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male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hey i was just wondering what girls think of a 28 year old guy who has never had a girlfriend (yes, a virgin aswell), do you consider it pathetic? I dunno im a sweet guy, i'd dare say attractive, im just a lil shy, i guess it's true what they say: nice guys do finish last :( And please dont go with the cliches like "theres someone for everyone", "you'll find her when you least expect it".I mean I'm 28 years old so i think my time should've come already, i mean it's not unreasonable to think that is it? No im not saying i should've met my wife by this time or anything, just saying i shouldve had SOME sort of experience, just makes me feel like theres something wrong with me, and has even gotten me to think about using a prostitute just to get the virginity out of the way since its not even about me wanting to wait for "that special someone" if this continues any longer i think im gonna settle with any girl that shows any kind of intrest lol. Just feels like im a loser and theres something wrong with me but i cant quite point out what. :( I mean its not like im suicidal or anything but its gotten me depressed.
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depressed, never had a girlfriend, prostitute, shy Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2011): I've noticed that this is a more common problem than I thought, there are quite a few men, including myself, who've posted messages about this on this forum.
How about us all setting up a separate discussion/support group, maybe on Yahoo, or on this forum if it allows such groups?
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female
reader, maverick494  +, writes (6 March 2011):
I have to agree with Nime on this one. Doing nothing means nothing will happen. There's a terrible freedom and price to that. I'm 23 and I'm also one of those people who seem to get the short end of the stick all the time. I do have circumstances that kept me home. But I realized that if I keep that excuse and keep waiting, I'll be singing the same song 10 years from now. Right now, you're at the age where life is supposed to take off. By now you have an identity and if that identity is locked up behind a big wall, you're not going to be able to live to the fullest. When you're a teen it's not a problem, at 20, not so much either, but at 28 it has become something that has proved not to go away by itself. Being a virgin at 28 is not bad if it was a conscious choice. But in your case, your virginity points to issues that need to be dealt with.You have a social circle, that's good. Utilize it to get in contact with more people and initiate things more. Ask a girl out when you find yourself wanting to--don't wait until someone else takes her. Good luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2011): Don't worry, my friend.I'm in my mid 50's and I've never had a girlfriend, but this has been due to unusual circumstances. (Just look up never had a girlfriend and you'll come across other stories similar to ours)You are still a young man. If I could magically go back to the early 1980's, when I was your age and still reasonably good looking, the one thing I would have done differently would have been to simply ask out women that I found attractive; one of my problems, I don't know if it's the same with you, is that I've always found it difficult to talk to women. Ideally, I would have always liked to talk to them and make friends with them, because I've never been the type of man to try and rush into relationships anyway, but most of the women I've met over the years have been cold and stuck up with me, and partly because I've been too proud to chase them, I've given up right away if they wouldn't talk. Have you had the same problem?Well, I would advise cutting right through that. When you next see a lady that you like, try politely asking her if she's seeing anyone. If she says no, then ask her if she would like a date. You can't of course go up to strange women in the street and do that, but if you are if in a place where there are attractive women, e.g. work or college, maybe try it with one or two of the ladies you like there?Tha't's something I would definitely have done differently when I was your age.By the way, you haven't said anything about what your circumstances are, i.e. your background, upbringing, etc. If you put up another post with more about your past life, family background, etc, it might throw more light on why you've never had a girlfriend.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2011): Thank you for all the answers
That said, I do need to clarify something. While I'm not very successful with women, I am not a complete shut in when it comes to life in general. I actually do volunteer my time to causes greater than the individual. I've done so since my college days when I volunteered to answer phones on a suicide hotline (I know, what irony!!). Being a "chip-head" so to speak, I've done work with inner-city youth centers to bring them internet access and have even helped foster a love of technology in some kids (hope it stuck!). Anyway, I am not trying to toot my own horn here but I do want to point out that my failure with relationships isn't due to a lack of social interaction. At least for me. There must be something deeper that steers women into the friendship zone or steers them away.
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female
reader, Nime +, writes (2 March 2011):
 "I hate it when somebody says you should proactively search, not just wait for it to happen to you. That is BS. Finding the right person is, in fact, a matter of chance, something that happens to you."
This is coming from a 26 year old woman who's still never had a relationship, mind you. Do you see... The worst thing about this philosophy is that it leaves you with no options. You have to settle on whatever winds up in your net, and it could all be trash.
I was 21 when I had my first relationship. It occurred right about the time when I stopped being the kind of girl who went straight to her dorm room or home as soon as class was over, and started actively branching out in terms of the kinds of people I socialized with, even if we had little in common. I pushed myself out of my comfort zone. I made plans and invited people out, girls and guys. I became active in various activities/hobbies (sailing, rock climbing, boxing) such that people noticed and started approaching me to teach them the things I'd learned. I became assertive in all things. The people around me noticed this and I got very quick results. A lot of people wanted to be my friends; a lot of people wanted to date me, and the best thing of all, I now had options. I didn't have to take the first guy who came along and took notice.
Keep in mind I have never been drunk or partied all night long. I don't go to bars or do drugs. I have only been sexually active with one person, my boyfriend. I have never been out on 'dates'. By proactively looking for someone I don't mean go on 100 dates and throw yourself at the opposite sex. I simply mean put yourself out there so people can SEE THAT YOU EXIST. If you are forever hiding behind shyness and excuses and niceness and whatever, there's a good chance nobody will stop in their lives and take notice of you!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2011): You are not the only one, trust me. There are many people out there in their 20s, even 30s, who don't have any experience when it comes to relationships and sex. I am one of them (26 y/o girl). You just never hear about them because it is not exactly something people brag about. I hate it when somebody says you should proactively search, not just wait for it to happen to you. That is BS. Finding the right person is, in fact, a matter of chance, something that happens to you. You can try searching but it won't get you anywhere, except on a few bad dates. I know a girl who has been actively searching for a boyfriend for the past ten years, she has been on hundreds of dates, and she is still single (there is nothing wrong with her, she is a decent, pretty girl). You can't hurry love. Ask people who are in a relationship and you will see that most of them will say that meeting their partner was something that happened to them, they weren't actively looking to meet somebody. All you can do is wait. If, however, you are looking for a girlfriend, as in, any girl would do, an not for love, that shouldn't be too hard to find. Good luck!
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female
reader, mischa1987  +, writes (2 March 2011):
 I don't see any girl not wanting to be with a guy like you x
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reader, welsh +, writes (2 March 2011):
@Nyme - "Truly nice guys can still move with confidence and get the girl. Shy guys, on the other hand, may APPEAR nice, but only because they are AFRAID to confront others and be assertive about what they want. Their niceness is motivated out of social fear, not genuine kindness, and most women will be able to pick up on the fact that a shy guy is afraid and not just particularly kind."
That was wonderfully put.
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female
reader, charliesdevil73 +, writes (2 March 2011):
 I don't know what you have for singles clubs in your country, but over here we have something called Events and Adventures (for sure in Minnesota at least). It's a club for singles to go out and do things with a group of other singles. From what I hear on the radio ads, they do a bunch of different things and you can go to whichever meeting you want to. If there is something like that available to you maybe you should check it out. Even if you don't find a good woman doing it, it might help with your shyness. If you can get over the shyness, you will definitely meet more women seeing as how most women want to be approached by a man, not the other way around.
And, I agree with the others, do not go to a prostitute. If I found out a man that I was dating went to a prostitute, I would be done with that relationship once he told me.
Good luck.
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male
reader, idoneitagain  +, writes (2 March 2011):
It seems likely that there is something in you that is preventing it from happening, and it is probably worth thinking about what it is that is preventing it. There are a lot of things that take place in order for sex to happen. Which of the following might prevent you from having sex:
1. I am shy (which you mention) so I don't meet a lot of girls.
2. When I meet girls, I come across as sweet, so we get along, but they don't think of me sexually.
3. I don't know how to flirt, to let a girl know that I am attracted to her and interested in having sex with her.
4. I don't feel comfortable to express myself sexually.
5. I don't like the idea of having sex, or am afraid of sex.
6. I meet girls but we don't date.
7. I date girls, but sex never comes about and evenutally things fade.
8. I don't want women to think that I am just interested in them for sex, so I don't show them my sexual side.
9. I am afraid of being turned down by women.
Unfortunately for us as men, it is expected that we do all the work in pursuing. Women will pursue men too, don't get me wrong, but they have the luxury of being able to choose. If women aren't pursuing you, it is up to you to pursue women, flirt with them, let them know in subtle ways that you are interested in that kind of relationship, make the effort to get to know them, and create opportunities where intimacy can take place. The might be one or two of these things that you aren't doing, and I don't blame you it can be a challenge for many guys.
Hopefully reflecting on some of the reasons why it might not be happening will give you an idea of what to do. Have the confidence and self belief to do what you need to do. You sound like you like yourself, if you do then others will be able to like you too, and remember, women want to have sex with men. If you want it, and let them know, and make the effort to make it happen, you can do it.
Good luck.
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female
reader, Inutashy +, writes (2 March 2011):
 Thou we're younger my bf hadn't had a gf or ne thing before me and I just found it adorable. And as far as u getting a gf somtimes it's easyest to go out with a girl you've been friends with and happen to have a crush on. Also there's nothing wrong with dating sites, it's the same as meeting that special someone accidentaly at a restrurant or movie. Also this means that thy shyness can be diminished, the akward fav color and things are out of the way and you can chat and find likes and dislikes as well.
Good luck!!!!
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reader, Moonknight  +, writes (2 March 2011):
 Being 28 here i'm sure you've had enough of most females crap in the sense they all want a sweet nice guy and all that then run off with the first bad boy that comes along.
So let me try to help you from a mans point of view, who's had such problems with females. Guys who aren't blessed with godly looks have to work quiet a bit to get some serious leverage over females that the good lookers have from day one.
Good looks alone wont get you very far so you must work on your self and take it seriously, if you aren't going to take it serious then you will not get anywhere.
So before i go into some more details about working on your self let me just say all men think about a prostitute at some point, even married men, it's not about being desperate, however sometimes a man just want some, and there is nothing more to it than that, it's not about using a person or degrading women, it's normal for men to just want sex and sex only, even if it's sex without the slightest of conversation.
So don't over think that, although loosing your virginity with a prostitute is not a good idea and may cause some mental hurt long term that you just find it hard to get over.
Now working on your self, you said your a bit shy, a bit is an underestimate of your level of shyness, you need to increase your confidence with women, this will greatly increase your confidence in general.
For me to say to you that you need to increase your confidence isn't gonna just help you like that, because your still going to be in the same position you was after reading this, so i will explain how to increase your confidence but before that you need to work on your external image.
To be confident you must dress the part, because if you look good you will feel good, i don't know anything about the way you dress your self but you will have to change the way you dress and style your self... why? because the current style isn't doing you any good.
So restyle your self, change your hair style, grow a braid or get rid of it if you have one, get new underwear, fresh from head to toes, Take this seriously, if you don't it will not help you.
Try to go out more but not alone, you need your self a wing man, a wing man is someone who will help you to kick off a conversation with a stranger anywhere without coming across as weird. A wing man doesn't have to be a male and infact you'd be better off if it was a female, women like men who are surrounded by other women, it makes them feel safe and that the man is mature enough to handle a woman, that's the true meaning of a ladies man, don't confuse a ladies man with a player, a player is a sleezy man who tries it on with any females, a ladies man has class and style, something that other men also appreciate.
A female wing man will give you this edge! even it's your sister, it will make other female feel safe! this will boost your confidence greatly, confidence is key and it is the most attractive thing that all women of all different types and taste like.
So start working on your self, and here is where you should start, you don't have to take in anything i am saying to you or act on it, you can always return to the method that does work, or work on your self through some of the methods this guy David Deangelo talks about.
David Deangelo is a legend and i take great pride in introducing you to this guy
http://www.doubleyourdating.com/m/ppc/index_ns2.asp?s=54073&gclid=CM71ka7MrqcCFcod4Qod5Ey5CA
Go there and learn about this guy, google him, go on youtube and watch some of his videos this man knows his stuff! he is not a fake!
His 77 laws of attracting women is pure gold. It's important for you to understand that i'm not trying to promote or sell this guy product to you, i'm trying to help you to understand women in order to work on your own image to improve your life with women, so please take the time and watch some of this guys videos on youtube.
Start with this first video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mhDa2NBchuw
There you go, i've given you a base as where to start your journey into attracting women, i know for a fact this will help you. Read the youtube comments too
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reader, Nime +, writes (1 March 2011):
It sounds like you're waiting for the right girl to 'happen to you' when what you need to be doing is PROACTIVELY searching for and meeting girls you click with. It's likely that no girl, let alone the right girl, will decide out of the blue that she wants to get involved with you when you're hiding up in your tower like some wayward Rapunzel. Why? Because she has no way of knowing you even exist. If you don't actively reach out to people and make an effort to impact their lives, they have will have no reason or motivation to seek you out. Do NOT hide behind the 'nice guy' excuse, when what you really mean is you're a 'SHY guy'. The two are totally different things. Truly nice guys can still move with confidence and get the girl. Shy guys, on the other hand, may APPEAR nice, but only because they are AFRAID to confront others and be assertive about what they want. Their niceness is motivated out of social fear, not genuine kindness, and most women will be able to pick up on the fact that a shy guy is afraid and not just particularly kind. You need to get over your shyness and stop labeling yourself as the poor nice guy who always finishes last, because not only is it untrue, it looks pathetic to women. So to reiterate, the reason why you're still a virgin at 28 is not because of other women, it's because of you. Everybody is responsible for their own happiness and for getting what they want; no one but your own mother is going to do it for you. If you want things to change you have to make an effort yourself. Put yourself out there and stop waiting for the good things in life to magically come to you. :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2011): Hi
Well you could take the good advice of the aunts and put yourself out there...to try and get over any shyness until you meet someone...or as you suggest you could go and see a prostitute....it's your life.. your virginity..your choice...and your frustration...I would do what is best for you and do remember that if you go to a prostitute to help release your sexual frustration...this woman is still human....just like you and like me. Do what you want and above all enjoy the experience.
spunky monkey.
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (1 March 2011):
 DON'T go to s prostitute! There's nothing that says "filthy and creepy" to s girl as a guy who had to break himself in with a prostitute!
It would be better to come clean and say "I haven't met the right woman yet". That is much much better!
You're not finding a girl because you're not really looking. Your shyness is keeping out of where girls are, and when you find them, it's keeping you from asking them out. Get some lessons on self-confidence and go get 'em!
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female
reader, cherrie +, writes (1 March 2011):
It would nice to meet a nice guy who's young, attractive and 'innocent'. That's what I think and alot of other girls would be thinking. I'm a 20 year old somewhat attractive girl too so all you need to solve is your shyness.
Try saying hello to 10 girls this weekend, just to see if they respond, continue the conversation and see where it leads. Hope all goes well for you nice guy.
XxX
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2011): Whatever you do don't go to a prostitue. When you do find someone special and you talk about your sexual history would you really want to disclouse something like that?
Find a new hobby that will allow you to meet new ppl (it doesn't necessarily have to be women ,as these new ppl will introduce you to Thor female friends).
As for being a virgin at 28 - I don't think there's anything wrong with that....I think it's sweet.
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female
reader, StarryEyes101 +, writes (1 March 2011):
 I think it's rare that a guy your age is a virgin but I also think it's a good thing =) I know you don't want the cliches but sometimes they come in handy. Go out, meet some girls, get on some dating sites or something. Put yourself out there. I don't think you should settle on a prostitute. I think you deserve better than that. Hope this helps =)
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