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| | harshbutfair's profile:Some people are going to hate what I say. But sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind.
"Most people live lives of quiet desperation"
My advice is always intended to be harsh, but fair and helpful. I hope you enjoy and that it raises the occasional smile. Now get the hell out of my face. Choose life. |
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Is eating large amounts of dried fruit bad??
Q. I love eating dried fruit in between meals and for snacking on and i realised yesterday how fattening it is because of the suagar-sugar on the dry papaya and apricots etc....Im gutted-all the dry fruit seems to contain the same calories and fat!!! I...
A. 2 July 2008: Eating too much of anything is bad. Too much of a good thing really can be a bad thing.
Why not have a selection of snacks that are lower in sugar such as celery sticks, carrot sticks, spring onions (cut them up and keep the in the fridge for a co... (read in full...)
What are these "bumps" on her vagina?
Q. my question is pretty major. My Girl Friend doesnt want to have sex because she has bumps on her vagina, ive seen it myself. they are almost like pimples, but only occur on the surface and are nowhere by the "inside" of her vagina...do you guys have ...
A. 13 June 2008: Sounds like they might be hair follicles? Has she shaved "down there"? For a diagnosis she should see her doctor, not try and consult strangers and idiots over the Internet.... (read in full...)
Is this possible? Science-wise?
Q. is it possible to get pregnant if i have my boyfriend ejaculate in my mouth, and i save it in a syringe and then inseminate the semen into my vagina? ...
A. 4 June 2008: This isn't such a stupid question. Yes, it's possible and yes it has happened before! Boris Becker is the most famous example of a man caught out this way (as proved by DNA tests) http://tinyurl.com/5mmbdr (redirects to Guardi... (read in full...)
He can't keep it up, is it my fault?
Q. My partner has problems maintaining an erection. It occurs at the most random of times, and 85% of the time he is fine. He used to be quite heavily into drugs (but not for about 10yrs) and had his penis pierced (but is now healed up). Is it possible ...
A. 18 April 2008: He sounds perfectly normal. I would give the poor guy a break (and a rest!).
If a guy isn't in the mood, if he's tired, if he's had lots of sex recently, if he's coming down with a cold, if he's thinking about something else then he may not be a... (read in full...)
After debating this for a while, I sat down at my desk this morning and wrote this to my probably soon to be ex. Can anyone advise if this is the right way to go?
Q. After debating this for a while, I sat down at my desk this morning and wrote this to my probably soon to be ex. Can anyone advise if this is the right way to go. I know email is not the way to go, but I'm tending to descend into floods of tears ...
A. 17 April 2008: Normal. Called "keeping his options open". As soon as he has moved on it will fizzle.... (read in full...)
Dry skin and dandruff - how can I make these less noticeable at least?
Q. Uh... Hi. This is embarrassing. Well, I suffer from really dry skin and kinda bad dandruff. I use moisturiser and special shampoos and conditioners but nothing helps! I've used sensitive stuff as well but everything I've tried fails. I'm wor...
A. 11 April 2008: The dandruff is best treated with a shampoo containing Ketoconazole, the brand name here in the UK is Nizoral or Nizorelle and it's now available without a prescription I believe (try Boots or your supermarket). As long as you follow the ... (read in full...)
I'm bi-sexual and I'm 17, would it be breaking the law if I went with a man much older than me.
Q. Hi, i am bi-sexual and i'm 17. I want to try sexual stuff with another man, however i do not want a guy my age but a guy a lot older and more experienced - like 35 - 50. Is this ok or am i breaking the law?...
A. 11 April 2008: You'd not be breaking the law.
Age of consent for sex between gay men was reduced to 16 in the UK in 2000 to bring it into line with sex between a male and female
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk_politics/1047291.stm... (read in full...)
Sex and Love Do Mix?
Q. Please tell me. How many of you men out there think it is OK for F1 boss Max Mosley to have sex with five prostitutes whilst pretending to be a Nazi? I am getting seriously depressed. So many comments from men about it in the press have been ...
A. 1 April 2008: Max Mosley is an idiot for other reasons, but the people who are "appalled" and "sickened" by the video and the story are idiots too.
Did he want his private perversions published? No. Why watch his videos or read the stories if you're going to... (read in full...)
I want to lose weight to be able to use the pool confidently... in 13 days.
Q. I weigh 9 and a half stone and i go on a holiday just for 3 days though but there's going to be pools there and i'm going to want to go in them. Plus my friend(also the boy i like) is coming with us so tha'ts another big reason why i want to lose ...
A. 29 March 2008: Recommended weight loss is 0.5lb to 2lb a week so the absolute maximum you can safely lose is 4lb (less than quarter of a stone). Your body shape will hardly change.
You need to see weight loss as a long-term project not a last minute rush. F... (read in full...)
After debating this for a while, I sat down at my desk this morning and wrote this to my probably soon to be ex. Can anyone advise if this is the right way to go?
Q. After debating this for a while, I sat down at my desk this morning and wrote this to my probably soon to be ex. Can anyone advise if this is the right way to go. I know email is not the way to go, but I'm tending to descend into floods of tears ...
A. 20 March 2008: Only 12 year olds break up by email/text/myspace.
You should tell him to his face. Tears are part of the process.... (read in full...)
Sex, the messy details
Q. I plan on staying a virgin until my wedding night and I hope to marry a virgin. I'm concerned about what our wedding night might be like. This might sound naive but just how messy is sex without a condom. Is there semen everywhere? What about ...
A. 20 March 2008: Sorry to intrude this fairy tale but I need to inject some realism.
Firstly, you say you "hope to marry a virgin". That's going to be a pretty tricky first date conversation because presumably there will be no point dating non virgins. You are ... (read in full...)
When to have sex with a new partner? Do you wait until marriage?
Q. Hi. I know it depends on a lot of factors, but can someone give some sort of a general timeline on the appropriate time to wait before having sex with a new partner? I was in a long term relationship for several years all of which I thought we ...
A. 19 March 2008: Marriage!?
I may be wrong but I think it goes something like this (apologies to C.D.):
I met this girl on Monday
took her for a drink on Tuesday
we were making love by Wednesday
and on Thursday and Friday and Saturday we chilled on Sunda... (read in full...)
No sex before marriage... or should I?
Q. My family are conservative Christians and have a strong, deeply rooted belief that sex before marriage is a big no-no. For the first half of my life I also believed in this, and I wanted to remain abstinent until marriage. If anything, to make my ...
A. 28 February 2008: "I just want someone to tell me what to do, which sounds ridiculous, but it's true."
Ok. You should have sex.
You're in a long-term relationship. Ignoring any religous beliefs, sex before marriage is practical and pragmatic. You might find t... (read in full...)
I didn't go out and party "a lot" so my gf left me. Any way I can show her I can be "fun" too?
Q. My girlfriend just broke up with me recently, and she gave no clear reason. Our relationship was fine we were completely fine, but i think it's cause i'm "lame." I admit I don't go out and party "a lot" but I have friends and we go out once and a ...
A. 21 February 2008: Added:
You can apply the lessons you learnt from this relationship failure to future relationships: They take *work* to make them *work*. It's easy to get complacent, stop going out, stop doing new things that test and excite you both.... (read in full...)
I didn't go out and party "a lot" so my gf left me. Any way I can show her I can be "fun" too?
Q. My girlfriend just broke up with me recently, and she gave no clear reason. Our relationship was fine we were completely fine, but i think it's cause i'm "lame." I admit I don't go out and party "a lot" but I have friends and we go out once and a ...
A. 21 February 2008: This is easy. She will not come back to you because she has moved on. You need to accept this and do the same.... (read in full...)
I can't seem to get wet!
Q. I am going to sleep with my boyfriend for the first time the only problem is I dont get wet! I know this sounds weird but I really don't, I have any reason not to I get turned on etc.. But I never get wet! I have slept with a few people and I jus...
A. 20 February 2008: It's possible that your hormones are out of whack. See your doctor who may be able to help or refer you to a specialist.... (read in full...)
My wife is overweight and I don't feel attracted to her anymore
Q. I'm married for 13 years. My wife and I have an 8 year old child. I feel like I'm trapped because I no longer find my wife attractive. The main problem is her weight. She weighs more than I do (83kg). She's packed on the weight ever since the c...
A. 20 February 2008: This is a sad situation and no doubt you'll get people who are quick to criticise you.
The problem with sexual attraction, as you've found, is that the conscious mind has very little control over what turns you on. You can love your wife and admi... (read in full...)
We argue because he buys a paper with 18 year old topless girls. Got opinions?
Q. Need your opinion!! Just found out my boyfriend who is 34, reads the Sun newspaper daily. He says he doesn't buy it for the page 3 girls but has admitted to having a look and reading the sleazy Deadries casebook. I feel very upset by this as I fin...
A. 6 February 2008: Ironic that the women hating on here isn't being done by misogynstic men whose views have been warped by all those bare breasts they've been looking at, but by bitter, insecure women!... (read in full...)
We argue because he buys a paper with 18 year old topless girls. Got opinions?
Q. Need your opinion!! Just found out my boyfriend who is 34, reads the Sun newspaper daily. He says he doesn't buy it for the page 3 girls but has admitted to having a look and reading the sleazy Deadries casebook. I feel very upset by this as I fin...
A. 5 February 2008: What some chicks don't understand when they say "well what if your girlfriend ogled nude men every single day", is that 99.9% of men wouldn't care! Let them get on with it! We've got better things to worry about. Like cars, baldness, politics, ... (read in full...)
We argue because he buys a paper with 18 year old topless girls. Got opinions?
Q. Need your opinion!! Just found out my boyfriend who is 34, reads the Sun newspaper daily. He says he doesn't buy it for the page 3 girls but has admitted to having a look and reading the sleazy Deadries casebook. I feel very upset by this as I fin...
A. 4 February 2008: You are being super unfair on your boyfriend. The Sun is the biggest selling paper in the UK and their page 3 "stunnas" are a national institution.
If you think that page 3 of The Sun is degrading to women, then you have a pretty curious idea of ... (read in full...)
I watch gay porn, is this normal?
Q. Is it normal to watch gay porn because i get more turned on by gay porn than straight porn am i gay...
A. 4 February 2008: If you watch gay porn and get turned on by gay porn, then you're gay. You could choose to date women and even get married (lots of gay guys do and it usuall ends in tears) but at heart you'd still be gay because you're sexually attracted to men.... (read in full...)
I feel as if I'm being denied close physical contact. Any suggestions?
Q. My girlfriend and I have been dating for approx. 8 months. I go to college, and she remains near her home town, splitting an apartment. Although emotionally we have developed a great deal, and we get along great, physically, she might be classif...
A. 16 December 2007: This is tough. I've written before (many times) about two types of people. Sex people. And NO sex people. Some people for whatever reason just aren't into sex. It may be that you've stumbled across one. If you're into it, and she isn't, then the ... (read in full...)
My expectations are too high because I look at porn and beauty magazines. How to abandon the idea of "perfect woman" ?
Q. Im addicted with the perfect woman! I look at porn on the net and in mags, and all these women are made to look better that they actually are, so wen i go looking for a girl, i guess my expectations are too high. Im not the most attractive looking ...
A. 14 December 2007: Congratulations on realising that you have a problem.
Now you can take action. You need to give up porn.
There is a good website at http://www.no-porn.com that may be able to help. Try and figure out the situations when you're drawn to porn (t... (read in full...)
Should I have let my older boyfriend fondle me? It made me unconfortable, but was I just being childish?
Q. I'm a female. I have a boyfriend called Ricky (not real name)he is 24 and i am 16 (i know big age gap but he and i get along really good). We ain't made out yet but he wants to. I went to rick's house when his parents were out somewhere and we did...
A. 11 December 2007: The problem is that you are dating a guy who is older and who is sexually active. Of course he will expect a sexual relationship.
I question why he is dating such a young girl? Have you asked yourself that? Are there no women his own age he could... (read in full...)
Finding it hard to get used to the idea of my sister being pregnant!
Q. ok long story short my older sister is pregnant(for the 2nd time to a different person). its gong to be the 1st baby in the family for 10years and im finding it EXTREAMLY hard to get used to the idea. shes only been with the father 1 month, and ...
A. 11 December 2007: You need to start living your own life and stop obsessing about your sister and what others will think.... (read in full...)
Hows best to get onto the property ladder?
Q. hi everyone me and my boyfriend have been together a year now we look to the future of living togetherbut we have both decided that we dont wish to rent as its a waste of money in the long run but whats the best way to get on to the property...
A. 10 December 2007: You're not earning enough to buy in London. Your best bet would be to move out of London. Contrary to popular belief there is life up North! You can buy nice city centre apartments in places like Leeds or Sheffield for around £100k. There is a glut ... (read in full...)
Can a gay/bisexual man have a committed relationship with a women while still looking at gay porn??
Q. Ok this is a very big problem. I've been having. I moved in with my boyfriend 7 months ago. We've known each other for over a year now. We've not kissed yet, we're in seperate bedrooms and frankly I'm getting tired of it. He tells me he's scared b...
A. 5 December 2007: You call him your boyfriend but you've never been physical? Not so much as a kiss? You've never made love, done the nasty, consumated this relationship?
Something is seriously wrong here. From what you say, he is probably gay. But you need to ... (read in full...)
Have I sacrificed too much, too soon?
Q. In August of this year I moved to the USA from Great Britain to marry the man I loved. We were wed only 5 weeks ago however I had serious doubts even before the wedding but felt I could not back out as my family had all paid for their trips over and ...
A. 29 November 2007: I think you should quit now, while it is still early. There is no harm in admitting you screwed up. It makes you human. You have married the wrong person. It happens.
It would be helpful to know more about how you met and courted, to under... (read in full...)
Is it gay to watch gay porn?
Q. is it gay to watch gay porn...
A. 29 November 2007: Yes.... (read in full...)
Will wearing a bra 24/7 stunt my growth?
Q. i ALWAYS wear a bra. Even in bed. Underwired and padded. Will this stop my growth? Thanks...
A. 29 November 2007: WHY do you wear it to bed?
It is probably not healthy to wear your bra to 24/7 or to bed. Why not just play safe, be more comfortable and just take it off.
(Personally I sleep "porno".)... (read in full...)
My first time and I can't keep it up. What's wrong?
Q. I have recently encountered an embarrassing problem. Last night, I lost my virginity. I was ready, so I don't regret my decision at all. Thing is, I had a REALLY hard time maintaining an erection. Honestly, I don't know how we managed it since I was ...
A. 14 November 2007: I wrote this in answer to another question but it applies equally here
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-keep-losing-my-erection-mix-sex-why.html
It's unlikely to be a physical problem, but if you're worried you can get a health check to ... (read in full...)
He's not entirely sure he 'got out' in time. I'm so worried! How reliable is the withdrawal method?
Q. hi, straight to the point here. I had unprotected sex recently, mid cycle. My partner and i were using the withdrawel method, we have done this before, however, afterwards he was feeling a bit panoid, leading me now to be paranoid, he's n...
A. 19 October 2007: You ask how reliable it is?
It's not reliable at all.
It's not a form of contraception. A penis has a mind of its own. It leaks amounts of sement constantly when erect which could cause pregnancy. And as you've discovered it doesn't alway... (read in full...)
Can I believe my horoscope?
Q. Are Star Signs always true? I'm a Pisces, and he's a Virgo. Our Star Signs are incompatible, yet we're crazy for each other. I love everything about him, because he's so different from me. I've found that I've got bored with the people...
A. 9 October 2007: Astrology and the "science" of star signs isn't real. It's something that is made up, to either make money out of you (by going to see an astrologer, phone a chat-line, pay money to an astrology website) or entertain you. It's not a science. It's ... (read in full...)
He has nude pictures of himself on his computer. How do I tackle him about this?
Q. My boyfriend is moving in with me, therefore some of his stuff is already here.... like his computer. Last weekend i borrowed him my camera to take pictures at his job site. Today, I went on his computer to watch a movie and looked in his picture ...
A. 9 October 2007: There is only one reason I can think of that your boyfriend has nude pics of himself. It's not for his benefit because he could look in a mirror.
It's to show or send to someone else.... (read in full...)
Can a man be "raped" by a woman?
Q. I would like to know if it is possible for a man to have sex with a woman against his will?...
A. 9 October 2007: A woman could not have sex with a man without his consent.. it's so impossible it hurts me to even think about it.
A man can be raped by another MAN (and when you hear about male rape, this is what is being referred to). But a man cannot be "rape... (read in full...)
I've handed in my notice because my lover was also my co-worker... but I love my job and I'm terrified I'll cry on my last day!
Q. i handed in my notice at work last week because i split up with my partner and we work in the same place. i'm working until i'm replaced, which'll probably be 3 or 4 weeks now. thing is, i'm dreading leaving. i love my job. i'm especially dreading ...
A. 3 October 2007: You don't want to leave. Your boss probably doesn't want you to leave (hiring new staff is a nightmare, trust me).
Tomorrow, go to your boss. Explain that you broke up with your partner and acted on emotion. Say that you want to stay on if they ... (read in full...)
I'm 31 and look 15 and I hate it... people tell me it's a blessing but it's not: it's a nightmare!
Q. Hi guys, I have an odd problem. I am 31 and I look about 15 and I hate it. I am having real problems with this. I do not get taken seriously, I always get id wherever I go, even if to but a lottery ticket. I dress well and wear make up and ...
A. 27 September 2007: The problem isn't that you look young. The problem is that you don't like to look young.
Everyone needs a cross to bear. For some people it's their skin, others its their hair, others their lack of confidence, for some men it might be the size of ... (read in full...)
Is love at first sight true? Ready to sacrifice everything to be together, though I'm married and know this person for a month.
Q. I am a 47 year old male with a professional job and have been married for 16 years. About a month ago I met a 39 year old female hispanic woman who speaks some english and we can hold conversations very well at a conference. She is also married for ...
A. 26 September 2007: Sometimes in life you need to take a risk. Sometimes you need to do something dumb, something crazy, something stupid. It's what makes us human and sometimes it's the only way to avoid fading into obscurity.
I say, arrange a dirty weekend away wit... (read in full...)
My mum died in this house & dad says if he dies, then I get it. I don't want it - there are too many bad memories!
Q. Hi all. I really hope you can help me and i need as much advice as possible. I'm 18 and i live with my dad. My mum passed away when i was 13. It really devastated me. My life has felt incomplete since. My dad says ive to take over the house we are...
A. 24 September 2007: This is called "inheritance".
When your Dad passes away, he will leave you the house in his will. It's then yours to do what you like with. So if you want to sell it and move out, you can do that.
You may not even live at home when this happen... (read in full...)
How likely is it that my parents can find out of my viewing porn over the net though I have deleted the history?
Q. I am 14 years old and I have recently been looking at porn on the internet. I am really worried that this is illegal or that my dad might find out. I know how to delete the history so he can't find out that way but I am still really worried. I'm not ...
A. 19 September 2007: Interesting question. First thing, they may be suspicious why their history has been deleted. Some people use it to find things they looked at. Secondly, porn sites can leave other tracks on your computer. Cached pages and images and cook... (read in full...)
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