A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i been with my significant other for 6 years and hes always been the jealous type, always in my business, wanting to know my facebook password, my email password my phone code to unlock my phone etc, doesnt want me to have friends and i have lost friends because his jealous ways, im ALWAYS on the phone with him and the reason he does this is so i wont be on the phone with nobody else, and im tired of this, i tell him that this is getting out of hand and i want to go out and have a social life, and all he says is that i found some one else, which is not true ( at this point, i wish i can find someone else)and in reality im just bored of the relationship, and right know we are separated, hes in florida and im in newyork, he loves the florida life and i love the new york life but we not agreeing on where to live so im at the point where i want to break up cause hes always accusing me of cheating and im not, he gets mad because i go to college and i also work, and i cannot be on the phone when im at work, so he be asking to send him pictures of my environment, send him pictures of how im dressed, he gets mad when i go shopping for new clothes, i have a gps locator on my phone so he can locate me and is very annoying, he controls me even tho we are not together, what can i do im literally suffering cause of this?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (28 October 2013):
 Dear OP,
I read your question and I have read the replies. And I get why you are asking for help. You feel paralyzed. You are in love with the man you want this man to be… 6 years of your life is a long time…The problem for you is HE WILL NEVER BE THE MAN YOU WANT OR NEED HIM TO BE.
Who he is, is the man you currently deal with and it will ONLY GET WORSE… you cannot make him be what you want/need.
You have the perfect chance to get away from him right now. And it can be the distance thing… “Bob it’s not going to work I’m very happy here in NY and I loathe Florida so I think it’s better if we take a break and see how it goes while we are apart for a bit” I know that telling him full out it’s over and done will NEVER work for him or for you as he will get all nice and sweet and fight you tooth and nail with his faux ways to get you to agree to his terms. DO NOT FALL FOR IT.
What are you afraid of that does not let you walk away? IF you are afraid you will never be loved by anyone else, that’s a false belief. If you are afraid he will come after you that’s valid but there are lots of ways to prevent that or stop it if it starts.
Let’s start with these few ideas:
TURN the GPS tracker/locator off on your phone.
DO NOT answer the phone during work or school if it’s him.
DO Not send him pictures of your environment, or of you and what you are wearing.
DO NOT tell him you are out or shopping or what you are doing
YOU DO NOT OWE HIM any explanations of what you are doing.
YOU are permitting him to control you. IF you are truly suffering you can stop it.
The problem is what you want is for him to stop doing what he's doing and be the boyfriend YOU WANT HIM to BE... he can't do that... he's doing what he can to the best of his ability. Sadly the best of his ability is NOT good enough.
Time to end it.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (27 October 2013):
 You can get away from him... now.. before his "controlling" turns to "abusing" and "injuring"......
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (27 October 2013):
 If you’re in New York and he’s presently in Florida I can’t see how he could possibly control you at that distance unless you allow it? If you’re ALWAYS on the phone; it’s because you answer it!
The fact that you both don’t agree on where to live is mind-boggling to the extreme… (I’ll refrain from commenting further.)
Now if you can afford to go shopping for new clothes; I’m sure you can afford another Phone, so go buy yourself a new phone and throw the old one into the Hudson River (figuratively speaking)!
CAA
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (27 October 2013):
 Let me get this straight - he lives in Florida and you live in New York, and he can control you to this extent in a long distance relationship?
DROP HIM.
If you're afraid of him, file a restraining order if he threatens you. Seriously, change all of your passwords and lock up your phone. Why would you even hesitate on this score? You say you love him? What he is showing you is NOT love, but mental illness.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2013): U need to change every password u have and u need to change ur number and block or delete him from any social media u have him on. Please for god sake do it. I have been here. It does not get any better, please believe me when I tell u this IS going to get worse. It's time for u to cut ties and move on and be with a man who will treat u properly x
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (27 October 2013):
What can you do? Dump him! That's such an obvious answer it's not even funny.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (27 October 2013):
 First of all CHANGE all your password, dump the guy - because he WILL NOT (let me repeat) WILL NOT change. My guess is he didn't start out the way he is now it progressed, right? It got worse over time?
He is not even DONE yet. IF you keep letting him control your life he WILL take it a run a mile with it (seems like he already is, keeping a gps locator on your cell phone wtf? is going to take you to the vet next and have you micro chipped? Buy you a medieval chastity belt? Why are you allowing it?
You think if you JUST love him enough he will respect you and trust you? And let you have a social life too?
It's not going to happen, it will however, most likely escalate.
You already know this isn't working, so why keep kicking a dead horse?
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