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writes: I’m looking for input from the under-20 crowd here about just how piercings are perceived.My 14 year-old daughter is anxious to get one. The first negotiations were for her nose, but lately it’s been for her navel. I’m old and stodgy, and have consistently said ‘no’ to any piercing beyond an earlobe. I’ve explained about what piercings (and tattoos) meant in the world in which I grew up – I’ll spare the details, and just say that none of it was complimentary.My girl has told me that she doesn’t want one for rebellion or social commentary. She just thinks that a belly-button piercing would be “cute.” My question is, how are those piercings perceived? Is it just ‘cute’ ornamentation? Or is it a sign of sexual availability?
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male
reader, Walkintall  +, writes (28 December 2012):
From a Christian boys perspective... It makes me sad when I see belly rings or tatoos on girls, because it makes them unattractive to me. A Christian boy looks to date a girl who he wants to go to heaven. I know all sins but one are forgiveable, but I want to date a girl who is at least on the right track. The Bible says not to pierce or tattoo your body (Levititcus 19:28). It also says if your are luke warm he will spit you out(Revelation 3:16). By using the word spit, I believe he is telling us he is revolted by luke warm Christians. Another thing is, that I wouldn't want to walk around with a girlfriend who had a belly ring on. Guys have enough trouble keeping thier thoughts on a womans mind and not her body, why lead them from looking at your face to your belly???!!! PLEASE lead me not into temptaion!!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2012): I know this is a late answer, but im 14 years old and i recently got my navel pierced. For me it has nothing to do with being sexually appealing or provocative. Its trendy and cute and it was a gift. I've always wanted to get it done from i was 11 but, my mom told me no. This year was different because i earned it. I raised my g.p.a. And showed her i was responsible and mature and that i wouldnt let it distract me from doing my best in school.
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female
reader, Kristinlolo +, writes (29 July 2012):
I think belly button rings are cute I got mine done but I don't go around showing myself like that and if your daughter doesn't show herself like that then to me she should get it
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2011): i am 24 and to me it symbolizes nothing at all except what u perceive it to b. ive always wanted 1 but hadnt gotten in to the cash yet. i had it gone in april of this yr and cant wait to change it.u shud talk to ure daughter and ensure th@ it is sum she wants and notsumthing evry 1 else has and may regret later. but if she is certain y not although growin up in the caribbean my mother wud neva allow it.
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reader, whiteelephant +, writes (17 October 2010):
a belly piercing is like a tattoo. sure it may turn some people on but really its not intrinsically sexual just a personal statement. nobody really consciously understands tattoos either, either you get it or you dont
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2010): A belly piercing to me just means you're willing to exlpore different ideas. I haven't heard at all nor do I think it means anything sexual. I am going to get one myself soon. Plus, piercings are a whole lot better than tattoos, you can take them out and they can close up so you can kind of do a backspace on it. I hope that I've helped. Thanks for listening.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2010): I am 19, i have had my belly button pierced since i was 13, and i did because i liked it, not to fit in, or look sexy (I'm still a vergin!!) i hate it when people talk about the sexual links to certain piercings, if a girl is going to be sexually active at a young age that is because of who they are not because they have a bar of metal in thier naval.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2010): Hi there. It might be late to respond, but I will anyway. I am a responsible 26 year old woman with a professional job in education and a master's degree. I was a virgin (by choice) when I graduated college. I also asked my parents for a belly button piercing when they were all the rage. I was probably about 14 or 15. It was part of fitting in the crowd. Acceptance is extremely important to this age group. My parents said no. I was so naive there was nothing about my wanting one that should have concerned my parents. It was just a way to feel like I was growing up. When I decided I wanted a tattoo the following year I didn't ask; I just did it. I knew they would say no if I asked. A tattoo is permanent. A belly button ring is a trendy novelty item that can be removed. Its also a way for her to prove to her peer group that she is cutting edge without actually having to be (I didn't want to smoke or drink, but didn't want to look like a nerd). I would caution you that 14-17 are very tricky years and you really have to choose your battles with your daughter. Your daughter sounds a lot like I was at that age. I never did anything wrong...until I started getting accused of it by my mother. For example, I came home a little late from school because my friend got her license and we went to McDonalds. She assumed I was out doing bad things and punished me. I eventually felt like if my parents were not going to trust me, I might as well get into the trouble for which I was already getting punished. It was the lack of trust that sent me into my rebellion phase which I am very lucky to have escaped without getting arrested and ruining my future.
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reader, Lielie  +, writes (2 October 2010):
A belly-button piercing is really cute. I don't see it as sexual but it's just something tobring the attention to the piercing and not to a scar or of you have a little bit of fat to take the attention away from that and to bring it to the piercing so it is also a good thing
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2009): Hi, I hope I am not to late to input! I am 16 and thought I should give my opinion. Obviously generations experience different things, and older generations have different opinions on things (such as navel piercing) than today's youth. What you have to remember is that you may have different views on what she pierces, but chances are you don't approve of her music either. What I perceive a navel piercing to symbolize is nothing but something a girl may do to make themselves feel pretty. Yes, the media does portray them differently, but not all girls carry themselves like those in the music videos. In fact there are very few girls in my school that show off their belly button rings. I think they are often perceived in a sexual light because those that do show them off are begging for attention. I also think that because your navel is so covered up that it allows easy concealment. Whereas something such as nose piercing is more obvious, and allows adults in her life to judge her based on that. If you are worried about her putting herself out there sexually she isn't going to express that through a belly button ring. I wish you the best of luck, and hope my input has helped you somewhat.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2009):
Hi, I'm new to this blog and thought that by answering this question it'd be a good way to start my journey here.
I actually had the same problem with my dad when I was 13, and the main reason I wanted to get one was because I liked there appearance and liked what they represented to me, which was a way of expressing my new found maturity.
However, I was not allowed to get one until christmas at the age of 14. The reason for this was because my parents thought it was a way to attract other boys, and they partially said no because they thought it was an act of rebellion. It took me a good year and few months to try to convince them that this wasn't the case. In this time my relationship with my dad grew weaker and came to a crumble. I partially regret getting it, not because of the piercing itself but because I thought it would make my relationship with my dad stronger and show my maturity better, and it caused me to do the exact opposite.
I have now experienced what my parents are experiencing, being a mother my self, which is the fear of growth and departure of our children from the comfortable and innocent nest which we have built for them. However there are times where I find that a parent needs to sacrifice their comfort and overcome the fear of our children's growth, to see that some actions that we allow them to take do not have hidden meanings behind them but are of their own personal and more than often innocent goals.
As far as infection there are a lot of different ways to protect the area from getting infected and the majority of piercing center's use clean needles, and one needle per whole.
In summary some might say that a belly button piercing at 14 is too young but it really all depends on the person. I think you should have a one on one with your girl to see the reasons behind it. I also think that asking this question and trying to get other peoples opinions is a great move. But also maybe try the opinions of people that know your daughter too? Everyone is different. And at the end of the day if the decision comes down to a no, sit down with her, or take her out for some ice cream and explain to her why. If she gets frustrated know that she does still love you but is having trouble seeing your reasons.
Best of luck,
- L.J.
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reader, RosesAreRed86 +, writes (5 November 2009):
I find it pretty amusing when some girls who get nose piercings or naval piercings say that they are not getting them done because it is cool, but in order to "express their individuality." This seems highly, highly suspicious to me, based on the sheer number of young girls trying to "express their individuality" in an exact identical way as a bunch of other girls. It really seems more like they are just trying to fit in.I sincerely believe that if nobody else in our society was getting nose rings or belly button rings, these girls who claim to be "expressing their individuality" would never have even considered getting them done in the first place. I think, like so many things that teenagers think are cool, they really are just a fad.I also don't buy into the argument that they are just "cute" not "sexy." I mean, when we're using these words to refer to developed, or developing girls, aren't they virtually interchangeable? I for one know that when I refer to a post-pubescent girl as "cute" it is virtually always synonymous with "sexy."Also, the truth of the matter is that belly button rings draw attention to a girls mid-section and away from her face, and typically, in order for them to show them off, they must be wearing skimpy, revealing clothing. There is no doubt a sexual side to belly button rings, and I believe that anyone who tries to deny this is just kidding themselves.
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reader, hijacked_dignity +, writes (3 November 2009):
 Hope I'm not too late!
I just turned twenty one actually, and I've always been under the impression from both my girlfriends and guyfriends that belly button piercings are definitely one of the more 'sensual' piercings.
They not only focus the attention around the mid section of the body which is usually covered up, but the are also associated with low rise jeans and high cut tops. Bikinis. Other revealing clothing. Also everyone that I know (friends or not) who have this type of piercing don't exactly live the most 'innocent' of lives. Which may be fine for a young woman who can make her own choices, but I would definitely say that fourteen might be too young for such a piercing. I mean the only reason to get a piercing is so people can see it, right? Also they like having something to show off once the clothes come off. Not all, but most. And that's definitely the illusion most guys get once they know a girl has a belly button piercing.
And is that an area where you feel comfortable allowing your daughter to show off? I guess it's a question of what you feel comfortable with. Me personally at the age group that you were asking advice from, I wouldn't really consider it until a later age. Perhaps seventeen or so. Good luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWow -- thank you everyone, for those fabulous replies! That's just what I was hoping for, some thoughts from both sides. You've been tremendously helpful. I appreciate your taking the time to respond.
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reader, hotredhead  +, writes (3 November 2009):
 heyy thereI'm 16 and i have a nose piercing that i got just after my 13th birthday and my mother let me get it because she saw that i wasn't doing it too be cool or because anyone else was doing it but because i was expressing my individuality.I think you should maybe question what your daughters thoughts are and also why would you want a navel piercing if you weren't going to show it off? itd be pointless. Also remember at this age her head is probably filled with boys (not being offensive just experience) hope this is of some value xxx
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reader, duce00 +, writes (3 November 2009):
 Two things are coming to mind here. Before I weigh in, I must say I am 39 and a single father of a 12yr old girl. Dis-qualifiers?? Maybe...
First thing I think you are up against is the age old battle we parents have at home to keep our children from getting lost in what they think is cool. All adults should remember a few poor choices that "seemed like a good idea at the time". A belly button on a 14yr old child definitely sounds like one to me.
Second thing is: I think this might be one of those times when some support from the woman in your house might be very helpful. Even though I am now a single parent I do understand being married and raising a child. When the parents are not a united front, the child tends to test these boundaries and the result is bad for everybody. Try talking to your wife to see if you can change the dynamic you described. I think that your wife wants your daughter to have every benefit of a good upbringing before she is thrust into the world just like you do. Maybe you can take this opportunity to resolve the imbalance in how your child perceives you two. Make sure you are non-authoritarian in how you approach this one with the wife though.
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reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (3 November 2009):
 Sorry Old Guy, I'm 23 but had to pipe in. My parents rejected the belly-button idea and the instant I turned 18 I went out and got it (and have loved it ever sense). And yeah, I did it mostly to be cute (and because I love earrings), and I wasn't looking at it to up my sexiness... but let's face it. A belly button piercing is pretty sexy. And once you've got on, and you start buying those cute dangley earrings, then you want to show it off and wear shorter shirts and of course - ALWAYS a bikini to the beach. And regardless of what's going on in her mind (she probably just thinks she looks extra cute), the guys checking her out are probably thinking that she looks extra hot.
Personally, I think 14 is a little too young. Maybe when she hits 16, then she can rock it. I will say, a nose piercing is much, much more innocent than a belly button piercing. Not much is sexy about a nostril.
Good luck!
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reader, RosesAreRed86 +, writes (3 November 2009):
Thus far, most of the posters on this forum have been females, so I'll give you my honest take, as a 24 year old male who has known several girls who have had them.Belly-button piercings are definitely kind of a slutty thing for a girl to have, and if I had a 14 year old daughter I personally would never condone her having one. I mean, just think about it logically, it draws attention to her stomach area, and the only way she is ever going to get to "show off" their "cute" piercing is by wearing skimpy, revealing clothing. I would be alright with my daughter having the cartilage in her ears pierced, but definitely not her belly-button.Times may have changed since you were growing up, but the stigmas of piercings and tattoos are still the same.
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female
reader, Lola1  +, writes (3 November 2009):
 I suppose if there IS a general stigma attached to piercings, it is "youth". It is true that mature adults do not seek them out, especially when they do not work in tattoo parlours or as a roadie.
If it helps, those friends of mine who've had piercings have allowed (most of) them to heal and they have done so quite cleanly, however that is not Old Guy’s main concern (at least judging by his post).
As others have said, a navel piercing is not likely to give her a body-altering scar (sagging skin or gaping hole), but there is a valid question not yet fully answered about possible sexual implications.
My concern would not be for how young boys are likely to see her based on the piercing alone, as much as it would be about how she would carry herself. Will she wear belly tops and show off her midriff or will it be a private decoration only seen by the public when she wears a bikini (for example)? Often our behaviour is more indicative of our sexual availability, than a piercing is likely to be.
Perhaps if she does convince her parents she is mature enough to have a belly-button piercing, being allowed to wear one will be under constant review and considered a privilege which can be withdrawn at her parent’s discretion.
Good luck, Old Guy.
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reader, Tine +, writes (3 November 2009):
 Im 22 so a little over the age requirement however i have 7 piercings altogether. My first was my nose then my navel and then my upper lip. At the time i got my navel done it was just a fashion craze of girls in my school, there was nothing behind the meaning other than it was nice to look at (by girls) and that you could get cute diamonds and things for it. I did ask my parents to get it done however they said no so i went along and got it done anyway and to be honest after a few years i took it out because the novelty wore off. Piercings in my eyes are ok as long as their done professionally and if you do decide to let your daughter have it done you can always go along with her to make sure the place she gets it done at is ok.
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reader, harshbutfair +, writes (3 November 2009):
 Regardless of what they symbolise, they are potentially dangerous. People have died from infections. Even if the bar is clean and the piercer is an expert, the nature of the skin in the region means that infections can become introduced to the wound. I would ask her to consider if it's worth it.
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reader, Fatherly Advice + ♥, writes (3 November 2009):
 Yet another rep;y from an older person. I'm in the same age range as old guy. My Neighbor is close to my age, married to a younger man, but has kids the same age as mine. A few years ago She decided to get he navel pierced. (I know completely different idea as she was mid thirtys and can make her own decisions) Her comment on the whole thing, when my girls asked her about it, was that it was the most painful of all of her piercings and she would never do it again. Just something to think about.
Like Old Guy I am interested in how younger people perceive these things. My daughters haven't asked to go beyond ears. One of them decided against pierced ears. (What does that mean?) The one answer from the younger set said piercings still indicate a "lifestyle". Unfortunately he didn't tell us what indicates what, just that navals aren't indicative of anything.
Many corporate dress codes still prohibit face piercings. This leads me to believe that the practice is not a widely accepted as we are told. I'm generally against body art as making permanent marks when you are young is not a good idea. But a naval piercing is pretty easy to hide. I under stand that if not kept up it will even self heal.
FA
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2009): i got mine done when i was 14. the same reason ur daughter has, i think it looks cute :) and it does. it rly isnt a sexual thing, unless, however, she wanted to start dressing to show it off. this would obviously result in short tops. that could be a problem. but i dont think you have anything to worry about. i cant say, because im not a parent, about whether id let my daughter get one but i can say that ur status at not being the "nice parent" will surely go up if u do let her do this haha :) not that that should be an incentive. just saying. good luck!
lovee, Laceyyy.
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reader, LaraC +, writes (3 November 2009):
There really isn't that much stigma attached to tattoos or piercing anymore HOWEVER it's very possible that your daughter will regret the decision to have one.
Ex. I had a tattoo done myself when I was 16, it was a very 'cool' thing to do and I felt very grown up when my parents decided that it was up to me if I wanted one or not. I had a Celtic circle in black on my left ankle. Fast forward six years and I had just graduated from a very reputable University in London with a degree in Finance. One day my professor took me aside and told me that even though my grades were brilliant I would have to either wear pants for the rest of my career or get my tattoo removed as all banks, investment firms, hedge funds etc have a no tolerance policy for tattoos - if you do have one it may not be visible at any time and no piercing are allowed except for one in each ear.
It cost me £ 60 to have the tattoo done and around £ 800 to have it removed! (and I didn't pursue a career in Finance in the end... go figure!)
EX 2. The girl that I went to have my tattoo done with was my best friend at the time, she had a tattoo done on her hip. A week later it's revealed that she was allergic to the red dye in her tattoo. She had to take cortisone for over two years to fight the allergic reaction before having it removed.
Granted these are just two examples but I really think you should say no for now and re-visit this in a couple of years time when your daughter is older.
EX 3. The girl that was allergic to the tattoo also had a bellybutton piercing. We went scuba diving in the Maldives together when we were 21 and her piercing got stuck in the zipper on the wetsuit. Lots of blood, tears and enough to convince me never to have one of these babys done!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2009): Remember one thing, that piercing will heal if left alone,
that being said, you know her maturity level better than us random intreweb people
as far as meaning, not really, though she may be interested in other piercings that she knows you won't approve of
one last thing to consider, of all the body mod available belly button is among the most descrete ( only shows with a belly shirt or bikini) and least unusual. Only ears are more common. Nose, eye brow, tounge, lipps, all of these can give older people a reason to pidgeon hole her in school or work environments
bottom line, with a responsible 14 year old, it's low risk.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you, Rhythmandblues. No, I'm not here to be her friend, I'm here to be her parent. I've said 'no' lots of times, I've grounded her when it was necessary. I'm the disciplinarian in the family, as much as I hate it. Someone has to do it. My kids adore their mother because she, as the perfect child, never challenged *her* parents, and detested the discipline handed out to her siblings. My children fear me, because I know there has to be someone who will stand firm, and I do it. Lord knows I'd love to be the "nice" parent, but that role has been filled.
By the same token, I want to say "yes" whenever it's appropriate, any time possible. I have to say 'no' a lot, and I want to be sure that I'm not just saying 'no' by reflex or prejudice.
There's a poster at a store I often drive past, of a young woman with a bare midriff with a bright piercing in her navel. To me it seems intended to enhance her sexual appeal.
I have in front of me a very well-written letter from my daughter addressing my concerns about body art from her perspective. Obviously that letter doesn't address the question of whether my take, that a navel piercing is a sexual thing, is valid. Hence my question to teenage boys.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2009): I am old and stodgy, too and in my opinion 14 is too young to be getting any kind of peircings except perhaps those for earrings, as they are fairly easy to care for.I don't believe that 14 year olds are capable of very good judgement, when she is older she may wish that she hadn't pierced her nose because she will have sagging skin and a hole in her nose...in her mind she will never be older than 18.I don't think belly button piercings have a stigma, but I think they are perceived that the woman is attempting to look sexy, and there is pressure even on young girls this day to be sexy and sexual and it is just plain the wrong thing to be emphasizing in a girl this young. And yes she will start wearing clothes that will show it off, she will be attempting to look sexy which in my mind equates to easy especially in a very young girl.As her parent, your job is not to be her friend, to be cool with it or down with it, your job is to protect her from bad judgements, protect her from harm, raise her to be a responsible adult who can take care of herself, your job is to deliver into adulthood unscathed. You are to be a parent first and foremost and who cares if she isn't happy with your choice for her....she'll get over it.She certainly isn't going to be scarred for life if she doesn't have a piercing to show off, in fact it will be one less physical scar she puts on her body.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2009): im 19 and to girls its more of a fashion thing. but to be honest as a guy its more of a sexual term almost like the happy trail. nose ring and lip ring are somewhat of a classification to a type of life style. but is the most innocent of most peircings. believe me I have gages in my ear two lip rings and six tattoos. im not saying she will do all that or become some rebel. im saying that most peircings are an expression of a lifestyle. good luck and truly smart asking about something like this before going thru with it.
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reader, Lola1 +, writes (3 November 2009):
I understand you are looking for input from under 20 year-olds but I thought I’d weigh in here, anyway.I am an under-35-year-old. I’ve had all kinds of friends who’ve had belly-button piercings, nose and lip piercings, nipple piercings, etc. I had a friend who had a pinkie nail pierced. No, I never understood that, but I guess it was cute and different. Any stigma attached appears to come from older generations and are less common in large urban areas. There ISN’T a general stigma attached to such things anymore (save perhaps nipple piercings). Piercings in general have become so commonplace, they aren’t even “rebellious” anymore.While 14 is still pretty young for a belly-button piercing, as they CAN appear somewhat sensual and she may wish to show it off (maybe that is MY age talking – my daughter is only a little over four years away from that 14years old), I wouldn’t necessarily rule it out. It would be dependent on my daughter as an individual. Does she dress provocatively? Is she attentive to her responsibilities? Does she exercise good judgement when with her peers?A great way to remain open without commitment is to keep communication open and involve her in the decision-making process.One issue my girlfriends always had at the time was that belly-button piercings could get infected if not done or cared for properly. Ask her to do research about where she would go and how to take care of it. How would she ensure she was going to a reputable place? What are the chances of scarring? Perhaps she can “google” statistical chances of having a bad experience. You can even discuss with her how she thinks it will enhance her idea of self. Will she dress differently?Even if you already know the answer, engaging her in the decision this will encourage her to learn as much about it as possible and may inspire more responsibility with regards to its care and maintenance, all while reminding her that regardless of what she finds, you may still decide against it for now. Feel free to say, “I am not comfortable with the belly-button piercing just yet. We can talk about it in a year or so (pick which one you prefer), but I am open to discussing other piercings, if you are interested,” or, “Let’s wait and see if you still want one in six months.”You have a lot to think about. I wish you luck. Please keep us posted!Good luck!
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reader, BadAsh6705 +, writes (3 November 2009):
 I don't think it's really perceived in the same way these days. There are some piercings that are seen as a more sexual statement like tongue, nipples, etc., but I don't think the belly button is too bad, or the nose definitely. So many people have nose piercings now. The only thing about the belly ring is that she will probably want to wear clothes that show it off, so that may be a problem if she is still young.
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