A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I recently just got out of an abusive relationship. My family and friends are fully aware of it and absolutely support my decision and want nothing to do with this man themselves. It has been a few weeks since the break up. I have him blocked on every communication device and social media outlet possible. He recently started to contact my best friend. (Why?) He started messaging her telling her to tell me how much he loved me and wishes me the best. My best friend called his b.s and let him have a piece of her mind. She also told him to leave me and everyone associated with me alone. He continues to keep contacting her saying that he just wants to be friends with her, me and everyone in my life. I've read somewhere that abusers will always feel that they "own" their victims. will he always be trying to contact me in some way even when he is with another victim? Do they ever leave their old victims alone eventually?
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female
reader, Daisy_Daisy  +, writes (28 October 2013):
 Yes they do leave the abused alone but it can take a while. In some cases it only stops when police get involved.
Your friends must block him - they must not "leak" any info about you to him, or vice versa.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (28 October 2013):
 EVERYONE you know must totally block and ignore him.
Eventually yes he will stop, it's just been a few weeks.
IF he does ANYTHING to make you feel uncomfortable (show up at your work or your home or family or friends) you call the POLICE and report it. I'm betting just once will stop that behavior.
Everyone below me also gave most excellent advice.
It's SO HARD to ignore it when they hammer at you over and over but it's crucial to getting them to stop.
and much like a dog, he will probably step up the behavior and do it more frequently and more aggressively just before he stops doing it... it's called and EXTINCTION BURST... just continue to remain strong.
but do not be afraid to bring the authorities in if needed.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (28 October 2013):
 yes, he will eventually leave you alone. but you nailed it on the head. he won't leave you alone until he finds another person to make miserable first. until he finds someone else, you will be his primary focus.
it will most likely be a long and hard road. he probably won't quit for a good while. however, you've made the right initial steps by blocking him on social media sites as well as your phone. tell your friend who he is contacting to block him, as well. and tell all of your other friends who know him to do the same. and if need be, follow it up with threatening a restraining order if he continues to relent. especially if he ever shows up at your work or home, etc.
i know it's hard right now. but at least you got away from him. a lot of people have extreme difficulty leaving abusive relationships, as they begin to wear you down and chip away all of your confidence. so props to you for being so strong. keep it up and you will rid yourself of this nightmare soon enough.
good luck.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (28 October 2013):
 First of all STOP seeing yourself as a victim, see yourself as a survivor. You WALKED away from a bad relationship.
Secondly, you might as well learn it now, YOU CAN NOT control people's actions. Not his, not how your friends react, nada. BUT you can control how YOU deal with it and how YOU let it affect you.
He most likely will keep trying to get in touch with your or people you know/love. ALL you can do is ignore it. Like FA mentioned, keep a log of anything that looks like a threat. For now he is being "sweet" to your friends, but that won't last, certainly not when you keep ignoring him.
My advice tell your friends that you don't want to hear about him and unless you need to vent, you don't want to talk about him or keep him around in your memory (so they can CHOOSE) to keep him in their friend's list or not. Your friend having a go at him only fuels him to keep at it, so again, I would suggest she block him, un-friend him.
Focus on you. Consider looking for a support group for abuse survivors.
If he shows up at your house or work CALL the Police, do NOT try and TALK to him.
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A
male
reader, Wheeler +, writes (28 October 2013):
 Your reaction to his efforts to reestablish communication or proximity will go a long way in determining how long he continues to try and be in your life. If you do not budge, he will most likely begin to accept that he has lost any opportunity to have control of your life.
Will it be a quick process? Probably not. Will there be more tricks up his sleeve? Likely. Just stay the course, stay focused on moving forward, and DON'T give in to any attempts to tug at your heart strings or sympathies.
My guess would be at first he will be somewhat relentless if only to try and get you to give in out of fear he won't give up. Show him you fully intend to weather the storm.
It is great that you have the support of your friends. I would be very careful to cut off (at least temporarily) any relationships or interactions with mutual friends who are in any way sympathetic to this guy. It will only be a poison to you.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice + ♥, writes (28 October 2013):
 Here is the answer to your question: ( a Professional could give you a better answer) Abuse is about power. He gets pleasure by controlling your life. Any way he can make you react is what he wants to do. So you locked him out of access to you, he is looking for another path to affect your life.
Here is some advice: Document every call write it down if you have to, record it if you can. same goes for friends. Take the evidence and get a restraining order. Then report every time he violates it. Make sure he knows that your #1 goal is to get him in jail where he will never be able to get access to you.
FA
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