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*arshbutfair agony aunt


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Some people are going to hate what I say. But sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind.

"Most people live lives of quiet desperation"

My advice is always intended to be harsh, but fair and helpful. I hope you enjoy and that it raises the occasional smile. Now get the hell out of my face. Choose life.

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Why is everything conditional in this marriage to her? Am I way too forgiving?

Q.   Firstly, a big thankyou to the agony aunts who helped me through some past difficult times :) I can bring some good news. I'm still married (I'll get to that in a bit) and my work situation has improved so much. I went through a rocky period of ...

A.   14 June 2012: @soul83 that explains a lot. You've never dated anyone else and you marry this lady. That explains why she hooked you and why you fell for it despite all the issues. I'm assuming therefore you were a virgin when you met? Do you make love to ... (read in full...)

Why is everything conditional in this marriage to her? Am I way too forgiving?

Q.   Firstly, a big thankyou to the agony aunts who helped me through some past difficult times :) I can bring some good news. I'm still married (I'll get to that in a bit) and my work situation has improved so much. I went through a rocky period of ...

A.   12 June 2012: Looking back through your questions it's not entirely clear, given the many problems, why you married this lady? It is however clear why she married you, because she gets a visa to Australia which I imagine is very valuable to her. You nee... (read in full...)

How do porn actress do things with no health risks?

Q.   How do porn actresses do things like a2m and rimjobs without any health risks? And how do they prep for anal to make it look so easy?...

A.   23 May 2012: The reality is that there are health risks but the production companies who film it don't care and the girls want the money more than they value their health. If you eat faecal matter, you can get really sick and pick up all sorts of nasty ... (read in full...)

Dating for 2 years and living together - No sex.

Q.   Reading on other questions which are similar, people come with the religious responses. Trust me, I understand where she is coming from. The religious responses aren't going to help me. So here's the situation. I've been dating the same girl fo...

A.   17 October 2010: I've posted on this type of question many times before so you might want to have a look at some of my previous answers. You're interested in sex. You find it exciting, interesting, healthy, fun. Your girl doesn't. She never will. If you wa... (read in full...)

How do I know whether to believe my fiance?? I found 100's of porn and dating sites, but he blames a virus!

Q.   Well basicly last night i accidently stumbled across porn that had been viewed on the computer...I had to know where it had come from so i looked and it was from my fiances acount...hoping i'd made a mistake i checked again and to my horror found ...

A.   9 June 2010: I don't know of any virus that populates site history with porn sites. The reality of the situation is this: He's been caught looking at porn and he's made an excuse up because he thinks you're gonna be mad with him. Next time he'll proba... (read in full...)

Depressed and stuck in a rut, please help!

Q.   im 19 and hate my life, i know there are worse people off then me but i fell really down all the time. all i do is come home from college and sit in my room. all my friends are busy with there boyfriends and i dont know what to do i have tried ...

A.   21 April 2010: This is one of those catch 22, chicken and the egg situations. You need to get a life before you get a boyfriend. That means you need to get out, get involved, join in. The boyfriend will come with time if you live that type of lifestyle. You won'... (read in full...)

What are my rights??? Airport Human Body Scanning?

Q.   I am due to be flying in about a month's time. I really really detest the idea of this whole human body scan thing where any odd person can view my private parts and genitals. Most men don't seem to think it is a big deal, but as a woman it is a ...

A.   24 March 2010: This is an easy one. If you're not comfortable with airport security don't fly. You can't "opt-out". It's not allowed. I don't like queues or having my luggage gone through but I put up with it if it means some nutjob isn't going to blow me up mi... (read in full...)

Is there a risk of prostate cancer if you don't masturbate or have sex?

Q.   Hi Cupid,I asked this question here last time about the word masturbation. this question confused me sometimes, i want to be sure of it. my question is, a person that still a virgin whether a boy or a girl. like a boy that still a virgin. if the ...

A.   7 November 2009: According to the study: There was a reduced risk or prostate cancer in men who ejaculated frequently, but no other associations (so, not ejaculating was not found in this study to ha... (read in full...)

What does a belly-button piercing symbolize? Advice from those under 20.

Q.   I’m looking for input from the under-20 crowd here about just how piercings are perceived. My 14 year-old daughter is anxious to get one. The first negotiations were for her nose, but lately it’s been for her navel. I’m old and stodgy, and have...

A.   3 November 2009: Regardless of what they symbolise, they are potentially dangerous. People have died from infections. Even if the bar is clean and the piercer is an expert, the nature of the skin in the region means that infections can become introduced to the ... (read in full...)

What are the best ways to meet new people?

Q.   Hi I would like to ask if anyone has any good ideas on how to meet new people. All of my friends are in relationships or are married and have very little time for me, I spend most weekends at home, I have joined a gym, a book club etc but I would ...

A.   15 August 2009: Clubs that have a social element are best. Walking clubs are great and I know of a dozen folks who have hooked up through them. In the UK there are young person's ramblers you can google them for nearby clubs. Other ideas: Art clubs, phot... (read in full...)

I haven't had sex for a long time, but my girlfriend won't sleep with me. Please help!

Q.   I've started dating a girl. We both know that our relationship can't last because we're both going back to university at the end of summer. Because we don't have time to get to know each other, she says she won't have sex with me... But it's been a ...

A.   26 July 2009: Hate to say this buddy but you're not in a romantic relationship, but a platonic one. She's nothing more than a (posh) friend. If you want sex you need to be with a lover, not a friend.... (read in full...)

Are porn sites bad for me?

Q.   When I was 11. I was goning on porn sites till I was 15. Why? Because I was curouse and I want to know if that it can change the way I act? Also, is going on porn sites is bad for you and me? If yes, tell me everything please. ...

A.   30 June 2009: Is porn bad for you? Probably, yes. Throughout our millions of years of evolution we've been turned on by real live females. Now we have on-demand graphic images/videos that can replace them and turn us on in different ways than nature int... (read in full...)

How much zinc to kill body odor?

Q.   I am a 15 year old girl who is pretty fit and healthy, but my body odour can get kind of bad sometimes. I shower everyday, use soap, shave, use anti-perspirant blah blah blah, but I heard that zinc can help a lot in reducing B.O. so we got some zinc ...

A.   5 April 2009: You shouldn't even THINK about taking zinc to control body odour based on some nonsense you've read on the Internet. Zinc is something that is important to have as part of a balanced diet... but nearly everyone gets enough in their diet. If y... (read in full...)

Buzzing in the ears from clubbing. Any advice?

Q.   Everybody has had the experience of going out clubbing, and going home with a very loud ringing and buzzing in their ears, and it can last for half of the next day buzzing. Is there any advice or remedy that someone might know of to make the buzz...

A.   28 March 2009: If you hear buzzing after loud music you are doing permanent damage to your hearing. This will lead to progressive deafness as you get older (i.e. you'll lose hearing and you'll miss higher frequencies). The recommendation of ear plugs is a good o... (read in full...)

Tired of using hands, what else can I use?

Q.   Hey iam 19 and as most guys I enjoy masturbation but iam sick of using my hands I want to use something new but I dnt know wat to use does anyone here kno wat I could use...

A.   6 March 2009: Google: fleshlight... (read in full...)

What do we do? Choose the holiday or try our best to get this house?

Q.   i need advice on what i should do. myself and my boyfriend have planned to go away in the summer with family for a family members big birthday. it will be so much fun i no as we havent been away in a few years. i have the money here to book it ...

A.   24 February 2009: Buy the house and take the holiday next year you may never get another property at such a good price.... (read in full...)

Bf watches she-male videos every morning and is hardly interested in me now, help!

Q.   im 22 years old i have recentley checked what my bfs been lookin on,on the internet and ive found hes been watchin shemale videos but its happening every mornin before he goes to work and hes masturbating over them he hardly ever cums near me nemore ...

A.   6 February 2009: Forget about the she-male videos you should leave this relationship because you're young and you're not happy.... (read in full...)

Drank too much and it's been 3 days and still feel horrible!

Q.   I am 25 years old. I drink used to drink every weekend when I would go clubbing (like for 3 years), but for the past year... I drink on occasions only! (probably once every other month-moderately as well like 2/3 drinks that night-slightly mixing ...

A.   29 January 2009: It may be that you've picked up a cold or a virus. You should probably see a doctor. I once had a 2-week hangover. I started boozing at mid-day one day in Australia with some pals at a cricket match. Carried on boozing in the afternoon at a l... (read in full...)

How can I tell if online porn sites are legit?

Q.   I have some serious questions about online porn. There is this one site that I would love to buy some from but I'm worried it could cause some future problems. How can I tell if they are legit. I mean in college I saw one of their porn videos that I ...

A.   21 December 2008: Check that the site has a so-called 2257 declaration, this is a US law that requires all adult producers to verify and store records of the performers identity and birthdates so that ages can be verified. All legitimate sites that sell to the US m... (read in full...)

Please help, I cant figure it out... am I being weird?

Q.   I'm pregnant, I have been with my boyfriend for a year, he wants me to get rid of it, but I'm against abortion, and have even protested against it, it will go against everything I've stood for, but I am only 17. Should I give up what I stand for ...

A.   27 October 2008: This world doesn't need another unwanted child or another young mother struggling by on benefits. Let me give you a reality check. MOST GUYS will NOT date a young girl who has a baby. People may hate that, but it's true. So get used to long, da... (read in full...)

I think my little sister is having sex. How should I handle this?

Q.   I’m 20 male and have a 15 year old half sister who leaves with my Dad. I know she has had a bf for the last 4-5 months of which I didn’t think anything of it. The problem is, whilst I checking her social networking site for weird people and stuff...

A.   2 October 2008: She is very nearly at the age of consent in the UK. I think you should stop snooping at her social network messages and leave her to live her own life and make her own mistakes. Tell her you care about her and that you hope she is playing safe by ... (read in full...)

He thinks this is not normal,is it true?

Q.   I am a very happily married woman,both of us are still in mad,passionate love after 10 years.On a recent trip to a strip club which was my idea,my husband found out that he is not attracted to any of those beautiful and sexy women.This discovery has ...

A.   17 September 2008: I don't think it's too unusual. As a teenager I'd get turned on by a flash of a nipple but now I find that strip clubs and nudey mags do nothing for me. It's pleasant to look at hot chicks but not an instant boner-turn-on for me. So your husba... (read in full...)

Underwire bras have left brown marks under my breasts, any suggestions on how I can remove the marks?

Q.   I am very slim and have very big breasts. I have always ensured I wore correct bras, even when sleeping at times to help with good posture and prevent sagging etc. My boobs are fine because of it and have no sagging, back problems etc. However, ...

A.   10 September 2008: It may be scar tissue caused by rubbing/pressure of your underwired bra. Please don't try to "rub" them off or use anything harsh on them. See your doctor who may be able to give you some advice. You should really never wear a bra when sleeping... (read in full...)

I've never had sex. Could I still be pregnant?

Q.   Hello. I'm a 17-year old female with a slightly odd problem (at least, i think it is..) Basically, I haven't menstruated since around July-ish (maybe... i can scarcely remember; but I did have two periods this summer). I'm about 110 lb, and I'm...

A.   9 September 2008: You should visit your doctor, as soon as you can. If you are underweight you may not be menstruating and this can have long-term affects on your helath, in particular bone density (you may have low bone density and at much greater risk of ... (read in full...)

Is eating large amounts of dried fruit bad??

Q.   I love eating dried fruit in between meals and for snacking on and i realised yesterday how fattening it is because of the suagar-sugar on the dry papaya and apricots etc....Im gutted-all the dry fruit seems to contain the same calories and fat!!! I...

A.   2 July 2008: Eating too much of anything is bad. Too much of a good thing really can be a bad thing. Why not have a selection of snacks that are lower in sugar such as celery sticks, carrot sticks, spring onions (cut them up and keep the in the fridge for a co... (read in full...)

What are these "bumps" on her vagina?

Q.   my question is pretty major. My Girl Friend doesnt want to have sex because she has bumps on her vagina, ive seen it myself. they are almost like pimples, but only occur on the surface and are nowhere by the "inside" of her you guys have ...

A.   13 June 2008: Sounds like they might be hair follicles? Has she shaved "down there"? For a diagnosis she should see her doctor, not try and consult strangers and idiots over the Internet.... (read in full...)

Is this possible? Science-wise?

Q.   is it possible to get pregnant if i have my boyfriend ejaculate in my mouth, and i save it in a syringe and then inseminate the semen into my vagina? ...

A.   4 June 2008: This isn't such a stupid question. Yes, it's possible and yes it has happened before! Boris Becker is the most famous example of a man caught out this way (as proved by DNA tests) (redirects to Guardi... (read in full...)

After debating this for a while, I sat down at my desk this morning and wrote this to my probably soon to be ex. Can anyone advise if this is the right way to go?

Q.   After debating this for a while, I sat down at my desk this morning and wrote this to my probably soon to be ex. Can anyone advise if this is the right way to go. I know email is not the way to go, but I'm tending to descend into floods of tears ...

A.   17 April 2008: Normal. Called "keeping his options open". As soon as he has moved on it will fizzle.... (read in full...)

Dry skin and dandruff - how can I make these less noticeable at least?

Q.   Uh... Hi. This is embarrassing. Well, I suffer from really dry skin and kinda bad dandruff. I use moisturiser and special shampoos and conditioners but nothing helps! I've used sensitive stuff as well but everything I've tried fails. I'm wor...

A.   11 April 2008: The dandruff is best treated with a shampoo containing Ketoconazole, the brand name here in the UK is Nizoral or Nizorelle and it's now available without a prescription I believe (try Boots or your supermarket). As long as you follow the ... (read in full...)

I'm bi-sexual and I'm 17, would it be breaking the law if I went with a man much older than me.

Q.   Hi, i am bi-sexual and i'm 17. I want to try sexual stuff with another man, however i do not want a guy my age but a guy a lot older and more experienced - like 35 - 50. Is this ok or am i breaking the law?...

A.   11 April 2008: You'd not be breaking the law. Age of consent for sex between gay men was reduced to 16 in the UK in 2000 to bring it into line with sex between a male and female (read in full...)

Sex and Love Do Mix?

Q.   Please tell me. How many of you men out there think it is OK for F1 boss Max Mosley to have sex with five prostitutes whilst pretending to be a Nazi? I am getting seriously depressed. So many comments from men about it in the press have been ...

A.   1 April 2008: Max Mosley is an idiot for other reasons, but the people who are "appalled" and "sickened" by the video and the story are idiots too. Did he want his private perversions published? No. Why watch his videos or read the stories if you're going to... (read in full...)

I want to lose weight to be able to use the pool confidently... in 13 days.

Q.   I weigh 9 and a half stone and i go on a holiday just for 3 days though but there's going to be pools there and i'm going to want to go in them. Plus my friend(also the boy i like) is coming with us so tha'ts another big reason why i want to lose ...

A.   29 March 2008: Recommended weight loss is 0.5lb to 2lb a week so the absolute maximum you can safely lose is 4lb (less than quarter of a stone). Your body shape will hardly change. You need to see weight loss as a long-term project not a last minute rush. F... (read in full...)

After debating this for a while, I sat down at my desk this morning and wrote this to my probably soon to be ex. Can anyone advise if this is the right way to go?

Q.   After debating this for a while, I sat down at my desk this morning and wrote this to my probably soon to be ex. Can anyone advise if this is the right way to go. I know email is not the way to go, but I'm tending to descend into floods of tears ...

A.   20 March 2008: Only 12 year olds break up by email/text/myspace. You should tell him to his face. Tears are part of the process.... (read in full...)

Sex, the messy details

Q.   I plan on staying a virgin until my wedding night and I hope to marry a virgin. I'm concerned about what our wedding night might be like. This might sound naive but just how messy is sex without a condom. Is there semen everywhere? What about ...

A.   20 March 2008: Sorry to intrude this fairy tale but I need to inject some realism. Firstly, you say you "hope to marry a virgin". That's going to be a pretty tricky first date conversation because presumably there will be no point dating non virgins. You are ... (read in full...)

When to have sex with a new partner? Do you wait until marriage?

Q.   Hi. I know it depends on a lot of factors, but can someone give some sort of a general timeline on the appropriate time to wait before having sex with a new partner? I was in a long term relationship for several years all of which I thought we ...

A.   19 March 2008: Marriage!? I may be wrong but I think it goes something like this (apologies to C.D.): I met this girl on Monday took her for a drink on Tuesday we were making love by Wednesday and on Thursday and Friday and Saturday we chilled on Sunda... (read in full...)

No sex before marriage... or should I?

Q.   My family are conservative Christians and have a strong, deeply rooted belief that sex before marriage is a big no-no. For the first half of my life I also believed in this, and I wanted to remain abstinent until marriage. If anything, to make my ...

A.   28 February 2008: "I just want someone to tell me what to do, which sounds ridiculous, but it's true." Ok. You should have sex. You're in a long-term relationship. Ignoring any religous beliefs, sex before marriage is practical and pragmatic. You might find t... (read in full...)

I didn't go out and party "a lot" so my gf left me. Any way I can show her I can be "fun" too?

Q.   My girlfriend just broke up with me recently, and she gave no clear reason. Our relationship was fine we were completely fine, but i think it's cause i'm "lame." I admit I don't go out and party "a lot" but I have friends and we go out once and a ...

A.   21 February 2008: Added: You can apply the lessons you learnt from this relationship failure to future relationships: They take *work* to make them *work*. It's easy to get complacent, stop going out, stop doing new things that test and excite you both.... (read in full...)

I didn't go out and party "a lot" so my gf left me. Any way I can show her I can be "fun" too?

Q.   My girlfriend just broke up with me recently, and she gave no clear reason. Our relationship was fine we were completely fine, but i think it's cause i'm "lame." I admit I don't go out and party "a lot" but I have friends and we go out once and a ...

A.   21 February 2008: This is easy. She will not come back to you because she has moved on. You need to accept this and do the same.... (read in full...)

I can't seem to get wet!

Q.   I am going to sleep with my boyfriend for the first time the only problem is I dont get wet! I know this sounds weird but I really don't, I have any reason not to I get turned on etc.. But I never get wet! I have slept with a few people and I jus...

A.   20 February 2008: It's possible that your hormones are out of whack. See your doctor who may be able to help or refer you to a specialist.... (read in full...)

My wife is overweight and I don't feel attracted to her anymore

Q.   I'm married for 13 years. My wife and I have an 8 year old child. I feel like I'm trapped because I no longer find my wife attractive. The main problem is her weight. She weighs more than I do (83kg). She's packed on the weight ever since the c...

A.   20 February 2008: This is a sad situation and no doubt you'll get people who are quick to criticise you. The problem with sexual attraction, as you've found, is that the conscious mind has very little control over what turns you on. You can love your wife and admi... (read in full...)

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