel I should be happy that I am pregnant, even if I am sick a lot, but I just massively miss my social life, my independence and I am very jealous of my bf’s social activities, and this is just 8 weeks in to my pregnancy! Please does anyone have any advice as to how to cope better and maybe some tips as to what I could do in the evenings/weekends, but nothing too tiring please as I do feel pretty rough. Also, I don’t drive, it's cold and it is getting dark at about 5pm now.I want my life to be more about being pregnant, working and coming home but dont know how to change this. Like I said, my bf is at home with me most of the time but he sees a friend about once a week. Most of my friends are really busy, and childless. I am really struggling with my new identity. I miss the old Party Girl, I really miss her! I feel my relationship is not going to survive if I keep acting on my jealousy of my bf continuing have a social life.I hate it, but I resent him for it. I know this is unreasonable but I guess pregnancy emotions and hormones cannot always be rationalised. Thanks for reading.
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female
reader, Battista +, writes (7 November 2011):
Hey OP why don't you invite some friends over on some evenings or a weekend when you know your other half is working. Explain that you're tired and don't want to go out but would like an evening of nattering and catching up. I'm sure they will be happy to oblige.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2011): Thanks Guys, I'm the OP, I like your answers.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (7 November 2011):
 In another month or so you will start feeling better. I actually never felt better than I did around 5-7 months pregnant. Busy yourself getting the baby stuff together, paint the nursery when your strength comes back, your nesting instinct will kick in and you'll find yourself thinking about all kinds of things you want to do. The party girl days are behind you now, and you won't miss them once your baby arrives. Sure you will still be able to have a social life but no longer the drinking yourself senseless. As far as your boyfriend goes you will need to ease up on the guy, men can get confused and frightened becoming a father for the first time. Time for you to step up to the plate and show your maturity and common sense. Best of luck, you'll see all of this turmoil is worth it when that little bundle is placed in your arms.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (7 November 2011):
 This is hormones kicking in. If you can reduce your work hours to four days instead of five days a week. The first three months are tough. Then it settles down. The last three months are very tiring. But the tiredness straight after the birth, for me, has to be seen to be believed. I've felt literally like a clock that is slowly winding down. If you can have a relative come stay with you for the first three weeks it will make a big difference.
Also attend some preparation classes. I found those classes and a yoga class for pregnant girls very beneficial. Get some books on pregnancy from the library, so that you are prepared in advance for each step.
I like a project so I took up embroidery. That may be too tame for you and I suspect you are more fiery than I. That's fine, Viva la Difference. Maybe get some good movies in and enjoy them.
Give yourself permission to ask ask your man to help you more with domestic duties and do not feel bad if you decide to go to bed early.
Things will get better, probably after baby starts school :)
Ask your Doctor to check your Iron/Haemaglobin levels and take some folic acid (sounds horrible but is essential for pregnant woemn) as folic acid is important if you are not eating enough leafy green fresh vegetables. Plus try some Vit D and Calcium. The chewable ones are quite pleasant. That maybe making you more tired.
Put your feet up more often and do not worry if the home decor is not perfect. Your health is more important.
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A
female
reader, Mariab +, writes (7 November 2011):
 Hunny! First of all Congratulations are in order. There are always sacrifices to be made. Giving up being a party-girl (36-40 age group) and binge drinking for a baby is really just NO COMPARISON!!! You need to be patient with yourself and when the baby comes you will settle into a whole new life that will be filled with raising him/her. What you feel you have sacrificed is NOTHING compared to what you stand to gain when baby arrives.
I also think that being pregnant should not stop you from having a social life. You can still meet people for drinks (just that yours will be alcohol free). Eat out more often, join gym pregnancy classes, go for walks (helps with ease of delivery), read about baby and start planning baby room, take up cooking, etc. Your partner should also be involved in this as pregnancy is part of the parenting journey. Good luck xx
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