A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Is it normal for a man to go like 2 days without any real contact with his girlfriend? We've been together for over 4 years, not currently living together, but doing so after the new year. We had an amazing weekend and I know, in person, that he loves and cares about me (i can see it in the way he looks at me and the way he touches me) but it's like he forgets about me when we part. I left him Sunday night and before I left he invited me over on Tuesday night (last night) for dinner. He was going to cook for one of his friends and his friends mother, who has really helped him out lately, as a friendly way of saying thanks. I told him maybe and that I'd let him know. My bf doesn't have a phone at the moment so the only way of getting ahold of him is to send him a message on facebook, which most of his friends and family do. He tries to check it daily.He posted on my facebook about 2pm, on Monday, posted something nice on his profile about me and then I didn't hear anything else until around 11pm that night. I was already in bed when he messaged me saying he loved and missed me and asked if I was coming over on Tuesday. I told him probably not as I would be working all day and would love to another day if possible. I've taken a new job where I'm really working my ass off to get to the top. He said for me to let him know the day and he would make it our day and just to make sure it isn't raining. I told him I missed him and he said it back to me. Then the "conversation" was over. I woke up yesterday morning at like 7am and sent him a super sweet message. He didn't even check it until around 5:30 yesterday evening in which he replied "love and miss you too". That's it, since then. Nothing at all. He was on and off facebook after that up until like 2am this morning but didn't do anything on there. Just jumping on to see if he had any messages I'm assuming. He still hasn't been on fb since like 2am and I feel like it's been 2 days without any real contact. So in almost 2 whole days I got an "i love and miss you too" text.Am I overreacting? He does know that this kind of stuff bothers me and that I'm the type that likes more contact within a 2 day period than a couple of "i love yous". Are men like this? Can they really go days without any real communicating? I haven't sent him any messages saying anything about it so I'm just kind of waiting to see if it changes, but if I do bring it up he will say "you like to hear from me everyday so i contacted you everyday". So my guess is if he doesn't really talk to me later he will at least say "something" and use that as the "i contacted you today" thing. Is this a man thing or what?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (13 November 2014):
 There was a time before the internet and before cell phones when a boy had to call the girls house to speak to her. she had to be home to get the call as we did not have caller ID or answering machines.
We sent paper letters and cards too.
and we survived.
now folks expect 24/7 access and it's hard to know what is right for each couple.
I think you are over reacting.
BUT that being said... I get your feelings.
when my husband and i were dating long distance we very early on went about 10 days with no contact as I was waiting to see how long it would take him to get to me. He is just one of those independent guys.
It made me crazy so we sat down and had a talk.
I told him I needed to be in contact more often than he did and asked if we could come up with something that worked for us.
I wanted daily contact. He did not need it. So we agreed to my calling him at 8 am every week day to make sure he was awake. I then would call him at bedtime for me to say goodnight. Some days both calls together were under 3 minutes... some days we had 3 hours worth of calls.
But had I not expressed to him my need for more regular contact I doubt it would have happened...
Even now married, living in the same house there are days we have very limited contact. If I leave before he gets up, and I get home and he's sleeping, I may not see him or talk to him at all for a day.
communication is the key... letting your partner know what you need to make you feel secure is critical.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (13 November 2014):
 This is who he is, but more importantly... Your need for attention is who you are.. Its not a woman-thing to want so much attention. Its something you want. He tries to give it to you, and if real contact was really so important to you, then you should have prioritized that dinner he invited you to. Right now I see this as you being a bit dramatic, to be honest. He didnt reply to a message in the exact way you had hoped, and now suddenly he is being accused of not contacting you in a "real" way, when you are the one who was too busy for him. Ask him to buy a phone and tell him you misd hearing his voice, and that text messages feel empty in the long run. But no accusations, especially of the type "you know how much this and that affects me"...
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (13 November 2014):
 Te short answer is yes, a man can go months without touching FB.This is another one of those facebooky stories that drive many of us crazy. Carrier Pigeons are a much more intamate form of communication than FB. I wish I could collect a penny for every minute of anx caused by the social media boon. She hasn't posted for 30 minutes, is she dead? will he add me as a friend? I only have 4,000 friends on FB is there something wrong with me? Oh my word can't anyone get a life?
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