A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid,I need your advice. I have been with the same man for over three years. We have lived together and shared money for two and a half of those. I am 24 and he is 28. "Joe" is the "perfect" man. He is chivalrous, hardworking, selfless, and makes a very good living. My friends say they wish he would teach a class because he is so good to me. His day begins and ends with me. I do not feel anything but comfortable with him. He has no passion in life, he cares about nothing. When I am upset, he is unable to sympathize for be upset with me. He has no opinion on what he eats, wears, nothing and never has. He hardly has a favorite color. He will call and ask me if he can have extra ham on his salad because it costs an extra dollar, I just tell him to make an executive decision and that I do not have to make his choices for him. He is an adult and he can decide what he eats. He is totally reliant on me and thinks what I think. He is so good to me, but I have no passion and if I tell him there is no passion he thinks it is a passing stage and I'm just upset in the moment because I don't stay upset but who wants to be upset all the time? Just because I'm not moping around doesn't mean I'm happy. We didn't sleep together for two months because I couldn't sleep with someone who doesn't care about my emotions. He told me later that he thought it was a punishment. That is ridiculous. We are getting married in five months. He thinks everything is fine the way it is and refuses to believe anything else. I want that fire and passion, but all I have with "Joe" is comfortable and sweet. I'm not unhappy but I'm not madly in love either. I want to be with someone who connects with me emotionally. Cupid, please tell me what to do.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (13 November 2014):
 Why does this sound like you are engaged to Forest Gump? A hardworking, well off, chivalrous man who relies on the women around him.
Don't marry him, not just yet. You don't understand him and you don't appreciate how he approaches the world.
You picked him, for some reason, you liked him and you have invested in the relationship. So something about him appealed to you. What was that something?
Definitely postpone the wedding, get into some couples counseling and see if you are with him for the right reasons.
Good luck.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (13 November 2014):
 Dont get married. You don't want to, you say so yourself. So tell me then, why are you going ahead with marrying him?
Don't stay just because you are afraid this is the best you can get, when you are not happy. You're not happy after 3 years, so what to you think it will be like after 30 years? Marriage is for LIFE after all. He deserves to be with someone who wants him, all of him, and finds him perfect the way he is. You don't. He isn't the one for you, and you know it. If you marry him you will always look back to this time and wonder why you married him when you already now KNOW you don't want to.
Look, he can be sweet and loving etc. But people don't always match just because they are both kind and sweet. You need something more, something he doesn't have. Don't settle. This is important to you, and you should respect that. Friends and relatives might not understand or agree, but what we find important varies from person to person. Even if THEY find him to be the perfect man doesn't mean you should stay with him! They are not the ones in the relationship, YOU are, and you know he's not perfect for you.
No one is perfect, that's not what Im saying... perfect is actually the wrong word here. More like.. the right match for you. You know he's not the right match for you. Passion is life is important to you, to have your feelings heard and understood is important to you. Then listen to yourself, and not to those around you who tell you he is a good match for you... Only YOU now what is best for you. So you make that decision.
I say, break it off and let him lose to find a better match for him while he is still young. And the same for you. The longer you stay with mr wrong, the longer it will take you to find mr right.
Just imagine.. 30 years from now... I dont even think it'd last that long, sorry. I smell an early divorce, and when you know there'll be a divorce, even before the wedding, I strongly encourage you to NOT marry.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (13 November 2014):
 Oh, well you just described the guy we men all aspire to be like(chvalrous,hardworking,etc.) however we can't meet all expectations and share all passions. We are, after all the lazier, less educated, messier, and less evolved of the two sexes so we aim low. Not our fault, just genetic I guess. Lots of luck in finding a more sutable partner. Poor guy, he tried.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2014): Take it from me, don't get married. Not yet. I think this is your gut telling you there's something missing in your life and you don't know what it is. Go and find it. If he loves you truly, he'll wait but if it's not meant to be then so be it.Think about a scenario without him in your life, will you be more unhappy than with him now?I have gone through your emotional dilemma leading to my wedding day but my husband convinced me that there's no need to worry about such silly things. Everything will be ok, it's just me overthinking things again. Guess what, 3yrs later and I still feel that I have made a mistake. Now, I am facing against a very hard decision of a divorce or sticking to this "vow" I made with God and him. I regretted getting married when there are so many unanswered questions I carried into this marriage. Meeting another guy forced me to face my unhappy reality even if that guy is not willing to commit to me. I just realized how I let myself settle for something less than what I think I deserve, my happiness and my best self.My husband is also a good guy such as yours which is why it will be hard to let him go because there are not many good guys left in this world who loves you unconditionally.For you, if that passion is something you can't live without then go find it. You are of age. Yes, time is running out for us women who wants kids but it is OUR life and a life you'll be sharing with another person. Let that person make you feel happy and be your best self. When you find that person, you'll cross mountains to be with that person and not have these doubts.On the flip side, you may never find it. Will you be content in living that kind of life? Or will you regret letting go of Joe? Joe seems like a great guy that will give you a great future, if you truly are committed to him and can let this notions go, then be with him. Do what will cause you less regret 10yrs from now.Living with regret opens the door to depression or resentment, don't let yourself be drowned in it.Good luck!
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